I’m 23 years old and my sexual life is a disaster.

[Twinkfromheaven]

Good evening everyone,
I am 23 years old and I am writing to you because I have a problem in my life: I am not sexually fulfilled and it frustrates me a lot.

It all starts at the age of my first faith at 18, I decide to have sex with a guy of my age and I have the role of b. For the first time everything is going strangely well, the only problem: I do not feel pleasure in these movements of back and forth. We do it several times in the weeks and the feeling of being penetrated still does not bring me any pleasure but I force myself.

From this failure, I tell myself that it may be the fault of my partner and his sex size (15-16cm) that is the cause of my sexual non-fulfillment.

I then come across an older man, more experienced and better mounted (about 20cm) with whom I obey well and have me dismantled. Problem: still nothing. I feel his sex in me, I even feel pain sometimes when he goes too fast but I am jaded.

A few days ago I decided to start the experience again because it had been 3 years since I had not been bottom and so I stumbled upon a guy of my age, cute and ttbm (it must be said, 22-23cm) with whom I decided to try my luck to flourish.

After a few movements, I understand why I had not started penetration again before: I still do not take any pleasure and feel frustrated by this situation.

Today I am writing to you because I really need help. I thought about talking about it with a sexologist but I do not see myself unpacking my sex life because I am quite modest and reserved.

Today I am writing to you because I really need help. I thought about talking about it with a sexologist but I do not see myself unpacking my sex life because I am quite modest and reserved.
In short, I wanted to know how you feel about liabilities? Are you having fun? Do you have any advice? etc.

I hope that many of you will be able to help me, advise me or bring me your personal experiences that I wish will calm me.
Let me make one thing clear:

1- I do not see myself top because I am not bm (about 14cm), I am attracted to male men who are generally active and the fact of penetrating someone does not excite me.

2- I grew up with porn and I jerk off a lot. I wonder if my brain has been damaged by this.

3- For the moment as a solution I try to stop masturbation in order to multiply my anal pleasure (I do not know if it really works but I will try)

(Text translated)

 

[Twinkfromheaven]

UP please

 

[Nonsenseboy]

It’s normal to feel frustrated. You don’t enjoy anal but what other things do you enjoy? Kissing, sucking, just playing around in bed with your partner? All those things are valid in sex.
It could be that you are just not that sensitive around that area. Play with your own ass with no rush. Are you able to get pleasure? How does that looks like?
Leaving porn is good in general. It could make more exciting the idea of getting penetrated.

 

[Twinkfromheaven]

Yeah but I wanna enjoy believe me.

I like kisses, sucking cocks, get my ears licked (yeah I know it’s weird but someone tried on me and I was literally so surprised). Also getting spanked.

I like to play with my ass sometimes, I never go really deep but only with my fingers and it’s okay.

I feel like when I’m in front of porn I do watch really hard things, and when I’m in front of a real guy I’m way more shy. It’s really weird and I’m trying to get better about this

 

[techpump]

I'd stop watching porn completely. It is changing your brain to think and act differently towards real sex. Porn deeply effects a man's brain and its connection to his cock. Try to give up porn and do not go back to it. Start to get into your body and feel it; on porn we don't feel anything. Get used to sensations and stimulation of your cock and ass. And when you are with someone you'll start to feel it for real and it should start feeling a lot better!

 

[li4m-]

Are you using Lube??? Lube always helps get into it. Also you could close your eyes and think it's someone else if they are ugly?

Are you getting horny when these men you find touch you or even messaging you??? If you not getting horny when touching or even when they messaging you, maybe you not interested in having sex and just want a friendship. You're only 23.

Don't force sex. Talk to someone YOU fancy, or find at least a little bit attractive, doesn't all have to be about looks, their personality might be good and they make you "happy". But never force yourself to have sex just because you feel the need to. Do it because you want to.

 

[bravesoldier]

Just a quick answer that deals only with the subject of anal penetration, pain or no pain. When I first started playing with guys I wanted to bottom really bad. My first was a tall, slim guy with a long, slender cock. It was the most painful experience I ever endured, as it felt like he was trying to punch a new hole in me. Fast forward a lot of years to the time I met my current fuck buddy with 6.5 inches of girth. I feared the day I might let him penetrate me, but it came and man was I glad. Here's what I'm getting at, and I have heard it from other guys too- I have heard slim cocks hurt more that really thick ones. His first time to even try me was flawless. I can't say there was zero pain or resistance. but compared to slim cocks there was no comparison. When my big friend got in me it was like my hole quickly surrendered to his huge thickness and just gave up the fight. After all, it is the powerful muscles of the anus that are the barrier- they are supposed to be that tight and for a good reason. But seriously, it seemed the muscles just gave up and let the huge penis enter because the stretch was so intense. Every time since then (with him) it has been nearly flawless upon penetration. Later, with slim cock guys again, there was the same pain.

So, I say all of that to say try a nice, thick one and see how it feels. I can't get enough. There are even times he says he doesn't want to hurt me, but it doesn't hurt at all. I have been astounded how awesome anal penetration can feel when it doesn't hurt. Matter of fact I hope to see him tonight, get stretched out again and filled with his cum.

And as always, lube yourself and him heavily. Lube yourself internally and externally and give extra lube attention to the hole and entire area at the entrance, as that can be a problem many times.

 

[Twinkfromheaven]

I'd stop watching porn completely. It is changing your brain to think and act differently towards real sex. Porn deeply effects a man's brain and its connection to his cock. Try to give up porn and do not go back to it. Start to get into your body and feel it; on porn we don't feel anything. Get used to sensations and stimulation of your cock and ass. And when you are with someone you'll start to feel it for real and it should start feeling a lot better!

Yeah I think that's the first thing I need to do : Stop watching porn.

Are you using Lube??? Lube always helps get into it. Also you could close your eyes and think it's someone else if they are ugly?

Are you getting horny when these men you find touch you or even messaging you??? If you not getting horny when touching or even when they messaging you, maybe you not interested in having sex and just want a friendship. You're only 23.

Don't force sex. Talk to someone YOU fancy, or find at least a little bit attractive, doesn't all have to be about looks, their personality might be good and they make you "happy". But never force yourself to have sex just because you feel the need to. Do it because you want to.

Well, I don't have any trouble getting something there so it's not about lube.
I had sex with really really beautiful men but I wasn't even hard....... So it's not about it also :/

Just a quick answer that deals only with the subject of anal penetration, pain or no pain. When I first started playing with guys I wanted to bottom really bad. My first was a tall, slim guy with a long, slender cock. It was the most painful experience I ever endured, as it felt like he was trying to punch a new hole in me. Fast forward a lot of years to the time I met my current fuck buddy with 6.5 inches of girth. I feared the day I might let him penetrate me, but it came and man was I glad. Here's what I'm getting at, and I have heard it from other guys too- I have heard slim cocks hurt more that really thick ones. His first time to even try me was flawless. I can't say there was zero pain or resistance. but compared to slim cocks there was no comparison. When my big friend got in me it was like my hole quickly surrendered to his huge thickness and just gave up the fight. After all, it is the powerful muscles of the anus that are the barrier- they are supposed to be that tight and for a good reason. But seriously, it seemed the muscles just gave up and let the huge penis enter because the stretch was so intense. Every time since then (with him) it has been nearly flawless upon penetration. Later, with slim cock guys again, there was the same pain.

So, I say all of that to say try a nice, thick one and see how it feels. I can't get enough. There are even times he says he doesn't want to hurt me, but it doesn't hurt at all. I have been astounded how awesome anal penetration can feel when it doesn't hurt. Matter of fact I hope to see him tonight, get stretched out again and filled with his cum.

And as always, lube yourself and him heavily. Lube yourself internally and externally and give extra lube attention to the hole and entire area at the entrance, as that can be a problem many times.

Yeah maybe it's a matter of size but I doubt.
I tried, 3 sizes and had the same results.

To add something, I've seen guys jerking off while getting fucked in chastity and I'm wondering If that's the solution to focus my brain on the anal mode and not my cock.

 

[bravesoldier]

Yeah I think that's the first thing I need to do : Stop watching porn.




Well, I don't have any trouble getting something there so it's not about lube.
I had sex with really really beautiful men but I wasn't even hard....... So it's not about it also :/




Yeah maybe it's a matter of size but I doubt.
I tried, 3 sizes and had the same results.

To add something, I've seen guys jerking off while getting fucked in chastity and I'm wondering If that's the solution to focus my brain on the anal mode and not my cock.

Reaching your pleasure is definitely one thing that will relieve the pain barrier. Getting broken in is another, and probably one of the biggest factors. I've been broken in and when with my big buddy, once he gets back in (after an absence) and my anal muscles remember the stretch, it seems to all go fine. Then as they say, getting past the second hole is so amazing. It's like a rush of relief and pleasure getting past the second hole.

I believe it takes a whole lot more patience and want to than anything, to get to the real pleasure of it.

 

[gaypussyhoe6]

In my experience, I have noticed that I like more the fact that I'm around a male body than any sexual activity. I think of I was in a gay club or beach with a lot of almost naked men I wouldn't even need to have sex. In your case, maybe try to go more days without sex and any porn too because porn definity destroy our brains and our way to see/experience sex.

 

[Twinkfromheaven]

Reaching your pleasure is definitely one thing that will relieve the pain barrier. Getting broken in is another, and probably one of the biggest factors. I've been broken in and when with my big buddy, once he gets back in (after an absence) and my anal muscles remember the stretch, it seems to all go fine. Then as they say, getting past the second hole is so amazing. It's like a rush of relief and pleasure getting past the second hole.

I believe it takes a whole lot more patience and want to than anything, to get to the real pleasure of it.

It’s not about pain, it’s not really painful. It’s just I don’t take pleasure from it, it just basic

In my experience, I have noticed that I like more the fact that I'm around a male body than any sexual activity. I think of I was in a gay club or beach with a lot of almost naked men I wouldn't even need to have sex. In your case, maybe try to go more days without sex and any porn too because porn definity destroy our brains and our way to see/experience sex.

I see what your means and I’ll try cause just the idea turns me on and I’m sure I can take pleasure from it

 

[Almost40]

Have u tried a more sensual approach where No penetration is involved.... it's difficult to come across such partners, especially of your age. Ask them to eat your ass, lick your anus instead of having it penetrtrated.....

 

[numerito]

Great reply by @Almost40 If you have never had your ass licked, @Twinkfromheaven, you are definitely missing a most sensual and pleasurable experience. Try it, it’s the most intimate caress you can get from your partner, and it will allow you to discover how sensitive your hole is. It is also a great way to open it up and get it ready for a harder penetration.

Sex is NOT only penetration, there are many other activities that can drive you crazy and make it a most memorable experience: ass licking (rimming) is one of them. I enjoy bottoming myself, but I much prefer kissing, sucking, and definitely rimming, rather than simple anal penetration.

 

[PutItInHere691]

I’ve met a couple guys that barely get any stimulation from getting dick suck or being screwed..and that’s fine.. everyone thinks since you’re gay ( or even straight ) that sex is normal and feels good no matter what..

They were more stimulated by physical contact .. spanking g nipples pierced .. sometimes even fingering their assholes. ( and even girls fingering their vaginas)

they get more stimulation from fingers that an actual penis ..

is porn part of you problem .. if you watch several hours a day and weekly yes it could trigger thoughts in mind that you can correct over time.
Lay in bed .. no porn on .. rub your chest and nipples then stomach you’ll see you’ll hopefully get aroused …

as when doing anal .. first time or two receiving may hurt or be of some slight discomfort — and when getting fucked harder .. you need to learn difference between pain and fuck that feels good d x.
Hope you work your way through this.. I know the internet has created a lot of sexual issues and I’ve known guys in their 20s that were still virgins because they compare the peckers in these porn..
So when being with someone.. don’t think of pics or videos. By Think of the person in front of you

 

[8Cylinder]

All the advice here is excellent. From personal experience, mechanical sex can often lead to this sort of disconnect. As others have already stated, find someone who moves you facially, their movements, their style, their energy. Then let sex be an expression of all that connection. I think you'll find it changes things. The sexual mechanical act is just porn without some sort of connection with the other person and passion. It requires 100% participation mentally and emotionally to be the sort of pleasure I believe you're looking for.

 

[Number 9]

You’re in you 20’s you life should be next to the word disaster in the dictionary. Life get better…most of the time.

 

[hzs3fg]

Great reply by @Almost40 If you have never had your ass licked, @Twinkfromheaven, you are definitely missing a most sensual and pleasurable experience. ....

A woman I'd been seeing for a short time totally shocked me by giving by a rim job. For the briefest moment it was weird, but then this insane pleasure kicked in and I was hooked.

 

[Twinkfromheaven]

Have u tried a more sensual approach where No penetration is involved.... it's difficult to come across such partners, especially of your age. Ask them to eat your ass, lick your anus instead of having it penetrtrated.....

Yep. In general, I don't even have to ask cause they do it instinctively. Getting licked, I like more

Great reply by @Almost40 If you have never had your ass licked, @Twinkfromheaven, you are definitely missing a most sensual and pleasurable experience. Try it, it’s the most intimate caress you can get from your partner, and it will allow you to discover how sensitive your hole is. It is also a great way to open it up and get it ready for a harder penetration.

Sex is NOT only penetration, there are many other activities that can drive you crazy and make it a most memorable experience: ass licking (rimming) is one of them. I enjoy bottoming myself, but I much prefer kissing, sucking, and definitely rimming, rather than simple anal penetration.

Yeah, I've tried getting licked before and I love it. Also the problem is that a lot of guys don't like it when it's just "soft" sex because in the end I can see them getting frustrated because they want to come inside me.

I’ve met a couple guys that barely get any stimulation from getting dick suck or being screwed..and that’s fine.. everyone thinks since you’re gay ( or even straight ) that sex is normal and feels good no matter what..

They were more stimulated by physical contact .. spanking g nipples pierced .. sometimes even fingering their assholes. ( and even girls fingering their vaginas)

they get more stimulation from fingers that an actual penis ..

is porn part of you problem .. if you watch several hours a day and weekly yes it could trigger thoughts in mind that you can correct over time.
Lay in bed .. no porn on .. rub your chest and nipples then stomach you’ll see you’ll hopefully get aroused …

as when doing anal .. first time or two receiving may hurt or be of some slight discomfort — and when getting fucked harder .. you need to learn difference between pain and fuck that feels good d x.
Hope you work your way through this.. I know the internet has created a lot of sexual issues and I’ve known guys in their 20s that were still virgins because they compare the peckers in these porn..
So when being with someone.. don’t think of pics or videos. By Think of the person in front of you

I don't watch porn for hours anymore, I still watch few clips on twitter but not a lot.
Yep, I feel like my brain got brainwashed about what I like to see and what I like to do in real.

A woman I'd been seeing for a short time totally shocked me by giving by a rim job. For the briefest moment it was weird, but then this insane pleasure kicked in and I was hooked.

Congrats

_________________
Sorry to all, I was a bit long to answer. I just wanted to say thanks to everyone cause it helps me.
I wish one day It will change