Gay Male Needs Advice On Taking In A Large Penis

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Icey: I am a 28yr old gay male "Cub" bottom, who is currently involved with a wonderful 40yr old "Bear" top guy who has a large and thick 8 inch length, 7 inch width penis. My problem is that my anal hole is so small and tight, that it hurt's like hell when he tries to go inside me, and after some really painful minutes of getting him inside, once he is inside, it hurts so badly when he starts pumping, that we have to stop after just a couple of minutes, and I make him come either with my mouth or my hand.



I really hate the fact that I can't take him in me, even with alot of lube and time. Nothing seems to help me, not taking deep breaths or relaxing, not even taking a Valium or pain pills before sex. We have tried most of the lubes on the market, but nothing seems to help. I really care about fulfilling his sexual needs, and am totally frustrated with myself for not being able to handle a large penis like his, and am afraid eventually he will get tired of me not giving him what he wants and just move on to someone with a bigger hole who can take him. Help!



Does anyone know where I may be able to buy some super strength desensitizing lubes? Something that will numb my anal hole long enough to enjoy him pumping into me, but not feel the incredibly bad pain from entering me? And when I say pain, I mean PAIN! So bad that I can't even enjoy any part of him being inside of me. I just know I can't be the only guy who is dealing with this, so if anyone knows anything that might help me, please post it here or email me directly at:
Babyboy1231@yahoo.com



I really want to make my guy happy and give him what he wants. It doesn't help that I have a very firm and round butt, which is one of the reasons he was attracted to me in the first place! There just has to be a product out there to help me.



Thank you all for your help.

 

[13788]

Finedessert: My Boy, You can't park a Mack Truck in a space designed for a compact car....That having been said, I'm sure your partner knows how important foreplay enters the picture before he tries to plow the snow.

I would suggest that YOU learn to relax without taking valium or using anything to nump your butthole. This is where foreplay comes into the picture.

Have lover-boy lube you up, then start with One Finger, once you get used to the One Finger, Relax, Relax, Relax, Then try Two Fingers Relax, Relax, Relax, When your OK with Two Fingers try Three. When he can get Three Fingers in and you feel comfortable with it you might be ready for the Big Whooper ( sorry DMW ).

Understand that this isn't going to happen in Five minutes, but the key is to go slow and the most important thing is to remember that YOU have to RELAX.

Other posters might have different ideas.

Grandpa

 

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HotBoiLA: practice makes perfect...buy yourself a dildo that's as big as his cock (or bigger) and spend a few night working on yourself with it. We tend to be more relaxed when we're alone and in total control. My bet is that without too much trouble you'll be able to take the dildo, and once you do that you'll realize that you can take his cock, and you'll be more relaxed and comfortable when he tries.

 

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biggbenn8: Also try relaxing... When you have 'stage anxiety' you tend to tense up (aka 'trying to hard'). Try taking a mydol (don't laugh, its a muscle relaxant- have taken it for a stiff back).

Tried an inflatable (small) butt-plug- can help 'stretch'. I also agree- FOREPLAY...start small and go there... had a married buddy like you.. he wanted 'it' *bad*, but put the head against his ass and suddenly you couldn't get a toothpick in there. I agree tho- NO 'heavy duty' drugs- you want to know what you are feeling (and not get 'torn up' because your reactions are screwed due to drugs...).

Time helps... really- it WILL be 'worth the wait'...trust me

 

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felipe: I find that getting my ass 'eaten' does the trick and then can accomodate anything.... a lot of tongue work, a lot of saliva and patience...don't think about fucking, you'll feel yourself dilate. Also, I ahve a friend with a huge diuck and he can fuck very well... he eats me, then, places his dick against my hole, takes it away, places it just inside, takes it away, etc., for ages....little by little he edges his way into me.....

believe me it works..however, I know that a lot of guys just think they have to thrust harder to enter...don't work, no matte the size of the cock. foreplay is the answer

 

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Finedessert: FELIPE: Your jerking off to close to the keyboard, some of your letters are sticking.

Grandpa

 

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felipe: don't worry, but I have got a special washable plastic cover for the keyboard....

 

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Icey: Hi Guys,

Thank you so much for all of your great advice. I think one of the reasons I am having so many problems taking my lovers cock inside me, is that he doesn't do any foreplay on my anal hole, he just sucks me. He once told me that the only thing he likes to do with my ass is penetrate it with his cock -no fingering, no massaging, no anything else. As for the suggestion of my lover rimming and eating my ass before penetration to relax me, although I go absolutely nuts and feel the most intense sexual pleasure when someone is rimming and probing my anal hole with their tongue, my lover thinks rimming and licking an ass is disgusting, and will not even consider trying that under any circumstances. :'(

So this is why it is all up to me to relax my anal hole enough to accomodate his large cock, or find a cream anal desensitizer strong enough to help me do it. Unfortunately, because I cannot easily accomodate his cock in me like his past lovers have been able to, I feel it is causing him sexual frustration, which in turn is making him not approach me sexually at all -he won't even blow me anymore, but still want's me to blow him though. I have spoken to him sensitively and frequently as to why he won't even suck me anymore, and he either says he doesn't know why, or is just too tired, and promises to do it some other day. And I have been waiting for 'some other day' for a long time...

However, because we both are truly monogomous, and our relationship is so very good in all other areas, and he truly takes care of me and cares about all my other needs, as I do likewise for him, I feel this relationship is definitely worth keeping -even if I am a young and sexually frustrated guy. I guess I'll just have to learn to live with this problem and buy alot of hand lotion! :-/

Thanks again guys for all your help. It makes me feel good to know that there are nice people like yourselves out there who care enough to try to help me.

Blessings,
Icey

 

[13788]

felipe: There's nothing disgusting in rimming if the guy is clean, just like anything else: if a man has a dirty cock or mouth, it is disgusting to use your mouth there. However, if it is clean, then fantastic!! Also, you can get real clean down there using enemas, or adapting the shower head BUT BE CAREFUL THAT THE WATER IS AT THE RIGHT TEMPERATURE AND PRESSURE!!!. If not, you'll either scald/freeze your rectum or fill up like a water balloon!!!.

Another point, quite often shaving your ass helps.

Just more thoughts.

 

[B_DoubleMeatWhopper]

So, the relationship is good in other areas. That's fine, but sexual compatability is an important consideration. Your lover just wants to get off and doesn't care if you're properly prepared to take his cock or if you receive any sexual gratification. "I don't want any foreplay. I don't want to suck your cock. I don't care if my cock hurts your ass. This is about my cock and my pleasure. I'm going to fuck you and you're going to deal with it." Now, why is this selfish prick a keeper? ???

 

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Mighty_Joe: Boy, if I had your problem! Ha. Seriously, if I could not take it I'd just "hug it and cry".

 

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kyle: You said it best, Icey - your lover sucks.

Trade in that fucker for a real lover!

 

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Icey: I guess I am in the belief that 'You can't have it all' and therefore am willing to stay in this relationship, even if I am not sexually satisfied in it. This man is truly wonderful, he really cares about me and is faithfull, there are no mind games or jealous rants, he doesn't go to the bars, is not a drug user or heavy drinker, and will stand by me and be my rock to lean on. How many of us can truly say that we know a guy like this? How many of us are still out there, day after day, night after night, searching and hoping to have someone to love and care for and receive that in return? I know I sure was, and I also know how good gay men are really hard to find.

I guess my attitude is more old fashioned and less demanding, in the sense that you 'Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater'. He does hug me and show me affection, and I feel safe and secure with him around, and know he feels the same way with me too. I don't expect anyone to be perfect, and I certainly don't base my relationship on our sex life -I think anyone doing that is setting themselves up for a big fall. So, I am just being realistic and doing the best I can to improve our sexual situation.

Thank you all for being so caring in helping me deal with this and in giving me your feedback -I really appreciate it!

Blessings,
Icey

 

[B_DoubleMeatWhopper]

I understand what you're saying, but I'm not one willing to settle. I believe that humans are sexual creatures and that the willingness to satisfy the partner's sexual needs is an integral part of a human relationship. Your lover is not fulfilling his part of the bargain. I think I'm enough of a catch that I could find someone able and more than willing to fulfil my desires in all departments if my current boyfriend were deficient in any area. Luckily, my bf is everything I could wish for. My advice would be respect yourself, and demand that your lover respect you by not leaving you 'high and dry.' Just my opinion.

 

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wristthickxl: Hi Icey, I'd like to contribute to this discussion cause I may be the only one here who actually knows what it's like to be in your lover's shoes given that our dick size is almost identical. Mine is 7 inches thick too (www.gaydar.co.uk/wristthickxl if you are over 18 years of age only!).

Gay men talk alot about wanting a big dick but the vast majority have a great deal of difficulty taking a really thick one like mine or your boyfriend's. You are by no means alone in having this problem.

In fact, I find your lover's statement that his past boyfriends never had a problem with his cock suspect....Few men in my life have been able to take my cock for more than a few minutes (except guys who liked to get fisted regularly).

My current boyfriend - we've been together 2 1/2 years - can take it on occasion but months go sometimes before it really works....

I don't put him under pressure and love him for everything he DOES offer, sexual and otherwise...Occasionally I do go to a sauna or hook-up online to find a man I can just really - pardon the langauge - fuck...

I wrote a few years ago to Aaron Lawrence for advice on how I could - given my dick size - be a better lover. I've attached the url that is his reply. Pass it on to your lover. I hope this helps....his advice to me is about 1/2 to 3/4 of the way down the page...

www.male4malescorts.com/askaaron/ aaronsadvice112700.html

 

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queenie: Let's put another perspective on this problem. Let's suppose it read as:

Thank you so much for all of your great advice.  I think one of the reasons I am having so many problems taking my lovers cock inside me, is that he doesn't do any foreplay on my vagina, he just plays with my breasts. He once told me that the only thing he likes to do with my vagina is penetrate it with his cock -no fingering, no massaging, no anything else. As for the suggestion of my lover and eating my vagina before penetration to relax me, although I go absolutely nuts and feel the most intense sexual pleasure when someone is eating me with their tongue, my lover thinks that is disgusting, and will not even consider trying that under any circumstances.   :'(

So this is why it is all up to me to relax enough to accomodate his large cock, or find a lubricant strong enough to help me do it. Unfortunately, because I cannot easily accomodate his cock in me like his past lovers have been able to, I feel it is causing him sexual frustration, which in turn is making him not approach me sexually at all -he won't even kiss me anymore, but still want's me to blow him though. I have spoken to him sensitively and frequently as to why he won't even kiss me anymore, and he either says he doesn't know why, or is just too tired, and promises to do it some other day.  And I have been waiting for 'some other day' for a long time...  

However, because we both are truly monogomous, and our relationship is so very good in all other areas, and he truly takes care of me and cares about all my other needs, as I do likewise for him, I feel this relationship is definitely worth keeping -even if I am a young and sexually frustrated woman.  I guess I'll just have to learn to live with this problem and buy alot of lubricant!  :-/

If this were a woman writing about a relationship with a man, there is not a feminist group in the nation that would not cry out marital rape and abuse. Sweet Icey, hon... you need more than a desensitiving anal cream. You need to talk with some one to help get clear that this wonderful relationship you think you have is all in your head. Your lover is sexually abusing you and telling you it is your fault. This is just wrong.

To stay in the relationship as it is will seriously damage your self esteem. I can not urge you strongly enough to seek counseling. You deserve better than this.

a kind hearted girl

 

[B_DoubleMeatWhopper]

Queenie dear, well put. I agree, and believe you put it in a context that we dudes couldn't. Thanks for the perspective. You rock, sister! ;D

 

[Max]

I may cause a bit of upset here, but I disagree almost 100% with queenie, and thus with DMW as well.

Icey says that his b/f really cares about him, and loves him ... and he himself is clearly in love.

No way can I say anything at all about man to man sex, but the phrase that sticks in my mind is Icey's: 'Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater'. In other words, we have to take it on his authority that this is a relationship worth sticking with. Given that, why should he care about what a feminist group -- or others -- might say in a parallel (hetero) situation? He has a good relationship, he tells us, and to disbelieve him is to treat him with less than full respect.

What he actually asked for was help in adjusting to his partner's excessive size, not any relationship counselling at all. The fact that in one area his partner seems a bit selfish is just par for the course -- who hasn't got selfish bits to them?

 

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Icey: Max,

Thank you so much for your words. I couldn't have said it better myself, nor will I try.

Blessings,
Icey

 

[B_DoubleMeatWhopper]

Mmmm, okay ... let me rethink this situation:

"I'm going to slam my cock up your ass ... and you can forget foreplay. I don't care if you're prepared for it. I don't care if you're sexually aroused. I don't care if it hurts you. This is about me getting a nut, not about what you want. Your wants and needs are immaterial to me. And you're going to appreciate it because I'm so good to you."

How could I have been so blind? You're right; it sounds like the perfect symbiotic relationship.