I'm in a relationship and did not discourage nudes from a mutual friend, feeling pretty guilty.

[gaysian24]

Been in a relationship for a while now. Recently a mutual friend who we have both hooked up with in the past sent me a message implying I should "see the real video" after I commented on some random post on socials. I said "send it" without really thinking. It was just a peek at his dick. We chatted more about random things but this eventually lead to the guy sending over a jerking off video and a cumming video.

I didn't discourage it. I kind of encouraged it. He had asked me for something in return and I said "nice try" and told him he was being devious.

I feel pretty bad with my stomach in knots. We used to trade nudes all the time, but this stopped once I got into a relationship. I don't really know why I didn't say stop, or why I said "send it" in the first place. I think I'm kind of addicted to that kind of stuff. Kind of like why I come to this forum. It was hot seeing it. But I don't feel good about it.

I feel like this is a 2/10 on cheating but anything above 0 still makes me feel bad. I'm generally a kind and honest person so this is eating me up more than I thought it would when I was casually accepting the videos. I think I may be a worse person than I thought I was. I don't know how to handle this. I guess I should tell him what happened. I am a bit worried about the repercussions. I'm sure we would be fine in the end but I think this would cause some bad ripples among friends.

 

[LPSG Simon]

I would not worry much. It's old territory for everyone involved by the sounds of it. Nothing you haven't seen before. If you're not thinking about going to hook up with him, then it's really just pixels. Might be different if this was a new person, or if your partner hadn't also hooked up with them.

I'd laugh it off (either alone or with your partner).

Now for the unsound advice: Maybe this is an opportunity to orchestrate a 3 way.

 

[vex4]

I feel like this is a 2/10 on cheating but anything above 0 still makes me feel bad.

I would say that looking at guys nude pictures isn't bad, most wouldn't find that bad at least(sending though would be crossing a line for some but you didn't do that), but hiding something from your partner is, and that hiding is what seems to be making you feel bad like this. I'd say listen to that feeling in your gut so this doesn't turn into something much worse.

I'm unsure what talks if any you've had with your partner about the boundaries of your relationship, it can be embarrassing to open yourself up like that even to the person you love and are closest too but given this it might be a good time to. I agree with Simon that 'laughing it off' with your partner might be a good idea. Your mutual friend opened up some possibilities you didn't yet close, but I'd make it clear to your partner how you'd feel, and that it's up to him to guide you how you two proceeded if at all with this.

Disclaimer: Just my thoughts on this, someone else might have much more knowledge/experience with all this then me.

 

[ollyrose]

That sounds more like an 8/10 on the cheating scale. You encouraged someone else to sext you. Regardless of the fact that you hooked up with the person in the past. In fact, I'd argue that having done stuff with them in the past, makes it even worse. Because the likely-hood of further action actually is already a precedent there.

You should probably block the guy for starters, and then explain the situation to your S/O.

 

[rickyrobinson1987]

Own up to it firstly please. Keeping it quiet will only breed insecurities in you and if he does find out some other way then the trust will be long gone. Then explain how you've realised it was stupid so wanted to own your mistake. That shows maturity and remouse something so many people struggle to convey. I think you may have to close the door on that friend too if you really want to demonstrate your here for your relationship.

 

[AlextheRedhead]

Guys sending photos is sorta tame these days. so many are on the internet with nudes I don't think it's a bad thing. all my friends do it and so do I. Don't be so hard on yourself. it's 2022 and be free of guilt.

 

[Brodie888]

Considering you and your partner both know this guy, it really puts you in a bad position.

Who knows if this guy will try and blackmail you or your partner set it up as a test.

 

[Nickapoo]

If it felt bad, why did you do it? Why do you want vids from exes? Porn is okay but once you start receiving personal videos I do think the line gets a little crossed because now you’re actually interacting with a person not just a video..

Really how much do you value your relationship? I’ve found the times that I’ve cheated it was because the relationship was on a decline anyways and we really should have just talked about it and split. But I’ve also discovered I’m kind of a slut and I like trying new dicks because they’re all different. I also love looking at dicks especially people I know.

 

[LPSG Simon]

Considering you and your partner both know this guy, it really puts you in a bad position.

Who knows if this guy will try and blackmail you or your partner set it up as a test.

That's terrible. And maybe a good reason to jokingly make an off-hand disclosure about it. If my partner were 'testing' me like that they would be failing their own test and would not be part of my life anymore. Like who needs that kind of manipulative crap? Red Flag! I hope that's not the case in this person's story....

If it felt bad, why did you do it? Why do you want vids from exes?

My guess is that sometimes when things are familiar it's easy to get caught up and it doesn't feel risky, but then clarity and buyer's regret sets in. We're really not talking about the crime of the century here, so I can easily see how apprehension would not be part of the decision making process in the moment.

 

[Brodie888]

That's terrible. And maybe a good reason to jokingly make an off-hand disclosure about it. If my partner were 'testing' me like that they would be failing their own test and would not be part of my life anymore. Like who needs that kind of manipulative crap? Red Flag! I hope that's not the case in this person's story....


My guess is that sometimes when things are familiar it's easy to get caught up and it doesn't feel risky, but then clarity and buyer's regret sets in. We're really not talking about the crime of the century here, so I can easily see how apprehension would not be part of the decision making process in the moment.

In regards to testing, it depends on the context. Some people are good liars or gas lighters and resorting to testing is the only way to get to the truth.

I had a female friend who was in a 10 year relationship with a guy who was living a double life the whole time. The relationship only ended because the other woman got pregnant.

 

[jayj420]

I

Been in a relationship for a while now. Recently a mutual friend who we have both hooked up with in the past sent me a message implying I should "see the real video" after I commented on some random post on socials. I said "send it" without really thinking. It was just a peek at his dick. We chatted more about random things but this eventually lead to the guy sending over a jerking off video and a cumming video.

I didn't discourage it. I kind of encouraged it. He had asked me for something in return and I said "nice try" and told him he was being devious.

I feel pretty bad with my stomach in knots. We used to trade nudes all the time, but this stopped once I got into a relationship. I don't really know why I didn't say stop, or why I said "send it" in the first place. I think I'm kind of addicted to that kind of stuff. Kind of like why I come to this forum. It was hot seeing it. But I don't feel good about it.

I feel like this is a 2/10 on cheating but anything above 0 still makes me feel bad. I'm generally a kind and honest person so this is eating me up more than I thought it would when I was casually accepting the videos. I think I may be a worse person than I thought I was. I don't know how to handle this. I guess I should tell him what happened. I am a bit worried about the repercussions. I'm sure we would be fine in the end but I think this would cause some bad ripples among Friendsgiving

Been in a relationship for a while now. Recently a mutual friend who we have both hooked up with in the past sent me a message implying I should "see the real video" after I commented on some random post on socials. I said "send it" without really thinking. It was just a peek at his dick. We chatted more about random things but this eventually lead to the guy sending over a jerking off video and a cumming video.

I didn't discourage it. I kind of encouraged it. He had asked me for something in return and I said "nice try" and told him he was being devious.

I feel pretty bad with my stomach in knots. We used to trade nudes all the time, but this stopped once I got into a relationship. I don't really know why I didn't say stop, or why I said "send it" in the first place. I think I'm kind of addicted to that kind of stuff. Kind of like why I come to this forum. It was hot seeing it. But I don't feel good about it.

I feel like this is a 2/10 on cheating but anything above 0 still makes me feel bad. I'm generally a kind and honest person so this is eating me up more than I thought it would when I was casually accepting the videos. I think I may be a worse person than I thought I was. I don't know how to handle this. I guess I should tell him what happened. I am a bit worried about the repercussions. I'm sure we would be fine in the end but I think this would cause some bad ripples among friends.

If my partner was trading nudes with other people, regardless of the history, I would like to know about. If it’s not a big deal then no reason for you to hide it. Just tell him and then that could lead into a convo where you guys establish some boundaries. I mean for all you know he is probably getting and sending nudes to others.

 

[LPSG Simon]

I mean for all you know he is probably getting and sending nudes to others.

This is so much more of a refreshing take than 'he could be covertly trying to trap you'. <3

 

[C4junG0n3_BAD]

If you are serious about the relationship, tell him. Full disclosure, I've never thought of any relationship as actually serious. I've been in relationships with guys that did think it was serious, even though I constantly said it wasn't. I don't subscribe to the breeder code of ethics. I mean there is a reason for that. My best friend in the whole world got married to the girl of his dreams and had the perfect family and all. Even the perfect canine companion. I loved that dog! Only to find out when his kid was seriously ill, that he wasn't the kid's father. Blood reserves and all. Oops! Whores are so stupid. Can you tell I never liked his cunt of a wife? I've never moved in with anyone. Never traded jewelry. No St. Valentine's Day surprise! Never did an anniversary anything. So maybe I'm not the one to give advise. My thinking is if you are feeling guilty, there's a reason for that. Just saying.

 

[Bboy1111]

Been in a relationship for a while now. Recently a mutual friend who we have both hooked up with in the past sent me a message implying I should "see the real video" after I commented on some random post on socials. I said "send it" without really thinking. It was just a peek at his dick. We chatted more about random things but this eventually lead to the guy sending over a jerking off video and a cumming video.

I didn't discourage it. I kind of encouraged it. He had asked me for something in return and I said "nice try" and told him he was being devious.

I feel pretty bad with my stomach in knots. We used to trade nudes all the time, but this stopped once I got into a relationship. I don't really know why I didn't say stop, or why I said "send it" in the first place. I think I'm kind of addicted to that kind of stuff. Kind of like why I come to this forum. It was hot seeing it. But I don't feel good about it.

I feel like this is a 2/10 on cheating but anything above 0 still makes me feel bad. I'm generally a kind and honest person so this is eating me up more than I thought it would when I was casually accepting the videos. I think I may be a worse person than I thought I was. I don't know how to handle this. I guess I should tell him what happened. I am a bit worried about the repercussions. I'm sure we would be fine in the end but I think this would cause some bad ripples among friends.

Just keep this to yourself and don’t do it again. If you do it again, break up.

 

[LPSG Simon]

I still think it's good for an eyeroll and a laugh between you and your BF.

 

[JX711]

I would not worry much. It's old territory for everyone involved by the sounds of it. Nothing you haven't seen before. If you're not thinking about going to hook up with him, then it's really just pixels. Might be different if this was a new person, or if your partner hadn't also hooked up with them.

I'd laugh it off (either alone or with your partner).

Now for the unsound advice: Maybe this is an opportunity to orchestrate a 3 way.

Everything this person said. You've both hooked up with him before so it isn't a big deal. Use this, since you're obviously curious, to do it again.

Maybe also consider having an open relationship if you're that type of guy.

 

[JX711]

Considering you both were with him before, this seems like a non issue. Tell him and maybe go for another threesome to have that experience again.

Talk to your guy about being in an open relationship if you're that kind of guy. Give it some thought.

 

[Brodie888]

My advice would be to delete everything and never tell your partner. It's something he will never forget and he will never trust you the same in the future.

If the guilt haunts you, it's the price you pay for doing the wrong thing and a reminder to try harder next time you are tempted.

 

[LPSG Simon]

Just keep this to yourself and don’t do it again. If you do it again, break up.

Disagree! Why not just communicate instead of holding onto something and setting up a self imposted (and unilateral) ultimatum around this.

I've done the whole 'throw myself on my own sword' thing before because I assumed how it was going to go, and it ended horribly. I still completely regret it to this day. Always communicate. It works out way better, even if you dont like the outcome at first.

And to be clear, this isnt a major transgression here. It's pixels on a screen, with someone the OP was joking around with. The mature way to resolve feeling guilty about something is to talk it out. Anything less than that is really just going to create a ripple effect.

 

[Negroni]

My advice would be to delete everything and never tell your partner. It's something he will never forget and he will never trust you the same in the future.

If the guilt haunts you, it's the price you pay for doing the wrong thing and a reminder to try harder next time you are tempted.

Agree with you, man!
You are right and I can tell you that’s the best way to do it (based from my personal experience)
Remorse - is the price of bad action, but desire to tell - is a relief for the guilty person and a pain for the partner ..
after recognition, the relationship will not be the same .. never