Issue With My Friend With Benefits

[unrivaled]

I'd like to make a long story short but at the same time, I'd like to explain things as best as possible. Please bare with me.

I'm bisexual (24 years old), I've come to accept that. I am DL though. For future reference in this post, I wanna state that I'm genuinely not romantically interested in guys (No dating, relationships, courting, etc. etc.). I just started experimenting with guys for the first time ever this past February (via Grindr). In late March, I came across this one day. Conventionally attractive, nice body, a few years older than me, has his own place, etc. etc.
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At first I was only cool with masturbating with him and the other 2-3 guys I had met with by that point. I told myself I'd never kiss, have sex, give oral, etc. strictly masturbating. I thought meeting up with him was only a one time thing but he meshed so well that we've been seeing each other about once, even sometimes twice, a week ever since. Again though, I'm not interested in guys romantically. Not to mention even if I were into him like that, it's not practical. We're literally in different stages of life, different generations, live different lifestyles, different tax brackets, the list goes on and on.

I've had a sexual awakening thanks to him. I realized that my "never(s)" were just waiting for the right person to bring them out of me. Every meet up we did something different and it eventually led to sex, my first time ever with a guy.
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After our second meet up I think? He said he deleted Grindr because he wasn't interested in it anymore or something. I know he deleted it because our chat history was gone, etc.

Soon after that, we agreed on being friends with benefits. He mentioned that he's dating 1-2 other guys in different states but that it's nothing serious/exclusive. Naturally, when they meet up, they do things together. That's ok with me. He's on PrEP, he's clean, etc. etc. and I also hopped on PrEP (I'm inconsistent with taking it, not gonna lie) since he and I have sex (I bottom. He's like twice my size so I never pitched the idea of topping)

I never deleted the app but since I had found a consistent and good friend with benefits, I cleared out my profile and took everything down. I swear to God, right hand on the bible, I only use that app for browsing. Literally, just to pass time. I don't hit anyone up and no one hits me up. Again, my account is 100% blank.
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For the last month or so, I've realized that I've gotten emotionally attached to him. Hell, I bought him a souvenir when I traveled across the country and back for vacation. When I have good news, he's the first person I tell. When I'm bored, I'll hit him up. And he'll do the same thing back. We're cool with each other. I know this arrangement we have going on won't last forever, so I get upset when I think about having to say bye to him one day. But I'm learning to appreciate however much time we have left.

Here's the dilemma. During our most recent meet, I was laying down and finally came to peace with how far I've come in experimenting with guys. I was proud of myself. And I realized that I could genuinely be comfortable around him. He's been extremely honest, open, communicative, trustworthy, and he's given me a safe space to be myself.

Literally the next day. I open the app and guess who I see. Him. He redownloaded the app. Of course, his face wasn't in it but I recognize the body, stats, etc.
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I know he's not using it just to browse. He has pictures up, a hidden album, lists his interest in his bio, and says he's looking for "Right Now". At first I felt upset but now I feel angry.

It's not technically any of my business and he's not obligated to tell me he's back on. But if he's looking for "Right Now" and is more likely than not, meeting up/doing stuff with other guys, isn't that something he should mention to me? He hasn't said anything and is acting like everything's normal. He doesn't know that I know.

Like I said I know I got emotionally attached. I know a lot of how I'm feeling is coming from a place of jealousy. I can admit that but still, I feel as if this is something he should've told me. I knew about the other 2 guys he's dating/having sex with. It's long distance and they literally might see each other 3 or so times a year, so I'm not mad about that. He was honest and told me.

But now he's on the app and, more likely than not having sex, with strangers? And not telling me?? I don't know what these guys have. How can he do something with one of them and then turn around and try to have sex with me? What if he catches something and passes it on to me?? My health is important too. If he could tell me about the other guys, why can't he tell me that he's on the app pursuing other people?? Again, I know I may just be jealous but still, I don't think I like how he's handling this. I feel like I shouldn't have had to find out and that he should've told me.

I guess I'm okay with him having multiple FWB's but at least tell me, he's been so open and honest up until now so I'm just confused. And for all of this to happen literally RIGHT after I realized how comfortable I can be with him, it just hurts. He always tells me how cool I am, how he likes seeing me, how good I am in bed, etc. etc. and I feel those things about him too, so what the hell?
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I'm looking for advice. Am I wrong? Is he wrong for not telling me? Shouldn't he tell me?
Please don't sugarcoat. If I'm wrong, I'd like to know so that I can put things in perspective.

I'm sorry for the long post but if you've made it this far, please help me out.
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TL;DR: I'm bisexual. My first (guy) friend with benefit (About 2 or so months) who I've had a sexual awakening with is back on Grindr and most likely meeting and doing stuff with other guys. I found out, but he doesn't know that I know. I got emotionally attached to him, so him doing that makes me angry. I know he's not obligated to tell me but shouldn't he? I know I may just be jealous but shouldn't I literally know for my own health? What if he catches something and passes it on to me? I just don't know if it's my place to upset since I'm mostly just jealous, blindsided, or whatever. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

 

[theplayerking]

First things first: You need to take PReP the right way. Set reminders on your phone or get a pill box labeled with the days of the week. Whatever it takes to keep you on your regime.

Congratulations on coming to understand your sexuality. That’s a big emotional step that is worth acknowledging and celebrating.

For most gay men, a FWB relationship comes with no expectation of exclusivity. Unless you had an explicit conversation outlining the parameters of your relationship, e.g., that despite not being in a committed relationship you’re going to be quasI-monogamous and each other’s primary sexual partner, he is not breaking any agreement.

A substantial minority of men who have sex with men engage in relatively frequent casual hookups. It may come in waves or binges, but we enjoy a variety of sexual partners. As your friend has multiple acknowledged boyfriends, he’s probably in this group. You have several options:

Have a serious conversation with him and get him to agree to redefine your relationship.

Accept the risks of his probable non-monogamy and continue seeking him.

Embrace the risks of non-monogamy and start seeing other guys.

Break off your relationship and find someone else.

 

[jaybee0560]

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TL;DR: I'm bisexual. My first (guy) friend with benefit (About 2 or so months) who I've had a sexual awakening with is back on Grindr and most likely meeting and doing stuff with other guys. I found out, but he doesn't know that I know. I got emotionally attached to him, so him doing that makes me angry. I know he's not obligated to tell me but shouldn't he? I know I may just be jealous but shouldn't I literally know for my own health? What if he catches something and passes it on to me? I just don't know if it's my place to upset since I'm mostly just jealous, blindsided, or whatever. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

Ok - pretty much the same response from me as ThePlayer gave.

This sounds like you entered into a FWB situation with a guy and later, despite you reaffirming that you don't really want a relationship with any guy at all - you've developed feels for this fella and are now starting to add in relationship style demands without any of the actual relationship type commitments.

FWB is just that - its an informal "I like you you like me -we're both horny at times, lets fuck" deal - nothing beyond that is implied. It might be nice for him to have a conversation with you about who he may or may not be fucking in his own time - but I don't see that as being something expected. FWB implies non exclusivity and if that's the arrangement - that's the arrangement. It doesn't suddenly change for him just cos your feelings are beginning to develop unless you have specifically had that conversation.

Passing this off as a health concern here sounds more like trying to elevate your jealously into something legit than it really actually being about health.

Every time you have sex with anyone at all - you are open to the risk of catching something. If that worries you - wear a condom or stop having non-exclusive sex with people. You could always bring up your concerns with him, but, from personal experience, if you start insisting, he live his life differently from how he wants while you're still in the FWB thing - you're just gonna come off as controlling.

TBH - while I can see that you have made pains to not come over this way, your whole post comes over pretty self-centered, inconsistent, immature and controlling. I'm not saying your evil, I'm saying you may wanna be a little more upfront with yourself and realise that just because you want something to exist within your boundaries, this doesn't create an obligation for any other actual fully autonomous human being in your circle.

Your options here are pretty much as they have been laid out by the previous poster.

You can just accept that having casual sex with literally anyone, has some risk. But I honestly don't think this has anything to do with that.

You can decide whether what you really want here is an actual relationship that comes with a level of expected disclosure, and you can set whatever mutually agreeable terms form the basis of that.

You can have an honest discussion around where you are actually at with this guy with this guy and see how he feels and what he would like given it seems this has moved from "Casual mate sex" to "I've got feelings for you sex and now I'm jealous"

Or you can just move on.

What I do not recommend you do is maintain this notion that a fuck buddy situation with zero commitment implied or given, creates any sort of obligations on the other person.
I don't see anything wrong with you telling him you've noticed he's on grindr - If you say something to the effect that you'd rather wear condoms because of that - thats entirely reasonable and up to you.
If u act all wounded and get upset that he's not specifically been on the prowl without disclosing this to you - then dude - I would not expect that to go well.

 

[BMJ31]

Thats the issue, someone always catches feelings…. Distance yourself or be honest about your feelings

 

[Brodie888]

I agree with a lot of what the others have said.

You wanted friends with benefits, you got a friend with benefits.

I think the problem is that you changed your expectations as time went on to the point you were having an exclusive relationship with him in your head.

He's not telling you because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings and at the same time neither of you agreed to exclusive anyway so in his head he's not doing anything wrong.

This rule about disclosing everything is a rule in your head. He can't read your mind.

Because it is bothering you, you should tell him how you feel and wanting full disclosure only if you intend to change the conditions of your arrangement to be exclusive.

If not, you should consider seeking other men to have sex at the same time because it looks like you've developed a dependency on him that is bad considering the circumstances.

You are just stuck on him because he is easy and you don't have any other options. Once you start fucking a few guys it will get easier.

Unless deep down you actually are a relationship kind of guy. In which case, you need to change your mindset of what you want.

 

[Brodie888]

The other thing to remember is that you were the shiny new toy for a while. But like all toys, the shine fades and they go find another new toy to play with. They still come back to their older toys from time to time. But it will never go back to what it was.

Just remember that the first three to six months of any relationship is not how your relationship will be forever. Only after the novelty wears off can you really know if something is actually real.

 

[chancesare]

You are experiencing very normal emotions. He is doing a very typical things. If you want to continue the friendship, open up about the feeling in a way that is not blaming. Remember, he owes you nothing, and you owe him nothing. Sex is intimacy, and that naturally can lead to feelings. I have been in similar (but less emotional) relationships like you, and it can be hard to realize they mean more sexually (and therefore, emotionally) to you than you do to them. That doesn't mean he isn't a great guy. You just have different expectations. The key is to discuss, clear the air in a way that is not emotionally charged, and form a mutual understanding. It sounds like what you two have is special. That doesn't have to change. But you also need to own up to your feelings and find a course of action that is not painful.

And, it is ok if you love him and want more. But you also have to be prepared that he may not feel the same or may feel the same and still want sex with other people.

 

[Arcanjo91]

Hi!

You’ve got a lot of straightforward analysis and good advice from the previous members. The only thing I would add to the discussion is that it might be good for you to seek professional counseling.

You started by saying “I’m not interested…”, “I don’t feel…”, “I told myslef…” and eventually you gave in to your feelings when someone you really liked came along.

I have the impression you’ve been fighting against your feelings all this time. Nothing new there. It is very hard to find self acceptance. There’s always a lot of struggle for most of us. Depending on your social or religious background, it can be a long and sometimes endless battle fighting against your worries about other people’s opinions about you. Judging by your story only, I’d say you consider yourself bisexual because you haven’t come to terms with your sexuality yet.

My advice is: find self acceptance first. Keep in mind you don’t owe anything to anyone but yourself when it comes to your feelings and sexual life. Self acceptance is the key to self love, which is key to peace of mind and happiness.

As to your FWB relationship, we should give what we get and vice-versa. If this isn’t happening, we talk and try to work it out. If one or the other doesn’t feel the same, parting ways is the best for both. Do what you wish they would do to you.

Chancesare wrote “it can be hard to realize they mean more sexually (and therefore, emotionally) to you than you do to them”. My dear, in FWB relationships, that lack of balance is standard ops. Always. Sometimes it’s in your favor, sometimes it isn’t. When there’s a balance, you become boyfriends, husbands…


All in all, welcome to the club! I hope you found something helpful in this thead. Good luck!

 

[DCMMP3]

There is no reason for you to hide the fact that you've noticed his new on-line profile. Let him know how you now feel. Both as it regards your affections and your newfound jealousy. Well, don't say you're jealous, just that you're hurt. Don't let both of you lose precious time that could be spent together. If he doesn't respond positively, you'll at least know where you stand and be able to move on with your life without the burden of "what if".

 

[chrisrobin]

It is a huge problem when friends with benefits want more or you realize you want more. Over the years this has happened to me and if it's me that wants more its really hard if the other side isn't that interested in a relationship just sex. Mostly these days I service a group of married guys who want to have a chat, get blown, and sometimes a bit more before going home to a wife and a relationship that's not giving them a chance to get their rocks off. I'm quite happy to enjoy the sex knowing it's just sex. Recently I took on a new guy, 3 kids, late twenties, once body but no sex life with his wife. The first time he was shy, not sure and shot his load real quick - and was suitably embarrassed. The next time was much better for us both and he really enjoyed being sucked to fruition. Since then he'd become more adventurous, I've even rimmed him, but I have taken care to make sure that it's just fringe benefits, I suck he cums and then he goes back to his wife. With some guys its so easy to just tip over the edge between common sense and lust.

 

[Thom Hewson]

First things first: You need to take PReP the right way. Set reminders on your phone or get a pill box labeled with the days of the week. Whatever it takes to keep you on your regime.

Congratulations on coming to understand your sexuality. That’s a big emotional step that is worth acknowledging and celebrating.

For most gay men, a FWB relationship comes with no expectation of exclusivity. Unless you had an explicit conversation outlining the parameters of your relationship, e.g., that despite not being in a committed relationship you’re going to be quasI-monogamous and each other’s primary sexual partner, he is not breaking any agreement.

A substantial minority of men who have sex with men engage in relatively frequent casual hookups. It may come in waves or binges, but we enjoy a variety of sexual partners. As your friend has multiple acknowledged boyfriends, he’s probably in this group. You have several options:

Have a serious conversation with him and get him to agree to redefine your relationship.

Accept the risks of his probable non-monogamy and continue seeking him.

Embrace the risks of non-monogamy and start seeing other guys.

Break off your relationship and find someone else.

Spot on. Thank you. @unrivaled Can't emphasize enough the importance of NOT MISSING DOSES. of PReP. Spotty doses is the same as not taking it at all and fuking up big time which is just asking for HIV infection to happen and I can guarantee you lifelong regret if that does happen because you did it to yourself. And I hope not someone else too

Don't be so alarmed your guy is back online. Going offline was a moment in time not a lifelong commitment that you certainly didn't make. Don't treat it as an "issue," treat it as a springboard tip discuss your evolved feelings about being in a gay relationship. And in a relationship period.

Remember! While many men can navigate non monogamous relationships and remain emotionally faithful to one man as their primary, companion, NOBODY I imagine can navigate unintentionally giving that partner HIv because you indulged in a casual fuk who may have himself unintentionally fukked you over passing along the infection. I'm not demeaning poz people here im just saying you incurred AND inflicted a permanent lifelong chronic health concern which is not the same kind of annoying but easily resolvable risk as a surprise case of chlamydia.

Add for the "relationship " there is another side to "love is love" that is a universal part of the human condition

it takes a bit of reflection in a quiet moment to look beyond yourself and realize that there are elements of relationships which have nothing to do with sex and everything to do with compatibility.

My first man and I have had the most physically fulfilling sex I can ever imagine ... it goes beyond "first time" he is younger and incredibly vers and hot in such a rugged way. He's also intrinsically a loner and much more tightly wound which I might admire and try to emulate a bit but it's not how I'm wired and we might well drive each other nuts after a week together.

One buddy is all top .. I can't ever totally get him out of my mind when I'm feeling the itch to rub one out, but how would a life of being his sub play out if everything every day is all about him, not to mention just wanting to top once in awhile just for the fuk of it?

The man i love is outwardly reserved emotionally not demonstrative like me but he's incredibly kind and passionate sexually .. he's my rock and lifevest in the stormy seas of life. Every time with him in bed is different like we're always experimenting with one another... not the same as the first man who's all business when it comes to sex. fulfilling in my soul because my love and I are connected emotionally spiritually ...

You must gauge how you feel about your guy fully clothed as it were.. sex can only glue together parts that fit together in the first place.

 

[Drewski1243]

I'd like to make a long story short but at the same time, I'd like to explain things as best as possible. Please bare with me.

I'm bisexual (24 years old), I've come to accept that. I am DL though. For future reference in this post, I wanna state that I'm genuinely not romantically interested in guys (No dating, relationships, courting, etc. etc.). I just started experimenting with guys for the first time ever this past February (via Grindr). In late March, I came across this one day. Conventionally attractive, nice body, a few years older than me, has his own place, etc. etc.
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At first I was only cool with masturbating with him and the other 2-3 guys I had met with by that point. I told myself I'd never kiss, have sex, give oral, etc. strictly masturbating. I thought meeting up with him was only a one time thing but he meshed so well that we've been seeing each other about once, even sometimes twice, a week ever since. Again though, I'm not interested in guys romantically. Not to mention even if I were into him like that, it's not practical. We're literally in different stages of life, different generations, live different lifestyles, different tax brackets, the list goes on and on.

I've had a sexual awakening thanks to him. I realized that my "never(s)" were just waiting for the right person to bring them out of me. Every meet up we did something different and it eventually led to sex, my first time ever with a guy.
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After our second meet up I think? He said he deleted Grindr because he wasn't interested in it anymore or something. I know he deleted it because our chat history was gone, etc.

Soon after that, we agreed on being friends with benefits. He mentioned that he's dating 1-2 other guys in different states but that it's nothing serious/exclusive. Naturally, when they meet up, they do things together. That's ok with me. He's on PrEP, he's clean, etc. etc. and I also hopped on PrEP (I'm inconsistent with taking it, not gonna lie) since he and I have sex (I bottom. He's like twice my size so I never pitched the idea of topping)

I never deleted the app but since I had found a consistent and good friend with benefits, I cleared out my profile and took everything down. I swear to God, right hand on the bible, I only use that app for browsing. Literally, just to pass time. I don't hit anyone up and no one hits me up. Again, my account is 100% blank.
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For the last month or so, I've realized that I've gotten emotionally attached to him. Hell, I bought him a souvenir when I traveled across the country and back for vacation. When I have good news, he's the first person I tell. When I'm bored, I'll hit him up. And he'll do the same thing back. We're cool with each other. I know this arrangement we have going on won't last forever, so I get upset when I think about having to say bye to him one day. But I'm learning to appreciate however much time we have left.

Here's the dilemma. During our most recent meet, I was laying down and finally came to peace with how far I've come in experimenting with guys. I was proud of myself. And I realized that I could genuinely be comfortable around him. He's been extremely honest, open, communicative, trustworthy, and he's given me a safe space to be myself.

Literally the next day. I open the app and guess who I see. Him. He redownloaded the app. Of course, his face wasn't in it but I recognize the body, stats, etc.
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I know he's not using it just to browse. He has pictures up, a hidden album, lists his interest in his bio, and says he's looking for "Right Now". At first I felt upset but now I feel angry.

It's not technically any of my business and he's not obligated to tell me he's back on. But if he's looking for "Right Now" and is more likely than not, meeting up/doing stuff with other guys, isn't that something he should mention to me? He hasn't said anything and is acting like everything's normal. He doesn't know that I know.

Like I said I know I got emotionally attached. I know a lot of how I'm feeling is coming from a place of jealousy. I can admit that but still, I feel as if this is something he should've told me. I knew about the other 2 guys he's dating/having sex with. It's long distance and they literally might see each other 3 or so times a year, so I'm not mad about that. He was honest and told me.

But now he's on the app and, more likely than not having sex, with strangers? And not telling me?? I don't know what these guys have. How can he do something with one of them and then turn around and try to have sex with me? What if he catches something and passes it on to me?? My health is important too. If he could tell me about the other guys, why can't he tell me that he's on the app pursuing other people?? Again, I know I may just be jealous but still, I don't think I like how he's handling this. I feel like I shouldn't have had to find out and that he should've told me.

I guess I'm okay with him having multiple FWB's but at least tell me, he's been so open and honest up until now so I'm just confused. And for all of this to happen literally RIGHT after I realized how comfortable I can be with him, it just hurts. He always tells me how cool I am, how he likes seeing me, how good I am in bed, etc. etc. and I feel those things about him too, so what the hell?
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I'm looking for advice. Am I wrong? Is he wrong for not telling me? Shouldn't he tell me?
Please don't sugarcoat. If I'm wrong, I'd like to know so that I can put things in perspective.

I'm sorry for the long post but if you've made it this far, please help me out.
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TL;DR: I'm bisexual. My first (guy) friend with benefit (About 2 or so months) who I've had a sexual awakening with is back on Grindr and most likely meeting and doing stuff with other guys. I found out, but he doesn't know that I know. I got emotionally attached to him, so him doing that makes me angry. I know he's not obligated to tell me but shouldn't he? I know I may just be jealous but shouldn't I literally know for my own health? What if he catches something and passes it on to me? I just don't know if it's my place to upset since I'm mostly just jealous, blindsided, or whatever. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

Clearly you’re gayer than you think….you set boundaries and so did he about not catching feelings…clearly you caught feelings because no guy “who not romantically interested” is this hung up….it sounds a whole lot more than I wanna know he’s fucking because “my safety” anyone looking for guys on Grindr without a shadow of the doubt knows how it’s a hookup app…most guys there are strictly their for that…u might have some guys say they aren’t but they are

 

[Thom Hewson]

My partners have all been in different places regarding emotions. The first one who is most sexually compatible wants no connection though he is caring polite and friendly. I would love to love him but I can see we would both have to work on stuff on a personal level to make a relationship work.

The Total Top craves dom sub stuff which resonates for me deeply but I question if that would be a really healthy foundation for a serious relationship. but he seems to remain genuinely attracted and it's just impossible to gauge how a relationship would play out without the freedom to enter into one.

And the man I'm most attracted to emotionally, whom I would marry in a minute because I think we get along so well, and I think we both feel that way, will also likely never have that freedom.

I know myself and there has to be a connection to make even sex work. It's never just sex. But there are a lot moving parts to the stuff relationships are made of, and some or most are out of anyone's control.. they are just who we are at that moment in our lives

 

[Trevor]

He's on PrEP, he's clean, etc. etc. and I also hopped on PrEP (I'm inconsistent with taking it, not gonna lie) since he and I have sex (I bottom. He's like twice my size so I never pitched the idea of topping)

I know I may just be jealous but shouldn't I literally know for my own health? What if he catches something and passes it on to me? I just don't know

I'm Bi and can't remember to take pills either and I figure most guys (and gals) are at least as forgetful as I am so I stick to condoms with FWBs male or female. If you are going bare (PrEP or no PrEP) with someone who is fucking around with other people you are putting yourself at risk for a lot of STDs.

 

[Ojala362]

Spot on. Thank you. @unrivaled Can't emphasize enough the importance of NOT MISSING DOSES. of PReP. Spotty doses is the same as not taking it at all and fuking up big time which is just asking for HIV infection to happen and I can guarantee you lifelong regret if that does happen because you did it to yourself. And I hope not someone else too

Don't be so alarmed your guy is back online. Going offline was a moment in time not a lifelong commitment that you certainly didn't make. Don't treat it as an "issue," treat it as a springboard tip discuss your evolved feelings about being in a gay relationship. And in a relationship period.

Remember! While many men can navigate non monogamous relationships and remain emotionally faithful to one man as their primary, companion, NOBODY I imagine can navigate unintentionally giving that partner HIv because you indulged in a casual fuk who may have himself unintentionally fukked you over passing along the infection. I'm not demeaning poz people here im just saying you incurred AND inflicted a permanent lifelong chronic health concern which is not the same kind of annoying but easily resolvable risk as a surprise case of chlamydia.

Add for the "relationship " there is another side to "love is love" that is a universal part of the human condition

it takes a bit of reflection in a quiet moment to look beyond yourself and realize that there are elements of relationships which have nothing to do with sex and everything to do with compatibility.

My first man and I have had the most physically fulfilling sex I can ever imagine ... it goes beyond "first time" he is younger and incredibly vers and hot in such a rugged way. He's also intrinsically a loner and much more tightly wound which I might admire and try to emulate a bit but it's not how I'm wired and we might well drive each other nuts after a week together.

One buddy is all top .. I can't ever totally get him out of my mind when I'm feeling the itch to rub one out, but how would a life of being his sub play out if everything every day is all about him, not to mention just wanting to top once in awhile just for the fuk of it?

The man i love is outwardly reserved emotionally not demonstrative like me but he's incredibly kind and passionate sexually .. he's my rock and lifevest in the stormy seas of life. Every time with him in bed is different like we're always experimenting with one another... not the same as the first man who's all business when it comes to sex. fulfilling in my soul because my love and I are connected emotionally spiritually ...

You must gauge how you feel about your guy fully clothed as it were.. sex can only glue together parts that fit together in the first place.

Thank you for this forthright confession. I met the love of my life (me 30s, him 50s) and he was honest. He told me he had HIV. We had an amazingly safe 2 years, the very best mental and physical connection I have ever had. To go from the most intense connection to changing his diapers was beyond comprehension. He died in 1995, and I miss him to this day. Please be safe.

 

[GS_PL]

The whole idea of friends with benefits is that you're not "taken", and neither is he. There's no limitation to either of your benefits, so to be upset that he's seeing anyone else, even if you feel that his trust has betrayed you is just silly. I just get angry if I've fallen out of favor with being seen anymore still, but never because of who else they're seeing.

 

[Sota90]

Talk with him. Say you want to be exclusive.

 

[deleted690810]

Thank you for this forthright confession. I met the love of my life (me 30s, him 50s) and he was honest. He told me he had HIV. We had an amazingly safe 2 years, the very best mental and physical connection I have ever had. To go from the most intense connection to changing his diapers was beyond comprehension. He died in 1995, and I miss him to this day. Please be safe.

How wonderful to have had that time together. A lot of people don’t get to experience that. I’m sorry that you lost him but glad you still miss after all these years.

 

[deleted690810]

I'm Bi and can't remember to take pills either and I figure most guys (and gals) are at least as forgetful as I am so I stick to condoms with FWBs male or female. If you are going bare (PrEP or no PrEP) with someone who is fucking around with other people you are putting yourself at risk for a lot of STDs.

I keep my Prep pills by my toothbrush. Wake up, brush my teeth, pop the pill. I hardly ever miss a dose.