My pandemic fling made me extremely cautious of being in a relationship

[gorewind]

Part 1 (I had to cut it after realizing this was gonna be a long ride):

To start things off, I'm mostly into men but I have romantic feelings for women, so I don't know how to classify myself.

Anyway, on to the story, this fling started in March 2020 when I met my godparent's secretary at his office. There were strict measures due to the lockdown so just know that we were stuck in this religious campus where my mom works. It's pretty huge with the swimming area, basketball court, a dorm, offices, churches and chapels, lounges, and the school itself. These places will matter later on.

My mom works as the only cook for these religious folks, and one of these men is my godfather. I got stuck with my mom there (where she has her own unit just for her) because it was close to where I work and the fear of a lockdown was imminent. We live really far from where I work so it was better for me. During one of the dinners, my godfather invited me to work for him for a while since I had nothing to work on. I agreed and became his proxy assistant for two weeks. The third week of March came and his real assistants came over to stay until the pandemic ended. They were three guys, and none really stood out to me.

After weeks of working and hanging out with them, we became friends and bonded over food, working out, talking about random stuff, and working on my godfather's projects. In one of the Zoom meetings we had, I noticed the cute assistant smiling when talking to this handsome guy we were interviewing. My gaydar instantly went off and knew there was something odd about the way he composed himself that time. I was debating with myself whether I could be right or if I was just jumping to conclusions about him being into men.

The following week (last week of March), I met more people who worked with the organization and the assistants introduced me. In one of the meetings, the cute guy went behind me and said to the guest that I had really good hair, then he started to comb it with his hand. I thought, wth, thanks for the compliment but okay... It was the same day we had a barber come over and had everyone's haircut done.

This cute guy started to talk to me when we were alone. We walked one of the priest's dogs together in the afternoon until the sunset, then we'd have dinner with everyone. We mostly talked about our experiences in college since we went to the same school. There were topics that I wasn't interested in at the time but I still liked listening to his stories. I grew fond of him and I knew I was starting to like him (yes, I know, it was that quick). He was just average to me when I first met him, but I started thinking that he was handsome.

I could say that the cute guy and I got along really well compared to the other assistants. We sat next to each other whenever we ate, would run around the whole campus, and played video games until it was 12 am after working hours. I was having weird feelings about him and was confused about whether he liked me too or not.

A week before my birthday, my godfather asked him to watch over while he went for an afternoon swim. My godfather is around his 50s so he really needed someone to check on him. Cute guy asked me to join him but I didn't want others to think that I liked him so I declined. After we gathered for dinner, the two of us were left to do the dishes and clean up. Mind you, the dining room was closed so no one would really know what was going on there. After I cleaned the tables, I waited for him to finish rinsing the dishes. I was getting horny at the moment so I came closer and offered my help. He said he'll be done anyway but asked me to still stay. I said sure and he suddenly pecked my lips. He pressed me to get even closer so I leaned over with my schlong rubbing against him. I knew he was also in the mood so we just started making out after that. Obviously, it was reckless but he got down and started sucking me off. I was enjoying it but we cut it short out of fear.

 

[gorewind]

Part 2:

I couldn't believe what was happening at that moment but I sure was having fun. Also, my gaydar was right all along. HAHA! We left the dining room and returned to the meeting hall where we did most of our work with everyone. He went out after a while and I couldn't resist the temptation of following him. I went out a few minutes and saw him at the bathroom's entrance as if inviting me to have more fun. We partially closed the door and he continued what he was doing earlier. After a few minutes, I still couldn't finish so we had to stop. He went back to the meeting hall and I decided to get some dessert from my mom's kitchen. She's a chef, remember? It was a long walk and I had food with me so it wouldn't seem strange to the others. Where I was and where my mom worked were two buildings apart so it would make it less suspicious whenever we went out at the same time.

That same night, after working hours, we played video games until the others went to their rooms. It was really late but I knew cute guy and I had some unfinished business so we stayed. He was introducing me to Warframe at the time and I was genuinely into the game. A few minutes of playing and it was 12 am. He went to clean up and returned to the meeting hall. We knew what each other wanted so we turned off the lights and he bent as I ate his ass. After teasing him, he told me to just give it to him and so I did. I lost track of the time and it took me a while to finish it off with anal creampie. I was jerking him off while my member was inside him and he came all over the floor. We laughed about it while panicking since it would smell really off the next work day. We cleaned up the mess we made and went to our room.

We shared the same room with two other employees (different departments) so we had to keep our hormones down. The following day, I woke up an hour before he did so I showered and got ready in my mom's room. My clothes were there and her shower room is sooo much cleaner and better. I returned to our room to check on him, he was awake and told me he was waiting for me. I instantly what he meant so I said I just showered. He said I can shower again afterwards, and being the horny mf I was, I said fine. We kept our voices low and the struggle was real especially when you're the one doing all the pumping. I faked cumming because we were late for work but he insisted that I swallow his cream.

This went on until the end of the lockdown. We would fuck inside the gym after hours, inside the shower room near the pool, on the balcony where there were only seats and it was open air, and in our room.

 

[gorewind]

Part 3:

When my mom got sick around June, she was transferred to the 3rd floor of the dorm building where the nurses stayed. She was being closely monitored there. My mom worked on the 6th floor where the priests' rooms and dining area were. That morning, we were making out when someone knocked on the door and was looking for me. I quickly got my shorts on and answered. This was how I found out that my mom was moved upstairs from our room. Things were obviously riskier this time since my mom could pass by at any time going to her room (our room was next to the stairs).

It was lunchtime and he was feeling adventurous so we went back to our room for another session. While foreplaying, I told him about my mom and he got curious about what it's like upstairs with all the doctors and nurses. We went there and no one was around. I knew about the risks and I admit that was foolish of me to agree to that. We went to explore the place and while walking, he was rubbing his hand against my cock. Things got heated and I could not hold it any longer. We made out and he lay on one of the beds not even thinking if someone sick was using it. We started doing it in a missionary position and it got me in a trance as if nobody was going to come in at any time. We weren't expecting anyone to be around anytime soon since they were all eating, but as I was stretching his ass out, his face changed when he looked to his left. That made me panic and I looked back and it was my mom watching us.

Not my first time getting caught screwing with someone but that one was really tough since it was my mom and considering how religious she is, I knew it was tougher for her to see me doing homo stuff. After that incident, my mom threatened to have him fired so I begged her not to do anything of that sort. It took me a few days to convince her but thank goodness she calmed down.

That incident didn't really stop us from playing elsewhere but that also made me distance myself at times even when I knew I wanted to get raunchy with him. He would give me a nudge but I'd tell him not at the moment. We stopped doing it in the morning and we went to work on time. I know I had feelings for him but what my mom said about respecting the place punched some sense into me. It was too wild for the kind of place we were in.

 

[gorewind]

Part 4:

The lockdown was partially lifted and a pass to move back to my hometown was more accessible. That made me decide to return home that same week. I told cute guy about this and he started strange after this. He would invite me to fuck when we were free to do it, but then would say he doesn't really feel like it and he'd start crying.

I get that we've created a strong bond over the months we've known each other, and I truly cared for him. I wanted to be in a relationship with him at some point, but when he told me that I was just using him, it broke me emotionally. That made me distance myself more and I felt like everything was for nothing and the way I treated him never mattered to him. The last time we saw each other, he told me that he's not my boy toy, afterwards, he asked me to fuck him. It just sucked because I don't know why he was making me feel like I was rude to him this entire time.

It's been years, but I just thought about this today. It's probably why I don't have anyone special with me. I try to engage but I am always pessimistic that things will come crashing down in the end. It's so hard to be in a relationship of any sort even when I really want to be with a specific person. Your thoughts on this?