Does my sexual orientation still matter in this situation?

[Oliverleo]

In the past, a person was either heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual.

And everyone seems to be born knowing what they like and what they have sexual desire for.

But I don’t know which one I am, I've never had a crush on anyone,what I like or what my sexual fetishes are. I'm confused about this.

So I started trying in that order in high school, pursuing girls and boys even though I didn't like them at all, just to experience what being in love was so I could figure out what was wrong with me (getting along fine though, but emotionally I'm sorry , I thought I took advantage of them, so I broke up with them nicely and didn't have sex with them.I had no interest in romantic relationships. (I really don’t feel it, I don’t think about it unless someone else mentions it)

Then I thought I might be bisexual...but it didn't seem to fit the definition. Bisexuality is supposed to mean liking both men and women on a romantic, but I'm just not disgusted

After a few relationships, I decided that I might be emotionally deficient and not suitable for a romantic relationship.

Then I got to college and I felt like I needed sex to explore my sexual preference.

I planned to experiment with a range of sexual behaviors and fetishes, not out of lust but just in a scientific spirit to figure out what I liked.

Regarding physical attraction,Idk maybe it’s out of a comparison mentality that I care about other people’s dicks, so I guess I might be more interested in boys’ bodies?

I'll like people and I'll get horny.
But I don’t have that “I really want to have sex with him/her” sexual desire towards others.

Sex comes naturally to other people, but to me it just imitates porn.

Like about oral sex, because people licking in porn are very pleasurable.

At first, I had some expectations about giving oral sex to others.

Let me lick their pussy or dick, I will lick it seriously, and the reviews are also good. After I actually did it, I felt so inexplicable. I sucked and licked it, and let a foreign object enter my mouth. What fun there is in getting in and out, I can't understand.

So that one time when someone gave me a blowjob, I was thinking, "Are you really happy?"

But they seem happy enough to have a cock in their mouth.

Although I don't understand it, I respect and bless him. Thank you for your selfless service.

I have no problem having sex with both men and women. If anyone wants to have sex with me, I will be happy to cooperate. However, I don’t feel that I have a strong desire to have sex with someone. I even feel that it is better to jerk off with my hands. It's convenient.

Overall I enjoy friendship but am not interested in romance. I like to watch porn and often jerk off, but I have little interest in having sex with others. (But I will also be happy if someone contacts me)

I often jerk off but I don’t really want to have sex with anyone. Is this considered low sexual desire?
So I think I'm asexual or……?

By the way, talk to me more, I'd love to make some friends, and tell interesting stories about your explorations of sexual orientation and kink, or first loves, or something like that. There may be many unexpected experiences due to cultural differences, which makes it interesting. I originally wrote about my experiences exploring sexual fetishes in more detail, but it felt too much like a Erotic Stories.

Hey, thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like you're still figuring things out, which is totally okay. Not everyone fits neatly into labels like straight, bi, or gay, and some people don't have strong sexual desires for others this could mean you're asexual or somewhere on that spectrum. Exploring your preferences takes time, and it's great you're open to learning more about yourself without pressure. Feel free to keep the conversation going and ask any questions or share more stories. Exploring sexuality is a journey, and you're not alone.

 

[JiaFei_Dai]

Sorry to hijack the thread.

It’s okay, thank you for sharing.

 

[JiaFei_Dai]

I dont think this is asexual. In my opinion, you have to distinguish between love/kindness and sexual arousal. You can love somebody without being sexually aroused.


I asked people from all around the world. They dont differ much. Most of them think sexual arousal is love. If you love someone, you are sexually aroused. But that contradicts the teaching of universal love.

If you read spiritual teachings they nearly all say that you have to love universally, if you want to follow the positive path. But nobody of those spiritual teachers was constantly sexually aroused.

That is also what I think. You can love people, but not be aroused at the same time.

On the one hand, I think these labels are unimportant, but at the same time I envy other people who know exactly what they like. Love and sex are so complicated and take a long time to explore.

 

[JiaFei_Dai]

Not everyone fits neatly into labels like straight, bi, or gay

I agree, I really think labels are not important, but I have been poisoned by this label culture for a long time.
I don't know why people always think I'm a horny gay guy who's good at picking up guys, but I'm not.
When I get close to men, I will be teased and told that I am going to hook them up, and then some men will think that I like them (help, there is no such thing)
I feel like a succubus in other people's eyes. Men will fall for me if I hook my finger. I didn't even know I had this kind of charm.

I know they don't mean any harm but it really makes me feel uncomfortable.
When I was studying, my senior always thought that I should be a gay man and wanted to set me up with another man. (The man is straight).
But I thought it didn't matter. I was also in the exploratory period, so I asked the man out on a date, and then I confessed my love to him, directly saying that I liked him (but in fact, I didn' t really like him). Of course, he refused, but he was very affectionate. OK, still friendly.
I went to my senior's studio for an internship to help, and he made an excuse to let me and the man sleep in the same room overnight at the studio. (Of course nothing happened)
The next day, the senior thought we must have had sex. I was really speechless.
They took me to a gay bar and it was my first time going to a bar and I didn't really understand the rules but I tried to blend in. We all drank at our table.
A boy at the next table accosted me and asked me to play a game with them, so I went over, and then I lost the game, and he wanted to kiss me with his tongue, so I just hugged him and kissed him, and I basically kept doing it all night Being kissed.
Afterwards, my friend told me that my behavior went too far and was dangerous.
I was called a slut for a long time. I had no idea. I thought everyone was so open when going to bars and it was normal. I didn’t expect that I was the only one who was so exaggerated.

 

[Oliverleo]

I agree, I really think labels are not important, but I have been poisoned by this label culture for a long time.
I don't know why people always think I'm a horny gay guy who's good at picking up guys, but I'm not.
When I get close to men, I will be teased and told that I am going to hook them up, and then some men will think that I like them (help, there is no such thing)
I feel like a succubus in other people's eyes. Men will fall for me if I hook my finger. I didn't even know I had this kind of charm.

I know they don't mean any harm but it really makes me feel uncomfortable.
When I was studying, my senior always thought that I should be a gay man and wanted to set me up with another man. (The man is straight).
But I thought it didn't matter. I was also in the exploratory period, so I asked the man out on a date, and then I confessed my love to him, directly saying that I liked him (but in fact, I didn' t really like him). Of course, he refused, but he was very affectionate. OK, still friendly.
I went to my senior's studio for an internship to help, and he made an excuse to let me and the man sleep in the same room overnight at the studio. (Of course nothing happened)
The next day, the senior thought we must have had sex. I was really speechless.
They took me to a gay bar and it was my first time going to a bar and I didn't really understand the rules but I tried to blend in. We all drank at our table.
A boy at the next table accosted me and asked me to play a game with them, so I went over, and then I lost the game, and he wanted to kiss me with his tongue, so I just hugged him and kissed him, and I basically kept doing it all night Being kissed.
Afterwards, my friend told me that my behavior went too far and was dangerous.
I was called a slut for a long time. I had no idea. I thought everyone was so open when going to bars and it was normal. I didn’t expect that I was the only one who was so exaggerated.

It sounds like you've faced a lot of misunderstanding and pressure from others' expectations. It’s tough when people label you in ways that don’t reflect who you are. Your experiences are valid, and it’s okay to set boundaries around how you want to be perceived. Finding friends who appreciate you for who you truly are can help you feel more comfortable and supported. Just remember, you’re not alone in navigating this.

 

[chrisrobin]

On the one hand, I think these labels are unimportant, but at the same time I envy other people who know exactly what they like. Love and sex are so complicated and take a long time to explore.

Love and sex are so different and yet can be the same, but you need to take care when using the term "love".
I like my delivery guy, he's cheeky, charming and always has time to give me a quickie if he has a delivery for me, depending on what time of day and his schedule. So he stops, drops of his delivery then Its either a blow job or a fuck and I love it, I really do but its just sex, his cock, my hole and his cum left behind as a reminder. I know he loves to deliver to me, wishes I had more deliveries, loves the sex but thats it.

 

[Oliverleo]

Love and sex are so different and yet can be the same, but you need to take care when using the term "love".
I like my delivery guy, he's cheeky, charming and always has time to give me a quickie if he has a delivery for me, depending on what time of day and his schedule. So he stops, drops of his delivery then Its either a blow job or a fuck and I love it, I really do but its just sex, his cock, my hole and his cum left behind as a reminder. I know he loves to deliver to me, wishes I had more deliveries, loves the sex but thats it.

It sounds like you have a fun and playful arrangement. It’s great that you both enjoy the connection while being clear about what it is. Keeping things light and fun can make for some exciting moments! Just make sure you’re both on the same page about your boundaries and expectations. Enjoy those deliveries.

 

[chrisrobin]

It sounds like you have a fun and playful arrangement. It’s great that you both enjoy the connection while being clear about what it is. Keeping things light and fun can make for some exciting moments! Just make sure you’re both on the same page about your boundaries and expectations. Enjoy those deliveries.

We bth know its about sex and its about having fun and enjoying it. I like to suck his cock while sucks mine, I like his fucking me and I know I wont get to fuck him, but hey, either way I get his cum in me, and, when all said and done (well I get done) its a quickie, fitting in with his delivery schedule, so, 20 minutes tops.

 

[Oliverleo]

We bth know its about sex and its about having fun and enjoying it. I like to suck his cock while sucks mine, I like his fucking me and I know I wont get to fuck him, but hey, either way I get his cum in me, and, when all said and done (well I get done) its a quickie, fitting in with his delivery schedule, so, 20 minutes tops.

you're enjoying every moment and making the most of those quick meetups. As long as you're both having fun and it's working for you, that's what matters.

 

[chrisrobin]

you're enjoying every moment and making the most of those quick meetups. As long as you're both having fun and it's working for you, that's what matters.

Its fun for sure and this morning I was shagged over the sink being his second delivery, parcel, and he was ultra horny as he claimed he hadnt wanked for three days, and from what he pumped in me I believe him, but getting it up me that early in the morning, just after 8, was a first.

 

[Oliverleo]

Its fun for sure and this morning I was shagged over the sink being his second delivery, parcel, and he was ultra horny as he claimed he hadnt wanked for three days, and from what he pumped in me I believe him, but getting it up me that early in the morning, just after 8, was a first.

Wow, sounds like quite the morning delivery, Definitely a memorable way to start the day. Seems like the anticipation really added to the excitement for both of you.

 

[Vastian]

In my humble and biased opinion I will say: sex is extremely complicated. And it comes with all of society's ideas. There may be like what 16 genders and then several more sexual profiles. And each of those is not a sure bet but comes with percentages.
It's all extremely complicated just to learn the terms let alone how to expierence them in a way you feel comfortable with/enjoy.

Best I can give you is to explore in a way that feels safe and good to you. Don't expect fireworks or storybook stuff. Just see what works for you.
Sometimes it will be interesting, sometimes it will be bad, horrible, awkward, or just an expierence.

Just go out with an open mind. Don't do anything that feels wrong. And go from there. Sorry it's not a great example of a path to follow but that's kinda how it is.

Never feel bad about it though. If you don't know what you want. You get to decide how much to explore that whole world at your pace.

 

[sammy987]

Hello and thanks OP and other posters.
It took me a long time to realise that I was asexual, after coming out as gay in my late twenties. Thinking I was gay from my teens onwards, I "made up for lost time" by having lots of gay sex, often "anonymous" sex at cruise clubs and glory holes. But I realised that I was usually the "submissive" one, that is: I sucked dick (I didn't ever get fucked in the arse by strangers).
I was a university academic and my topics explored masculinities and sexualities in PhD and lectures and then art museum exhibitions.
But I never felt that I was part of the "gay scene". My interest in male sexualities was kind of scientific or analytic or else my own sexualized behaviour was somehow autoerotic like I was an ethnographer of myself.
My small circle of friends (and family) said: You are a nice guy, why don't u have a romantic special friend?
It dawned on me later, or I realised, that I am asexual. I'm not into chasing tail. I still appreciate the male body. I still have sexual fantasies and feelings but I can usually deal with them on my own.
[Look up AVEN forums, they helped me make sense of this.]
If anything it has brought me peace. It doesn't mean that I am a robot but it gives me reassurance that not *everyone* needs a partner. It's a spectrum too and I would say that I am homo- romantic. But then, they would have to deal with me being an INFJ type/ neurodiverse person. For whatever reason, my karma has it this way for now. Peace

 

[Oliverleo]

Hello and thanks OP and other posters.
It took me a long time to realise that I was asexual, after coming out as gay in my late twenties. Thinking I was gay from my teens onwards, I "made up for lost time" by having lots of gay sex, often "anonymous" sex at cruise clubs and glory holes. But I realised that I was usually the "submissive" one, that is: I sucked dick (I didn't ever get fucked in the arse by strangers).
I was a university academic and my topics explored masculinities and sexualities in PhD and lectures and then art museum exhibitions.
But I never felt that I was part of the "gay scene". My interest in male sexualities was kind of scientific or analytic or else my own sexualized behaviour was somehow autoerotic like I was an ethnographer of myself.
My small circle of friends (and family) said: You are a nice guy, why don't u have a romantic special friend?
It dawned on me later, or I realised, that I am asexual. I'm not into chasing tail. I still appreciate the male body. I still have sexual fantasies and feelings but I can usually deal with them on my own.
[Look up AVEN forums, they helped me make sense of this.]
If anything it has brought me peace. It doesn't mean that I am a robot but it gives me reassurance that not *everyone* needs a partner. It's a spectrum too and I would say that I am homo- romantic. But then, they would have to deal with me being an INFJ type/ neurodiverse person. For whatever reason, my karma has it this way for now. Peace

Thanks for sharing your experience and journey it's insightful and relatable for a lot of people trying to make sense of their own identities. It sounds like you've really embraced who you are, and it's great that you’ve found clarity and peace in identifying as asexual and homoromantic. AVEN forums are such a good resource, and I think a lot of people find comfort there. Knowing you’re on a unique path and being at peace with it is something really powerful. It takes strength to be authentic and to carve out a life that fits you best.

 

[ByStanderHusband]

In the past, a person was either heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual.

And everyone seems to be born knowing what they like and what they have sexual desire for.

But I don’t know which one I am, I've never had a crush on anyone,what I like or what my sexual fetishes are. I'm confused about this.

So I started trying in that order in high school, pursuing girls and boys even though I didn't like them at all, just to experience what being in love was so I could figure out what was wrong with me (getting along fine though, but emotionally I'm sorry , I thought I took advantage of them, so I broke up with them nicely and didn't have sex with them.I had no interest in romantic relationships. (I really don’t feel it, I don’t think about it unless someone else mentions it)

Then I thought I might be bisexual...but it didn't seem to fit the definition. Bisexuality is supposed to mean liking both men and women on a romantic, but I'm just not disgusted

After a few relationships, I decided that I might be emotionally deficient and not suitable for a romantic relationship.

Then I got to college and I felt like I needed sex to explore my sexual preference.

I planned to experiment with a range of sexual behaviors and fetishes, not out of lust but just in a scientific spirit to figure out what I liked.

Regarding physical attraction,Idk maybe it’s out of a comparison mentality that I care about other people’s dicks, so I guess I might be more interested in boys’ bodies?

I'll like people and I'll get horny.
But I don’t have that “I really want to have sex with him/her” sexual desire towards others.

Sex comes naturally to other people, but to me it just imitates porn.

Like about oral sex, because people licking in porn are very pleasurable.

At first, I had some expectations about giving oral sex to others.

Let me lick their pussy or dick, I will lick it seriously, and the reviews are also good. After I actually did it, I felt so inexplicable. I sucked and licked it, and let a foreign object enter my mouth. What fun there is in getting in and out, I can't understand.

So that one time when someone gave me a blowjob, I was thinking, "Are you really happy?"

But they seem happy enough to have a cock in their mouth.

Although I don't understand it, I respect and bless him. Thank you for your selfless service.

I have no problem having sex with both men and women. If anyone wants to have sex with me, I will be happy to cooperate. However, I don’t feel that I have a strong desire to have sex with someone. I even feel that it is better to jerk off with my hands. It's convenient.

Overall I enjoy friendship but am not interested in romance. I like to watch porn and often jerk off, but I have little interest in having sex with others. (But I will also be happy if someone contacts me)

I often jerk off but I don’t really want to have sex with anyone. Is this considered low sexual desire?
So I think I'm asexual or……?

By the way, talk to me more, I'd love to make some friends, and tell interesting stories about your explorations of sexual orientation and kink, or first loves, or something like that. There may be many unexpected experiences due to cultural differences, which makes it interesting. I originally wrote about my experiences exploring sexual fetishes in more detail, but it felt too much like a Erotic Stories.

Not an expert but I did take a sex and sexuality course and it sounds like you’re an experimental asexual/bisexual and aromantic.

Sometimes I feel asexual but I’ve realized that it’s just I have a low sex drive. I can definitely relate to the feeling of not being able to just look at people and desire sex with them because it’s never been something I’ve felt. I often fantasize about sexual experiences of me and my husband with anyone of my additional friends wanting to explore their sexuality, there’s something to that experience that butters my biscuit