This is going to sound strange but the longest kinda-sorta relationship I had was with a straight guy. I'm a weird sort of guy. I'm attracted to guys. I don't care for the company of females at all. I find them boring and taxing to be around for any length of time. I do go to gay bars occasionally, actually not so much many more. I used to close them down when I was a kid. That was just to get partners for sex. I was never really interested in a "gay" relationship. You know boyfriend type stuff. That just wasn't my deal. I had two gay friends in my entire life that were just friends, no sex. We did a lot of stuff together. Neither one was the typical gay guy. They weren't necessarily "straight acting" whatever that means. They were just guys...you know buddies. I say that because I really loved them very much. Most of my very close friends all my life were straight guys. Some of them knew about me. Some didn't. I always had a policy that it was my business...period. That being said, if someone asked me a direct question, I gave them a direct answer. Lying is so junior high school. I'm not good at it at all. So, yes, I had straight guy friends that didn't know about me, to my knowledge, that I loved very much but wasn't attracted sexually to them in the least.
Ok, So that is out to the way. The straight guy I first mentioned was Cole. We met one night in Lew Sterrett in Dallas Texas in 1988. I was in grad school in NE Texas. I had come into Dallas with friends for Texas-OU weekend. I was picked up for a plain ole D&D. He was picked up for PI & PL. The drunk tank was way full that night. It always is on weekends like that. I am guessing things are different nowadays in jails but back then they just threw a bunch of drunk guys together in a holding cell and basically left us there. Back then I was not a tiny guy but I was skinny. Drunks are assholes and this one kept on trying to start something with me. Cole, who was a sizeable guy, just stepped in. Don't know why. Didn't much care. He didn't do much. He was an intimidating guy. He sat next to me. We were there for 12 hours. They herded us through at a window they set up. We got adjudicated and a court date. He didn't have a ride and I didn't have a ride so we caught a cab together. He was staying with a guy over in the village apts. Geez it was a mess. I had hitched with someone down to Dallas. This was before cell phones guys. I had no way of contacting anyone. I was 24. He was 28. We looked like Mutt and Jeff together. He was from OK. He had done 8 years in the Army. His mom signed for him. She was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. She wanted him to be somewhere they could take care of him and teach him a trade. He scored an 85 which is pretty high on the ASVAB. So he went into the army. He didn't talk much about his military service. He had a good number of tats though. I digress.
We clicked from the start. He kicked around a lot. I started doing the same thing once I graduated. Come to think of it, It was probably meeting him that set my life on a very different path form what I thought I'd do. Anyway, we kept in touch. He came down alot. He went out alot. Not gay bars mind you, we went to titty bars and the like. We got to be good friends. I graduated the next year. I didn't know what I was going to do. He had been roughnecking. He had been a bouncer. He worked a road crew. He made a shitload of money. He was doing fitness training. The guy was built like a truck.
He was one of those guys that is "almost" hot. Almost like the male version of a "butter face". He was ok from the neck up. He wasn't really handsome. He wasn't really ugly. He was just average. Maybe a skooch better than average. He did have flawless teeth...& dimples. However, from the neck down...it was like Katy bar the door. The man had the body of a god. Geez Louise he was just perfect everywhere. Anyway, I I hadn't even thought about him in any sort of sexual way. I learned the hard way about going after straight guys...so no thanks! Besides he was my buddy. I digress again.
Anyway the year I graduated I was looking around for something to do. Well, he had gotten hooked up with this agency that hired people for cruise lines. He had done a stint on a boat in the Caribbean in the spring. He said it was fun and the pay wasn't terrible and you got to travel. So he talked to the guy he dealt t with and there was this cruise job coming up in the summer just a few weeks after graduation. It was in Alaska. It was for a person who knew art. I had a MFA, so great. It was auctions and the like. The cruises were mostly older people. It was for the summer season, 5 cruises. I was like ok. I'll try it.
I had no idea he was going to be on the ticket too. We were on all five cruises together. We bunked together. It was tons of fun. Ok, let me tell you this. Cole was a great buddy to have. The best friend any guy would ever want. He was also a kinda sleazy person. If you were his friend, he would do anything for you. If you weren't, he'd scam, steal from or hornswoggle you anyway possible. He would work the old ladies on the boats for anything he could get. I didn't like it but I ignored it. He was actually a much more worldly person than I. Ok, this is the other thing. He liked women for sex. He liked women for money. He really didn't like them for much else. He really didn't like women. I didn't either. So we were great together.
He was a tough guy. He was always getting into a pickle with law enforcement. I was there to talk them out of charging him or at last mitigating the outcome. He was an exhibitionist. Most guys that have big dicks are. He was a show-er mostly but a bit of a grow-er too. He had one of the three largest penises I've ever seen personally. His was pretty too. We did that whole cruise together. I made some good money and I saw Alaska. Good deal.
I had known the guy for less than a year. It was fun but I wanted something more permanent. I got a few interviews for teaching positions...not what I had in mind. I was doing my own thing. So, he shows up again wanting me to do a Caribbean thing this time. I was like ok, fine. This is the other thing about him. He is one of those personalities that either you love him or hate him. There isn't any middle ground. He could talk me into anything. This time it wasn't a geriatric cruise. It was a good mix. We didn't room together this time. He was in a bigger room with the other fitness guy. I was in a closet...no pun intended. I mean the room was miniscule. So, we did that for 3 months. He wanted to go elsewhere. I wanted to stay put. So, I got a place with a college friend in Coral Springs. He and I had completely different schedules so I'd never see him. Cole went to Spain I think.
He showed back up in town in time for the summer cruises. By that time I was ready to go. I'm rambling. It is a character flaw. Summer cruises are short. We got a place in the Keys. It was awesome. It comes down to one night. We were home. We got along great. He was the best guy to have as a friend. I had seen him naked alot. I'd been in the room with him screwing women from the ship while on cruises. It honestly never entered my mind about approaching him sexually. This night we were just there drinking, He and I both had a booze problem. He wasn't drunk and neither was I. He just asked me point blank, "Are you gay or something?" I literally said, "Kinda".
Ok, next was the weirdest thing ever. He told me I could suck his dick if I ate his butt. He said he had always wanted to know what that felt like and could never get anyone to go for it. OK, so I like guys. However, there is a lot about gay sex that is just gross to me. A rim job is one of those things. I never wanted to do it. A few days went by and this time we were stone cold sober. He wanted to have a serious talk. I honestly thought he was going to leave or ask me to leave. So no he didn't. I had never had a conversation like this before nor ever had again.
We literally say down and talked about everything. I mean for 3 hours. He reiterated how much he wanted to be rimmed. His assumption was that all gay men did that and really wanted to do that and would be excited about doing that....especially to a straight guy with a big dick. He also thought all gay men would do just about anything to get his cock. Ok so much for stereotypes. I asked him what he would do if I fell in love with him. He assumed I was already in love with him. I was like...really? I have to say I was pissed. I felt insulted. I wanted to leave but I really couldn't. My name was on the frigging lease.
The guy that never apologized for anything, apologized to me. His exact words were, "I know you are pissed at me. I don't know exactly what I did. I'm sorry for whatever it was. I need you to be my friend. We can work this out."
This is what we worked out. We talked all this out. He didn't want to kiss on the mouth. I didn't either so that was a no-brainer. He told me to NEVER expect reciprocation in any way. He would never do anal anything. He said he would never be my boyfriend. I was to never refer to him as my boyfriend, even if he wasn't around. I didn't want a boyfriend. So, that was easy. He didn't ever want me to tell him I loved him. He was even so arrogant as to say, even if you DO fall in love with me, I don't want to know about it. AND...he wanted to be rimmed a minimum of once a week whenever we were "in the mode." Those were his terms. O plus nothing on the face at all...not just the mouth thing. I could do mostly whatever I wanted from the neck down. O and I was to be fully clothed when doing any of the "stuff".
My terms were that he had to tell me if he was getting serious about a female...promptly. If he wanted a blow job or I wanted to do a BJ, he had to tell me if he had been with a female and not taken a bath. I am way paranoid about HPV. I shaved his butthole. I didn't like the way hair felt doing the rimjob. It made me want to hurl. He wasn't super hairy but his butt crack had more than I wanted. He didn't like that but he agreed. He eventually wanted me to manscape him periodically. He did the fitness comps for a while when we were in FL. He was to NEVER force my head down on him. He was very big. It took time and practice to learn to get that thing down as far as I did.
We both agreed to get tested often for everything. He agreed to a hepatitis vax. We also agreed when either one got tired of the arrangement, we would tell the other and not just ride it out. It was weird. I never talked about this to any of my other friends. It was none of their business. We would do something together every year. It was either a road-trip or some sort of contract job. Sometimes it was a few weeks. Sometimes it was a few months. This lasted 14 years. I was never in a serious relationship with anyone. He got married twice during that time. Neither marriage lasted more than a couple of years. He has four kids. Two were from his first marriage before I ever met him. The other two were with women he screwed around with...not even a steady girlfriend.
Neither of us ever broke our own rules. I was 39 and he was 43 when we stopped. It was just time to do it. We still keep in touch. It would be weird to not have him around. When they legalized gay marriage, he actually called me up and said we should get married. We were both old dudes. I was never a big proponent of gay marriage. I think it's silly. He was serious though. He told me that I meant more to him than anyone. The sad thing is, I love everything about him. I've just never been in love with him.
