For guys with Aspergers

[submit452]

IF I see a woman/girl I like how do I make her see I want to get her interested in me in a more than superficial way. I always come of as just friends material or sadly creepy. ANy and all advice is appriciated.

 

[Daisy]

You have Aspergers?

Nothing we say here is going to help you, it's a social issue in general not specific to women. Join a support group or read books. Even if you werent able to get some help with social skills some girl out there may just find you quirky and be attracted to you. From what Ive read about it though, you miss social cues and that is something you need to basically just study and learn. It applies to men and women alike.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

Having dated one guy with diagnosed and another guy who I suspect had Asperger's, I might be able to give SOME sort of advice. Maybe. Not every person with Asperger's is the same. It would also help if you would tell us what you do exactly that your friends think qualifies as "creepy", though. My best advice, to be honest, is just to wait for the right woman. Asperger's isn't something all women want to deal with or know how to deal with, and Asperger's has varying degrees of severity.

 

[submit452]

You have Aspergers?

Nothing we say here is going to help you, it's a social issue in general not specific to women. Join a support group or read books. Even if you werent able to get some help with social skills some girl out there may just find you quirky and be attracted to you. From what Ive read about it though, you miss social cues and that is something you need to basically just study and learn. It applies to men and women alike.

I always was having problems with those kind of things but I did have one girlfriend all during high school and we are still friends because her niece has aspergers and I wasn't diagnosed until age 37 and as a child no one in school helped me very much with these problems until now I am reading some books I found online to get tips and helping strategies and what also brought this on was my old girlfriend while friends with me is getting married and she seems to have found the great LTR of her dreams and I just don't want to die without having someone myself.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

Well I'll try to give you advice based on my experience with my two ex boyfriends and their Asperger's (or suspected Asperger's).

Make eye contact. That doesn't mean stare into a persons eyes constantly during an entire conversation, but make eye contact. A couple seconds here and there while you're talking at least. Don't start at her lips or nose or ear, look into her eyes.

Try to avoid one-sided conversations. Most people with Asperger's have a few things they are really really into and knowledgeable about. That's all fine and dandy, but don't just talk and talk and talk about it. This plays a bit into another trait of people with Asperger's, which is not catching onto social cues. You might not tell when a person is tired of hearing about what you're saying or ready to change the subject. Just cover the main parts of the subject and give the person time to respond. If they change the subject, let them. That's usually a sign that they don't want to continue on the subject currently at hand. (An example: my now ex boyfriend (we broke up 2 days ago) would talk about something to no end. The listener would try and be polite and listen to the conversation but eventually they'd segue into something else to try and change the subject. My boyfriend would go along with it for a bit but once the person was done talking, he'd be like, "But yeah, back to what I was saying..." and would KEEP talking about the previous topic! That can get really annoying. Lol.)

A big one is just trying to learn social cues. Try to understand body language. I'm not sure if that's something you can easily learn, but that would probably be your biggest help.

And again, my previous advice - just wait for the right person. I fell in love with two guys that had Asperger's (or suspected Asperger's) because of who they were as people. The few quirks they had that were related to Asperger's were easily looked-over because they were such awesome people. Good luck to you. :smile:

 

[submit452]

Well I'll try to give you advice based on my experience with my two ex boyfriends and their Asperger's (or suspected Asperger's).

Make eye contact. That doesn't mean stare into a persons eyes constantly during an entire conversation, but make eye contact. A couple seconds here and there while you're talking at least. Don't start at her lips or nose or ear, look into her eyes.

Try to avoid one-sided conversations. Most people with Asperger's have a few things they are really really into and knowledgeable about. That's all fine and dandy, but don't just talk and talk and talk about it. This plays a bit into another trait of people with Asperger's, which is not catching onto social cues. You might not tell when a person is tired of hearing about what you're saying or ready to change the subject. Just cover the main parts of the subject and give the person time to respond. If they change the subject, let them. That's usually a sign that they don't want to continue on the subject currently at hand. (An example: my now ex boyfriend (we broke up 2 days ago) would talk about something to no end. The listener would try and be polite and listen to the conversation but eventually they'd segue into something else to try and change the subject. My boyfriend would go along with it for a bit but once the person was done talking, he'd be like, "But yeah, back to what I was saying..." and would KEEP talking about the previous topic! That can get really annoying. Lol.)

A big one is just trying to learn social cues. Try to understand body language. I'm not sure if that's something you can easily learn, but that would probably be your biggest help.

And again, my previous advice - just wait for the right person. I fell in love with two guys that had Asperger's (or suspected Asperger's) because of who they were as people. The few quirks they had that were related to Asperger's were easily looked-over because they were such awesome people. Good luck to you. :smile:

Thanks for the sage advice

 

[B_subgirrl]

I second IT's advice to wait for the right person. One of the traits I most adore in guys is when they have something they're really passionate about. I really don't care what the something is, I just think guys are sexy when they get into that passionate zone.

For me that applies to friends too. A friend of mine has Asperger's and I've always loved listening to him talk about his stuff. I learn stuff when I talk to him. Actually, I think he's the reason I got through first year biology :tongue:.

Ways to tell that right person that you like them: eye contact (as IT said), give genuine compliments, occasional body contact (only of non-creepy places like arms, and only if you already know they engage in body contact eg. hugging).

You could also just tell them!

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

I second IT's advice to wait for the right person. One of the traits I most adore in guys is when they have something they're really passionate about. I really don't care what the something is, I just think guys are sexy when they get into that passionate zone.

For me that applies to friends too. A friend of mine has Asperger's and I've always loved listening to him talk about his stuff. I learn stuff when I talk to him. Actually, I think he's the reason I got through first year biology :tongue:.

Ways to tell that right person that you like them: eye contact (as IT said), give genuine compliments, occasional body contact (only of non-creepy places like arms, and only if you already know they engage in body contact eg. hugging).

You could also just tell them!

She has a point there. My most recent ex... some of his "Aspergers-ey" things were totally endearing to me. Like his OCD. How he could spend hours transforming Transformers. Lol. His passion for things. It isn't all bad.

 

[B_subgirrl]

I was talking to my mum about this thread (coz she's known some guys with Asperger's too) and she has a suggestion.

She thinks you should try online dating. If you're totally honest and mention your Asperger's in your profile, the women who answer will probably be ones who understand some of the potential issues that can come with Aspergers.

I think online dating sounds like it would suit you.

 

[submit452]

I was talking to my mum about this thread (coz she's known some guys with Asperger's too) and she has a suggestion.

She thinks you should try online dating. If you're totally honest and mention your Asperger's in your profile, the women who answer will probably be ones who understand some of the potential issues that can come with Aspergers.

I think online dating sounds like it would suit you.

Thanks I'll try that

 

[Daisy]

Incidentally I didnt' mean for my post to sound mean or insensitive. I just meant that for all I've read about it, social cues and social interaction is a problem and it takes some kind of counseling or support group or just practice to get over that and learn to assimilate.
That being said you can still definitely find someone who finds your quirkiness charming. I just think dating is hard for anyone and navigating the dating world takes practice and patience, but I think if you were to get some outside help it would make it easier.