My ex best friend

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hanzosword said:
Part 6. Confessions ​

I have to backtrack a bit to just before T moved in with me. There was a cosmetic issue that I had that was keeping me from wanting to hook up with guys my whole adult life. I'm uncut and I'm ever so grateful for it. My mom and her 12 siblings were born out in the country, usually at a relative's house I believe, so her 7 brothers never got cut and her and her siblings never cut their boys, me and my first cousins. When I was 16 my dick grew these tiny bumps all round the head. I was horrified and hoped they would go away on their own. They never did. They caused me no pain or discomfort but they were just aesthetically unappealing to me since I lived my first 16 years of life without them. For years I had no idea what they were or if other people had them. It turned out to be a harmless condition called pearly penile papules.

You may have seen them and probably paid them no mind. If I had been born with them they may never have bothered me but they grew at 16 and destroyed my confidence. I didn't know what they were at first so I was terrified for anybody to see it up close. It seems to be more common in uncircumcised men. Whenever a hot guy noticed me would always go back to the fear of having those bumps seen so I let it hold me back a lot.

During the first few months of having T in my life I found a plastic surgeon who was willing to laser the bumps down for a cheap price. T and I laughed and joked all the time but we talked about serious stuff too so I told him all about it. He was super supportive. I had the procedure done and I was able to carry on like normal with no pain. The surgeon did have to stick my dick with a needle and it did hurt a bit but he numbed me with numbing cream so I didn't feel anything else. I remember telling T how relieved I was that it was over and that it was time for me to start living now. I felt like this had been holding me back for such a long time but when I got home that day I realized I still didn't want to hook up! I had to sit down and really ask myself why the hell do I not want to or at least find a guy to talk to?

As I was contemplating this T was texting me about hanging out and then it hit me that I think about this man from the time I wake up until the time I go to sleep. I realized that we barely went 1 day without talking to each other for the past 6 or 7 months. It was because we wanted to. It was never one sided. There were days where I wasn't gonna reach out to him that day but he would reach out to me by the end of the day and probably vice versa with him.

It was then that I started to realize that I was falling in love with T! It was the highlight of my day to talk to him. He was so kind, sweet, caring, funny and he was such a good friend. He was beautiful to me on the inside and the outside. It seemed that the eye gazing experiment that I started worked indeed, on me at least lol. I didn't really think anything would come of it. T and I had such a powerful spiritual connection. I think that's what happens when you gaze deeply into another person's eyes. I thought to myself, "I am fucked." Even if T does feel the same way about me, he may never admit it. He told himself his whole life that he's straight and if he does feel the same about me it would be too much of a shock to find himself with feelings for a man.

I remember discussing with T that no man is 100% straight, in a joking way but I seriously believed that lol. He told me that he pisses sitting down like 90% of the time. I said there you go, that's some gay shit right there haha. I have seen way too many "straight" men stare at me just like T does and do subtle things like find some way to touch me to believe men when they say they're 100% straight. T told Eric and I one night that back in Michigan he was about to take a job dancing, like go go dancing or stripping for gay men! He said at the last minute he backed out because he just couldn't do it. That confession came way out of left field. I don't know what made him consider doing such a thing as a straight man. It added more fuel to Eric's fire because he was sure T was not at all straight like he said he was and he laughed behind T's back about it all the time.

In basic training we had open showers with no privacy and I know from experience that all men look at each other for different reasons. I think it's some animal instinct thing where you size up the competition or something. It's not sexual for everybody who looks though. This straight guy told me in the locker room one day that I should be proud of this thing between my legs lol. That same guy must have caught another guy staring at my ass as I dried off once and he said "I see you looking at his ass." I couldn't help but laugh and feel a little embarrassed for whoever was staring haha.

A new girl who we'll call Lisa, started working at T's job in his department cooking and serving food and he was saying that he was interested in her. Now this is about 7 or 8 months since meeting T and the whole time he was not into hooking up or trying to date any girls. He worked all the time, hung out with with me, Eric and a few other coworkers most of the time and got high. He seemed to be in a happy place. I wasn't into hooking up either and I just wasn't interested in trying at the time. T didn't mention Lisa very often but they had each other's numbers and they chatted when they weren't working sometimes. It seemed like T was just trying to make something happen with her because she was right there working with him everyday. It didn't seem like he was really into her and it seemed like he was forcing himself to act like he did. It's hard for me to explain but my sixth sense is never wrong about these things.

One day I asked T if he wanted to hang out and he said he can't because he has a date with Lisa, his coworker. I was crushed when he told me that and I actually had a short, but good cry about it haha. I'm not the type to cry in front of anyone but I do have a cry every now and then when I'm alone. I hated that I was in love with this man and there was nothing I could do to make the feelings go away. As he got closer to her I knew I had to tell him about my feelings. It was just too much to keep bottled inside. I felt like if I told him and got it all off of my chest then the sooner I could start to get over it, hopefully. I knew there was a chance that he might not want to be as close to me or even be friends with me anymore after telling him but it was a risk I had to take. I remember asking T once if any of his gay friends ever fell in love with him earlier in our friendship and he said one was attracted to him and that was it. That was the one who blew him while he was drunk. I was looking over old texts and he actually said that during that threeway with his gay friend and a female friend, the female didn't want to suck him so the gay friend would suck him to encourage the girl to do it. He said he was being his wingman. I couldn't believe he actually seemed grateful to his gay friend for doing that. I felt like he would get upset with me for such small things but not at all for big, horrible things that other people did to him.

It took all the courage I had to tell T how I felt about him. I wanted to tell him in person one day but like I said, Eric followed him to my place every single day so I never got to talk one on one with him in person. After he met Eric, I was never alone with him again for a long time. It was as if he was afraid to be alone with me. He had nothing to fear from me because I was perfectly respectful and it was always him trying to get me high and drunk lol.

I had to text it to him. I can't remember much of what I said but we were texting and I eased the conversation into the fact that my platonic feelings grew into something more. I told him I felt this way for a while and it wouldn't affect our friendship any. He told me he had no idea. I said "Well yeah, I can't exactly hug you and kiss you like I want to." He jokingly said something like "come on, first a straight girl and now a straight man." My response was "Yeah, I know. I suck at life lol." My first love was a girl when I was in high school but that's another story. I told him that something he did sent me over the edge with my feelings and it was all the staring. His response was "I'll stop." I said please do because it looks bisexual as hell lol. What's a gay man to do after months of staring at me like that lol."

The same night that I confessed my love for him, T asked if I wanted to chill just like normal. It seemed like our friendship wasn't going to skip a beat after all. I was shocked but I said sure. He came over, alone this time, for the first time in a long time. He also came wearing some very good smelling cologne. I was really wondering what was up with the cologne but I didn't think much of it because I didn't want to get my hopes up. This was at night after he closed at the grocery store, so around 8 to 10 ish at night. He was just as friendly as always and things didn't feel awkward at all. He sat pretty close to me on the couch and we probably watched some tv or something. I'm sure he smoked and I always went outside with him when he did. I really can't remember what we talked about at all really but I was just hoping something magical would happen. It didn't, sadly. I poured my whole heart out to him and I was not about to try to kiss him or anything. He would have had to meet me halfway if he felt the same. He never wore cologne just to hang out with me before and it couldn't have been a coincidence that he wore some that night. All of these mixed signals confused me because he didn't seem to care what anyone else thought so if he felt something why wasn't he saying anything?

Normally when a friend falls for another friend and it's unrequited, the one who doesn't feel the same tells the other person something like, "I'm flattered but I just don't feel the same way." You let them down gently. I was waiting for T to say those words or something like it but he never did. I thought that was odd but then he never backed down from saying he was straight so I guess it could have been implied too.

As T got to know his coworkers at the grocery store it was his idea to start having a bowling alley night on Friday nights. One of them, a manager who we'll call Amanda, had a party when he first started working there. T went with Eric who was friends with Amanda and Amanda gave T hickeys on his neck and he felt her boobs up while he was there. He showed me a picture of Amanda and I hate to say it but she wasn't the cutest girl lol. I guess he was desperate for some action with any female who was available at the time haha.

Anyway, T invited me to their first bowling alley night and all the others after, but the first night Eric was there because he went everywhere T went and he asked T for the $15 to get shoes and bowl. T being as kind hearted as he was gave it to him. I guess Eric knew better than to ask me for money because I would have told him no. This was always the routine. T and I would go somewhere, Eric would show up then he would ask T for money to do whatever he and I was doing. I was generous to him though. I always offered him food and something to drink and I even gave him things to sell on ebay which he sold for good money without asking for anything in return.

The girl who T was interested in at the time, Lisa, was there and T was flirting pretty hard with her the whole night. She and I talked because T talked about me to everybody and we had short, but good conversation. She was trying to join the Army part time and I talked to her about that. I didn't seem like she was all that into T either even though she flirted back a bit. All of this was after I realized that I was in love with him so it was very hard to watch him flirt with her. I kept it cool the whole night but I didn't know any of his coworkers really except Eric and I don't think he spoke to me the whole time. The music was playing really loudly so it was hard to talk to anybody anyway. I was pretty bored and lonely that night. T did a good job of interacting with everybody but I felt like quite the outsider since they all worked with each other .

He asked me if I had fun and I told him there wasn't anybody to talk to really but I told him I was good. I never really feel any loneliness or boredom much until I'm around other people and that's if I'm not connecting with them or not having any fun with them. I didn't want him to think I had a terrible time but I wanted to be honest too. He told me not to be so shy next time. I told him it's hard to talk with the music blasting extremely loud like at a club lol. I really didn't know if I wanted to go again. I don't think I did the next week but I eventually went again.

Another thing about Eric was that when we went out somewhere he barely spoke to me at all. He would only talk to T pretty much and follow him around like a puppy. I told T about this but he made every excuse for him always. It was so clear that Eric had no interest in being my friend but T could not see it. He kept encouraging me to give him a chance.

The months went on and I could see that T actually made an effort to not stare at me after I told him it caused me to fall for him lol. It only lasted a few short days if that. Before I knew it he was back staring at me again. The man could not help himself haha. I didn't bother saying anything about it anymore because it made me feel pretty damn good. That eye gazing did somethign to both of us. Something very spiritual happens when people look each other in the eye like that. It was like he and I knew each other's thoughts sometimes. Sometimes he would say almost verbatim what I was thinking. He said it pretty often that we didn't meet by accident.

I used to go to the grocery store where T worked to buy some of the food that he and his team cooked sometimes. Sometimes he would ask me to come buy some stuff. I used to wonder if he just wanted to see me lol. At some point the store needed all the workers to work a bunch of extra hours for a whole week. During that week T started to act weird with me. There was no catalyst to cause him to act funny with me but during that week when I texted him his responses were totally different. I told him it felt like I was bothering him and he said "I guess so. I've been busy." The thing about that was on his busiest days at work he somehow found the time to text me, a lot. I wouldn't bother him when I knew he was working but he would talk to me while there a lot so I knew that excuse was bullshit. I didn't push the issue.

At the end of that week his mom and step dad took a trip back home to Michigan, leaving T home alone. I asked what he was going to do with the house to himself and he said he was having a get together with some of the guys from work. He was just gonna play some video games, drink and smoke. He said I could come if I wanted to. The way he said that was weird since we talked and hung out everyday almost. I felt like I was the last person invited.

I went to the get together and T was still acting weird. He wasn't talking to me like normal but he was fully focused on his coworkers. It was so awkward. I didn't know his coworkers at all really and they were really young. T was kind of a shy guy but he really loosened up around his coworkers and it was shocking to see him be so different. I was glad for him that he was having fun. I played it cool. I didn't smoke anything and I really didn't have much to drink. At one point after getting really drunk and high I noticed T staring at me with a kind of sad look on his face. It was as if he felt sorry for barely talking to me the whole time. There was only 3 of his coworkers there so far. Eventually Eric came by after work and he smelled horrible lol. He really needed a shower but he lived like 20 miles away and he never got to shower after work. When he got there he barely spoke to me but that was typical of him. He hung out at my place several days a week but you couldn't tell.

T had already planned on letting anybody stay the night who wanted to so I figured I might. Once Eric got there I knew he was going to too just to be close to T. Some of us sat on T's bed while they played the playstation and I knew Eric was not going to budge and was gonna try to sleep on T's bed. T and I slept side by side on his bed while Eric was by our feet taking up all the space we needed to stretch our legs. We couldn't really sleep because Eric was too damn clingy to sleep on a couch. Not only did he keep us up but kept talking as we tried to sleep. T got annoyed and slept in another bed. Nothing happened in the bed lol. It could have been different if Eric wasn't there but there was no escape from that clingy man. I ended up leaving early the next morning because I just couldn't take anymore of T's coldness towards me. I figured it would all blow over and he would come back to himself again at some point.

T's coworkers went to his place again to hang out but he didn't invite me and I didn't bother to go. I wanted him to enjoy having the place to himself. His coworkers and Eric didn't give a shit about that lol. He said he had to kick all of them out that next day. I asked T if he was still going to move in with me and he said he forgot all about that. He said he would after his mom and stepdad came back. I was nervous about it since he was acting so strangely all of a sudden. A few days later he packed up all of his things and started moving in to my place. My place was about 10 miles from his mom's house. It took about 2 trips to get everything.

I was really hoping the awkwardness would stop between him and I but it was only just the beginning! I told him I would help him with everything but the day he moved in he was still being cold. He had Eric come to help him move everything in. I told him about my feelings for him a while ago, may at this point so I had no idea where his coldness was coming from. Looking back, I think he was feeling the same thing I was but he didn't know how to deal with it. I think he was too overwhelmed by it and started to withdraw. I was really worried that I made a huge mistake in letting him move in. After he first proposed that we get a place together he told me face to face with a smile that we would be chilling all the time. It was a different story so far...

This was a long one but stay tuned for part 7.
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There are a lot of he started acting differently than usual. It would be nice if we had a frame of reference. You never stated how he was being different. As for Eric, there is no way, On the weekends I would go and hang out with them at Eric's just like he did not give you any alone time with T and I would not have kept letting him in my place if he treated me poorly and on top of that not even speak to me.

Its been in my experience that when you and a str8 guy might be feeling each other the last think I would talk about it feelings and that I was falling for them.
 
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hanzosword said:
Part 8: Franzia​

One night T and Eric came after work with some wine in a box called Franzia. They wanted to have a night of drinking and I was down for it. I was a little sad that they made this plan without me but it was no big deal. The Franzia was in a bag inside the box and we drank directly from it. They drank more than me and they said you had to slap the bag before each drink lol. I had been drunk before but never so drunk that I had a hangover. That changed after this night. T and Eric got pissy drunk before I did so I looked after both of them until I passed out too haha. I made sure they had some water to drink. Eric crashed on the couch downstairs first then T and I went upstairs. T started to vomit in his bathroom and he laid out on the floor. I remember looking at him wishing I could feel him up or hoping he would have dragged me into bed with him, but before I knew it the box wine hit me hard that I barely made it to my own bed as the room started spinning.

They both had to work the next day and I was amazed that they made it to work. I had my first hangover and couldn't do shit the next day but luckily I was self employed and had the freedom to just rest lol. It was a fun night but I vowed that I could never drink that much wine in a box again. Whenever I see that nasty Franzia in the grocery store my stomach rumbles a little bit lol. T told me he was so grateful for the water I gave him that next day. Eric recorded some of it and it was a lot of fun night all in all.

As time went on T and I would go out and do things sometimes. When the fair came to town he and I went and he invited Eric without telling me at first. We had an amazing time. We got on a lot of rides. I'm deathly afraid of heights and T isn't so he convinced me to get on this scary ass ride that was like an elevator of death. I jokingly asked he would hold my hand for that ride and he was like "uh no." He could be very sensitive sometimes so I had to be careful what I said to him. This elevator ride was the tallest ride out there and you could see so much of the city from the top. It was an amazing view. Anyway, I was sure I would pass out from that big drop but surprisingly I didn't and I survived lol. My throat was sore as hell and I asked T why was that. He said it was because I yelled so hard the whole time lol.

We had so much fun and we were spent after that ride and we were ready to go, but he invited Eric so he came right when we were ready to go. Eric immediately asked T for money to get on some rides and Eric had to explain to him that he wasn't doing that and that we were done. It was like talking to a child. I could not get why he was always inviting Eric when it was clear that he and I were not really friends even though he came over to my place all the time.

There as another time we went out to an arcade/restaurant called Dave and Buster's. I asked T if he wanted to go and I didn't ask Eric because Eric never had money. He would literally spend his last dollar on weed. This was before T moved in with me by the way. T got to the arcade before I did and told me he was ready to eat and I asked him to wait for me but he said he was going to go for it. That was odd, but when I got there I saw that Eric was there already and they ate together. As usual when we were out somewhere, Eric barely acknowledged me and as usual Eric had no money to get a card to play games with.

Now, I might be a child of the early 80's, but that was the dawn of the video game era and I will always love video games! Instead of us having a good time, it turned into Eric following T around watching him play games. They just hopped all over the place without me as I just had to play with myself for almost the whole time. It sucked. It wasn't until the end of the day that T joined me in some games. I could not believe how they could just leave me hanging like that. I wouldn't have done that to either of them. When it was the 3 of us they always made me feel like an outsider even though T and I were so close. It was like T would shut off a part of himself when Eric was around. I started to just leave them there without saying a word but they both came back to my place to hang out.

There was another time that just T and I went out to the movies and to a fun park where they had mini golf, bumper cars and baseball batting cages. Thankfully he didn't invite Eric this time. We saw some Ryan Reynolds movie where he was an assassin or something like that. It was okay but it was nice to hang with T. We shared some popcorn and he let me sip some of his soda because I refused to pay the hundreds of dollars the movie theater charged for it lol. Things just felt so romantic with T sometimes and this day felt like that. He was always looking me deep in my eyes, looking at my naked soul, it felt like. He never cared for going to the movies much so I was happy he decided to this time. The theater was less than 1 mile from my apartment so I usually went there on a whim when most people were working and when the tickets were cheaper.

I think we saw the movie first, then we headed to the fun park. T introduced me to mini golf for the first time and he gave me some pointers. He was such a good teacher that he made it pretty fun. I had never played golf or had any interest in it before. We did the batting cages too where I was terrible, since I hadn't played baseball in many years. T did a much better job. He was pretty good at a lot of things. We had two awesome man dates in a row that day. The next day I told him in a text how much fun that was. He agreed. I wondered if he felt any of the romance I felt.

Fast forwarding to us living together, we didn't go out with just the two of us as much but going bowling with his coworkers just about every Friday became a regular thing. After T had his date with his coworker Lisa, nothing seemed to come of it. I racked my brain thinking about what they were doing that day. He told me afterwards that they just went out to eat at the same place where we get our favorite burger and that was it. He said it wasn't as awkward as he thought it might be. Eric and Lisa were friends and Eric must have found out that Lisa liked girls. Eric was trying to hook her up with another girl or something like that. T found out and thought it was shady of Eric since T claimed that he liked her. Nothing stopped T from being friends with Eric. Around this time though, Eric was starting to get on T's nerves. T told me he was super close to not hanging out with T anymore. I told him he puts up with a lot from him.

T and Eric smoked everyday and T would always end up giving Eric all of his weed to smoke and never got much in return. After smoking with them for the first time, I smoked with them on occasion. I usually did it with just T at home. T was always trying to get me high and sometimes drunk. I said no to getting high, like 90% of the time. He said he liked getting high with me. I used to, by accident, make the blunt too wet with my spit but T didn't seem to mind too much lol. After that first weird time it wasn't so bad anymore. I just felt super relaxed by this point. In fact, I became too damn relaxed to the point where I couldn't do anything. I couldn't do the most basic task, like play a video game so before I got high I had to take care of any chores or work I had to do first lol. I knew I would have no energy afterwards.

T was adamant that while being high, food tasted better, jacking off felt better and that sleep was better. Weed didn't quite work like that for me. Food didn't taste better and I could not get horny while high. I remember being high once after going to bed and thinking about jacking off but my libido was just gone while high. My dick never got hard, not even once while high. I did eventually start to sleep much better though and I did get the munchies eventually. T could eat a lot, being a bigger guy at 6"2, but I saw how he could eat so much while high after feeling those munchies lol. I felt like I couldn't get enough food. It was a crazy sensation. My stomach rumbled like crazy, like it was angry lol.

Being high was okay to do every once in a while but I could not get why anybody would want to do that every single day and several times a day. T and Eric would usually smoke on their lunch breaks at work then come to my place and get high again. That stuff didn't have the same affect on my body and that should have been a sign for me but I didn't pay it much mind.

T tried several different drugs before, like LSD and molly and he decided he wanted to do some LSD again. He planned to do it with Eric. I had no interest in doing any other type of drug. I was with them when they did it at Eric's parent's house. His mom and stepdad were older, retired folks and they would travel on the weekends sometimes. They had a spacious house with a nice, big yard. I don't know where T got the stuff from but they put the little piece of paper in their mouths and went on a trip to la la land lol. They seemed pretty normal when they got high. Their pupils were humongous though. T told me that it seemed to open up your mind like pathways in your brain and that you could figure things out when getting high from LSD.

I think we ended up walking around a bit and laying on the ground and looking at the stars until their high came down. When T goes to Eric's house he becomes a different person. Where he acts all reserved at home with me sometimes he always acted more at home over there even when Eric's parents are there and we have to be all quiet. Sometimes I would wonder how I ended up with these two in my life and with them getting high all the time while I'm sober most of the time lol. I always felt like the third wheel when it was the 3 of us. It seemed like my closeness with T always took a backseat when Eric was around. There was no reason for it, but that's what T usually did. I'm so used to feeling that way that I never want to make anyone else feel like that. I always manage to include anyone around me, no matter what I might be talking about. It's so easy to do, but most people just don't do it. T and Eric could spend the entire night talking about nothing but work, while leaving me out of the conversation entirely. I'm not the type to feel loneliness but it is a very lonely feeling when you're with people and you're not having any fun or connecting with them.

I told T about all of this, about how they only talk about work and mostly to each other and his response was "all I do is work." He told Eric about how I said I feel left out when they do that but I don't think he cared. He was obsessed with T and that was his only concern. T and I talked about everything under the sun, not just about work but Eric talked so much that he barely breathed and he would always steer the conversation back to work or his old job at Disney.

Eric's obsession with T just got worse and worse. T always included Eric in everything he did almost. I could see that Eric felt like T was his boyfriend in his crazy mind because they worked together all day, smoked during their break and hung out until late after work almost everyday. When Eric would come over to my place he always had to sit right next to T, never near me. T wouldn't sit next to me much anymore either and it was weird to say the least. I noticed that it was very much on purpose. T would always sit where he could look at me and he couldn't do that sitting next to me. I asked him about it and he gave some bullshit answer that didn't make sense. He really couldn't get enough of looking into my eyes lol. I loved it.

When the three of us would go to the store, usually so T could get paper to roll up with, Eric would always jump in the front seat of T's car. Eric was shorter than me and I needed more leg room so I would tell him to let me sit up front. He got upset every time lol. He really felt like T was his. It was crazy lol. I knew it was not a good idea for T to be so friendly with Eric because I knew how desperate gay guys like him think. You can have just a short conversation with some gay guys and they'll want to be with you just that fast. Eric was that type of guy. He felt like because T spent so much time with him, that T must want him.

After doing the LSD, Eric's obsession with T seemed to go away and he seemed to really get it that he had no chance with T. He seemed to actually believe that T was straight like he always said he was, but I didn't buy it. Eric said to me all the time "T sent me songs on Spotify or he did something that was completely normal and not flirty or romantic, "is he trying to tell me something?" I tried to tell him T is just friendly and he's not trying tell you anything. T was far out of Eric's league even if he did like men. Eric was so blind that he could not see how close T and I were and he couldn't even imagine that there could be something between us. Eric, even while being infatuated with T, would flirt with every single good looking man that worked at their store and none of them gave him the time of day except T. My sixth sense told me there was trouble ahead between those two.

I'll cover the drama that unfolded between T and Eric in Part 9!
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I love this story and as you go on about feeling like the third wheel, you realize you did not involve yourself in the conversations. The other thing is, people will stop asking you to do things if you keep saying no to their offers. You said most times when you would start to say something, Eric would start talking over you. Eric knew what he wanted and went for it even though you go on and on about how obsessed Eric was and in the next sentence you talk about how T isn't paying attention to you and how can they just ignore like they do. Hahaha
 
ndamood4sum said:
I love this story and as you go on about feeling like the third wheel, you realize you did not involve yourself in the conversations. The other thing is, people will stop asking you to do things if you keep saying no to their offers. You said most times when you would start to say something, Eric would start talking over you. Eric knew what he wanted and went for it even though you go on and on about how obsessed Eric was and in the next sentence you talk about how T isn't paying attention to you and how can they just ignore like they do. Hahaha
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Oh I involved myself in the conversations plenty lol, but they would go on and on about work or weed. They were always talking about their other coworkers and their bosses. There's ways of including other people in conversations even when they're not familiar with everything they talk about. T and I would talk about everything when Eric wasn't around. T was this great friend until Eric came around. It's hard to explain but Eric just drained my energy lol. He talked so much, non stop haha. I read that I might be some type of empath and that some people just drain my energy. I talked with them a lot and I we laughed a lot. It wasn't all miserable.
 
ndamood4sum said:
There are a lot of he started acting differently than usual. It would be nice if we had a frame of reference. You never stated how he was being different. As for Eric, there is no way, On the weekends I would go and hang out with them at Eric's just like he did not give you any alone time with T and I would not have kept letting him in my place if he treated me poorly and on top of that not even speak to me.

Its been in my experience that when you and a str8 guy might be feeling each other the last think I would talk about it feelings and that I was falling for them.
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Well, these events were over 4 years ago so I'm doing my best to explain lol. I'll keep that in mind for the next part. Eric lived about 20 miles away from my place and I drove around all day on top of that so I wasn't too eager to drive out there all the time. Eventually I did go out to his place much more often. I did stop him from coming by my place after I had had enough of him barging in without speaking to me. We had a talk after that and we came to an understanding. He tried to blame it on being high all the time, but he knew I meant business.

I had to get my feelings off my chest so I did tell him about it. We didn't talk about it much after I first told him. He actually brought it up a few times much later on.
 
hanzosword said:
Well, these events were over 4 years ago so I'm doing my best to explain lol. I'll keep that in mind for the next part. Eric lived about 20 miles away from my place and I drove around all day on top of that so I wasn't too eager to drive out there all the time. Eventually I did go out to his place much more often. I did stop him from coming by my place after I had had enough of him barging in without speaking to me. We had a talk after that and we came to an understanding. He tried to blame it on being high all the time, but he knew I meant business.

I had to get my feelings off my chest so I did tell him about it. We didn't talk about it much after I first told him. He actually brought it up a few times much later on.
Click to expand...
Need the next part!
 
Part 10: Best Friends Fall Out​


After that bad trip things were pretty good at home with T. We hung out all the time and we didn't have many issues. We still hung out with Eric a lot and we usually watched A Game of Thrones and Rick and Morty together or played video games or board games. T and Eric still worked together at the grocery store and somehow Eric eased his way into T's department where they cooked and served food and worked over there sometimes. He would have done anything to be around T more often so it was no surprise.

Eric working in T's department made him even more convinced that T was into him when he was not. I could see all of this clearly since the first day I met Eric. The first time I met him was shortly after T started working at the grocery store. T never described him but he was just as I pictured him, unnattractive and very feminine. T wanted to go to the lake nearby that summer, back in 2017, so we all met up there. It was nice and warm, around 90 degrees, perfect for getting in the water. T warned me that Eric talked a lot before I met him and he wasn't lying lol. We had fun chilling in the shallow part of the water. I never learned how to swim so they were teaching me how to float. I was panicking way too much to do it. Anyway, after that first day I saw how much Eric agreed with everything T said and how much he kissed his ass. It was very weird and T didn't seem notice it at all. He was just happy to have another friend who was a stoner.

Eric only got worse the closer he got to T. When I tried to point out Eric's obsession T would always brush it off. He always said he let Eric know that he is straight and that he could never have him. T always babied him, letting Eric follow him to my place after months of coming by. It took him many months to remember how to get to my place haha. Eric would always act as if he didn't understand anything just so T could take his time and explain things to him like how to play some phone game or how to use some app. T would take his time to explain the most basic concepts like saving money and cancelling services he didn't need like apps that he didn't use. I remember texting with T and him saying that I seem to have a problem when he's nice to Eric. I knew he was creating a monster by being so nice to Eric so I was frustrated by it, but I was never mean to Eric in any way.

T and I during this time were just like a couple who didn't have sex or get intimate at all lol. We were always together and we got along so well. T was always making plans for our future together. He literally planned our lives together. When we talked about the future it was always about the two of us. He didn't speak about Eric much when he talked about the future. One day he texts me to come home fast because he had something to show me. I had no idea what that was about, but when I got home he had a big grin on his face and asked me if I noticed anything different. I didn't see it at first, but then I noticed he got his ear pierced! He never had any piercings or tattoos so I was surprised. He had like a cz diamond in it and it looked fucking hot on him. I didn't want to tell him like that but I told him it fits him. As hot as I thought he was already, that earring made him look hotter lol.

After Eric saw the piercing he gave T tons of compliments as he always did. He didn't stop there though because he immediately went and got one of his ears pierced too. I'm sure it was the same ear too. Eric started copying T's whole style. He started wearing clothes like T. His style was pretty simple. T wore tank tops a lot and Eric started wearing tank tops all of a sudden. When I say this man was obsessed, I mean it quite literally lol. T talked to me about it. He said "he is taking my whole style, what the hell is wrong with him?" I kept telling T that something was wrong with his ass. "He wants you and he wants to be you", I said to him. He wanted to skin T and wear him lol.

T was getting fed up with constantly loaning Eric money and with him smoking up all of his weed and never contributing any. I remember texting with T and telling him that he's making a mistake by keeping him so close to him. I told him I see a huge blow up happening between the two of them. Just days or a few weeks later that big blow up happened just like I knew it would. One day T tells me that after Eric started working in his department where they served food, he started getting mad that T flirted with the women in the store. Eric also started telling all of the coworkers that he thinks T has feelings for him. The man was batshit crazy.

One day while at work he had a huge meltdown about T's flirting with the women. He had the nerve to start arguing with T about flirting with women in front of him at the store. It was just like I said, Eric thought he was in a relationship with T! Eric was the desperate type of gay guy who takes the smallest amount of attention from a straight man as a sign that that man wants him. I saw it the whole time and I tried to tell T. He would never listen. I told him those types of guys who never get much attention will make every adjustment just to get closer to a guy they're attracted to. Eric would have gotten into anything just to be closer to T. For example, T used to smoke a lot of black and mild cigars. Eric only smoked weed but he started smoking black and mild cigars just to have another thing in common with T. I told T that by having Eric with him all the time at work and after work, he created a monster. I told him he spent most of his free time with Eric around so it convinced him that you were into him. T said I told him I was straight. I told him that's not enough for a desperate gay man. His actions spoke much louder than those words.

After Eric had his meltdown, T told Eric that Eric needed a break from him. T still dealt with him at work when he had to, but he didn't hang out with him after work anymore. You might be thinking that I jumped for joy after T told me about this, but I didn't lol. Eric had another close friend at his job, a female manager, but he slowly hung out with her less and less after he met T. He was totally lost without him. I was actually worried that this might make him suicidal or severely depressed. I joked with T that he might try to kill us both lol. Eric managed to hook up with a guy or two recently before all of this, but he seemed pretty depressed about not finding anyone to stick around with him outside of that. T told me that he did not care how Eric felt after his meltdown and that he had no problems cutting him off for life.

After all of this T didn't want to admit I was right, but he knew I called it perfectly just before it happened. He told me that at work now Eric would beg him to hang out again, T would tell him no and he would cry. I thought that was too dramatic to be true and I asked if he was literally crying. T said he would go to the back and cry, but that it was all true. Again, Eric is only 1 year younger than me. I was 34 back then so he was about 33. T and I laughed about it. He told his mom about it and she thought Eric was crazy. T didn't know whether he should cut Eric off for good or not. He had no remorse about it and he told me he didn't care either way. I actually stood up for Eric and told him he shouldn't cut him off for good because they did get along well, despite my misgivings. I told T that I had his back with whatever he decided to do.

Eric and I didn't text a whole lot before his meltdown so after that went down he sent me a text talking about how he's sorry about all of this and how he's not a perfect person. I really didn't know what to say to him, but I just said that the situation was kind of crazy. All I knew was I didn't want Eric coming by if T didn't want him there. If he had reached out to me again I would have let him tell me his side of the story but he didn't. Thankfully he didn't try to come by again. He probably couldn't find his way lol. Eric didn't talk directly to me about personal stuff so he didn't bother to tell me what happened exactly. So I didn't really cut him off. We usually only talked in person and since I didn't see him in person, we didn't talk anymore. T was being really nonchalant about the whole thing, but I had a feeling this break from Eric wouldn't last that long.

Before this blowup with Eric, T took a week's vacation from work and he visited his friend, whom we shall call Michael, in Tennessee. When T took the vacation, I was hoping he would have wanted to go on a road trip or something with me, but he chose to go see his friend whom he hadn't seen since 5 years earlier. This was the same friend who, when the last time he saw him, was blowing him during their little three-way with a girl. I asked about that situation a few more times since T volunteered to tell me about it the first time. T would bring up his old friend every now and then and every time he did I thought about that drunk incident with him. I would say things like I can't believe he did that to you. I asked him if the blowjob he gave him was good lol. T being as sensitive as he was secretly got offended by that joke and he started to get upset about it. One day he got upset enough to say something. He said his other friends from back then knew about that situation and that nobody else asks about it but me. He said he shouldn't have told me about it. That was shocking to hear because he told me about it for some strange reason. I never asked if he had been with a guy. He told me that story very early on in our friendship. I didn't ask to blow him or anything like that so I couldn't understand why it bothered him so much.

He was more upset with me just for asking about the blowjob his friend gave him than he was with the friend who sexually assaulted him. He was still friends with this man. I felt like I had to bend to his sensitivity and I told him I wouldn't bring it up again if it bothers him so much. This didn't make sense to me. I didn't bring it up often and I never accused him of being gay. Eric flat out accused him of being gay behind his back to me all the time. T was always getting upset with me and never at Eric or at the friend who blew him against his will. What on earth did I do that was worse than what those two did? I really hated how quick he was to turn on me. Eric did things that if I did them, T would have been upset with me. I started to notice that T was different with me than with any other friends of his.

Before he drove off to Tennessee to see his gay friend, I told him I'll miss him. He responded with "Have fun without me!" His friend, Michael, was previously married to a man, but broke up with him recently. In the back of my mind, I wondered if his friend had a crush on T. I felt like since T didn't do anything to him after he blew him years ago, he could do it again because T is so soft and forgiving with his other friends. I felt like he could get away with it so I didn't know what could happen out there with him. T got a hotel room because his friend Michael stayed with his family. I figured Michael would crash in T's room. I pretty much left T alone while he visited his friend. We probably talked every other day. He stayed out there for about 4 days. He told me they pretty much drank, got high and drove around the city. I asked if Michael crashed in his room while he was there because that would make sense and he said he did. He got a huge king size bed and he said there was plenty of room for them both there.

When T got back, he got drunk with me and I asked if Michael tried anything with him there and he was shocked that I asked and laughed it off and said no. Later the next day or a few days later he thought I was crazy for asking. I felt like Michael had nothing to lose by making a move on him again since T would likely not do much of anything about it. It was clear that Micheal had a bit of a crush on T by his facebook posts. He would say things like he knows T so well and was always complimenting him. It seemed a bit more than just friendly words. I could never really get over how his friend could blow him against his will and get away with it. In the conversation where T told me it was bothering him when I brought up the three-way situation I told him that this bothered me because of my feelings. I told him even though it only lasted a few minutes and even though it was many years ago, his friend got to have him in a way I never could. He seemed to understand and I told him I wouldn't bring it up anymore if it's bothering him so much. I actually told him I won't talk to him about sex anymore at all. That didn't last long because T was always talking to me about jacking off and sex so he reeled me back into it. I really didn't like how he always found some way to make me out to be such a bad person. Anybody else could have joked about that and he would have been fine with it.

While T was still not hanging out with Eric, Eric was still liking all of T's facebook posts as if nothing had happened. I think anybody knows that if you're on the outs with somebody, you don't continue to like their social media posts. T and I still went bowling on the weekends with his coworkers and thankfully Eric didn't show up and cause a scene.

At home T became a lot more playful with me. He was constantly trying to scare me at the apartment. We watched a lot of Dragon Ball Super together and this man would sometimes just appear out of thin air as if he did what Goku called, instant transmission. He seemed to teleport and I was always telling him no instant transmission in the house lol. One day I got him good when I wasn't even trying to scare him back. He came around the corner in the hallway between our bedrooms and yelled out loud he was so scared because he didn't know I was home. He prided himself on never being afraid lol.

T also did this game with me called the Circle Game. It's a game where one person makes a circle with their fingers like the OK sign and holds it below their waist, convincing the second person to look at it. He tricked me into looking at it every single time, day after day. I would be walking to my car or something outside and he would stick that sign out of the window and call me to look at it lol. I loved the attention and how much fun we had all the time. T still stared at me a lot and held his gaze for a really long time. This was how I envisioned things being when he first moved in. I am much older, but I am very playful and still young at heart. T had more aches and pains than I did in his young age. He told me he thought I looked younger than him lol. I was very lucky to have made it out of the military with no bad injuries.

It was a fun time around then. T's SUV had some serious problems that would have been too expensive to fix so he bought a newer model car, a 2014 Volkswagen. It was nice, fast, had a good stereo and had a lot of features his old ride didn't have. At the time I was driving a Chevy SUV that I didn't like at all but it served it's purpose. T was trying to convince me to get another ride, but I told him I was going to keep that SUV until it died. It died a few weeks later lol, so I got a car that I really wanted this time, a sexy, white 2 door 2012 BMW 328i. We were both so happy for each other and we both test drove each other's cars. T dropped me off at the dealership when I bought it. We loved to race each other when we got a chance. My car beat his. Things were so good around this time, in the spring of 2018, that they seemed too good to be true.
 
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hanzosword said:
Part 10: Best Friends Fall Out​


After that bad trip things were pretty good at home with T. We hung out all the time and we didn't have many issues. We still hung out with Eric a lot and we usually watched A Game of Thrones and Rick and Morty together or played video games or board games. T and Eric still worked together at the grocery store and somehow Eric eased his way into T's department where they cooked and served food and worked over there sometimes. He would have done anything to be around T more often so it was no surprise.

Eric working in T's department made him even more convinced that T was into him when he was not. I could see all of this clearly since the first day I met Eric. The first time I met him was shortly after T started working at the grocery store. T never described him but he was just as I pictured him, unnattractive and very feminine. T wanted to go to the lake nearby that summer, back in 2017, so we all met up there. It was nice and warm, around 90 degrees, perfect for getting in the water. T warned me that Eric talked a lot before I met him and he wasn't lying lol. We had fun chilling in the shallow part of the water. I never learned how to swim so they were teaching me how to float. I was panicking way too much to do it. Anyway, after that first day I saw how much Eric agreed with everything T said and how much he kissed his ass. It was very weird and T didn't seem notice it at all. He was just happy to have another friend who was a stoner.

Eric only got worse the closer he got to T. When I tried to point out Eric's obsession T would always brush it off. He always said he let Eric know that he is straight and that he could never have him. T always babied him, letting Eric follow him to my place after months of coming by. It took him many months to remember how to get to my place haha. Eric would always act as if he didn't understand anything just so T could take his time and explain things to him like how to play some phone game or how to use some app. T would take his time to explain the most basic concepts like saving money and cancelling services he didn't need like apps that he didn't use. I remember texting with T and him saying that I seem to have a problem when he's nice to Eric. I knew he was creating a monster by being so nice to Eric so I was frustrated by it, but I was never mean to Eric in any way.

T and I during this time were just like a couple who didn't have sex or get intimate at all lol. We were always together and we got along so well. T was always making plans for our future together. He literally planned our lives together. When we talked about the future it was always about the two of us. He didn't speak about Eric much when he talked about the future. One day he texts me to come home fast because he had something to show me. I had no idea what that was about, but when I got home he had a big grin on his face and asked me if I noticed anything different. I didn't see it at first, but then I noticed he got his ear pierced! He never had any piercings or tattoos so I was surprised. He had like a cz diamond in it and it looked fucking hot on him. I didn't want to tell him like that but I told him it fits him. As hot as I thought he was already, that earring made him look hotter lol.

After Eric saw the piercing he gave T tons of compliments as he always did. He didn't stop there though because he immediately went and got one of his ears pierced too. I'm sure it was the same ear too. Eric started copying T's whole style. He started wearing clothes like T. His style was pretty simple. T wore tank tops a lot and Eric started wearing tank tops all of a sudden. When I say this man was obsessed, I mean it quite literally lol. T talked to me about it. He said "he is taking my whole style, what the hell is wrong with him?" I kept telling T that something was wrong with his ass. "He wants you and he wants to be you", I said to him. He wanted to skin T and wear him lol.

T was getting fed up with constantly loaning Eric money and with him smoking up all of his weed and never contributing any. I remember texting with T and telling him that he's making a mistake by keeping him so close to him. I told him I see a huge blow up happening between the two of them. Just days or a few weeks later that big blow up happened just like I knew it would. One day T tells me that after Eric started working in his department where they served food, he started getting mad that T flirted with the women in the store. Eric also started telling all of the coworkers that he thinks T has feelings for him. The man was batshit crazy.

One day while at work he had a huge meltdown about T's flirting with the women. He had the nerve to start arguing with T about flirting with women in front of him at the store. It was just like I said, Eric thought he was in a relationship with T! Eric was the desperate type of gay guy who takes the smallest amount of attention from a straight man as a sign that that man wants him. I saw it the whole time and I tried to tell T. He would never listen. I told him those types of guys who never get much attention will make every adjustment just to get closer to a guy they're attracted to. Eric would have gotten into anything just to be closer to T. For example, T used to smoke a lot of black and mild cigars. Eric only smoked weed but he started smoking black and mild cigars just to have another thing in common with T. I told T that by having Eric with him all the time at work and after work, he created a monster. I told him he spent most of his free time with Eric around so it convinced him that you were into him. T said I told him I was straight. I told him that's not enough for a desperate gay man. His actions spoke much louder than those words.

After Eric had his meltdown, T told Eric that Eric needed a break from him. T still dealt with him at work when he had to, but he didn't hang out with him after work anymore. You might be thinking that I jumped for joy after T told me about this, but I didn't lol. Eric had another close friend at his job, a female manager, but he slowly hung out with her less and less after he met T. He was totally lost without him. I was actually worried that this might make him suicidal or severely depressed. I joked with T that he might try to kill us both lol. Eric managed to hook up with a guy or two recently before all of this, but he seemed pretty depressed about not finding anyone to stick around with him outside of that. T told me that he did not care how Eric felt after his meltdown and that he had no problems cutting him off for life.

After all of this T didn't want to admit I was right, but he knew I called it perfectly just before it happened. He told me that at work now Eric would beg him to hang out again, T would tell him no and he would cry. I thought that was too dramatic to be true and I asked if he was literally crying. T said he would go to the back and cry, but that it was all true. Again, Eric is only 1 year younger than me. I was 34 back then so he was about 33. T and I laughed about it. He told his mom about it and she thought Eric was crazy. T didn't know whether he should cut Eric off for good or not. He had no remorse about it and he told me he didn't care either way. I actually stood up for Eric and told him he shouldn't cut him off for good because they did get along well, despite my misgivings. I told T that I had his back with whatever he decided to do.

Eric and I didn't text a whole lot before his meltdown so after that went down he sent me a text talking about how he's sorry about all of this and how he's not a perfect person. I really didn't know what to say to him, but I just said that the situation was kind of crazy. All I knew was I didn't want Eric coming by if T didn't want him there. If he had reached out to me again I would have let him tell me his side of the story but he didn't. Thankfully he didn't try to come by again. He probably couldn't find his way lol. Eric didn't talk directly to me about personal stuff so he didn't bother to tell me what happened exactly. So I didn't really cut him off. We usually only talked in person and since I didn't see him in person, we didn't talk anymore. T was being really nonchalant about the whole thing, but I had a feeling this break from Eric wouldn't last that long.

Before this blowup with Eric, T took a week's vacation from work and he visited his friend, whom we shall call Michael, in Tennessee. When T took the vacation, I was hoping he would have wanted to go on a road trip or something with me, but he chose to go see his friend whom he hadn't seen since 5 years earlier. This was the same friend who, when the last time he saw him, was blowing him during their little three-way with a girl. I asked about that situation a few more times since T volunteered to tell me about it the first time. T would bring up his old friend every now and then and every time he did I thought about that drunk incident with him. I would say things like I can't believe he did that to you. I asked him if the blowjob he gave him was good lol. T being as sensitive as he was secretly got offended by that joke and he started to get upset about it. One day he got upset enough to say something. He said his other friends from back then knew about that situation and that nobody else asks about it but me. He said he shouldn't have told me about it. That was shocking to hear because he told me about it for some strange reason. I never asked if he had been with a guy. He told me that story very early on in our friendship. I didn't ask to blow him or anything like that so I couldn't understand why it bothered him so much.

He was more upset with me just for asking about the blowjob his friend gave him than he was with the friend who sexually assaulted him. He was still friends with this man. I felt like I had to bend to his sensitivity and I told him I wouldn't bring it up again if it bothers him so much. This didn't make sense to me. I didn't bring it up often and I never accused him of being gay. Eric flat out accused him of being gay behind his back to me all the time. T was always getting upset with me and never at Eric or at the friend who blew him against his will. What on earth did I do that was worse than what those two did? I really hated how quick he was to turn on me. Eric did things that if I did them, T would have been upset with me. I started to notice that T was different with me than with any other friends of his.

Before he drove off to Tennessee to see his gay friend, I told him I'll miss him. He responded with "Have fun without me!" His friend, Michael, was previously married to a man, but broke up with him recently. In the back of my mind, I wondered if his friend had a crush on T. I felt like since T didn't do anything to him after he blew him years ago, he could do it again because T is so soft and forgiving with his other friends. I felt like he could get away with it so I didn't know what could happen out there with him. T got a hotel room because his friend Michael stayed with his family. I figured Michael would crash in T's room. I pretty much left T alone while he visited his friend. We probably talked every other day. He stayed out there for about 4 days. He told me they pretty much drank, got high and drove around the city. I asked if Michael crashed in his room while he was there because that would make sense and he said he did. He got a huge king size bed and he said there was plenty of room for them both there.

When T got back, he got drunk with me and I asked if Michael tried anything with him there and he was shocked that I asked and laughed it off and said no. Later the next day or a few days later he thought I was crazy for asking. I felt like Michael had nothing to lose by making a move on him again since T would likely not do much of anything about it. It was clear that Micheal had a bit of a crush on T by his facebook posts. He would say things like he knows T so well and was always complimenting him. It seemed a bit more than just friendly words. I could never really get over how his friend could blow him against his will and get away with it. In the conversation where T told me it was bothering him when I brought up the three-way situation I told him that this bothered me because of my feelings. I told him even though it only lasted a few minutes and even though it was many years ago, his friend got to have him in a way I never could. He seemed to understand and I told him I wouldn't bring it up anymore if it's bothering him so much. I actually told him I won't talk to him about sex anymore at all. That didn't last long because T was always talking to me about jacking off and sex so he reeled me back into it. I really didn't like how he always found some way to make me out to be such a bad person. Anybody else could have joked about that and he would have been fine with it.

While T was still not hanging out with Eric, Eric was still liking all of T's facebook posts as if nothing had happened. I think anybody knows that if you're on the outs with somebody, you don't continue to like their social media posts. T and I still went bowling on the weekends with his coworkers and thankfully Eric didn't show up and cause a scene.

At home T became a lot more playful with me. He was constantly trying to scare me at the apartment. We watched a lot of Dragon Ball Super together and this man would sometimes just appear out of thin air as if he did what Goku called, instant transmission. He seemed to teleport and I was always telling him no instant transmission in the house lol. One day I got him good when I wasn't even trying to scare him back. He came around the corner in the hallway between our bedrooms and yelled out loud he was so scared because he didn't know I was home. He prided himself on never being afraid lol.

T also did this game with me called the Circle Game. It's a game where one person makes a circle with their fingers like the OK sign and holds it below their waist, convincing the second person to look at it. He tricked me into looking at it every single time, day after day. I would be walking to my car or something outside and he would stick that sign out of the window and call me to look at it lol. I loved the attention and how much fun we had all the time. T still stared at me a lot and held his gaze for a really long time. This was how I envisioned things being when he first moved in. I am much older, but I am very playful and still young at heart. T had more aches and pains than I did in his young age. He told me he thought I looked younger than him lol. I was very lucky to have made it out of the military with no bad injuries.

It was a fun time around then. T's SUV had some serious problems that would have been too expensive to fix so he bought a newer model car, a 2014 Volkswagen. It was nice, fast, had a good stereo and had a lot of features his old ride didn't have. At the time I was driving a Chevy SUV that I didn't like at all but it served it's purpose. T was trying to convince me to get another ride, but I told him I was going to keep that SUV until it died. It died a few weeks later lol, so I got a car that I really wanted this time, a sexy, white 2 door 2012 BMW 328i. We were both so happy for each other and we both test drove each other's cars. T dropped me off at the dealership when I bought it. We loved to race each other when we got a chance. My car beat his. Things were so good around this time, in the spring of 2018, that they seemed too good to be true.
Click to expand...
I hope there is an happy ending to your story
 
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Jeinsk said:
Gurl we kno who T and Eric look like but what about u? I'm nosey!
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You know I was trying to think of a famous person who I favor but I swear I don't think I look like any of them lol. I will say that at 39 people think I look like I'm in my early twenties still.
 
Part 11: Bad Trip Part 2​

With Eric out of the picture, T and I were closer than ever. T was an assistant manager at his job at the grocery store and he worked very hard, but he wanted a full management position, which would have meant more money. When the opportunity came, they passed on him in favor of someone else. I used to joke with him about it and would always ask him who did I need to kidnap so he could get the position lol. His superiors also always let his department be so short staffed that he had to work extremely hard. I could tell he was getting kind of fed up with working there. Whenever he would tell me he had to close alone or if someone called in from his department, I would tell him I would come in and help for no less than $20/hour. He would laugh and said they can't afford me lol. We really didn't have any issues around this time and we got along so well. This was the spring of 2018 shortly after I bought my last car.

T managed to smoke a lot of weed and I didn't know how he could possibly afford it. He bought all of his weed from a coworker from his first job at a gas station since moving to South Carolina. He and everybody who smoked it loved the quality of it. I still didn't care for it, but every now and then I would smoke with him. I remember him mentioning having some THC that he was talking about adding to the weed or something like that, but I just brushed it off. I smoked with him the next night and out of nowhere I got extremely high. We smoked one blunt together. I always described the high in numbers from 1-10 and it felt like a 10. When I ate the edible months earlier, it felt like a 13 out of 10. Because the high felt almost the same as it did with the edible I became terrified. I didn't think it was possible to get that high just from smoking. My worst nightmare seemed to be coming true.

I fell into a downward spiral of fear and anxiety because the bad trip from the edible was the most frightening thing that ever happened to me and it seemed like the conditions were there for it to happen a second time. I looked over at T and he didn't seem to be anywhere near as high as me. I told him I felt like I was at a 10 and I asked him what number he was at. He said the same, but I didn't believe him. He seemed to be just fine being the veteran smoker that he was. I asked him why was this happening and he said maybe you smoked too much too fast. I was shaking with fear and I kept saying "I have to make it different this time." I was preparing myself for the time loop shit to happen again, but thankfully it never did. The fear was still there that it could happen again. I damn near lost my mind. I told T I can never smoke again because this was too terrifying.

I really wanted T to help me somehow but I had no idea what he could even do to help me until the high came down. I was never the type to be afraid of anything really. As a little boy I loved the dark and I loved to watch scary movies, especially in the dark. I had a healthy fear of what could hurt me, but I had no fear of ghosts or fake stuff from movies and TV. I never got scared very easily, but this 2nd bad trip made up for all of that.

T and I were inside watching TV as all of this was going down and I remember it was really cold that night. I was wearing my biggest winter coat. T didn't seem to realize how scared I was. Eventually my high came down but I was still extremely terrified that the worst experience of my life was gonna happen again. That first bad trip caused me some serious mental trauma that didn't bother me until it resurfaced again. I tried to sleep that night, but all kinds of dark thoughts kept coming to my mind, lots of what if's. T went to bed in his room across the hall shortly after I did. It was then that I had my first and last panic attack. I felt like a fish out of water, like I couldn't breathe for a few minutes. I desperately wanted to go to T's room to ask if I could chill with him or try to sleep in his bed with him until I calmed down but I didn't want to bother him. Looking back I should have if it could have stopped or slowed down the panic attack. I ended up having nightmares when I did finally get to sleep. That was the second most miserable night of my life.

The next morning I went to T's room and talked to him about it. He seemed more eager to really listen now that he wasn't high. I told him about the panic attack and he felt terrible about the whole thing. Together we tried to figure out how that happened to me. I thought maybe I needed to do some kind of detox to recover completely. He suggested that I try a hypnotherapist to see if that would help. As we were talking and I was looking into his big, blue eyes I had a flashback of the time loop from the bad trip and it sent me into a panic. I had to rush outside to get some air. The last thing I wanted was another panic attack. T followed me to see what was wrong and as I looked at him I realized the sight of his eyes were making me have flashbacks to the first bad trip. It was bright and sunny that day and it seemed like the sunlight made me stay calm. Looking at him outside wasn't as bad, but inside my apartment was unbearable. I didn't what the hell was wrong with me. As beautiful as his eyes were, they were creeping me out now.

T was seriously worried about me now. I told him it's better outside in the sunlight. I wasn't feeling so panicked out there. In the bad trip, his face and eyes were very clear and memorable. I also remembered Eric having on his green work shirt. For some reason his eyes kept sending my mind right back to that freaky time loop. This was turning into a nightmare. I couldn't stand to look my best friend in the eyes without having a scary ass flashback. The den where we had the edibles now had an eerie, creepy vibe to it. It felt like a dark cloud was hanging over me and following me around. The whole world seemed different now and I knew I could not live like this. I told him I'm gonna make an appointment with a hypnotherapist asap so I could get back to normal, so we could get back to normal. I literally couldn't be in the room with him without feeling intense fear and anxiety so I told him I can't face him just yet. I could tell this made him sad, but we kept talking and he did what he could to help me.

T asked me if I was gonna need him to move out because of the flashbacks and I said I don't know. I told him if I can't get this under control then maybe. His response was "Fuck." He said he feels responsible and that he was sorry. I told him that I don't blame him. Even though it felt like I was going batshit crazy, I knew I had to get through this shit somehow. I felt like I was mentally ill. All kinds of dark thoughts went through my head all day long. The thoughts didn't even feel like my own. I was extremely paranoid and very afraid all the time. It felt like the most evil villain from every fantasy movie ever was standing just behind me at all times, but nothing was ever there when I turned around. I never used to lock my bedroom door at night, but I had to during this time. I didn't feel safe. I understood how mentally ill people felt and my heart goes out to them.

I decided to go visit my parents that weekend who lived 1 hour away and spend the weekend there so I wouldn't be feeling so anxious around T the whole weekend. My sister and nieces were visiting there too that weekend so I hoped that would help ground me a bit. It felt like my spirit could drift away in the wind at any moment. It's hard to describe the feeling. It felt weird to even drive and I wasn't sure if I could do it but I managed. The anxious feelings were there even around my family so I knew I had work to do. I researched constantly trying to figure out what the hell is a person supposed to do in a situation like this. I didn't tell my family about this because I didn't want them to worry. Thankfully, they didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. My parents nor my sister ever did any drugs. My sister knew plenty of people who did though.

So I did make the appointment with a local hypnotherapist and we had a session after I went back to my apartment. I told him the whole scenario and he had me close my eyes and do some visualizing. I did leave the session feeling much better. I was hoping that I was cured. T was at work all that afternoon and he got off at around 6 to 7 ish that evening. When he came home I realized that I was not cured. I could not look him in the eyes for very long and I felt nothing but fear. I told him I keep remembering the time loop which took place in that room. T suggested that we try to change the look of the room a bit so we covered the couches to make it look a little different. That helped a lot but I still wasn't right in the head. I had to go to bed early because it was too much.

I did improve little by little each day, but I was still in bad shape. I did have an appetite and I was able to eat and keep working. T was super supportive the whole time. I still couldn't be around him for very long and if I did I couldn't look him in the eyes for very long. In my research I found that this did happen to some people, but not too often. I believe in metaphysical stuff like chakras and I saw a perfect description of what was happening to me. I learned that my third eye chakra, which is behind the forehead, was opened and that it needed healing or closing somehow. I never had many headaches, only when I was really hungry, but at this time I had a throbbing headache every single day. It also felt like some energy was moving behind my forehead that would not stop and it was making me feel crazy. I was questioning my own existence. When I had deja vu, that was the scariest thing ever because I thought I was gonna be trapped in a time loop again. Listening to music I was very familiar with was upsetting, even. Anything repetitious made me feel anxious.

Some websites described the third eye problem just like how I was experiencing it, saying when your third eye chakra is unwell it makes you feel like you're going crazy. They said things like drugs could cause this. I should have listened to the Just Say No To Drugs commercials from the 90's, but it was too late at this point. The recommendation was a good psychic healer. I tried different things like placing cups of salt in the corners of the room and different meditations to fix this problem. So I visited some local psychics to see if they could help.

There was one right across the street, a female who's husband had a sma, used car lot right behind their house. T and I used to joke about how if we went to see her she would say something like "I see you buying that car right there." lol. I wasn't joking at this moment and I needed her help now haha. So I went alone and she was a very pregnant eastern Indian lady. She was very nice and she seemed intuitive. I explained what happened and she told me that I was way too strong for this to be having this much of an effect on me. I told her I don't feel like I'm so strong right now. I told her about T and she immediately told me that I need to put him out of my apartment and out of my life. I was shocked to hear that because even though I got high with him, he didn't force me and he was being such a big support to me through it. She said she sees bad things happening to him and that I need to cut him out of my life completely. I didn't know what to say to that, but I kept it in the back of my mind. I never did tell him that story. She told me that if I wanted to move forward she could prepare some oils for me to use somehow to help me. I went home and thought about it, but I tried to find some other, cheaper ways to help myself.

I learned about tree hugging to help ground you so I started standing outside my front door and leaning on the tree and that seemed to help me feel better. I also heard that being out in nature helped a lot so I went down to the park about 2 miles down the street to read a good fantasy book and to walk a bit by the river. Before T came home from work I was usually done thrifting around town and was home before he was. He would let me know when he was on his way and I had to do a meditation for a few minutes to get my anxiety down before he came home. Day by day I got a little bit better, but I was determined to have a full recovery.

I ended up visiting 2 other psychics in town and their vibes just didn't feel right either. I did find something that helped tremendously. I found a male psychic on youtube who said his video was an energy healing. He said after this video is over whoever is watching should feel much better with better aligned chakras. He said it's a distance healing and that it doesn't matter where or when I watch this video, it will help. So he told the viewers to hold their hands up as he closed his eyes and did his thing. By the end of that short video I was about 97% better and it was permanent! All of that fear, anxiety and trauma just washed away in minutes. I had no idea if energy healing was a real thing, but something worked! It could have been a placebo effect or not, but that man's video did a miracle for my mind. This was probably a month later after I got high for the last time. I was so excited to tell T. He was so happy for me and told me to keep watching the video until I'm 100% better.

I was really missing him since I had to separate myself from him so much during that time. I told two other close friends of mine about the bad trip, but I just didn't have the words to convey to them just how bad it was. They didn't take me all that seriously because I seemed like msyelf as far at they could tell. I could tell T missed me too. There was one time before the psychic video that he asked me to come downstairs to hang out with him and I told him I can't yet. He tried to brush it off by saying something like "it's okay, we don't have to hang out everyday," even though we hung out every single day. I felt like this bad experience but a rift between us. He hung out with his other coworkers mostly during this time and I was hoping he hadn't forgotten about me and sort of moved on without me.

Thanks for following along everyone. I'm not a writer at all, but this is like therapy for me putting all my thoughts together about this experience!
 
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Part 11: Bad Trip Part 2​

With Eric out of the picture, T and I were closer than ever. T was an assistant manager at his job at the grocery store and he worked very hard, but he wanted a full management position, which would have meant more money. When the opportunity came, they passed on him in favor of someone else. I used to joke with him about it and would always ask him who did I need to kidnap so he could get the position lol. His superiors also always let his department be so short staffed that he had to work extremely hard. I could tell he was getting kind of fed up with working there. Whenever he would tell me he had to close alone or if someone called in from his department, I would tell him I would come in and help for no less than $20/hour. He would laugh and said they can't afford me lol. We really didn't have any issues around this time and we got along so well. This was the spring of 2018 shortly after I bought my last car.

T managed to smoke a lot of weed and I didn't know how he could possibly afford it. He bought all of his weed from a coworker from his first job at a gas station since moving to South Carolina. He and everybody who smoked it loved the quality of it. I still didn't care for it, but every now and then I would smoke with him. I remember him mentioning having some THC that he was talking about adding to the weed or something like that, but I just brushed it off. I smoked with him the next night and out of nowhere I got extremely high. We smoked one blunt together. I always described the high in numbers from 1-10 and it felt like a 10. When I ate the edible months earlier, it felt like a 13 out of 10. Because the high felt almost the same as it did with the edible I became terrified. I didn't think it was possible to get that high just from smoking. My worst nightmare seemed to be coming true.

I fell into a downward spiral of fear and anxiety because the bad trip from the edible was the most frightening thing that ever happened to me and it seemed like the conditions were there for it to happen a second time. I looked over at T and he didn't seem to be anywhere near as high as me. I told him I felt like I was at a 10 and I asked him what number he was at. He said the same, but I didn't believe him. He seemed to be just fine being the veteran smoker that he was. I asked him why was this happening and he said maybe you smoked too much too fast. I was shaking with fear and I kept saying "I have to make it different this time." I was preparing myself for the time loop shit to happen again, but thankfully it never did. The fear was still there that it could happen again. I damn near lost my mind. I told T I can never smoke again because this was too terrifying.

I really wanted T to help me somehow but I had no idea what he could even do to help me until the high came down. I was never the type to be afraid of anything really. As a little boy I loved the dark and I loved to watch scary movies, especially in the dark. I had a healthy fear of what could hurt me, but I had no fear of ghosts or fake stuff from movies and TV. I never got scared very easily, but this 2nd bad trip made up for all of that.

T and I were inside watching TV as all of this was going down and I remember it was really cold that night. I was wearing my biggest winter coat. T didn't seem to realize how scared I was. Eventually my high came down but I was still extremely terrified that the worst experience of my life was gonna happen again. That first bad trip caused me some serious mental trauma that didn't bother me until it resurfaced again. I tried to sleep that night, but all kinds of dark thoughts kept coming to my mind, lots of what if's. T went to bed in his room across the hall shortly after I did. It was then that I had my first and last panic attack. I felt like a fish out of water, like I couldn't breathe for a few minutes. I desperately wanted to go to T's room to ask if I could chill with him or try to sleep in his bed with him until I calmed down but I didn't want to bother him. Looking back I should have if it could have stopped or slowed down the panic attack. I ended up having nightmares when I did finally get to sleep. That was the second most miserable night of my life.

The next morning I went to T's room and talked to him about it. He seemed more eager to really listen now that he wasn't high. I told him about the panic attack and he felt terrible about the whole thing. Together we tried to figure out how that happened to me. I thought maybe I needed to do some kind of detox to recover completely. He suggested that I try a hypnotherapist to see if that would help. As we were talking and I was looking into his big, blue eyes I had a flashback of the time loop from the bad trip and it sent me into a panic. I had to rush outside to get some air. The last thing I wanted was another panic attack. T followed me to see what was wrong and as I looked at him I realized the sight of his eyes were making me have flashbacks to the first bad trip. It was bright and sunny that day and it seemed like the sunlight made me stay calm. Looking at him outside wasn't as bad, but inside my apartment was unbearable. I didn't what the hell was wrong with me. As beautiful as his eyes were, they were creeping me out now.

T was seriously worried about me now. I told him it's better outside in the sunlight. I wasn't feeling so panicked out there. In the bad trip, his face and eyes were very clear and memorable. I also remembered Eric having on his green work shirt. For some reason his eyes kept sending my mind right back to that freaky time loop. This was turning into a nightmare. I couldn't stand to look my best friend in the eyes without having a scary ass flashback. The den where we had the edibles now had an eerie, creepy vibe to it. It felt like a dark cloud was hanging over me and following me around. The whole world seemed different now and I knew I could not live like this. I told him I'm gonna make an appointment with a hypnotherapist asap so I could get back to normal, so we could get back to normal. I literally couldn't be in the room with him without feeling intense fear and anxiety so I told him I can't face him just yet. I could tell this made him sad, but we kept talking and he did what he could to help me.

T asked me if I was gonna need him to move out because of the flashbacks and I said I don't know. I told him if I can't get this under control then maybe. His response was "Fuck." He said he feels responsible and that he was sorry. I told him that I don't blame him. Even though it felt like I was going batshit crazy, I knew I had to get through this shit somehow. I felt like I was mentally ill. All kinds of dark thoughts went through my head all day long. The thoughts didn't even feel like my own. I was extremely paranoid and very afraid all the time. It felt like the most evil villain from every fantasy movie ever was standing just behind me at all times, but nothing was ever there when I turned around. I never used to lock my bedroom door at night, but I had to during this time. I didn't feel safe. I understood how mentally ill people felt and my heart goes out to them.

I decided to go visit my parents that weekend who lived 1 hour away and spend the weekend there so I wouldn't be feeling so anxious around T the whole weekend. My sister and nieces were visiting there too that weekend so I hoped that would help ground me a bit. It felt like my spirit could drift away in the wind at any moment. It's hard to describe the feeling. It felt weird to even drive and I wasn't sure if I could do it but I managed. The anxious feelings were there even around my family so I knew I had work to do. I researched constantly trying to figure out what the hell is a person supposed to do in a situation like this. I didn't tell my family about this because I didn't want them to worry. Thankfully, they didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. My parents nor my sister ever did any drugs. My sister knew plenty of people who did though.

So I did make the appointment with a local hypnotherapist and we had a session after I went back to my apartment. I told him the whole scenario and he had me close my eyes and do some visualizing. I did leave the session feeling much better. I was hoping that I was cured. T was at work all that afternoon and he got off at around 6 to 7 ish that evening. When he came home I realized that I was not cured. I could not look him in the eyes for very long and I felt nothing but fear. I told him I keep remembering the time loop which took place in that room. T suggested that we try to change the look of the room a bit so we covered the couches to make it look a little different. That helped a lot but I still wasn't right in the head. I had to go to bed early because it was too much.

I did improve little by little each day, but I was still in bad shape. I did have an appetite and I was able to eat and keep working. T was super supportive the whole time. I still couldn't be around him for very long and if I did I couldn't look him in the eyes for very long. In my research I found that this did happen to some people, but not too often. I believe in metaphysical stuff like chakras and I saw a perfect description of what was happening to me. I learned that my third eye chakra, which is behind the forehead, was opened and that it needed healing or closing somehow. I never had many headaches, only when I was really hungry, but at this time I had a throbbing headache every single day. It also felt like some energy was moving behind my forehead that would not stop and it was making me feel crazy. I was questioning my own existence. When I had deja vu, that was the scariest thing ever because I thought I was gonna be trapped in a time loop again. Listening to music I was very familiar with was upsetting, even. Anything repetitious made me feel anxious.

Some websites described the third eye problem just like how I was experiencing it, saying when your third eye chakra is unwell it makes you feel like you're going crazy. They said things like drugs could cause this. I should have listened to the Just Say No To Drugs commercials from the 90's, but it was too late at this point. The recommendation was a good psychic healer. I tried different things like placing cups of salt in the corners of the room and different meditations to fix this problem. So I visited some local psychics to see if they could help.

There was one right across the street, a female who's husband had a sma, used car lot right behind their house. T and I used to joke about how if we went to see her she would say something like "I see you buying that car right there." lol. I wasn't joking at this moment and I needed her help now haha. So I went alone and she was a very pregnant eastern Indian lady. She was very nice and she seemed intuitive. I explained what happened and she told me that I was way too strong for this to be having this much of an effect on me. I told her I don't feel like I'm so strong right now. I told her about T and she immediately told me that I need to put him out of my apartment and out of my life. I was shocked to hear that because even though I got high with him, he didn't force me and he was being such a big support to me through it. She said she sees bad things happening to him and that I need to cut him out of my life completely. I didn't know what to say to that, but I kept it in the back of my mind. I never did tell him that story. She told me that if I wanted to move forward she could prepare some oils for me to use somehow to help me. I went home and thought about it, but I tried to find some other, cheaper ways to help myself.

I learned about tree hugging to help ground you so I started standing outside my front door and leaning on the tree and that seemed to help me feel better. I also heard that being out in nature helped a lot so I went down to the park about 2 miles down the street to read a good fantasy book and to walk a bit by the river. Before T came home from work I was usually done thrifting around town and was home before he was. He would let me know when he was on his way and I had to do a meditation for a few minutes to get my anxiety down before he came home. Day by day I got a little bit better, but I was determined to have a full recovery.

I ended up visiting 2 other psychics in town and their vibes just didn't feel right either. I did find something that helped tremendously. I found a male psychic on youtube who said his video was an energy healing. He said after this video is over whoever is watching should feel much better with better aligned chakras. He said it's a distance healing and that it doesn't matter where or when I watch this video, it will help. So he told the viewers to hold their hands up as he closed his eyes and did his thing. By the end of that short video I was about 97% better and it was permanent! All of that fear, anxiety and trauma just washed away in minutes. I had no idea if energy healing was a real thing, but something worked! It could have been a placebo effect or not, but that man's video did a miracle for my mind. This was probably a month later after I got high for the last time. I was so excited to tell T. He was so happy for me and told me to keep watching the video until I'm 100% better.

I was really missing him since I had to separate myself from him so much during that time. I told two other close friends of mine about the bad trip, but I just didn't have the words to convey to them just how bad it was. They didn't take me all that seriously because I seemed like msyelf as far at they could tell. I could tell T missed me too. There was one time before the psychic video that he asked me to come downstairs to hang out with him and I told him I can't yet. He tried to brush it off by saying something like "it's okay, we don't have to hang out everyday," even though we hung out every single day. I felt like this bad experience but a rift between us. He hung out with his other coworkers mostly during this time and I was hoping he hadn't forgotten about me and sort of moved on without me.

Thanks for following along everyone. I'm not a writer at all, but this is like therapy for me putting all my thoughts together about this experience!
Click to expand...
Really looking forward to the next update.
 
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Part 12 Change of Heart​

After I watched that psychic healing video and became more myself again, I still had to keep to myself. T started occupying himself without me by hanging with some of his coworkers, that is, some of his other coworkers other than Eric, since he was still not communicating with him. I felt about 97% better, but every now and then I would still have a slight flashback to the bad trip. It seemed like time would slow down and I felt extreme anxiety for just a few moments. I remember it happened while talking to T when he was on his way out one night. Time seemed to slow down and I felt like I couldn't breathe until I snapped out of it. It only lasted seconds, but it was frightening. I knew I still needed a little more healing so I did a ton of research to see what else I could do. I felt like since that healing video worked so well then maybe it was gonna take a psychic to get my mind back to 100%.

I had a feeling that Eric was going to be back in our lives soon and I wasn't wrong. Eric would beg T to hang out with him again everyday at work, but T always refused. Eventually one of T's coworkers whom I'll call Kevin tried talking to both Eric and T to get them to be friends again. He knew they were tight at work and after outside of work. Kevin was a straight, teenage guy who worked at the same grocery store. When I first met him at the bowling alley I actually thought he was gay and had a crush on T lol. I saw him massaging T's shoulder before he bowled once, but apparently it was nothing. When T had his get together at his mom's house Kevin was a just a little upset that I took his spot on T's bed too. Kevin liked to get high every now and then and T loved to share his weed with everybody.

Anyway Eric decided to have a get together at his parent's house for the first time in a while and Kevin convinced T to go. T told me all about it and I told him that I had a feeling that he was gonna have Eric back in his life again soon. He asked me if I wanted to come. I told him sure, I would go. I really hoped that he and Eric were done for good, but I knew that was too good to be true. When T first cut Eric off, I told him that Eric seemed like the type to hurt himself over T cutting him out of his life suddenly. T was like, hopefully not. I joked that he might want to murder us both lol. He did unfriend both of us on his social media. I didn't do a damn thing to him, but I knew he was mad at me too just for still having T as a friend and living with him. I asked T if he was sure that he wanted crazy ass Eric as a friend again. He said if he can be normal, then sure. I told him I supported him with whatever he decided.

So I rode with T to Eric's parent's house and some of their coworkers were there already. Guys and girls including the one T went on a date with months before. His flirting with her came to an end it seemed. There was weed and alcohol there. When Eric saw T he was extremely happy and emotional. T was being like a brick wall, not saying much, but he was being friendly, just not as friendly as he used to be with Eric. Kevin was there and some of us guys were outside talking and he said there was no point in T and Eric not being friends over some bullshit. I thought it was nice of him to play the peacemaker, but I didn't know what he got out of it.

Eric was actually acting happy to see me, but he was both drunk and high so he was being extra nice because of that I guess lol. He asked how I was, because he heard of the bad trip, and I said I went through a crisis, but I'm much better now. He actually gave me a hug and he thought my back felt muscular lol. I was kind of half ass working out then. I'm just a little taller than him. I'm 5'8 while Eric is about 5'6 or so. We had a good time out there. I don't think I drank much if I drank at all. I wasn't sure how alcohol would make me feel at that point. His coworkers were cool people and we got to talk more at a house than we could at the loud bowling alley. T is always excited for some social drinking so he got pretty drunk. He usually spent the night at Eric's place after drinking a lot. He would sleep on the couch or in Eric's step brother's room, after his step-brother moved out. His step brother was around my age, mid thirties and straight. I stayed over a few times too on the couch before.

That night I stayed sober and I drove T and I back home. T didn't talk to Eric a whole lot that first night, but they did a lot of smoking. That was the basis of their friendship. It was all about weed. Thankfully Eric didn't get all crazy or cause a scene. I'm sure the weed helped with that. While talking to one of the female coworkers, I felt that feeling of time slowing down and the fear of the time loop for a breif moment. I was like "fuck I need to get this last bit of trauma out of my system!" I didn't say that out loud, but I knew I had to get some help so that didn't happen anymore. It was very scary. It felt like a panic attack about to happen. Thankfully, I never had another panic attack again.

After that party T still wasn't talking to Eric on a regular basis or hanging out with him after work like he used to. I wasn't complaining. He and I hung out at home most of the time. He and I were always trying to do some type of business venture together. He basically planned out our lives together lol. He was telling me about how in the state of South Carolina we can buy homes from people who failed to pay their property taxes. He told me about how you can buy the home at auction and how the owners have 1 year to get caught up or they lose the home for good. It sounded like a damn good idea and I told him I was down for it for sure. I really liked how he had a business sense and was trying to make a better life for himself. He taught me a lot of things.

I felt like the more he hung out with Eric, the less he thought about things like becoming a homeowner. With Eric all he wanted to do was get high. When the three of us hung out and T had had enough of smoking, Eric would always talk T into smoking more and he would encourage T to keep on going. That was not being a good friend by my definition.

T really did do a lot of thinking about the two of us together in the future. It certainly felt like we were a couple who didn't get intimate. It really did suck for us both to head to our own rooms each night and jack off by ourselves. He liked to do it in the morning before work. Sometimes I would hear a faint moaning from him but I always assumed he was yawning, but looking back, he could have been a moaner lol. Before we headed off to bed he made sure to tell me good night every night. It was a small gesture, but I thought it was really sweet. I would have preferred a hug with our dicks rubbing together but I took what I could get lol.

I became a little afraid of drinking alcohol for fear of it messing with my mind so I stayed away from it for a while. I never drank alone, but I did socially and with T sometimes. He had some potent alcohol called Everclear that he was wanting to drink with me one night and I told him I'm too nervous to try drinking just yet so he just drank himself. He only had a little bit that he chased with some juice and this man got pissy drunk so fast lol! He kept saying "How did I get so drunk so fast?" He was blown away at how drunk he got so quickly. T was always kind of reserved, but this man really let loose this time. He never danced much, but he was dancing and just getting wild lol. It was hilarious seeing him like that. He could not sit still and he started talking about wanting to beat somebody's ass. He was saying shit like "if somebody walks in this door I'm gonna hurt him." He was never aggressive, but he that Everclear had him saying some crazy shit. I was talking him down saying, please don't do that. He was wanting to go outside, but I told him "hell no you can't go outside with that aggression." He never talked like that, but it was just talk. He didn't get crazy.

It was fun watching him while I was sober. I made sure he drank some water and eventually he went to his room, stripped down to his boxer briefs and crashed on his bed, face up with his arms spread like Jesus on the cross lol. I never saw him in his underwear before so I didn't know if he was trying to show off for me or what. He didn't close his door, which he never did. I admired his beautiful body for a just a short moment before I went to bed myself. I thought of the things I would love to do to that beautiful man. I so wished I could have cuddled up in his bed with him or that he had gone to my bed lol.

A few days later I decided to try some of the Everclear which I named Neverclear and I didn't feel any anxiety or fear at all while I was drunk on it. The stuff was super strong. I actually felt very good while drinking it. That was a relief.

I was still researching how to cure myself from the flashbacks and eventually I found a lady who lived out in the Midwest who did psychic healing. She had a lot of positive testimonials that seemed sincere. She was a bit expensive, but hell, so was any type of medical care if I went that route. The session cost $150 and she said after the session you should feel a lot better, headaches usually go away and you feel much lighter and happier. I had never had many headaches before, but after that 2nd bad trip I had a headache just about every day. I was not used to that so I hoped her session would help with that too. I booked a session with her and hoped for the best.

I did my session with her via Skype a few weeks later. I was so ready to be done with those flashbacks. So the day came to do my session with the psychic and she asked me some questions about myself. She guessed correctly that I was gay. I didn't say much to her to see if she would intuit things about me and she did. Eventually I told her about the bad trip and she said the exact same thing happened to her before. She told me that I was very psychic and that for people who are, weed was the worst drug for them! That sounded just about right for me because the stuff made me so extremely lazy and I could not get horny while high lol.

The rest of the session went well. I didn't feel much of anything as she did her healing to be honest, but I still hoped that it worked. Well, it worked like a charm. Again, I don't know if it worked by placebo or if she actually did some healing, but I never really had another flashback again! I did feel a few moments of fear a time a few more times, but it was way less intense than the flashbacks. The headaches went away too! From the time of the 2nd bad trip until this last psychic healing session was about 2-3 months so within that time I became 100% back to normal and I have been ever since!

I told T all about the session and he was supportive. He didn't grow up in a religion like I did so he was just a kind of go with the flow type of guy. He didn't have any beliefs set in stone. I told him he was better off than a person like me being born into religious beliefs. Religion traumatized me as a kid, the Christian religion in particular, because I knew I found guys attractive. That's another story in itself though. My sanity was back and I was thrilled!

Before my complete healing, I was so consumed with fear all day long that started to feel like my feelings for T weren't there like they used to be or so I thought. I just didn't have time to think about him in that way when I was fighting for my mental health, especially in those first few weeks. I started to think that that horrible experience might have made my romantic feelings go away. I felt like it was kind of a good thing since it seemed like he was never gonna be with me the way I wanted him to anyway. It felt like we were so close to crossing that line into something more, but then that bad trip happened and it left me feeling kind of numb.

Eric had another party at his parent's house a few weekends later and he invited all the coworkers again. T seemed excited to go over there again, but I just wasn't feeling it that night. As he was getting ready to go to Eric's place, he asked if I was sure I didn't want to go with him. I told him I'm sure. I told him that Eric is only having these get togethers so that T would show up. Eric was probably too lazy to get weed himself from T's contact too so that was a factor. Eric was a huge addict. He even said when he wasn't high he felt spacey and didn't feel right. As T was about to leave he asked if I was jealous. I said "no, my feelings for you are just platonic at this point. They're gone. That's one good thing that came out of this." I remember having a bad headache as I said this. My head was pounding. T had a look of shock on his face and he looked as if the wind was knocked out of him. His reply was "no shit." That's what he always said when he meant "really" or for real?" Looking back at that moment he seemed like he was really hurt by what I said, but with my head pounding at the time I couldn't really see it. Everything changed between us after I said those words.
 
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