I Think My Straight Friend Potentially Might Be Gay

[Josh1480]

I met this guy at work last year, we have become quite close and he knows I'm gay. Initially when I first met him it did not cross my mind that he might be bi/gay.

Anyway we started going out for work drinks and he started to get quite close, colleagues at worked asked if we were a thing, his behaviour was that obvious (close, flirty, touchy). As time went by we started hanging out on the weekends and started partying together (nothing sexually has ever happened) and the chemistry is/was crazy.

I have now started to question whether he is closeted or not!?

For context:
We sent 3,000 messages in 12 weeks. He acknowledges that some are flirty and that he is a flirty guy. We discuss all kinds of topics.
He admitted that he has never had such feelings towards a guy, like he does me, but that he is not attracted to them.
He says he comes from a conservative friends group and family, and that his ex GF has asked him if he was gay before.
He makes me tell him that I don't like like him sexually etc.

It's made me very confused, maybe I like him as well? But I don't want to ruin the friendship! We've had a few arguments about it but it always sorts its self. He is also becoming aware of the rumour spreading around the office and he wants to hangout less.

Any thoughts welcomed.

 

[ILoveGames48]

If it were me.. I’d tell him that I was sexually and mentally attracted to him.. and if he didn’t want others to know .. that it be our secret..


I’ve been with a guy.. here and there at places I worked at and we kept it to ourselves .. except one guy lets it slip how he was going to let me fuck him after work that night .. and couple guys heard him..


I never keep my sexuality a secret .. never have never will. So everyone knows I am gay.. but then people see hanging around with a guy and instantly they think..” you two are fucking aren’t you”

So this type of shit makes it hard for gay men to have straight friends

 

[BlackBearCognac]

Tell him the truth.

You enjoy his friendship and if he ever has anything he wants to share, you will be there to support him.

Otherwise don't try forcing him out of the closet or get him into some type of DL shit with you — that never ends well.

 

[ILoveGames48]

Exactly .. I’ve got friends I’d do anything with them.. and they’d say they were straight but are ok with me liking them that much..

It’s just I never cross the line with them. I respect their sexual preference they respect mine..


If he is ok with your telling him how you feel..

Hell. Tell him. “ I bet guys admire his body all time or something of the sort .. just to see his reactions

 

[Vinzat]

I met this guy at work last year, we have become quite close and he knows I'm gay. Initially when I first met him it did not cross my mind that he might be bi/gay.

Anyway we started going out for work drinks and he started to get quite close, colleagues at worked asked if we were a thing, his behaviour was that obvious (close, flirty, touchy). As time went by we started hanging out on the weekends and started partying together (nothing sexually has ever happened) and the chemistry is/was crazy.

I have now started to question whether he is closeted or not!?

For context:
We sent 3,000 messages in 12 weeks. He acknowledges that some are flirty and that he is a flirty guy. We discuss all kinds of topics.
He admitted that he has never had such feelings towards a guy, like he does me, but that he is not attracted to them.
He says he comes from a conservative friends group and family, and that his ex GF has asked him if he was gay before.
He makes me tell him that I don't like like him sexually etc.

It's made me very confused, maybe I like him as well? But I don't want to ruin the friendship! We've had a few arguments about it but it always sorts its self. He is also becoming aware of the rumour spreading around the office and he wants to hangout less.

Any thoughts welcomed.

I agree with a lot of what everyone else is saying. Being honest is the best thing you can do in these situations. Especially, when you're developing feelings. The last thing you want is for them to build up, and have nowhere to go or be expressed.

It's reasonable to be confused as well. I've had "straight" friends in the past flirt with me all of the time and lead to me experiencing VERY mixed signals (for context I'm 24 and it's happened at least 4-8 times). Unfortunately, a lot of men are too caught up in their internalized homophobia to realize they have a connection with you. Whether it be sexual, romantic, spiritual and/or a combination of them.

If he isn't ready to admit that the two of you have something, then don't push it. Let things flow as they are, but express your interest and willingness to allow things to progress. If he isn't willing to indulge in your connection, then unfortunately you're going to have to set some boundaries to prevent him from leading you on further.

 

[678wsb]

I’ve been with a guy.. here and there at places I worked at and we kept it to ourselves .. except one guy lets it slip how he was going to let me fuck him after work that night .. and couple guys heard him..

What happened after the guys heard him?

 

[jayboy711]

I met this guy at work last year, we have become quite close and he knows I'm gay. Initially when I first met him it did not cross my mind that he might be bi/gay.

Anyway we started going out for work drinks and he started to get quite close, colleagues at worked asked if we were a thing, his behaviour was that obvious (close, flirty, touchy). As time went by we started hanging out on the weekends and started partying together (nothing sexually has ever happened) and the chemistry is/was crazy.

I have now started to question whether he is closeted or not!?

For context:
We sent 3,000 messages in 12 weeks. He acknowledges that some are flirty and that he is a flirty guy. We discuss all kinds of topics.
He admitted that he has never had such feelings towards a guy, like he does me, but that he is not attracted to them.
He says he comes from a conservative friends group and family, and that his ex GF has asked him if he was gay before.
He makes me tell him that I don't like like him sexually etc.

It's made me very confused, maybe I like him as well? But I don't want to ruin the friendship! We've had a few arguments about it but it always sorts its self. He is also becoming aware of the rumour spreading around the office and he wants to hangout less.

Any thoughts welcomed.

Personally, I always reject any romantic or hook-up opportunities from any person I work with. It just has too much potential to be a disaster.

At some point, you're either going to marry that person or you will move on, and chances are that it will be moving on. So that leaves you with someone you have to interact with almost every day, potentially with no residual bad feelings, but also potentially deep resentment.

I can only speak for myself, but in this instance, the fact that it's a coworker would make my decision very easy, and all the signals completely irrelevant. This is your job and you shouldn't do anything to make it difficult for you to do.