Do men show affection to each other in your country/culture?

[Nick_randomquestions]

This is a great thread with some equally great responses. I agree with the notion given by many, that often times culture dictates how men interact with and show non-sexual affection to one another.

I think we are, right now, in one of those generational cycles of change throughout the world. Many things once thought taboo or not even permissible to be discussed in public have been thrust into societal discourse.

Men openly showing other men affection is one of those things that was once a lot more taboo than it is nowadays and I’m sure glad for it. One of the most beautiful trends I have seen in the last few years is dads who kiss their sons. Usually on the forehead but some on the cheeks, lol. I never saw this once IRL while growing up.

Still, a lot of it does have to do with what age and era you grew up in. I grew up in the 80s and 90s in America and I was groomed to believe that, if you were a man I wanted to show affection to, you were getting the hand-shake and half hug where we kinda touch shoulders. I might bring my other arm around to make it an almost full hug if I truly liked you lol.

But that was all built on the faux machismo that pervaded mines and many other young male minds who grew up in the 90s.”better not get too close, that’d be gay….” It was a very close-minded way of thinking and sadly some still think that way.

One of those great generational changes I alluded to above is that I believe we are beginning to understand that men/males/boys need space to be emotionally vulnerable or insecure and not have it held against their manhood.

Last year, I saw my coworker whom I hadn’t seen in nearly 14 months when CoVid started. We still worked for the same company and talked via zoom several days a week for work so it’s not like we hadn’t interacted. Just hadn’t physically been in the same place. So we just decided to meet in a mall parking lot that was midways between our houses and talk in-person just because it had been so long.

When I got out of my car and walked around, we were both really grinning like two goofy 15 year old buds that hadn’t seen each other over summer break. I started to give him that kinda half hug that I mentioned above and he muttered under his breath “man, come here”and proceeded to give me the warmest, tightest hug for about 3-4 seconds.

I don’t hug many men fully that way and I felt a little awkward but I didn’t realize how much I truly needed it. We sat out there on the hood of our cars for what must have been almost two hours. Laughing, commiserating about our marriages, kids, the company and all manner of things. There were several points where I put my hand on his shoulder or he gave me the light punch in the arm when we’d get into something really funny and such…. It was a good time. The only thing missing was a few beers to clank to solidify the good time being had. It’s in that same vein of affection that @ronin001 articulated in his post above. When we got ready to leave we hugged again, a bit less tight but another full hug. It felt really good just to feel the warmth and strength of another man and I did not feel any attraction or sexual undertones to it.

There are a number of little subtle things that men do that demonstrate affection.

One of the most wholesome posts in all LPSG. I agree with all you said and I'm very glad you have experience that bond with your buddy

 

[Sagittarius84]

I feel like this is a question too many men are willing to collectively throw themselves upon the sword over... show me the vocal, large majority contingent of heterosexual women that show mating and dating preference for men that are physically expressive with other men outside their family members. Show me the overall feminine embrace and carnal desire for the men in "bromances".
Most of what straight men do, unflattering or not has to do with the positioning of oneself for quantitive and enthusiastic sexual or romantic opportunities. Women ideologically like the concept of emotionally open men that are physically expressive with other men, but the vast majority(as their own selective practices show) that like has little or nothing to do with generating authentic desire for these men.
To be honest I can't think of a mainstream example of a man or male archetype that expresses such tendencies, that is widely and obviously desired by straight women, that isn't also atop the hierarchy of other conventional masculine traits or features. Namely Capt America will get swooned over for his emotional availability, Patton Oswald will not.

 

[Brian74]

I feel like this is a question too many men are willing to collectively throw themselves upon the sword over... show me the vocal, large majority contingent of heterosexual women that show mating and dating preference for men that are physically expressive with other men outside their family members. Show me the overall feminine embrace and carnal desire for the men in "bromances".
Most of what straight men do, unflattering or not has to do with the positioning of oneself for quantitive and enthusiastic sexual or romantic opportunities. Women ideologically like the concept of emotionally open men that are physically expressive with other men, but the vast majority(as their own selective practices show) that like has little or nothing to do with generating authentic desire for these men.
To be honest I can't think of a mainstream example of a man or male archetype that expresses such tendencies, that is widely and obviously desired by straight women, that isn't also atop the hierarchy of other conventional masculine traits or features. Namely Capt America will get swooned over for his emotional availability, Patton Oswald will not.

Sir, with all due courtesy - what a load of horse shit.

Your entire rant has the odious undertone of promoting homophobia or suggesting that heterosexual women are only interested in hypermasculine, toxic men. Men who are probably wrestling with their own repressed urges that manifests itself into the hate of others.

Imagine me not wanting to bond with or be emotional with one of my male friends because I’m afraid my wife won’t give me any.

Newsflash: My wife has an endless supply of reasons she may not give me sex on a given night but repulsion to my bromantically horsing around with my buddy is not one of them

I’m going out on a limb here, but I’m betting no woman since Wilma Flintstone and Betty Rubble have used the term ‘mating preference’. If you won’t evolve your thinking perhaps you can make your vernacular a little less anachronistic.

Thanks dear.

 

[Sagittarius84]

Your entire rant has the odious undertone of promoting homophobia

Actually quite the opposite, I abhor homophobia and seek to find the root inspirations for it so that it isn't inspired further.

suggesting that heterosexual women are only interested in hypermasculine, toxic men.

I don't purport to know what heterosexual women are necessarily interested in, I simply recognize hypermasculine, toxic men enjoy a disproportionate amount of women's sexual and dating attention, probably why many of these men aren't motivated to change their ways, and why they tend to appeal to young men and boys in such a way that women can't or won't.

Imagine me not wanting to bond with or be emotional with one of my male friends because I’m afraid my wife won’t give me any.

You're timing is off, it's more of 'that girl I like sees me in a less desirous(even if it's a more platonically amicable) light because I displayed intimate physical emotion with a non related male' One would think your contextual relationship with your wife allows you to more emotionally expressive now, than if you were trying to attract her originally.

I’m going out on a limb here, but I’m betting no woman since Wilma Flintstone and Betty Rubble have used the term ‘mating preference’. If you won’t evolve your thinking perhaps you can make your vernacular a little less anachronistic.

You mispelled "unflattering". Human beings of all demographics demonstrate their preferences in all types of metrics, all worthy of observation and translation...it's seemingly only within the world of sexual selection that people whom recognize unflattering trends are so keen to make them sound so insignificant, as if that in anyway mitigates the consequences that stem from them.

Thanks dear

You're welcome?

 

[JBFord4]

I crave physical (NOT sexual) connection with men as brothers. It's a bolstering effect for me. It's almost a platonic fantasy to be friends with guys who don't see it as a problem to place their arm on my shoulders. I would kinda melt.

Maybe i just crave brotherhood. I'm quite the loner though.

Oh I agree 100 percent I need that and a tad bit more (non sexual) like a emotional connection. That’s what I crave. Hmmmm Im a loner too though you think that’s it?

 

[Wine0]

As a gay guy, I’m usually a little ‘stand-off’ ish when hugging - especially straight guys, to avoid any miscommunication - but as I said farewell to a customer who was emigrating back to Australia a couple of weeks ago, I thought fuck, it and said to him ”come here you big old hunk!”

He hugged me with the strongest most masculine non sexual grip and we both burst into tears. He was sobbing on my shoulder as I hugged him back to reassure him everything was going to be OK.

It was a very special moment, and I am going to try to be less prudish about touch this year.

 

[Kemistry]

I’m Italian, gay and very attentive to what happens around me.
in Italy we are witnessing a revolution of customs especially youth, guys live physical contact in a more relaxed way.
Queer culture on tv is helping society to accept a less "macho-attitude".
you can share hugs between friends, for some even a kiss on the cheek {yes in family, less in friendship). the social and family context strongly influences the behaviour and physical manifestations of affection between males.

 

[gustamasaje]

I live in the US and am Hispanic. I’m normally told by my American friends that I get on their personal space. There’s no real concept of that in South America.
I do receive hugs from any type of friends. Mostly when saying goodbye only.

I live in Mexico. Everyone hugs. Male and female.

 

[gustamasaje]

I live in Mexico. Everyone hugs. Male and female.

Claro

 

[Anime2]

Most black men dont show affection towards other men. Black culture regardless of in the west, island countries or Africa are quite homophobic. Handshake or a hig with a pat on the back at the most. But leaning on another mans shoulder or affectionate hugging just to show how much you care for another man in a friendship way absolutely not its immediately looked at us funny or fruity (roll eyes). Black men are constantly trying not to be perceived as gay

 

[Nick_randomquestions]

Most black men dont show affection towards other men. Black culture regardless of in the west, island countries or Africa are quite homophobic. Handshake or a hig with a pat on the back at the most. But leaning on another mans shoulder or affectionate hugging just to show how much you care for another man in a friendship way absolutely not its immediately looked at us funny or fruity (roll eyes). Black men are constantly trying not to be perceived as gay

That's interesting bc here where I live african and middle eastern men are affectionate to one another. Mostly in a playful and childish manner, but still there is more a show of bonding. Probably bc they are in another country where such things are perceived less as a taboo

 

[Sagittarius84]

That's interesting bc here where I live african and middle eastern men are affectionate to one another. Mostly in a playful and childish manner, but still there is more a show of bonding. Probably bc they are in another country where such things are perceived less as a taboo

I think it has much more to do with the different societal dynamic that exists there between men and women. In the West, at least in the US, prior to a lot of the agency and autonomy granted to women when it came to lifestyle and romantic choice, it may not have been as publicly overt, but I think it was much more ubiquitous for men to be affectionate to each other. You don't really see a hypermasculine slant in average male behaviors until women's mating and dating choices were no longer constrained by socioeconomic necessity. ..
None of this is to say I think in any way we need to roll back women's agency and autonomy(because I know someone is going to get that implication), it's simply recognizing that for all the societal appreciation women genuinely have for men that can be affectionate with other men openly, it doesn't overcome the statistical aversion they reliably demonstrate for mating and dating them... hence probably why most boys have no problem with being affectionate with each other right up until they get an interest in girls.

 

[deleted19973741]

I currently live in Southern France and displays of affection between men are not a common thing, even if it's even worse in the north based on my experience. At least among white people, I find them cold. It's different between people of North African origin of which I am a part. Embraces for greeting are much more common, even if the Covid has somewhat mitigated all this. I'm a tactile person, and regardless of my sexuality, I like to hug, take in arms... some of my (white) friends were a bit disturbed by that.

In Morocco, where I go occasionally during holidays, displays of affection are the norm. Including with people I knew very little. On the other hand, it is rare to see a man showing affection to his wife in public.

 

[Kemistry]

How is homosexuality seen in North Africa? Religion {quite closed to the subject} conditions much...

 

[deleted19973741]

How is homosexuality seen in North Africa? Religion {quite closed to the subject} conditions much...

I will only talk about Morocco but even if the legislation is much less harsh than in the Arabian Peninsula, homosexuality is completely taboo. We still go to prison (usually a few months) for acts of homosexuality.

But even socially, it is still badly perceived, including in the younger generation. It is possible to connect to dating sites/apps there, but I never dared to do so. I could also have met some guys there but I didn't. However, I know gay Moroccan people (from Romeo) who defy the ban. They continue to define themselves as Muslims despite everything, and to practice their religion. They are brave, and I hope nothing will happen to them.

 

[Anime2]

That's interesting bc here where I live african and middle eastern men are affectionate to one another. Mostly in a playful and childish manner, but still there is more a show of bonding. Probably bc they are in another country where such things are perceived less as a taboo

what african countries if you don't mind me asking are you talking about the north Africans. Yes the middle eastern men you are right are affectionate towards each other I've seen it first hand at my job they even kiss on the cheek

 

[Anime2]

I will only talk about Morocco but even if the legislation is much less harsh than in the Arabian Peninsula, homosexuality is completely taboo. We still go to prison (usually a few months) for acts of homosexuality.

But even socially, it is still badly perceived, including in the younger generation. It is possible to connect to dating sites/apps there, but I never dared to do so. I could also have met some guys there but I didn't. However, I know gay Moroccan people (from Romeo) who defy the ban. They continue to define themselves as Muslims despite everything, and to practice their religion. They are brave, and I hope nothing will happen to them.

Crazy how in 2023 men can still go to jail for being in LOVE with another man that's so wild

 

[Anime2]

I think it has much more to do with the different societal dynamic that exists there between men and women. In the West, at least in the US, prior to a lot of the agency and autonomy granted to women when it came to lifestyle and romantic choice, it may not have been as publicly overt, but I think it was much more ubiquitous for men to be affectionate to each other. You don't really see a hypermasculine slant in average male behaviors until women's mating and dating choices were no longer constrained by socioeconomic necessity. ..
None of this is to say I think in any way we need to roll back women's agency and autonomy(because I know someone is going to get that implication), it's simply recognizing that for all the societal appreciation women genuinely have for men that can be affectionate with other men openly, it doesn't overcome the statistical aversion they reliably demonstrate for mating and dating them... hence probably why most boys have no problem with being affectionate with each other right up until they get an interest in girls.

This is absolute facts to the point womens sexuality isn't questioned they can kiss another girl at a party and no one cares but if two men done the same thing it becomes a whole situation

 

[Nick_randomquestions]

This is absolute facts to the point womens sexuality isn't questioned they can kiss another girl at a party and no one cares but if two men done the same thing it becomes a whole situation

Totally true

 

[Sansvoix]

The UK is mixed depending on the type of person/class etc. More chavy type I expect wouldnt dream of it as to not appear "bent".

Other social groups - I know plenty of straight UK guys who hug male friends and even kiss on the cheek when greeting them.

I am gay but have straight close friends who I would hug and cheek kiss, they even do the same back. I have one straight friend who hugs and even kisses me on the lips when we greet and thinks nothing of it.

I think its fine for men to kiss/cheek kiss.