I am bi, but I am only attracted to str8 dudes. I don’t have sex with man often as I spend a lot of time with a woman and fantasizing on str8 dudes at the gym. I wanna know if there are other people out these with the same issue as me? I get turned off by openly gay men, I dunno why
How to avoid a str8 dude crush?
- Thread starter calvin_jef
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Yeah I totally recognize this issue. Same problem here. I also seem to be only attracted to straight dudes (I'm bi too). I find there's always something effeminate about gay guys that turns me off. Even if they go to the gym and get muscular masculine bodies and stuff, there's always something ... well, gayish about them that keeps me from feeling sexually attracted to them, it might be something in the voice, the facial expressions, the hand gestures, etc. I do think there are gay guys out there having the same sex appeal and attractiveness as str8 guys (I do see them on insta sometimes), but they are very few and I haven't come across them in real life. It's frustrating...
Um...not to be a Debbie Downer, but you getting "turned off by gay men" MIGHT be a wee bit of internalized homophobia expressing itself as fear of being grouped with people that society considers "Other" or "Devalued."
In short, meaning you like having sex with men, but would never want to be openly considered by your peers and society at large as anything close to gay/bi or uh..."fruity." LOL Also seeing as you're from NJ,I'm not sure how progressive the area you live in is, so your current environment may also come into play with how you perceive your attraction towards straight(er) men.
For example, as a bi man, you might be able to code switch and not come off as queer at all until the moment you're actually with another man. You might be able to go out in public and flirt with women you find attractive - and to an extent - flirt with or interact with a masculine man and no one walking by you will think "Pfft, those guys look like queers," therefore saving yourself from any public humiliation or shame.
This is just conjecture, albeit typical.
Anyways, hope this maybe offers a little bit of insight and hope you find your hunky dreamboat.
Peace and love. <3
In short, meaning you like having sex with men, but would never want to be openly considered by your peers and society at large as anything close to gay/bi or uh..."fruity." LOL Also seeing as you're from NJ,I'm not sure how progressive the area you live in is, so your current environment may also come into play with how you perceive your attraction towards straight(er) men.
For example, as a bi man, you might be able to code switch and not come off as queer at all until the moment you're actually with another man. You might be able to go out in public and flirt with women you find attractive - and to an extent - flirt with or interact with a masculine man and no one walking by you will think "Pfft, those guys look like queers," therefore saving yourself from any public humiliation or shame.
This is just conjecture, albeit typical.
Anyways, hope this maybe offers a little bit of insight and hope you find your hunky dreamboat.
Peace and love. <3
Ishtar Clark
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Internalized Homophobia-- I came here to say the same exact thing.
Yeah, a sad but often heard situation amongst the bi/queer community.
I don't think it helps either that some of us in the community can come off as quite biphobic, so bi peeps are kinda caught inbetween a rock and a hard place.
If they're seen with a woman, they're not gay or bi or pan, they're "het breeders/fake gay." If they're with a man, then they're not allowed to be attracted to women anymore, lest they give up their gay card and be shunned. :/
To OP, crushes are not something we can typically "avoid" or control. It's probably mostly unconscious. Now what you're describing doesn't sound like a crush though. You're describing a preference. Not really the same thing.
Although I do have to echo what some others have already said here and I think a lot of your wording does come off a bit like internalized homophobia for sure.
Not the lacking of attraction of feminine guys itself but rather the lumping in/equating of openly gay men as being inherently feminine by default is a bit ignorant I'd say.
Although I do have to echo what some others have already said here and I think a lot of your wording does come off a bit like internalized homophobia for sure.
Not the lacking of attraction of feminine guys itself but rather the lumping in/equating of openly gay men as being inherently feminine by default is a bit ignorant I'd say.
In all fairness to the OP, can you consider another option? I feel like he does: I feel I'm 100% bi, mostly straight, and have had a few guy crushes. I enjoy when str8 guys stare at my package, and have opportunities to have sex with gay men but turn them down because there was no naked woman there to partake in the fun at the same time. I do love men, I do love women, I just want to love them both at the same moment. Even in my fantasies the two genders are there, and my inner bi self is very happy about it.
To me it's a bi thing.
Mmm, I feel like this is a tiny bit different to what the OP is saying - like, its totally fine to want to have both men and women at the same time, which is what you stated. Nothing wrong with that at all.
It is more about femininity within some gay men that encourage others, like the OP, to view them as devalued and unattractive, which then came off as a little homophobic.
That being said, there also is nothing wrong with people having preferences, such as finding more fem or masc men more attractive.
The issue is the overall tone with which they wrote the post, which prompted me and some others to gently encourage some self-reflection.
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