I dated my ex boyfriend for a year, we fell in love and we lived together. I`m a very passing and attractive post op transsexual woman and don`t usually disclose my transness to casual flings. My ex is a Kinsey 0 guy (not a trans chaser) and expressed disgust when on a night out I casually showed him an attractive trans woman and later told him she had a penis. I disclosed that I was trans after 4 months and though he knew I was sterile he was extremely shocked, he hadn`t noticed any difference during sex. He didn`t touch me sexually for more than a week while he was processing the news. He stayed with me and accepted me, we broke up for unrelated reasons. I see most trans women settling for trans chasers but passing post op trans women (female mimics) can be loved by regular straight men under the right circumstances. Thoughts?
I`m trans and was accepted by my straight ex boyfriend
- Thread starter Chiballana
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I find it interesting that "acceptance" is the theme here when the straight boyfriend had to reconcile trans sex he had been unknowingly having for 4 months or so.
I can definitely see from your perspective why it seemed as such, but from his I see a man trying figure out what to do next without incurring further consequences.
I think you put him in a spot where he thought if he just up and dumped you for disclosure, he'd then have to endure backlash for being closed minded, and in the social sphere that often involves the trans woman and her social group ruining his chances for other sex/relationships by making sure other girls he interact with know her trans status(ironically sooner that you would have told him yourself).
I d also be curious the other reasons for the break up and whom was the initiator of such because a very common straight male strategy when it comes to relationships is when a dissatifactory point is reached on his end, instead of breaking up and dealing with the fallout of rejection, he may just facilitate his partner in being the one to break things apart.
I can definitely see from your perspective why it seemed as such, but from his I see a man trying figure out what to do next without incurring further consequences.
I think you put him in a spot where he thought if he just up and dumped you for disclosure, he'd then have to endure backlash for being closed minded, and in the social sphere that often involves the trans woman and her social group ruining his chances for other sex/relationships by making sure other girls he interact with know her trans status(ironically sooner that you would have told him yourself).
I d also be curious the other reasons for the break up and whom was the initiator of such because a very common straight male strategy when it comes to relationships is when a dissatifactory point is reached on his end, instead of breaking up and dealing with the fallout of rejection, he may just facilitate his partner in being the one to break things apart.
He was a foreigner and we had no friends in common/no social circle to speak of, so your theory Is moot. He doesn't even live here anymore, he was a tourist and lived with me in my city because he fell in love with me so as soon as we broke up he left. We had some trans themed conversarions after disclosure and he told me he could only conceptualize me as a woman with an asterisk, like I said, it was hard for him to process and he only touched me sexually after more than a week post disclosure.
Honestly this just sounds like you're unable to accept that a straight man would ever willingly accept and love a trans woman. It seems like either projection of what you would do in this situation or the result of a nihilistic worldview (probably both). The sex was good and enthusiastic, he had experienced and conceptualized me as a woman and he had deeply fallen in love with me, your inability to accept his acceptance (heh) just seems to be a result of close minded constructs tbh.
Thoughts?
Yeah, you are basically happy he accepted you lying to him. Let the guy be so he can find someone that won’t do that to him.
Yeah, you are basically happy he accepted you lying to him. Let the guy be so he can find someone that won’t do that to him.
You know what would eliminate this purported inability to accept the acceptance? if trans(especially women) disclosed themselves before the fact and got the same results.
But you know this and that's why you and a lot of trans women like yourself dwell in this space of unaccountability and plausible deniability...because you know your aspirations of straight acceptance will be thoroughly dashed if you're honest upfront, and even if you were able to get the exceptions to the rule from upfront honesty, your own insecurities about the purported sexuality of the guy will flourish.
I don't calculate men's tolerance of say, fat women based upon how many men stay with their fat wives, I look at single fat women still pulling interest from all types of men. I don't calculate a man's willingness to care for children that aren't his due to cuckoldry, I quantify that by the children he knowingly accepts on the front end.
Perhaps you can elaborate, in understanding men's propensity to not leave situations already established, why are you so steadfast in your faith when your results came as a result of upfront deception? Have you spoken to actual cis women, do you think they may have a different outlook on what a man agrees to upfront vs what he reconciles when he's already in it? Or are you under the impression they are one in the same?
Actually, given your unwillingness to be upfront before establishing emotional/romantic/sexual context 1st implies you know there's not any statistically significant number of straight men you can attract without "Stockholm Syndrome"-ing them 1st....And the ever convenient topic of trans violence means society as a whole will never hold you accountable for it either.
i just hope there’s a time when you can feel confident and or safe enough to just tell people about it up front.
If I were in his shoes, it wouldn’t have been an issue that you’re trans, I would have felt a betrayal though because you didn’t tell me up front.
I’m glad he was able to accept you, bummer you broke up though. Best of luck.
If I were in his shoes, it wouldn’t have been an issue that you’re trans, I would have felt a betrayal though because you didn’t tell me up front.
I’m glad he was able to accept you, bummer you broke up though. Best of luck.
I know my odds of success are much higher if I disclose once the relationship is already established, do you think I`m an idiot? Why do you think this is my M.O.? Disclosing upfront to the men I want to date would be shooting myself in the foot.
I know my odds are certainly much higher this way, I`m not stupid. My ex loved me and eventually accepted it but if I would have disclosed first date I`m pretty sure that would have been our last and he would have missed out on me, a woman he fell in love with. Also, my T is my tea, Sagittarius.
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I don’t think anyone needs to disclose their genital status on the first date, but it should be mentioned when intercourse comes into play.
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I'm straight so I love women, transwomen are women to me. Especially if I fall in love with you I don't care if you're trans or cis. But still I do think it's just better to disclose you're trans if you enter a relationship or you're at least going on more than one date
Not just selfish but a selfish liar.
She asked for our thoughts and slags off & insults anyone who gives their thoughts that don't align with their own.
Seems to me their partner/victim is well out of it.
I don’t need to cope. You’re the one that will spend your entire life never truly knowing if you’re accepted for who you really are. Your lies are a mask concealing the true you, and when you look in the mirror, you’ll know. It will eat at you, and you’ll always wonder if anyone would have really loved you.
Good luck with that.
Oh I was accepted by my ex boyfriends, that much I`m sure of. They loved me, that`s what matters. Why would I concern myself about whether they would have loved me if I disclosed immediately? That`s like when people ask "would you love me if I was a worm?" I think it`s pretty stupid to even think about outcomes that might as well belong to a parallel dimension, but you do you boo.
Because you were only accepted after you selfishly manipulated them.
You’re a clown. Enjoy the rest of your life in constant need of validation.
You heard it here first, existing as a trans woman is selfish manipulation. The men I disclosed to did accept me, cope harder.
