Don’t Know What to do With Straight Friend

[blackmuscle9]

nicely said

 

[justfor_me]

Is he "gay baiting?" Maybe. Are you sending out signals that encourage or enable that? Seems like it. Hey, try just being friends. Be friends. Two human beings who like and respect each other and hopefully have the same interests, hobbies or passions. It's not always about sex, someone's sexual drive or hormones.

I see where you could get the idea that I’m encouraging or enabling him but I’m not and never have. This isn’t the classic gay boy falls in love with straight friend story. Like I said in the original post I have never tried to initiate anything with him or hinted at the fact that I would like to. When he shows off I don’t look or react most of the time. Even when I do look, I don’t think that’s me encouraging him, it’s the other way around.

I think some answers and ideas are missing a crucial part which may be my fault because I was focused on describing my issue and did not specify this. I’m not the regular delusional gay guy who believes all straight boys would fuck him. Also Thomas and I can talk and collaborate without issue and without me drooling over him. What I was trying to say in my post was that when we do things together he sends signals and I don’t know what to think or do about them.

I know this isn’t really an update because nothing has changed, I’ve seen him a few times since originally posting and still got the same vibes but didn’t discuss it. Over the summer I’ll be busy so there likely won’t be any updates until August.

 

[Subzero45]

I’m gonna be most of the opposite of what people are saying here.

Make a move. Do dinner. Go back to your place to “hang out” after a few drinks to loosen you both up but not enough to kill your dick and go from there.

You’re past pleasantries if you’ve been friends for years. He’s made mistakes. No one is perfect.

Direct? Yeah. That’s me, though. Usually worked out in my favor. I hate the games bullshit. I’m not saying whip it out and stick it in his face but get things into the open and if it’s a no, you can still be friends (if you want).

It also allows you to be in control. It’s your timeline. It’s your speed. It’s your feelings to reveal. Keeping it pent up will drive you c r a z y.

Good luck. Keep us updated. Best to you man.

 

[varina1]

My thoughts? Hmm, you said for a while he was wearing grey sweat pants huh? Would get a semi huh? Well, buy the exact same shade & brand and if you go to his place or vice versa, wear them freeballin. If he starts posing & you get a semi maybe it's time for YOU to stretch over the back of a chair with YOUR crotch pushed forward and treasure trail exposed. If he gets uncomfortable..... good as he has been doing it to you. If he comments say, huh? Why you do it all the time & see what he says.

 

[8Cylinder]

This sort of recurring question has perplexed me a bit. I'm ancient, and homophobia was the norm when I came out. We never had this much angst about flirting with, talking openly to, or asking guys to do something innocent together to explore feelings.

I would absolutely advise you against a confrontation over his obvious flirting, but think it's correct to address it. You can do it in a much more friendly way...

Next time he does the abdomen treasure trail bait just say "keep that position and I'll have no choice but to come over and lick those abs, man". He'd laugh or if he claims to be offended, you can laugh and say "in your wet dreams buddy"-

 

[justfor_me]

This sort of recurring question has perplexed me a bit. I'm ancient, and homophobia was the norm when I came out. We never had this much angst about flirting with, talking openly to, or asking guys to do something innocent together to explore feelings.

I would absolutely advise you against a confrontation over his obvious flirting, but think it's correct to address it. You can do it in a much more friendly way...

Next time he does the abdomen treasure trail bait just say "keep that position and I'll have no choice but to come over and lick those abs, man". He'd laugh or if he claims to be offended, you can laugh and say "in your wet dreams buddy"-

I actually really like this idea! It flips the table and leaves him guessing and questioning things instead of me.

 

[Caliboy]

My straight friend surprisingly took me for drinks at a gay friendly bar and we talked but I did not make a move because I did not want things to be awkward.. I didn't see any signs leading to anything romantic so I just remain buddy buddy with him we give eachother gifts from time to time.. you definitely should let him know how you feel but do it in a way that you are more comfortable.

 

[jmacdonald2018]

I actually really like this idea! It flips the table and leaves him guessing and questioning things instead of me.

I have a lot of feelings towards the replies and your post, and I cannot tell you how many times I've been in your position, despite being younger. But I think the friendly flirtation is the only way you'll really get the answer to your question: hes either going to be super upset and uncomfortable and then you know and you can pull away to protect yourself, or hes going to love it and want more and you can try to make your move from there.

Feel free to DM me anytime, I've had my rodeo, my bestfriend right now does the same shit, difference is we've moved past the baiting and now I get to fuck him haha

 

[Putitarica]

Oh fun!

I have a lot of feelings towards the replies and your post, and I cannot tell you how many times I've been in your position, despite being younger. But I think the friendly flirtation is the only way you'll really get the answer to your question: hes either going to be super upset and uncomfortable and then you know and you can pull away to protect yourself, or hes going to love it and want more and you can try to make your move from there.

Feel free to DM me anytime, I've had my rodeo, my bestfriend right now does the same shit, difference is we've moved past the baiting and now I get to fuck him haha

 

[Meisme]

I've been in that situation a lot ^^ I have become a kind of expert into romantic failures with straight guys, and even if I'm more protected than ever, I'm still sometimes struggling with my feelings when I get weak enough to allow me to think something may be possible with a straight man.
Basically, the answer is : nothing romantic is possible with a straight guy. Nothing romantic.
Some kind of deep friendship may happen, real respect, and even sometimes, sexual stuff.
BUT... They will never feel attracted by you like you are by them, you'll never be enough for them, they'll always need something you can't be.
If you're ok with the idea ... You can play to that very difficult game, but protect yourself. No romantic purpose, never, or you'll hurt, a lot a lot.

 

[Brightonguy231]

This won’t be a short explanation because there’s a lot to it.

I’ve known this guy (I’ll call him Thomas) for years but only as someone I frequently crossed paths with. He is a straight(?) jock which is my type.

About a year ago was the first time I saw Thomas since the beginning of the pandemic. He does fit the straight jock stereotype but we actually got along really well. For a few months everything was great between us, we worked together and just enjoyed being around each other. The whole time, though, people were spreading rumors that we were hooking up or dating. I was attracted to him but he claimed to be straight and I respected that so I never told him or tried to initiate anything.

Those rumors caused a lot of tension between us, and not the good kind. We would still be around each other but Thomas became more distant. A couple weeks later he got a girlfriend. That is when we basically stopped communicating, partially because his girlfriend was toxic and didn’t like me around him. He was kind of trapped and unhappy in that relationship.

Fast forward to this year, we still cross paths daily but instead of him not engaging with me it’s the other way around. I know he didn’t mean to but he hurt me and I decided to not give him an opportunity to do it again. There was also the part where I was still attracted to him and didn’t want to be a homewrecker. We interacted a few times at the beginning of the year but I acted uninterested and eventually he got the point.

In these last two weeks things have changed. He broke up with his girlfriend and has been talking to me more. I fought it for a long time but I can feel the straight boy charm pulling me back in. It was obvious that I liked him a year ago and I had a feeling he also liked me but I didn’t know how to approach the topic with him then. Now I notice him flirting with me in the same ways he used to and I don’t know what to do or how to read the signals. I can’t tell if he’s just back to his normal self after finally leaving that girl or if he is trying to get my attention.

Speaking of getting my attention, something he does is stretch with his back over the back of a chair and his lower abdomen gets exposed. He did it again a few days ago for an oddly extended period of time, at least 30 seconds. I tried not to look but couldn’t help seeing his happy trail through the side of my eye. I also noticed him turning his head to the side a few times, checking if I was looking, and continuing to stretch when I wasn’t. It seemed as if he wanted me to look but gave up because it was getting weird and I wasn’t the only person around.

In the weeks prior to his breakup he wore grey sweatpants a lot. There were a few times when I could tell he had a semi because his bulge was bigger than normal. That’s one detail I left out about Thomas. He has a big dick and I know this through one of my other friends.

Anyways, getting back to what’s going on, things between Thomas and I are starting to feel like they did at the beginning of our friendship a year ago. The difference is that this time I want more than friendship. I still haven’t told him that, and a year ago I would have said there’s no way I would tell him, but now it doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. I just can’t tell if I’m being delusional and reading too far into things or if he really is sending the signals that I think he is. I don’t want to miss an opportunity but I also don’t want to ruin what’s going well. I was never shy about discussing my skills around him so it’s possible that he wants to test them.

As you can probably tell, my thoughts about this are scattered. I’m usually great at reading people and knowing what to do in these situations. I mostly wrote this for me to process things and reflect but I would also like to get input from others. What should I do? Let things stay the way they are or take the risk? I’ve also thought of the possibility that he might approach me and tell me what I want to tell him but it doesn’t seem very likely given the fact that everyone knows him as straight.

I’ll post updates if there are any developments.

Ok,we’ll he is probably going to ditch you when he gets his next gf so I would take the opportunity to suck the life out of him..he’ll never forget it and might even come back again for more when he’s ready.

 

[ndamood4sum]

First of all, address how he was a dick to you by growing distant bc of rumors and then all together ignoring you bc of his gf. Take charge and demand an apology for being a horrible friend.

Second, ask him why he wants to reconnect. Wasn't he happy knowing there weren't rumors anymore about you two? Wasn't his gf worth throwing a friendship out the window for?

I would then just admit to him that you've had a crush on him for awhile because he was this great guy who was fun to be around but you didn't realize how weak of a person he was when it came to how others viewed him. Then state that now that the secrets out that you don't really expect him to stick around now that the truth is out.

Ask him why he seems to be baiting you. Baiting for looks and attention, baiting for your attention. If he wants you to look then he should just say it. If he wants more, then just be upfront. Tell him how you always found him to be an attractive guy and how he use to be a good friend, that you would still be comfortable exploring with him if he was curious. But that offers only on the table if he can stop being such a jerk and be honest.

Haha that's how I would kind of go about it. Anyways, good luck to you. I would definitely say something since it feels like he could genuinely be curious being with a guy but also scared. Just talk it out with him but point out that you aren't a friend of convenience and will not be their beck and call.

Yes, this right here, I was going to write something similar, and I agree with most of what you said. He isn't/wasn't a good guy the minute he started putting distance between you two when the rumors started or completely not talking to him when the girlfriend entered the picture is enough for me to question everything. OP may want him to be interested and hopefully that will lead to giving him a BJ, but there's something else to keep in mind.

Remember you guys work together and things could get ugly really quickly especially if he is just kidding with you. The last thing you want, or need is a reputation of being that guy or being accused of harassment which is a possibility since he is so worried with others say or think. The questions about are a great way to what he is really made of.

 

[outsider798]

So any updates? Have you seen him since you posted? Made a decision on how you’re going to approach it? We need updates!

 

[thongboy]

Nature will eventually take its course if is the need is there for both of you. If not, why don't you simply enjoy a close friendship? That's something to be valued — you don't want to destroy it.

 

[Daution]

First off, Ask yourself - What exactly do you want from him? Because "more than friends" can be "bros with benefits."

If you want him to be your out n proud boyfriend, that's probably not going to happen. But, if you 'play the game' right, your mouth and his cock can be best of friends resulting in an even stronger & closer friendship.

Now, U know u sent signals first, right? Why were u bragging about your 'skills' to him?? lol You knew exactly what you were doing, so why play dumb now?

• DO NOT LISTEN TO ANYONE WHO MENTIONS "GAY-BAIT" because they obviously don't know what they are talking about. The mis-use and abuse of that phrase is concerning at the least

If you want to know for sure whether he is returning/responding to your signals, match his energy. Play along, go with the flow and see what happens. That's the only way.

The game is SHOW not TELL. For example, let him (and only him) catch u staring. Lick ur lips while ur at it, but do it discreetly, then briefly give him a 'knowing' look. Gage his reactions, just like he does yours, and proceed accordingly.

Again, don't make it awkward and scare him off by "telling" him outright in a serious manner like someone with no social skills. If something's on your mind, like when he's walking around in gray sweat pants with a semi, use casual humor or analogies to 'express' urself. Joke about it and go from there, so u don't fall into the trap of overthinking. That way, u could always say "JK" if necessary.

Resort to classic lines if u need to like "is that a gun in your pocket or r u excited to see me? lol" and go from there. Give the homie some head, a brojob if u will. Make it understood that, that doesn't make him LGBT and dont force those labels onto him either.

Or find a guy who looks just like him and date that guy.

 

[Richard Licks]

First of all, address how he was a dick to you by growing distant bc of rumors and then all together ignoring you bc of his gf. Take charge and demand an apology for being a horrible friend.

Second, ask him why he wants to reconnect. Wasn't he happy knowing there weren't rumors anymore about you two? Wasn't his gf worth throwing a friendship out the window for?

I would then just admit to him that you've had a crush on him for awhile because he was this great guy who was fun to be around but you didn't realize how weak of a person he was when it came to how others viewed him. Then state that now that the secrets out that you don't really expect him to stick around now that the truth is out.

Ask him why he seems to be baiting you. Baiting for looks and attention, baiting for your attention. If he wants you to look then he should just say it. If he wants more, then just be upfront. Tell him how you always found him to be an attractive guy and how he use to be a good friend, that you would still be comfortable exploring with him if he was curious. But that offers only on the table if he can stop being such a jerk and be honest.

Haha that's how I would kind of go about it. Anyways, good luck to you. I would definitely say something since it feels like he could genuinely be curious being with a guy but also scared. Just talk it out with him but point out that you aren't a friend of convenience and will not be their beck and call.

I used to call girls like that "Prick Teasers".

 

[justfor_me]

Why don't you just value his friendship and enjoy it on that level? It's enough that you like each other as people, so stop assuming that it will lead to a fuck

They think this is a porno and not real life

No. Porn is easy, this isn’t. If you two had read the original post you would have seen that I tried to avoid anything other than friendship. He was attractive from the beginning but I ignored that and was content with being friends. The only reason I considered doing sexual things with his is because he had been hinting at it.

Anyways, the update for everyone else: there is no update yet. As I said a couple weeks ago, I’m not seeing Thomas this summer so I’ll likely have an update in 2 months. I’d like to try some of the suggestions I replied to when I see him. One that I will definitely use is flirting back when he shows off and seeing how he reacts. I know this is exciting online but it’s a lot scarier in real life, so there’s also a big chance nothing will happen and that’s ok. My main goal is to not try or say anything without being 100% I’m reading the situation correctly. Like I’ve said a few times, I’m ok with just staying friends, and I don’t want to ruin that possibility.

 

[Daution]

No. Porn is easy, this isn’t. If you two had read the original post you would have seen that I tried to avoid anything other than friendship. He was attractive from the beginning but I ignored that and was content with being friends. The only reason I considered doing sexual things with his is because he had been hinting at it.

Anyways, the update for everyone else: there is no update yet. As I said a couple weeks ago, I’m not seeing Thomas this summer so I’ll likely have an update in 2 months. I’d like to try some of the suggestions I replied to when I see him. One that I will definitely use is flirting back when he shows off and seeing how he reacts. I know this is exciting online but it’s a lot scarier in real life, so there’s also a big chance nothing will happen and that’s ok. My main goal is to not try or say anything without being 100% I’m reading the situation correctly. Like I’ve said a few times, I’m ok with just staying friends, and I don’t want to ruin that possibility.

Stop with this "I dont want to ruin the friendship" nonsense. That's a line used by friends:

• AFTER they already fucked and it was trash, and they're being polite;
• When 1 person really does not want to fuck the other & they're being nice or
• By a punk afraid to make a move

BTW, You will ruin the friendship if you keep playing dumb though.

- "My main goal is to not try or say anything without being 100% I’m reading the situation correctly."

WTF is that suppose to accomplish??? Isn't your goal finding out whether you can be more than friends...(sucking his cock)?

Keep your sights set on your real goal and things will fall into place.

An easy way to accomplish your actual goal, is to play along, see what happens and proceed accordingly

YOU starting dropping hints first. Then he responded by flaunting his cock around u right? And in return, your response was to ignore him....and now you're trying to justify your fumble it with nonsense.

To fix it, shift your focus away from what you dont want and put it on what you do want.

• You can only find out if you can be more than friends by finding out if you can be more than friends.
• By waiting to feel 100% that you're reading a situation correctly, you may or may not find out if you can be more than friends and thats how you know that is not a goal.

Focus on what you want and things will become much more simple.

 

[1life4love]

Have a friend just like you and it gets me because I've really just wanting a chill bro I could connect with, try things with, and trust. Something private that doesn't revolve around labels. Because my friend makes it so hard to read I often hint at things and hope he gets it because I really really wish we would connect like that. I've wanted to for years. Only problem is he seems to be interested and then a second later he gives me the vibe he is freaked and distances himself.

It's hard for friends to know how to talk to each other and express things when they are friends... pretty much everyone views me as straight and I am generally... except for when it comes to my desire to have a closer relationship and bond with my friend. I hate to think it will never happen but now I really worry it won't.

Tell him you trust him, vibe with him, and see him as that friend you can finally feel free around. Share your insecurities and vulnerabilities. Don't worry if he freaks or that he will respond in any negative way but simply trust that he really is that friend you want him to be. If he is then it will be OK. If he's not you will know.

I want a friendship and bond like that but don't know how to handle moments... he probably gets mixed signals from you as well which leaves him not knowing how to act.... so he just flirts hoping you will make the first move.

Trust that he cares enough to not freak and give him and yourself the opportunity to have the type of friendship/relationship you hope you could.

 

[dgmst]

Whatever we say here you won't listen to us and will do what you know best. I'm sorry to say this but you will find yourself in a situation that will hurt you constantly. Well, you are already in.
You are still seeing a guy who ended friendship with you twice. You are in love with him. It happened to me and I suffered more than enough. My advice is that you stop seeing him.