How do I top and then some?

[throwaway0209]

Hey you guys, I'll try to make a long story short.

I'm 23M and have been bisexual for as long as I can remember. However, I've only started experimenting with guys about a year ago. Up until January 2023 I had been too scared to try anything with a guy. I'd never dated a guy, romantically liked another guy, etc. etc. But, I finally took the chance and haven't looked back since. I've met up with about 12 guys so far and have only had sex with 4 of them.

I guess since I waited so long to experiment that I don't know how to do anything. Whenever I meet up with a guy I'm the one getting serviced for the most part. I've only ever bottomed. I'm not above topping and would like to but I don't even know what to do. I feel like I'm not good at giving oral either because again, I'd gone 23 years without ever doing it. I just want to be able to please the guys I meet up with and reciprocate with they do for me. I'd hate for my lack of experience to turn people away.

I've been "dating" this one guy off and on for like 6 months. At the moment we're friends with benefits, but that's besides the point. We're the same age except he's been experimenting with guys so naturally, he's experienced at things like topping, bottoming, giving oral, and so on. We see each other often but it's usually me getting serviced and I don't like that. Yeah it feels good and he's great at what he does, but I wanna be able to give him what he gives me. The same goes for any other guy I meet up with down the line. He said he doesn't mind since he's a pleaser but I still care.

He said he's not a strict top and has bottomed several times in the past. He knows my situation/lack of experience. I'm 99% positive he'd let me top if I wanted to but again...I don't know what to do. A few months ago he said something along the lines of "I don't want someone to ask me if they can top me, I want them to just do it". He's into dominant people and likes to be submissive. I wanna be that person for him but I can't because I lack the confidence to perform well and try things for the first time. I'd feel embarrassed asking him to teach me. My lack of life experience (not necessarily lack of sexual experience) was one of the reasons things didn't work out while we were dating. He even comments on the way I kiss sometimes because apparently, I do it too fast and "need to be in the moment", which is true, I'll admit.

We met up sometime last week and I was on top of him and he rested his legs on my shoulders as if I was getting ready to top, but I couldn't do it. I was overthinking things and didn't know where to start. I tried replicating what the guys that top me do before we start having sex but again, I wasn't confident in knowing what I was doing and so I just stopped, got on my back, and then bottomed.

We're gonna meet up sometime next week and I want to try topping and I wanna give him good oral. I'm most likely gonna be drunk or a little high so that I can eliminate the overthinking. As you guys can probably tell, I'm pretty damn anxious, unfortunately.

I know you won't get better at things unless you practice but at the very least, I'd really appreciate some advice or tips for doing both. I'm tired of always being serviced. It makes me feel selfish. Yeah, bottoming can feel good but I wanna top too. I've had sex with girls before but doing it with a guy is an entirely different ballpark for me, especially since I'm only a year in.
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Short version: I've only been doing things with guys for about a year. I'm extremely inexperienced with giving oral and I've never topped before because I don't know what to do, I overthink, and I don't wanna embarrass myself. Can I get some advice on getting better at giving oral and topping in general? Thank you.
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I'm sorry for the long post. Any advice, guides, tips, tricks, etc. would be great. Thank you.

 

[throwaway0209]

Bump. I could really use the advice please.

 

[ILoveGames48]

First off.. since he knows your situation.. about not being with guys much so don’t know how to suck dick or whatever.. if he wants things to get better then he needs to show you pointers on what to do..

Google .. how to give head or suck dick and there will be several articles telling you ways to do it..

But!! — it’s all about you learning your way.. your pace at how to approach a cock and suck it.. you can suck one cock one day and suck another cock another day and they all need to be approached differently ..

With me I don’t have a gag reflex so learning to suck dick to where my throat wouldn’t be sore for days afterwards .. so this one guys shows me how other guys and women that sucked his dixk.. they would suck so much into mouth then lick the shaft getting tongue wet a lot as you go.. then when suck his dick again from the head and work it on in mouth the saliva helps let the cock slide in and down throat ..


NOW NOW NOW… the time to do anal..

Your first mistake is thinking about how other guys approach to do anal.. fucking a guy in the ass is just like fucking a girl in her snatch.. make sure lubed up as woman’s need to be wet as well…
And stick head at the hole and slide in slowly or however he wants you to go in..

When I do anal.. giving or receiving it’s best if they’d let you slide in quicker instead of slower..


But don’t compare what you’re doing to what others do or done.. this is your moment to make things feel good for both you and him..

 

[chrisrobin]

Don't overthink things, that'll make you feel insecure about what you are doing.
Enjoy what you are doing, sucking cock or getting fucked - learn from getting fucked the things you like happening to you so that when you get to fuck you can do those things to him.
As to your friend who knows your situation, all you have to do is roll him over, lube his hole and get in.
Mostly enjoy the m moment and make him enjoy it as well.

 

[LPSG Simon]

Practice makes perfect as they say. Exploration can be a lot of fun. I think there's some of us reading here who would love to have an occasion to relive that 'first time' spark.

All you need is a patient partner who can tell you what they want you to do (and a lot of bottoms I know are more than happy to do so).

Have fun, and report back!

 

[johnnyboy2285]

I will do a little scenario in my head before the guy is in my bed (although I railed a lot of guys ). I visualise, how I walk in and go straight for the kill - hand behind head, pull in, tongue down his through, then I take his t-shirt off, through it like I don't care (never on the floor, because o do care) then I tell him to " let's go " (meaning where we are going to do it), get there, kiss some more, then take my shirt of, some guys like to watch, some start to lick suck etc, if the first option, I kiss him some more then push him on his knees, then fuck his face, and I get completely undressed, then push him on the bed, sunny side up and ravish him ( kiss, lick, suck, open up and thoroughly fuck). The end. You need to lead most of the "scenes", change position, put it energy.

Visualization works for anything that gives you anxiety, make solutions for possible scenario's that might occur so you know how to react as in that moment, so you don't consume your focus on the general thing but only on the details that could be different.

You will get to enjoy the moment, because you already know what to do and now you can focus solely on the guy and be there and not just in your head.

That will give you confidence and you will look confident
Topping is most of all an attitude, the attitude of confidence

So in short:be confident, look confident, be determined, have energy and lead the action

 

[Graham123]

Just relax get hard and place your cock head against his lubed hole and push in. Once you are in you will feel his ring relax and then grip your cock, then you can adjust yourself, balance etc and begin to thrust back and forth in him. First few times you may be so excited you shoot your load straight away, not a problem relax don’t give yourself a complex it happens the next time you will get more used to it. If going in bareback it is more sensuous to your bare cock but if using a condom the feeling is a little less if you can get my meaning. Main thing is relax and enjoy it.