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Do You Think You Might Regret Your Embrace Of Your Asexuality When You Are Older?

Discussion in 'Ask an Asexual Person' started by mallak, Jun 11, 2021.

  1. mallak

    mallak Legendary Member

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    My point is that there will be plenty of time when you are middle-aged and a senior and have lost your looks, and you therefore will have no choice but to be asexual at that point in your life. Do you think you might regret at that point that you hadn't given sex more of a try when you were younger, and had more options?
     
  2. Acrab69

    Acrab69 Expert Member

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    Asexuality is not a choice, as it is not a choice to be gay or straight. Therefore, you can’t “regret” that.
     
  3. mallak

    mallak Legendary Member

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    Ok, I guess I was addressing this moreso to asexuals on the spectrum, who may have some gay or straight to them too, so therefore they have more "choice"
     
  4. TheExecutiveSuite

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    If it was a choice, then by definition it wouldn’t be asexuality. Asexual means you have no attraction or no desire for sexual activity. It’s not that you’re choosing to be celibate
     
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  5. mallak

    mallak Legendary Member

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    Very good but as I said, I was addressing my question to asexuals on the spectrum, not to pure asexuals.
     
  6. Acrab69

    Acrab69 Expert Member

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    Everybody on the spectrum can have sex, even aromantic people.
     
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  7. mallak

    mallak Legendary Member

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    ok do whatever you want, have fun by not having fun, i don't care.
     
  8. Scarletbegonia

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    Which spectrum do you mean?
     
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  9. Scarletbegonia

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    As a demisexual, I don’t “regret” being wired this way, at all.
    I actually have an active sex life at 52.
     
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  10. Scarletbegonia

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    @mallak
    Still waiting on “what spectrum do you mean?”

    the arc of asexuality?
    Autism spectrum disorders?
    Other?
     
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  11. mallak

    mallak Legendary Member

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  12. Scarletbegonia

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    All respondents must be on the ace spectrum.
    You do know other things have spectrums, yes?
     
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  13. mallak

    mallak Legendary Member

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    Yes, but why would I be discussing the autism spectrum or any other spectrum in an asexual forum? But you're right , I should have been more specific I guess and not assume there is a context.
     
  14. Scarletbegonia

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    Some research suggests ASD patients are more likely to be asexual.
     
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  15. Guy-jin

    Guy-jin Legendary Member

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    You’re confusing “celibate” with “asexual”.

    I’m quite asexual and have had quite a lot of sex. The two things aren’t related. Though I am fine with not having sex very often, personally… I end up having it far more than I care to at this point because apparently I’m quite sexy.
     
  16. palakaorion

    palakaorion Superior Member

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    I'm already "older" at 60 by many people's standards. I don't at all regret not having plowed every willing female. Instead I embrace being demisexual and only being sexually attracted to whomever I'm in a romantic relationship with.
     
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  17. Scarletbegonia

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    “No” is a complete sentence, my friend.
     
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  18. Scarletbegonia

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    Agreeing at almost 53.
    I listen to my guy talk about the relationships where his emotional/mental attraction wasn’t that involved and he seems to almost regret wasting the time. And he’s not ace at all.
     
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  19. Scarletbegonia

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    It’s the sunglasses. It’s always the sunglasses.
     
  20. Guy-jin

    Guy-jin Legendary Member

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    Of course, but I am not sex repulsed and it’s important to my partner so I do it despite not needing it myself.
     
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  21. Scarletbegonia

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    I get that.
    I file that under Good, Giving, Game.
    I do crave connection, and his preferred way is physical.
    I want him happy, so off we go.
     
  22. tb_ldn

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    ...ouch! I'm in my late 30s and I felt that.

    I don't experience sexual attraction but I do experience romantic and aesthetic attraction. I can safely say, from experience, that being middle-aged/senior is not a death sentence for your attractiveness.
     
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  23. mallak

    mallak Legendary Member

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    haha no, i wasn't thinking of late thirties at all, 55 and up moreso is what i meant, sorry another thing i should have been more specific about i guess. Also I should have said "good chance to lose your looks" instead of automatically, haha.
     
  24. mallak

    mallak Legendary Member

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    "Aesthetic attraction", is that the same as lust except it doesn't make your penis hard?
     
  25. Scarletbegonia

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    I resonate with the term. people as art, I say.

    also, a side question, when is someone “older?” Does it change with gender or sexuality?
     
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  26. mallak

    mallak Legendary Member

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    Imo it's when you look in the mirror and say fuck, I used to look a lot better than this. For me personally that was 35, for others maybe it's 25, yet others maybe it's 80. Bland , general, pc opinion I guess, but that's my true assessment.
     
  27. tb_ldn

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    Not exactly. The model I tend to use has four main types of attraction (but it's just a model so ofc there's room for exceptions, nuance, etc).

    Sexual - when you want to have sex with a perso.
    Romantic - when you want to be in a loving relationship with a person.
    Platonic - when you want to spend time with the person as a friend.
    Aesthetic - when you just think the person is really nice to look at.

    That list is from least common to most common in terms of my own experience. And not everyone has to be just one category, the form(s) of attraction can change.

    Tbh, it's learning about this more granular approach to attraction that helped me to unpack my own feelings and realise I'm basically ace. Maybe a little bit grey. :emoji_shrug:
     
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  28. tb_ldn

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    Fair.

    I would want to add that not feeling attractive in yourself doesn't mean you aren't attractive to other people :blush:

    That said I appreciate self confidence can be a big factor in forming relationships.

    Romantically and aesthetically I skew towards older people, and that's still the case in my late 30s.
     
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  29. mallak

    mallak Legendary Member

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    By that definition I don't think I would be very flattered if someone said they were "aesthetically attracted" to me. I'd feel like a nice piece of furniture or something.
     
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  30. tb_ldn

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    Again, very fair and I'd agree :joy:

    I guess if I were to tell someone I'd be less... clinical about it and tell them I think they're pretty?

    Edit: fyi your comment almost made me snort coffee out my nose :no_mouth:
     
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