Masturbation and relationships

[elklindoxxx]

That's rather selfish and egotistical.

Just because my partner wants me to dick her instead of me masturbating alone, that doesn't mean she's selfish? It's great (and beneficial for me) that she has a strong libido. I'm not complaining about it.

I'm not aware of any guys who complain about their women wanting to have too much sex or giving too many blowjobs. For us as a couple, we have sex at least twice a week. So it would be difficult for me to masturbate on the side and then to have penetrative sex to satisfy her. If I were in my late teens, I could get away with it, but not anymore...

 

[gaydude45]

Just because my partner wants me to dick her instead of me masturbating alone, that doesn't mean she's selfish? It's great (and beneficial for me) that she has a strong libido. I'm not complaining about it.

I'm not aware of any guys who complain about their women wanting to have too much sex or giving too many blowjobs. For us as a couple, we have sex at least twice a week. So it would be difficult for me to masturbate on the side and then to have penetrative sex to satisfy her. If I were in my late teens, I could get away with it, but not anymore...

Being that you can no longer physically do both, I suppose that's fair. It seemed controlling if she just didn't want you to do it out of some empty principal.

 

[Sagittarius84]

For us as a couple, we have sex at least twice a week. So it would be difficult for me to masturbate on the side and then to have penetrative sex to satisfy her.

Ok, not a dig nor an insult...is this a common thing? Like is the average man's ability to have good sex 2x a week mitigated by periodic masturbation throughout the week?
Maybe I have to dial back my jealousy a bit, because even if my wife could somehow maintain a twice a week average that would be nowhere sufficient to deal with my libido.
I see the selfish/egotistical perspective about masturbation much more so if her DTFness isn't "assisted" by physical limitations. Most of the women I've come across who have an issue with their partner masturbating aren't meeting his sexual intimacy needs as is, and yet still want to limit his outlets just because.

 

[thongboy]

I don't think that masturbating should damage a relationship. Watching a buddy jerk off or knowing that he gets off watching me work my cock is a real turn on. The same with my girlfriend. She loves to watch me stroking my cock or sliding it into a Fleshlight, And when she gets out her favourite Rabbit I'm rock hard in seconds

 

[elklindoxxx]

Ok, not a dig nor an insult...is this a common thing? Like is the average man's ability to have good sex 2x a week mitigated by periodic masturbation throughout the week?
Maybe I have to dial back my jealousy a bit, because even if my wife could somehow maintain a twice a week average that would be nowhere sufficient to deal with my libido.
I see the selfish/egotistical perspective about masturbation much more so if her DTFness isn't "assisted" by physical limitations. Most of the women I've come across who have an issue with their partner masturbating aren't meeting his sexual intimacy needs as is, and yet still want to limit his outlets just because.

In our situation, we both like to have a day or two off after we have intercourse to recover physically. Our frequency is every other day or two. And we both prefer quality over the quantity of sex.

That said, I've been accustomed to ejaculating through vaginal and oral sex, that it's such a different sensation when she masturbates me. So much so that it will take a little longer to finish. And I really don't have a desire to masturbate, I just do it to get erect before sex.

 

[Sagittarius84]

In our situation, we both like to have a day or two off after we have intercourse to recover physically. Our frequency is every other day or two. And we both prefer quality over the quantity of sex.

That said, I've been accustomed to ejaculating through vaginal and oral sex, that it's such a different sensation when she masturbates me. So much so that it will take a little longer to finish. And I really don't have a desire to masturbate, I just do it to get erect before sex.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you and your partner?

 

[NY2NY]

I do both. If we don't do it for a few days, then I cum faster than I want to, so it's almost better to masturbate in between. Can also do both on the same day without issues.

 

[678wsb]

....so wouldn't a good compromise be figuring out how to masturbate effectively....without needing a death grip?


And maybe a larger question, what is this thing about death grips and desensitizing,and the like? If anything the one year I refrained from masturbation, or watching porn is when my sex drive went down or I had sexual issues with my significant other.

The no fap thing is beyond my comprehension, lol.

I went a few months without jerking and was miserable. All I could think about was sex and nothing else.

It just takes time to find the right one for you. I've ran into quite a few dead ends when dating. Especially the last one who I was going out with, who was really lame. And it was my sister who came up to me and told me to get rid of her...."I've got someone who who you have to meet." I asked her out 10 minutes after meeting her, we had great chemistry and for the first time in my life I had sex on the first date.

And that being said, my partner and I do strength and conditioning training 4 - 5 days a week. And she takes pride in her appearance. So if I were to go and jerk off, she would take offense to it. Thinking that I don't find her attractive enough. On the other hand I'll pleasure my partner in the way she wants. It's a beautiful thing to put a smile on someone's face. IMO...much better than solo pleasure.

What sort of workout plan do you do? Trying to get my body looking like yours.

 

[deepvoicedan]

I need to cum more than we have sex. Our sex life is good and I imagine better (and more frequent) than most couples of a similar age and length of relationship but it's always been an issue for us whereby my girth and her tightness causes her to be too sore to have sex more often anyway.

I don't know if she knows I also masturbate - she probably does but I only do it when I'm alone in the house. I don't know how she would feel: hopefully she knows it's just a need thing and not a preference. If we could have sex daily or even every other day I probably wouldn't need to.

 

[erpap]

My partner doesn't approve of me masturbating because, according to her, it's a wasteful use of time. She wants me to have sexual activity with her.

However, there are times when she is not in the mood for intercourse. So she will either give me a handjob or perform oral sex on me. Which I find both to be intensely pleasurable, way way more than masturbating.

I’d rather have some sort of sex instead of masturbating. Don’t get me wrong I like it but I’d rather have sex than masturbation.

 

[HungBtmVegas]

This is an interesting dynamic as a submissive bottom because I only cum maybe 50% of the time when I have sex with someone, so I masturbate frequently after sex.

 

[notthatguy]

I absolutely need to knock out a load or two in the shower even after my morning fuck.

 

[gaydude45]

I absolutely need to knock out a load or two in the shower even after my morning fuck.

We sometimes do that, too.

 

[NakedBuddy]

100% agreed. This might be the best compromise for my situation. Thanks!

I think this compromise will help. However, it also might be a good idea to work on lightening that "death grip." I suspect you may not feel like you have a lot of time when you do masturbate - hence, the death grip gets you off faster (just a guess on my part). Try allocating a couple of hours (say, once a week) for your alone time, look at your favorite porn, and practice edging for a couple of hours with a lighter touch. If successful, you're more likely to have a really great orgasm and, as a benefit, you might find that you don't need the death grip to get off.

 

[lapdog2001]

How do you guys in relationships find a balance between having sex with your partner and masturbating?

I've been seeing a woman for two years now, and we usually have great sex at least twice a week. No complaints there, really. But I miss having some me-time and knocking one or two out on my own.

Even in my 20s and 30s, when I was in a relationship and having sex at least once or twice a week, I rarely masturbated. Sex is just soooooo much better than jerking off that I could wait to have amazing sexual release when with the woman I was dating. If I was getting horny and I knew we wouldn't be seeing each other for 4-5 days or more, I would most certainly rub one out for some release.

At one point I was in a Friends With benefits relationship and we were genuinely friends, and hung out together all the time. Did we have sex every time we were together? No, but we probably did about 80% of the time! It was the 1990s version of NetFlix and Chill, where watching TV would lead to some caressing which would lead to clothes coming off and spending some quality time in bed giving each other great sexual satisfaction.

Bottom line? When I was getting regular sex, at any point in my life for the last few decades, I really didn't have the need to masturbate.