I'm Dating A Trans Person: Am I Homosexual?

[Blades25]

Hello everyone! The title of the topic is not a question for me but a question from a relative of mine who has been dating a transgender girl for 6 months. He knew she is trans from the beginning, he admits he started non to have a relationship but to "have an experience" and then he fell in love with her. He's always identified himself as straight, he doesn't feel attraction for guys and yet he found that he likes having sex with his girlfriend who has male genitalia. Therefore he is confused and he is questioning his sexual orientation.
I told him that sexuality isn't defined colors, it's full of shades; that he loves and likes a person first of all, not genitalia. But I can understand the dissonance he feels between "I know I'm straight" and "I enjoy having sex with a girl who has no vagina but a penis".

So, I resort to you in this forum. As for your experience, what would you tell him to help him understand what is happening inside his mind?

 

[Lé_Asmith]

Trans female = Female (regardless of genitalia), which means straight

If your friend thinks he's gay, then he clearly still sees her as a man

 

[Blades25]

Thank you for your reply, Lé_Asmith.
Much as I agree with what you wrote, I'm afraid it's more complicated than that, in his mind. It's not to be taken for granted being able to separate gender from genitalia (same etymology anyone?). On the contrary, it takes a lot of thinking, challenging social norms, personal views. And it can be scary. You need to see it from his perspective. As I said, he doesn't think he's gay: he is confused by what he knew about himself and what he is experiencing now. Plus, he is in his early 20's, so I believe these questions are legit, so many are or will be in his situation and I'm looking for support in order to help him.

 

[Bittydrew]

Trans female = Female (regardless of genitalia), which means straight

If your friend thinks he's gay, then he clearly still sees her as a man

Have to agree trans female = Female

 

[deleted6505551]

And again the need some feel to apply a label to define themselves and others by rears it's ugly head. Is he gay, straight or something else? I don't know and neither does anyone else here. And to be blunt, who cares. The thing we know based on his own words is that he loves her. Why can't that stand on it's own. I can't imagine any better outcome. And that outcome will not be enhanced, in the least, by applying labels to the people involved.

These two very fortunate people have transcended any need for labels in fact. They are in love for Christ sake. He is perfectly happy with who she is both emotionally and physiologically and she is apparently happy with who/what he is as well. What purpose can labelling have that matters.

Just my two cents.

 

[dontevenworryaboutit]

Your friend might enjoy this video

It's by a trans woman who discussing, well, this matter.

My personal POV: your relative is dating a woman who so happens to be trans. A trans woman is a woman, just like how a black woman is a woman, how a disabled woman is a woman, how a bisexual woman is a woman, how a woman with blonde hair is a woman, etc etc. They are all still women.

Also, there are some women who have really large clits, that resemble small dicks. Some women don't like PIV sex. Some women like to peg their male partner... etc etc, all things that someone could try and argue is gay somehow. I don't think genitals are the absolute be-all or end-all to sexuality.

If he is gay, he is saying he is really dating a man. He is invalidating his girlfriend's identity. That's a really gross and shitty thing to do to a trans person. I have not had the displeasure of having a partner who feels that way about me, but if I did, I would be out of there. To me, that shows a gross lack of understanding and massive disrespect towards me and my journey.

 

[SanchoTX]

No experience, unfortunately. I’d say he’s lucky. He’s found someone and they care about each other.

 

[CarmillaKarnstein]

It has been proven by a team of neuroscientists from New Zealand and US that Tgirl attraction is a straight interest, on the hetero spectrum of male sexuality Only straight male brains respond to visual MTF trans stimuli (On the contrary, most gay men are *sexually* repulsed by transwomen and anything feminine) Yes, You're Still Straight if You Date Trans Women

 

[deleted6505551]

It has been proven by a team of neuroscientists from New Zealand and US that Tgirl attraction is a straight interest, on the hetero spectrum of male sexuality Only straight male brains respond to visual MTF trans stimuli (On the contrary, most gay men are *sexually* repulsed by transwomen and anything feminine) Yes, You're Still Straight if You Date Trans Women

The lack of interest from past (pre-transition) gay lovers in my experience supports that. It was surprising but finding I enjoy the straight/bi guys that are more common for me now.

 

[RainbowBeach]

Hello everyone! The title of the topic is not a question for me but a question from a relative of mine who has been dating a transgender girl for 6 months. He knew she is trans from the beginning, he admits he started non to have a relationship but to "have an experience" and then he fell in love with her. He's always identified himself as straight, he doesn't feel attraction for guys and yet he found that he likes having sex with his girlfriend who has male genitalia. Therefore he is confused and he is questioning his sexual orientation.
I told him that sexuality isn't defined colors, it's full of shades; that he loves and likes a person first of all, not genitalia. But I can understand the dissonance he feels between "I know I'm straight" and "I enjoy having sex with a girl who has no vagina but a penis".

So, I resort to you in this forum. As for your experience, what would you tell him to help him understand what is happening inside his mind?

He's got a girl as they say and that says it all right there. If he was gay, he'd be on the prowl for a various kind of a man (the muscle jock, the twink, the daddy, the bear, the otter, etc.) just like the other gay men out there are searching for.

but he likes his girlfriend, and she makes him feel like a man in that Special Way. He fell in love with a person who was feminine with the heart of a woman and that's all that matters here... so yes, he's straight and he was drawn to her because of her feminine charms

 

[merc41]

He's got a girl as they say and that says it all right there. If he was gay, he'd be on the prowl for a various kind of a man (the muscle jock, the twink, the daddy, the bear, the otter, etc.) just like the other gay men out there are searching for.

but he likes his girlfriend, and she makes him feel like a man in that Special Way. He fell in love with a person who was feminine with the heart of a woman and that's all that matters here... so yes, he's straight and he was drawn to her because of her feminine charms

 

[merc41]

A girl is a girl is a girl. Not gay. Enlightened.

 

[Mount Phalic]

He's got a girl as they say and that says it all right there. If he was gay, he'd be on the prowl for a various kind of a man (the muscle jock, the twink, the daddy, the bear, the otter, etc.) just like the other gay men out there are searching for.

but he likes his girlfriend, and she makes him feel like a man in that Special Way. He fell in love with a person who was feminine with the heart of a woman and that's all that matters here... so yes, he's straight and he was drawn to her because of her feminine charms

But, honestly, does he have a girl? Honest answers only.

 

[Electric blue]

I am not a member of this fourms , but my girl friend who is a transexual has been with me for 6 years so far . I think she is more female than male gender , her hands feet ,( give aways) are fully female , her breasts are her own, yes hormones helped a lot , but no plastic , or gel . We're deeply in love , it's not a messy sex thing , but we do enjoy ourselves, Why am I here ??? Yesterday while she was out shopping , She was attacked by 3 men. They beat her almost to death , broken cheek bone ,jaw , 3 ribs , both eyes are shut tight and heavily swollen , They kept calling her queer , fagget , whore while they were kicking her and punching her ,
My anger is more than I want to put in print , it also may come to be put to use , I see this alot of time to girls , and guys that are transexuals , society's norms dont fit the the people that need protection , She never harmed anyone , ever , Damn ,,, she's only 115 lbs and hardly stands 5 ,2 , a real threat to these milk fed, scum sucking lap dogs cowards . A grown man cried , me , when I saw her in the hospital , Why on this earth are people shunned just because they don't fit the " normal " way of living , I thought we were normal , living normal , loving each other normal , I hurt , I feel all her pain , it's like my world fell apart .... I'm sorry to rant and rave , just thought a nother transexual could understand , I have been part of this life since the 70s , I know it all to well ,,,
Thanks for letting me unload

 

[Bittydrew]

I am not a member of this fourms , but my girl friend who is a transexual has been with me for 6 years so far . I think she is more female than male gender , her hands feet ,( give aways) are fully female , her breasts are her own, yes hormones helped a lot , but no plastic , or gel . We're deeply in love , it's not a messy sex thing , but we do enjoy ourselves, Why am I here ??? Yesterday while she was out shopping , She was attacked by 3 men. They beat her almost to death , broken cheek bone ,jaw , 3 ribs , both eyes are shut tight and heavily swollen , They kept calling her queer , fagget , whore while they were kicking her and punching her ,
My anger is more than I want to put in print , it also may come to be put to use , I see this alot of time to girls , and guys that are transexuals , society's norms dont fit the the people that need protection , She never harmed anyone , ever , Damn ,,, she's only 115 lbs and hardly stands 5 ,2 , a real threat to these milk fed, scum sucking lap dogs cowards . A grown man cried , me , when I saw her in the hospital , Why on this earth are people shunned just because they don't fit the " normal " way of living , I thought we were normal , living normal , loving each other normal , I hurt , I feel all her pain , it's like my world fell apart .... I'm sorry to rant and rave , just thought a nother transexual could understand , I have been part of this life since the 70s , I know it all to well ,,,
Thanks for letting me unload

So so sad made me cry and makes me wonder even going out to go shopping best wishes for her...Hope everything goes ok with her and you shouldn't happen at all and agree with you all the way hun....

 

[merc41]

Good luck and I pray for you and her. Anyone who would beat another human just because they are different is a coward. They are not right mentally and are threatend by .their own ignorence.

 

[jj27]

As you mentioned, this is a difficult topic to cross for straight men, there is fear and anxiety, more over “what do people think of me” than a mans true happiness. I think your family member is quite brave to openly date and admit he loves this woman. It can be a very tough topic for straight men to address, and he went the right way with this…as time is passing by, we are becoming a much more experimental and gender fluid society for the better. He should know many other people are walking in his shoes and his experience is not only common but accepted. And to accept her as she is is the right thing to do.

Those that judge or disown him are filled with bias and prejudice and don’t have his best interest and health in their minds. Be positive with him and congratulate him on a healthy and happy relationship.

 

[deleted6505551]

Your post absolutely break my heart. I am so very sorry for her and you. I hope her recovery is swift and complete. I fear the emotional recovery may be harder than the physical. Thank you from all of us for standing by her.

So sad that anyone can be a target for such stupid and violent attacks. In a world where we gain acceptance day by day it's almost easy to forget how exposed we are to this sort of cowardice. I understand your anger but try and not act on it. The last thing she needs now is you unable to be by her side.

I think most, if not all, of us understand. My boyfriend constantly drills the fact that I am exposed to the same sort of mindless violence into my head. You are both in my thoughts and prayers.

Aly

 

[Electric blue]

Your post absolutely break my heart. I am so very sorry for her and you. I hope her recovery is swift and complete. I fear the emotional recovery may be harder than the physical. Thank you from all of us for standing by her.

So sad that anyone can be a target for such stupid and violent attacks. In a world where we gain acceptance day by day it's almost easy to forget how exposed we are to this sort of cowardice. I understand your anger but try and not act on it. The last thing she needs now is you unable to be by her side.

I think most, if not all, of us understand. My boyfriend constantly drills the fact that I am exposed to the same sort of mindless violence into my head. You are both in my thoughts and prayers.

Aly

I'm not suppose to be here on this fourms , I had a deep need to share with people like her , She is a woman .
She looks so sad , her face is all bruised and her jaw is set and she can't talk , Your so very right , why do these wonderful girls have to be targets , This just makes me more determined to do as much as I can for all you girls
I feel like crap , m helpless to help her , the Drs are doing what needs to be done , all I can do is sit by her bed and
Hold her hand ,, if there is objections of me being here , please tell me , I will leave

 

[merc41]

I'm not suppose to be here on this fourms , I had a deep need to share with people like her , She is a woman .
She looks so sad , her face is all bruised and her jaw is set and she can't talk , Your so very right , why do these wonderful girls have to be targets , This just makes me more determined to do as much as I can for all you girls
I feel like crap , m helpless to help her , the Drs are doing what needs to be done , all I can do is sit by her bed and
Hold her hand ,, if there is objections of me being here , please tell me , I will leave

Absolutely not!