Do tops get annoyed when their bottom doesn't get hard or if he does he doesn't jack off?

[Fishsqueezee69]

Oh wow thank you!

How nice! Thank you too!!

This is just factually not true, not for every man at least. Everyone is different, "to each his own" as you say.
Sexual arousal doesn't necessarily need an erection. Personally, when I eat a guy's ass, which is arguably my second favourite thing just after anal sex, I'm often not hard. And yet I'm totally horny and aroused.

You know, it's perfectly fine if you have a preference for bottoms who stay hard during penetration, and you found a husband who shares this with you.
Where you start sounding a bit like a cunt, though, is when you basically make bottoms feel wrong if they don't conform to your preference, by saying that their "pipes and wiring" are wrong. They're simply not a match for you, be kind to them.

Ok. A couple of things. First, I never insulted anyone in this thread, so I don't know why you have to start throwing the C word, which IMO is sexist and misogynist. Now having said that, my point about "piping and wiring" was an attempt to make an exception for those who suffer ED, not an attempt at demeaning the bottoms that don't get hard.

This is totally hypocritical, as I pointed out. No self-respecting bottom would be OK if the top didn't get hard, but somehow it is wrong for me to expect the same from the bottom? Whatever. The OP wanted top's opinions on this topic. I gave my opinion and I stand by it.

Also, one final correction. I pointed out earlier that my husband, being a total bottom, used to be of the same line of thinking. He too was like, "well, I don't have to be hard". We just reach a compromise: we have sex but if he gets soft, I try to get him back on it and if that doesn't work, I either pull out and JO or TBH, I keep going and finish off IF I am very far into it.

But as a preference? I 100% prefer to see a hard dick while I am fucking. I like to grab it and feel it in my hands or against my chest. Heck, sometimes I even suck it. I just love knowing fucking a man LOL IDK I know. I am maybe a bit odd. Every now and then, I enjoy having my partner on his stomach or on all fours, and usually when I do that I care less about his cock, but I will say that I rarely do it bc of my size makes that position a bit uncomfortable for the bottom.

Now, this type of thread is always interesting precisely because you get the other point of view. Many posts here are from bottoms saying they enjoy sex more if they are soft. As someone who has bottomed, I find that interesting because I remember I am the other way around: I HATED having sex when I was soft because it just felt like I needed to pee. I can't fathom anyone enjoying that sensation, but I guess for some that is what sex is about. Again, to each his own.

Lastly, the other side of this story is that perhaps, precisely because of my own experience as a bottom, I see going soft as a sign the top is being too forceful and sex is hurting. Also, getting pounded is an uncomfortable sensation when you are soft. There is no doubt that the male physiology is such that an erection accompanies sexual arousal. Now, if my husband or any guy told me, "you know, I just like to feel my prostate massaged and I can feel it better when soft", I had be OK with it. What I am not OK is someone just telling me "Hey, its all about you. I want you to fuck me. Forget about if I am soft or hard." THAT is a turn off. For me, as a top, I am 100% into pleasuring my partner. And for me, observing an erection is a good sign I am doing a good job. Again, to each his own. As someone who is "big" (not really, but definitely on the thicker side), I KNOW that when I penetrate a guy and he goes soft, it is because he is in pain. 90/100 times, that is the reason they go soft. So that also influences my view on this.

 

[Andrej_u]

Ok. A couple of things. First, I never insulted anyone in this thread, so I don't know why you have to start throwing the C word, which IMO is sexist and misogynist. Now having said that, my point about "piping and wiring" was an attempt to make an exception for those who suffer ED, not an attempt at demeaning the bottoms that don't get hard.

Ok let me try to answer piece by piece.
First of all... Yeah ok, I can see this. I am not a native English speaker, English is a broad language and the word cunt has a different value and strength in different places. I am quite exposed to Australian English and that might explain my use of the word
(P.S.: why sexist and misogynist? I may miss some history of the word, but isn't it a bit like calling someone a dick?)

But yeah, what I meant is that you did come off as being a bit arrogant, and to simplify things, you sounded very much as "things are like I say, who is different has weird piping" rather than "everyone is different, and this is what I am attracted to". Now I'm reading a much more nuanced @Fishsqueezee69 and I'm glad that we started this.

This is totally hypocritical, as I pointed out. No self-respecting bottom would be OK if the top didn't get hard, but somehow it is wrong for me to expect the same from the bottom? Whatever. The OP wanted top's opinions on this topic. I gave my opinion and I stand by it.

I agree. There is of course a difference, and it's that an erection is necessary in order to top, not necessarily to bottom. But I agree nonetheless, tops aren't superhumans and it's very common to not have an erection because of anxiety and so on. Been there, done that. Any bottom/woman/person waiting to be penetrated should understand that anxiety exists, that a missed erection does not mean "you're ugly", they should be kind and not get offended and so on.

Also, one final correction. I pointed out earlier that my husband, being a total bottom, used to be of the same line of thinking. He too was like, "well, I don't have to be hard". We just reach a compromise: we have sex but if he gets soft, I try to get him back on it and if that doesn't work, I either pull out and JO or TBH, I keep going and finish off IF I am very far into it.

But as a preference? I 100% prefer to see a hard dick while I am fucking. I like to grab it and feel it in my hands or against my chest. Heck, sometimes I even suck it. I just love knowing fucking a man LOL IDK I know. I am maybe a bit odd. Every now and then, I enjoy having my partner on his stomach or on all fours, and usually when I do that I care less about his cock, but I will say that I rarely do it bc of my size makes that position a bit uncomfortable for the bottom.

No, you're not odd!

Now, this type of thread is always interesting precisely because you get the other point of view. Many posts here are from bottoms saying they enjoy sex more if they are soft. As someone who has bottomed, I find that interesting because I remember I am the other way around: I HATED having sex when I was soft because it just felt like I needed to pee. I can't fathom anyone enjoying that sensation, but I guess for some that is what sex is about. Again, to each his own.

Lastly, the other side of this story is that perhaps, precisely because of my own experience as a bottom, I see going soft as a sign the top is being too forceful and sex is hurting. Also, getting pounded is an uncomfortable sensation when you are soft. There is no doubt that the male physiology is such that an erection accompanies sexual arousal. Now, if my husband or any guy told me, "you know, I just like to feel my prostate massaged and I can feel it better when soft", I had be OK with it. What I am not OK is someone just telling me "Hey, its all about you. I want you to fuck me. Forget about if I am soft or hard." THAT is a turn off. For me, as a top, I am 100% into pleasuring my partner. And for me, observing an erection is a good sign I am doing a good job. Again, to each his own. As someone who is "big" (not really, but definitely on the thicker side), I KNOW that when I penetrate a guy and he goes soft, it is because he is in pain. 90/100 times, that is the reason they go soft. So that also influences my view on this.

This is interesting to read.
My experience is that I've really met lots of guys who... How can I say, it's like if their centre of pleasure is located in their butt and not on the dick. What you felt as uncomfortable ("like having to pee") feels amazing to them, and what feels amazing to you and to me (dick stimulation) feels uncomfortable to them. They are "wired differently" (differently, not wrongly!). In this case, ignoring their dick and looking for the right spot to hit inside them IS 100% focusing on your partner's pleasure.

Of course there are also lots of bottoms who get off on being used for the top's pleasure, demeaned, humiliated and so on. It is a common sexual fantasy, which I respect but not really my thing (nor yours, I understand). There is edging, tease and denial, dick cages/chastity, bondage... Pages and pages of BDSM could be written here!

And finally... My experience is that sometimes a hard dick on the bottom can be a bit of an obstacle to full anal relaxation, especially if he's touching it. This one is physiological, as the pelvic muscle is all connected, and you can't pulse your dick without clenching your butthole. When someone is very tight, it might be advisable for him to not touch his dick until you're inside for 1-2 minutes.

 

[alantowne]

I don't even want to cum when I'm the bottom. Mostly try to hook up with other closeted guys so all I care about is them busting a nut, nothing to do with my cock.

 

[deleted15682271]

To add additional to this. My guy friend and I decided to conduct an experiment yesterday. We are bi and both able to top and bottom. Neither one of us really gets hard when bottoming, but we can both orgasm perfectly well and get tons of pleasure. We bought an enhancement pill for the bottom to take yesterday. He was feeling like he needed fucked, so he took the pill, we waited about an hour and started in on some forplay. He was hard during forplay like normal, and leaking a little more than normal. Even after I entered him, he stayed completely rock hard. He found the erection to be a distraction, to the point he wasn't enjoying himself. He finally laid on his back told me to enter him, and jerk him. Arguing about a bottom having a boner isn't worth the effort. Some do, some don't. And their pleasure is just as important as the top.

 

[18wheeler]

You, sir, sound like a dream top

I agree 100%. He sounds perfect

 

[brombo8]

I think it varies from top to top.
Some tops like to see the bottom's excitement reflected on his dick and expect the bottom to be hard and jerk.
Some tops like to have the bottom focus only on his ass. These tops might even not want their bottom to be hard and might prevent him from jerking.

 

[deleted15682271]

I think it varies from top to top.
Some tops like to see the bottom's excitement reflected on his dick and expect the bottom to be hard and jerk.
Some tops like to have the bottom focus only on his ass. These tops might even not want their bottom to be hard and might prevent him from jerking.

Exactly. The dick doesn’t hVe to be hard for the bottom to orgasm either.

 

[danish_]

I'm a top, and I personally couldn't care less if the bottom is hard or soft while he's being fucked.
I care a loooooot about entering gently, helping him relax his hole and adapt to the penetration, and making sure he's feeling it all the way inside, possibly deeper than he's used to.

In my experience, most of my bottoms don't get hard ever while getting fucked, and they often don't feel the desire to jerk off afterwards. I always try to make them feel empowered to jerk off if they want to, but not pressured into doing it for me, because again I couldn't care less. If their pleasure goes 100% through their butt and 0% through their dick... Go ahead! I like to think I maybe attract total bottoms, and I give this vibe of "come as you are", so maybe they don't feel compelled to put up a jerk-off performance for me after they've been fucked.

Of course if they do get hard with a dick inside, and they want to jerk off, that's also perfectly fine! As long as they don't jerk off furiously, which makes the hole less receptive and less nice to fuck. In that case it's a nice idea to push them into the face-down-ass-up position, so they can't reach their dick anymore

I really appreciate you saying this. I love anal stimulation -- being eaten out, fucked, dominated; but my enjoyment of sex doesn't usually come through my dick. Frankly it is difficult for me to focus on both the sensations from being fucked and my dick at the same time. Everyone is wired a bit differently physically and mentally. When tops make me feel weird because I don't ejaculate, it makes me think something is wrong with me and feel self conscious about sex. The more you try to force your dick to do something, the less likely it's going to happen Once I'm intimate with someone, I try to find a moment to preface that my dick isn't very sensitive, but I *do* experience very intense orgasms from my prostate.

 

[thongboy]

I don’t always get hard while getting fucked and no that doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Usually at some point I will have a raging hard-on but if we’re having a long session it probably won’t stay all the way through. Trust me, I’ll still enjoy his big dick in my hole. I fucking love getting plowed. But I don’t need pressure from my top to stay hard the whole time. I’ll usually get hard, but I’m far more interested in pleasing my top and giving him a nice warm place to cum into than jerking myself off. Sometimes I cum hands free anyway.

One of my buddies used to go soft when I fucked him, That's no longer a problem because he puts on a cock ring, usually a double loop metal. He likes working his own hard cock while he's being fucked, and he's good at lasting so that doesn't spoil things for the guy fucking him

 

[Andrej_u]

I really appreciate you saying this. I love anal stimulation -- being eaten out, fucked, dominated; but my enjoyment of sex doesn't usually come through my dick. Frankly it is difficult for me to focus on both the sensations from being fucked and my dick at the same time. Everyone is wired a bit differently physically and mentally. When tops make me feel weird because I don't ejaculate, it makes me think something is wrong with me and feel self conscious about sex. The more you try to force your dick to do something, the less likely it's going to happen Once I'm intimate with someone, I try to find a moment to preface that my dick isn't very sensitive, but I *do* experience very intense orgasms from my prostate.

Damn... This, plus your past porn experience... Dream boy

 

[ILoveGames48]

Whenever I bottom.. I am very hard at first then get soft after so long then before I cum I get rock hard again

 

[elklindoxxx]

No....

I've had guys who were soft. Some were hard and masturbating. Others would get hard and cum handsfree. Everybody has their own different preference.