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- May 20, 2020
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Hello.
I've been struggling a lot with this during the past forever, since I accepted myself as a gay man.
So TL;DR, I don't enjoy sex.
I do find individuals, videos, voices, physique, heck even art hot and it may turn me on. I jerk off just fine and use sex toys every now and then. When it comes to sex, I've had sex two times (bottoming, not interested in topping) and did not enjoy it at all. I want to enjoy it but I don't. And I can't tell if it's because of maybe my experiences being really bad or something else.
My first time was a threesome with two guys. I will probably never share this irl unless I'm straight up asked about it but I paid for it. This was when I was still living with my parents and I was still uncomfortable with my sexuality and definitely wasn't publicly out but if someone asked I said I was bi. The sex was really bad, I had no idea what I was doing, my mouth doesn't open that wide and the other guy asked me to blow him and I was terrible at it, probably hit my teeth on him so many times, every time he made a sound and flinched I cringed that I probably scraped his dick. I hated it. The other guy fucked me and I felt nothing at all, tried to fake a few whimpers but it was awkward as hell. Also both of them were watching tv while we did it so I felt like a prop even though I paid for the night. Once we were closing in to our time to end things they were trying to make me cum as I laid on the bed and jerked off but I couldn't. Again I felt horrible. My nature is a bit too kind so afterwards I thanked them and chatted, added them on my phone and tried talking to them afterwards but was never answered to and eventually I deleted them as contacts.
My second time was an actual date/hookup that I went to his place we met, talked and hung out. I thought he was really good looking from his photos but when I arrived he was like a head shorter than me, nothing wrong with that but can't lie that I was a little disappointed. After talking and eating some food, we watched a movie and during that we fucked. Again the sex really felt like nothing. No oral and this time he was actually more attentive and it seemed he was enjoying himself. Afterwards we went out to hang out with his friends and then went back to his place to sleep, we fucked again, same thing. I didn't finish either time because I wasn't hard and didn't want to repeat my first time. We met again after a few weeks, just hung out this time and never met him again after.
These days I mostly scroll Grindr / other apps, watch porn and enjoy my sex toys. I do still find people hot but I'm worried that I just don't enjoy sex so I try to stay away from those situations. Is there something wrong with me? I would say that maybe I'm asexual/nonsexual if you want to label it but I definitely have very sexual feelings towards many people. Anyone with similar experiences or outside opinion on the situation.
I've been struggling a lot with this during the past forever, since I accepted myself as a gay man.
So TL;DR, I don't enjoy sex.
I do find individuals, videos, voices, physique, heck even art hot and it may turn me on. I jerk off just fine and use sex toys every now and then. When it comes to sex, I've had sex two times (bottoming, not interested in topping) and did not enjoy it at all. I want to enjoy it but I don't. And I can't tell if it's because of maybe my experiences being really bad or something else.
My first time was a threesome with two guys. I will probably never share this irl unless I'm straight up asked about it but I paid for it. This was when I was still living with my parents and I was still uncomfortable with my sexuality and definitely wasn't publicly out but if someone asked I said I was bi. The sex was really bad, I had no idea what I was doing, my mouth doesn't open that wide and the other guy asked me to blow him and I was terrible at it, probably hit my teeth on him so many times, every time he made a sound and flinched I cringed that I probably scraped his dick. I hated it. The other guy fucked me and I felt nothing at all, tried to fake a few whimpers but it was awkward as hell. Also both of them were watching tv while we did it so I felt like a prop even though I paid for the night. Once we were closing in to our time to end things they were trying to make me cum as I laid on the bed and jerked off but I couldn't. Again I felt horrible. My nature is a bit too kind so afterwards I thanked them and chatted, added them on my phone and tried talking to them afterwards but was never answered to and eventually I deleted them as contacts.
My second time was an actual date/hookup that I went to his place we met, talked and hung out. I thought he was really good looking from his photos but when I arrived he was like a head shorter than me, nothing wrong with that but can't lie that I was a little disappointed. After talking and eating some food, we watched a movie and during that we fucked. Again the sex really felt like nothing. No oral and this time he was actually more attentive and it seemed he was enjoying himself. Afterwards we went out to hang out with his friends and then went back to his place to sleep, we fucked again, same thing. I didn't finish either time because I wasn't hard and didn't want to repeat my first time. We met again after a few weeks, just hung out this time and never met him again after.
These days I mostly scroll Grindr / other apps, watch porn and enjoy my sex toys. I do still find people hot but I'm worried that I just don't enjoy sex so I try to stay away from those situations. Is there something wrong with me? I would say that maybe I'm asexual/nonsexual if you want to label it but I definitely have very sexual feelings towards many people. Anyone with similar experiences or outside opinion on the situation.
