Heteroromantic bisexuality or internalized homophobia?

[sonny84]

Amen. Way too many queer people just projecting their issues onto other people tbh.

Exactly and entire queer society / culture / politics / identity politics in the West has evolved into ensure that one must conform to these categories in the LGBTQQIAP2SAA+ spectrum and within each category and classification there are "tribes" and one has to dress/talk/walk/use language/code/listen to music/vote/be a certain way and consume media/socialmedia and present one's self a certain way and have certain tastes And have certain colors on the flag... it's way too much.

If you don't fit in these prefabricated categories and boxes well then gee you are a traitor to the community and have internalized homophobia because you are "cisgender" and pass and are part of the "patriarchal hetronormative society " and are the oppressor and must be "cancelled"

Real life doesn't work like that. There are 10001 ways to have sex, express sexuality, talk about and have attraction and each country and culture has its own way to express the same - currently and historically

But now the only blanket way to be gay is thru current queer culture of the West...as promoted by mass media and the capitalism machine behind it

I'm just a guy who likes to fuck girls once in a while and falls in love with other guys man...man who has sex and relations with men , that is my label.

Pardon the rant. Just thought to share my take. Not trashing anyone else's identity or gender or political views . I accept all and reject anyone forcing their way of expression / life onto me.

 

[Daution]

I've never had any interest on having a romantic or emotional relationship with a man. For me, it's just about sex with men. All of my romantic attachments and even crushes or limerances have been with women.

I mentioned this to a (gay) friend and he says it sounds like internalized homophobia. He says, in his own experience, before he started hooking up with guys and came out, he also never pictured himself being in steady romantic relationships with men, but ever since he's been in several long-time relationships, full-on living with other men.

I don't think this is the case for me. I've had sex with men and I've never wanted more than that, never felt the tiniest romantic spark or fluttering, nothing. Could it be that somewhere in my subconscious I'm kind of blocking myself from having those feelings? I mean, it's theoretically possible, I suppose, but you'd think I'd feel something at least half as powerful as the romantic, all-encompassing attraction I've felt for women.

"I've never had any interest on having a romantic or emotional relationship with a man. "

There's your answer. This is not a complicated situation. All the labels are a waste of time. u kno how u get down, keep it moving. why cause unnecessary stress? ur brain deals with enough

 

[678wsb]

For me, personally, I often don't believe "heteroromantic" bisexuals. I'm sure a fair number are genuine, but many aren't.

Although you say you are open to the idea of being in a relationship with a man, it would take some serious mental gymnastics for me to fathom how you could sexually (and therefore probably, physically) prefer men and emotionally prefer women. It sounds like you just want to hold on to straight passing privilege and want a relationship that wouldn't raise any eyebrows. I can't exactly blame you for that either seeing as gay relationships still aren't treated as being equal to straight ones.

The irony about it is straight women are less likely to be comfortable dating bi men than gay men are.

Why would straight women be less comfortable than gay men? He'll, these "straight women" are more likely to experiment than "straight men."

Frankly bisexual people don't care what YOU believe. The truth remains regardless of what people with "skepticism" think or feel quite frankly.

This is just the same close minded nonsense you would expect from some old homophobe, just with new paint. "you CAN'T actually be attracted to men, you're just denying your natural urges for women". Yawn!!

Honestly, it kinda feels close to bi erasure.

 

[Double espresso]

This is my first post and I registered because I can relate to much that has been written in this thread. Maybe I am a homoromantic bisexual?

Throughout my life I have always been sexually attracted to women, but like the OP (though I have to change “man” with “woman”) "I've never had any interest in having a romantic or emotional relationship with a woman”.

I have spent ages waiting for the right woman to come along with whom I would fall in love, but I am over 40 and still waiting.

I have had very pleasant friendships and sexual encounters with women but something has always held me back from developing the relationship in a romantic sense, and I definitely have not fallen in love with them. Like the OP, I have wondered if this is some kind of phobia that needs to be treated. Maybe I need to go into counseling, or maybe I have just to accept that I am made this way…

In parallel, over the years I've felt a romantic and sexual attraction for some men. It is probably different from most gay men, for example I have no interest in cocks, but a handsome man’s face, a nice muscular or athletic body, and a nice ass excite me a lot! And I have had sort of crushes on a few men (who happened to be straight, so nothing came out of it). Out of curiosity, I have also had a couple of sexual experiences with men and I have enjoyed them.

Even though I love sex with women, my romantic ideal is someone who can be a friend and a lover, without all the complications and misunderstandings that come with women. With women I always feel like I have to play a part and can't be myself. For a few hours or days it can be done (especially if there is good sex in return) but for a lifetime, no thanks, it's too much work! And I don't want to fool myself or anybody else pretending to be in love when I am not. With men I have the impression that communication is easier, the way of thinking more similar....

Reading sonny84's posts I finally got the impression that I might be in the same situation, but I still find it very difficult to understand and accept!

Since I don't want to continue to be alone for the rest of my life, I do not know whether I should stick with women, forcing myself to develop a relationship, maybe exploring with a professional why I tend subconsciously to avoid it, or explore with men, with the all too obvious difficulties of having to admit to myself and to the world (at my age!) that I am bisexual.

If you have any comments, similar situations to refer to or suggestions, I will gladly read them!