Does saying “I’m gay” get easier?

[dreambridger]

No it doesn't become easier; it's always a pain in the ass. Mostly I don't have to tell people of course unless I'm getting hit on by a woman, which is very common for me, and every time I feel terrible when I have to let them know I'm not interested and why. It's very lonely. It doesn't help that sometimes the women seem like really cool people who I'd want to get to know but they're gone like a fart in the wind as soon as I say I'm gay. It'd be so much easier to be straight.

 

[playklax01]

If it's someone you don't know well, read the room first. I tend to be generic (but honest) in my responses in situations like that. If someone asked "Do you have a girlfriend?", I'd respond with "No, I'm not seeing anyone right now." It answers their question, and it's not a lie. It was their assumption in the first place that you are straight, that's on them. Don't share what you're not 100% comfortable with.

After you get to know then well, I throw shit in there when it's least expected to let them know without saying it directly. Say, people talking about past vacations, I'd jump in casually with "oh yeah, my ex-husband and I used to go there too." and leave it at that. Now they know. They may have questions, but the cat's out of the bag without being awkward.

But to your original question, yes, it totally gets easier saying "I'm gay" as time moves on. But again, read the room. If you feel you could be talking to a total religious/ultra-conservative, tread lightly and generically. Let them find out organically, it's going to happen sooner or later.

 

[playklax01]

If it's someone you don't know well, read the room first. I tend to be generic (but honest) in my responses in situations like that. If someone asked "Do you have a girlfriend?", I'd respond with "No, I'm not seeing anyone right now." It answers their question, and it's not a lie. It was their assumption in the first place that you are straight, that's on them. Don't share what you're not 100% comfortable with.

After you get to know then well, I throw shit in there when it's least expected to let them know without saying it directly. Say, people talking about past vacations, I'd jump in casually with "oh yeah, my ex-husband and I used to go there too." and leave it at that. Now they know. They may have questions, but the cat's out of the bag without being awkward.

But to your original question, yes, it totally gets easier saying "I'm gay" as time moves on. But again, read the room. If you feel you could be talking to a total religious/ultra-conservative, tread lightly and generically. Let them find out organically, it's going to happen sooner or later.

Actually, let me add a caveat to this. I say it totally gets easier, but I failed to consider the environment/state you live in. I'm in New England, so people are generally chill with the whole gay thing. Never, ever, had a problem here (less one homophobic boss before who I can say I actually hate, but that's another story). If you lived in a more/ultra conservative area, it's possible it may never get easier, but I don't know. This is just speculation though, as I never had the opportunity to find out.

The more you're comfortable associating the term with yourself, I would think it would get easier regardless. But if societal pressure is making it hard, it may take longer. Just my 2 added cents.

 

[Kimfu]

Well, in my work life I was a Vice President of Legal Services and Human Resources. I guess it just never occurred to any of the employees to ask if I was gay. I wonder why?

 

[Brodie888]

I think depending on where you are in the world, it can be different.

Some parts of the world we are so beyond gay or straight. We have moved into pronouns and gender identity as the new frontier for debate.

If you live in a backwards part of the world, consider moving as soon as possible. The sooner the better.

 

[bigboaster]

If you live in a backwards part of the world, consider moving as soon as possible. The sooner the better.

That's my goal. Haven't gotten there yet but that's the plan.

 

[1wldprefernot2]

I hate telling people. Hate it. I prefer it to spread via rumor and innuendo.

 

[Twisted_GardenofOenothera]

That's my goal. Haven't gotten there yet but that's the plan.

Oh? I had no idea...

 

[Brodie888]

That's my goal. Haven't gotten there yet but that's the plan.

As far as we know, we only live once. So sooner the better. The key is having enough money in savings to last you until you can get a job in the new place. I would say 6 months at least.

Moving is challenging. Better to move somewhere with people who can support you. Definitely have a plan B if things don't work out.

 

[argos_28]

This is a really interesting thread (aside from a couple of people bitching at each other) and, I think, a pretty comprehensive look at what it's like to be an openly gay man today.

As someone who has lived in various small towns throughout the Deep South for my entire life, I can say it has gotten easier but is still not always easy. I can still routinely find myself in situations where revealing my identity could mean physical harm. Someone used the phrase "tread lightly" in an earlier post, and that's pretty much my day-to-day. I refuse to hide who I am, but I am often in a position where I won't offer that information unless asked. That's the best way I know to put it.

Thank you for starting this conversation. I look forward to reading what others have to say.

 

[ILoveGames48]

Hey guys,

Do you find that telling others you’re gay gets easier the more times you’re asked? Or is it as awkward as the first time?
Only last week a co-worker who’s only been working with us for a couple of months asked me if I had a girlfriend and I had to say I was a homo. Then, that oh so familiar sweat came over me and my cheeks went red.
When does that feeling finally stop?

Thanks!

Someone asks you if you have a girlfriend .. first of all do t say no you’re a homo .. that actually makes it harder for you to want to have harder times to get used to it ..

You are a gay man.. and if you are proud to be a gay man then it shouldn’t be hard for you to say so..

And it’s not like you have to says it every time someone asks you.. if they ask if have girlfriends all have to say no.. and let it go at that .. if they ask if you’re gay then say it with pride and not like you’re ashamed of being gay..

I’ve had fellows tell me they were gay .. face turns red as they look at the ground.. that’s showing signs of you’re not happy with who you are ..


You only live one life.. it’s your life.. if being with a guy makes you happy then be happy.. I know people in my life that aren’t proud of me being gay.. x..

And If live in area where being gay isn’t accepted then move to area where it’s more accepted ..

 

[Brodie888]

Something that an ex said to me has always stuck with me.

He said that everyone is put on this earth for a reason. If taking another man's cock in your mouth feels right to you, then you are serving your purpose in life. To do anything else is self destructive.

I love servicing men. It gives me the greatest satisfaction in life.

So if people ask if I am gay, I have no problem saying yes.

 

[Genuinkguy]

I hate when co workers have questions about my personal life, Im there to work and get paid not to tell the story of my life.

 

[deleted655705]

Honestly I don’t think I’ve ever been actually straight up asked that question. It rarely comes up with people I encounter regularly as I talk wayyy too much about my husband lol. In random conversation I just say that I’m gay and move on if it comes up for some reason.

 

[BiDude69]

I hate when co workers have questions about my personal life, Im there to work and get paid not to tell the story of my life.

At least in the workplace that is how it should be ... sometimes we will find outselves in social situations where things can be a bit different and we talk about stuff, but when in the work place it would be best avoided. That said, it will happen anyway, for better or worse.
the answer to these questions is always "it depends"
We have seen it in the comments, it depends on where we are, on who we are and on what our life journey has been. I have been close to folks who are deep introverts and for whom answering any question is at times very difficult, never mind deeply personal ones.
Personality, history, location, culture will have a say on whether things change. I am tempted to say we shouldn't assume this is something that needs to change or get better. A certain discomfort might be just a marker to your personality. If there is a history of hurt to be dealt with, then yes, it can get better. If someone is an introvert, then you're just cool as you are.

 

[ILoveGames48]

I know there’s probably guys like me.. always known were gay and didn’t care who knew .. I didn’t wave a flag around saying I’m gay ..


But whenever I was asked if was gay I’d say yes I am.. and this was in a time I didn’t realize homosexuality was really frowned upon


Now you wrote this in your first post. ( the original poster of this topic)

Only last week a co-worker who’s only been working with us for a couple of months asked me if I had a girlfriend and I had to say I was a homo…


First of all I wouldn’t say I’m a homo. Just say you’re gay .. that sounds a lot better than saying homo..


Hopefully you’re getting better at accepting yourself for being gay.. when you totally truely accept yourself for being gay.. then it definitely won’t bother you as much..

 

[Trekrider]

Think it’s because of bad school experiences and homophobia in the classroom. It sticks with you even years later.

Exactly. That did permanent damage, and I will never be comfortable revealing to straight people that I'm gay. Knowing that most people do not like, or are in some way uncomfortable with gay people doesn't help.
The exception is in the nudist world, where the barrier between gay and straight doesn't exist, and there I'm completely comfortable and open.

 

[WisteriaDay]

Hey guys,

Do you find that telling others you’re gay gets easier the more times you’re asked? Or is it as awkward as the first time?
Only last week a co-worker who’s only been working with us for a couple of months asked me if I had a girlfriend and I had to say I was a homo. Then, that oh so familiar sweat came over me and my cheeks went red.
When does that feeling finally stop?

Thanks!

This might sound cringe. But look at yourself in the mirror and be honest with yourself. Tell yourself that you're gay and that you love yourself. Give yourself compliments. It's hard to undo years of subconscious conditioning, but Gay Pride is precisely about that. You deserve compassion, and the best source of that love is from within.

 

[Vastian]

I would think so as over time. I'm from the bay area and it's pretty gay friendly here. Even when straight friends if someone is gay it's just a thing about them. Not even a big thing....unless it's a overly overbearing person. Honestly I feel one's choice in drinks and food are more impactfull in group dynamics

 

[BiDude69]

I would think so as over time. I'm from the bay area and it's pretty gay friendly here. Even when straight friends if someone is gay it's just a thing about them. Not even a big thing....unless it's a overly overbearing person. Honestly I feel one's choice in drinks and food are more impactfull in group dynamics

SF is a different planet, really. To me when I recently started traveling a lot in rural mid america as an SF person, I was just stunned at how much. Not saying we have to choose, but the problems a high school student might have in such rural areas because of sexuality defy the comprehension of SF folks. Pity it is such an expensive place to live