How do I top and then some?

[throwaway0209]

Hey everyone, I'll try to make a long story short.

I'm 23M and have been bisexual for as long as I can remember. However, I've only started experimenting with guys about a year ago. Up until January 2023 I had been too scared to try anything with a guy. I'd never dated a guy, romantically liked another guy, etc. etc. But, I finally took the chance and haven't looked back since. I've met up with about 12 guys so far and have only had sex with 4 of them.

I guess since I waited so long to experiment that I don't know how to do anything. Whenever I meet up with a guy I'm the one getting serviced for the most part. I've only ever bottomed. I'm not above topping and would like to but I don't even know what to do. I feel like I'm not good at giving oral either because again, I'd gone 23 years without ever doing it. I just want to be able to please the guys I meet up with and reciprocate with they do for me. I'd hate for my lack of experience to turn people away.

I've been "dating" this one guy off and on for like 6 months. At the moment we're friends with benefits, but that's besides the point. We're the same age except he's been experimenting with guys since like middle school so naturally, he's experienced at things like topping, bottoming, giving oral, and so on. We see each other often but it's usually me getting serviced and I don't like that. Yeah it feels good and he's great at what he does, but I wanna be able to give him what he gives me. The same goes for any other guy I meet up with down the line. He said he doesn't mind since he's a pleaser but I still care.

He said he's not a strict top and has bottomed several times in the past. He knows my situation/lack of experience. I'm 99% positive he'd let me top if I wanted to but again...I don't know what to do. A few months ago he said something along the lines of "I don't want someone to ask me if they can top me, I want them to just do it". He's into dominant people and likes to be submissive. I wanna be that person for him but I can't because I lack the confidence to perform well and try things for the first time. I'd feel embarrassed asking him to teach me. My lack of life experience (not necessarily lack of sexual experience) was one of the reasons things didn't work out while we were dating. He even comments on the way I kiss sometimes because apparently, I do it too fast and "need to be in the moment", which is true, I'll admit.

We met up sometime last week and I was on top of him and he rested his legs on my shoulders as if I was getting ready to top, but I couldn't do it. I was overthinking things and didn't know where to start. I tried replicating what the guys that top me do before we start having sex but again, I wasn't confident in knowing what I was doing and so I just stopped, got on my back, and then bottomed.

We're gonna meet up sometime next week and I want to try topping and I wanna give him good oral. I'm most likely gonna be drunk or a little high so that I can eliminate the overthinking. As you guys can probably tell, I'm pretty damn anxious, unfortunately.

I know you won't get better at things unless you practice but at the very least, I'd really appreciate some advice or tips for doing both. I'm tired of always being serviced. It makes me feel selfish. Yeah, bottoming can feel good but I wanna top too. I've had sex with girls before but doing it with a guy is an entirely different ballpark for me, especially since I'm only a year in.
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Short version: I've only been doing things with guys for about a year. I'm extremely inexperienced with giving oral and I've never topped before because I don't know what to do, I overthink, and I don't wanna embarrass myself. Can I get some advice on getting better at giving oral and topping in general? Thank you.
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I'm sorry for the long post. Any advice, guides, tips, tricks, etc. would be great. Thank you.

 

[BlackBearCognac]

It's fine to be inexperienced, we all once were.

To get started you should just mirror what they usually do to you.

It never hurts to get started with oral. Don't be too aggressive and check for feedback.

Topping is not particularly complicated, right? Just slowly stick it in and *feel* how their body is responding to you.

It helps to either do it with someone you're familiar with or a complete random stranger. It's easy not to be embarrassed if a random hookup goes wrong — you'll never see them again! If it's someone you already know, then they'll know you're inexperienced.... so no big deal.

Remember that sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. Just do what comes naturally.

 

[throwaway0209]

Bump. I could really use the advice please.

 

[throwaway0209]

It's fine to be inexperienced, we all once were.

To get started you should just mirror what they usually do to you.

It never hurts to get started with oral. Don't be too aggressive and check for feedback.

Topping is not particularly complicated, right? Just slowly stick it in and *feel* how their body is responding to you.

It helps to either do it with someone you're familiar with or a complete random stranger. It's easy not to be embarrassed if a random hookup goes wrong — you'll never see them again! If it's someone you already know, then they'll know you're inexperienced.... so no big deal.

Remember that sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. Just do what comes naturally.

Thank you for your advice, I'll be sure to keep all of this in mind

 

[MeatStickSupreme]

When topping, there's not much to it except use plenty of lube and go slow, especially for your first couple of penetrations. Then try to get into a rhythm. If you can try to angle your dick towards his front where his dick is, that's where his prostate is and if you hit it right you can drive him wild.

As it relates to oral the key thing is to avoid teeth, give plenty of head stimulation and dont be afraid to combine your hands with your mouth to improve stimulation. Try to use suction in your mouth to grip his head and shaft and increase sensation.

And above all else, communicate, communicate communicate. Every guy and even every sexual encounter is different. The best way to figure out what drives a guy wild is to ask him.

 

[halcyondays]

The first guy I topped asked if I had ever done it with a guy before. I said no. He smiled and said I'll show you how. He had cleaned out and lubed himself then put me on my back, lubed my sheathed cock and slid on in his own sweet time. I'm big so he got on and off several times adding more lube until he was comfortably on board. He was an experienced bottom but it had been a while since he had taken cock so it took time to relax and open to my rod. I already knew how to hold on to my cock to protect myself when women pushed on. We fucked deep into the night all over his room. Before it ended I filled 3 condoms and was working on a fourth.

Here's a tip. If the guy you're topping has difficulty opening his butt to your cock remind him to push like he's defecating. That will relax his sphincter muscles allowing his anus to open.

 

[thongboy]

Always listen to your bottom. That's still my rule even though I've been topping for a long time. Lube is a must and douching a good idea. If you have a long cock and want to go balls deep, you'll gradually learn how to angle your meat. It's a learning process — finding positions you like, how to use your cock in each situation, what your bottom tells you. It's also good to have sense of humour about sex. If your cock keeps slipping out or you come too soon, laugh about it. There's always a next time

 

[geordie-bloke]

I always find with oral, the more you enjoy it (either cos ur really into it or just happen to fully ”let yourself go”) the better you @re, almost instinctively!!!

 

[johnnyboy2285]

I will do a little scenario in my head before the guy is in my bed (although I railed a lot of guys ). I visualise, how I walk in and go straight for the kill - hand behind head, pull in, tongue down his through, then I take his t-shirt off, through it like I don't care (never on the floor, because o do care) then I tell him to " let's go " (meaning where we are going to do it), get there, kiss some more, then take my shirt of, some guys like to watch, some start to lick suck etc, if the first option, I kiss him some more then push him on his knees, then fuck his face, and I get completely undressed, then push him on the bed, sunny side up and ravish him ( kiss, lick, suck, open up and thoroughly fuck). The end. You need to lead most of the "scenes", change position, put it energy.

Visualization works for anything that gives you anxiety, make solutions for possible scenario's that might occur so you know how to react as in that moment, so you don't consume your focus on the general thing but only on the details that could be different.

You will get to enjoy the moment, because you already know what to do and now you can focus solely on the guy and be there and not just in your head.

That will give you confidence and you will look confident
Topping is most of all an attitude, the attitude of confidence

So in short: be confident, look confident, be determined, have energy and lead the action

 

[geordie-bloke]

I will do a little scenario in my head before the guy is in my bed (although I railed a lot of guys ). I visualise, how I walk in and go straight for the kill - hand behind head, pull in, tongue down his through, then I take his t-shirt off, through it like I don't care (never on the floor, because o do care) then I tell him to " let's go " (meaning where we are going to do it), get there, kiss some more, then take my shirt of, some guys like to watch, some start to lick suck etc, if the first option, I kiss him some more then push him on his knees, then fuck his face, and I get completely undressed, then push him on the bed, sunny side up and ravish him ( kiss, lick, suck, open up and thoroughly fuck). The end. You need to lead most of the "scenes", change position, put it energy.

Visualization works for anything that gives you anxiety, make solutions for possible scenario's that might occur so you know how to react as in that moment, so you don't consume your focus on the general thing but only on the details that could be different.

You will get to enjoy the moment, because you already know what to do and now you can focus solely on the guy and be there and not just in your head.

That will give you confidence and you will look confident
Topping is most of all an attitude, the attitude of confidence

So in short: be confident, look confident, be determined, have energy and lead the action

I concur, this guy knows what he's doing. I'm a very big bloke (tall, broad and, u know, where it matters) and its actually a total delight and surprise when a guy - even if he's ,like a lot shorter than me - is brave/ cocky enough to treat me that way. 95% of the time I'm just expected to be in control - stereotypes - and I call out short as this one guy ... I didn't know if I wanted to punch or worship him when he got all commanding and shit. Let's just say it was the one memory I have of actually enjoying being on the recieving end. Normally I just don't or try to pretend I'm enjouying it at a push.

 

[MarioGolden]

Just to be clear - when you say you “couldn’t do it” when he put his legs on your shoulders, do you mean, you couldn’t stay hard?

 

[w355291]

There's always YouTube to give you step by step instructions for almost anything.

 

[geordie-bloke]

There's always YouTube to give you step by step instructions for almost anything.

That man is wearing makeup, sir, he is wearing makeup!

 

[My name is Yum Yum gimme some]

Hey everyone, I'll try to make a long story short.

I'm 23M and have been bisexual for as long as I can remember. However, I've only started experimenting with guys about a year ago. Up until January 2023 I had been too scared to try anything with a guy. I'd never dated a guy, romantically liked another guy, etc. etc. But, I finally took the chance and haven't looked back since. I've met up with about 12 guys so far and have only had sex with 4 of them.

I guess since I waited so long to experiment that I don't know how to do anything. Whenever I meet up with a guy I'm the one getting serviced for the most part. I've only ever bottomed. I'm not above topping and would like to but I don't even know what to do. I feel like I'm not good at giving oral either because again, I'd gone 23 years without ever doing it. I just want to be able to please the guys I meet up with and reciprocate with they do for me. I'd hate for my lack of experience to turn people away.

I've been "dating" this one guy off and on for like 6 months. At the moment we're friends with benefits, but that's besides the point. We're the same age except he's been experimenting with guys since like middle school so naturally, he's experienced at things like topping, bottoming, giving oral, and so on. We see each other often but it's usually me getting serviced and I don't like that. Yeah it feels good and he's great at what he does, but I wanna be able to give him what he gives me. The same goes for any other guy I meet up with down the line. He said he doesn't mind since he's a pleaser but I still care.

He said he's not a strict top and has bottomed several times in the past. He knows my situation/lack of experience. I'm 99% positive he'd let me top if I wanted to but again...I don't know what to do. A few months ago he said something along the lines of "I don't want someone to ask me if they can top me, I want them to just do it". He's into dominant people and likes to be submissive. I wanna be that person for him but I can't because I lack the confidence to perform well and try things for the first time. I'd feel embarrassed asking him to teach me. My lack of life experience (not necessarily lack of sexual experience) was one of the reasons things didn't work out while we were dating. He even comments on the way I kiss sometimes because apparently, I do it too fast and "need to be in the moment", which is true, I'll admit.

We met up sometime last week and I was on top of him and he rested his legs on my shoulders as if I was getting ready to top, but I couldn't do it. I was overthinking things and didn't know where to start. I tried replicating what the guys that top me do before we start having sex but again, I wasn't confident in knowing what I was doing and so I just stopped, got on my back, and then bottomed.

We're gonna meet up sometime next week and I want to try topping and I wanna give him good oral. I'm most likely gonna be drunk or a little high so that I can eliminate the overthinking. As you guys can probably tell, I'm pretty damn anxious, unfortunately.

I know you won't get better at things unless you practice but at the very least, I'd really appreciate some advice or tips for doing both. I'm tired of always being serviced. It makes me feel selfish. Yeah, bottoming can feel good but I wanna top too. I've had sex with girls before but doing it with a guy is an entirely different ballpark for me, especially since I'm only a year in.
-----------------------
Short version: I've only been doing things with guys for about a year. I'm extremely inexperienced with giving oral and I've never topped before because I don't know what to do, I overthink, and I don't wanna embarrass myself. Can I get some advice on getting better at giving oral and topping in general? Thank you.
------------------------
I'm sorry for the long post. Any advice, guides, tips, tricks, etc. would be great. Thank you.

If your hard-on softens because you''re nervous whlst attempting to top, Viagra can help with that.