My straight crush said something sus

[UeFuder]

Hi everyone, this is my first thread where I talk about my personal experiences, and I hope to get some honest advice. Here’s the situation.

I’ve had a strong sexual attraction to a guy in my friend group since October. He’s straight and in a relationship with a girl for 3 years (they cheated on each other many times tho), so I try not to get emotionally attached. Usually, I don’t feel love easily, but I do experience strong sexual desires.
No one in the group knows I’m not straight, so the guys treat me like a “bro,” which makes me a bit uncomfortable. I’m the quiet one in the group, but they all like me. They often make sexual jokes (hetero ones, obv), and sometimes they make me nervous because I’m not used to that kind of talk.
I’m Italian, and in my city, it’s common for guys to say things like “I put my cock in your mouth” as a joking way of saying “Shut up.” They never say these things to me, probably because I’m quieter and more serious, and that makes me feel a bit excluded.
Now, about the guy I like: during a conversation, he told me and another friend that on an upcoming trip (with a lot of other people), we should all jerk off together. I was too stunned to speak, and my friend didn’t respond either. Then he jokingly added, “We’ll cum on (another friend’s name) ” and the conversation moved on with other jokes.
I’m still thinking about what he said, his tone felt too serious. What he said (translated to English) is "But we definitely need to jerk off together when we’re in the room". The idea of doing that with him excites me but also makes me anxious because I’m not straight, and all my friends are (we are 6 guys). I’m 80% sure he wasn’t joking: he kinda looks like one of those bros who would jerk off with his friends as a way of sharing time and getting a closer friendship, but I’m confused.

My questions are:
1. Do you think he was joking or serious?
2. If he wasn’t joking, should I participate if the situation comes up?
3. What do you think about a straight guy with a girlfriend suggesting this kind of thing to his friends?

I’d appreciate your thoughts. Thanks!

 

[dreamer20]

My sex attraction since October: He’s with a girl 3 years (each cheated++). No one knows I’m pan. My 5 friends often make heterosexual jokes and sometimes I'm nervous because I’m not used to that kind of talk. The guy I like told me, + another friend, on an upcoming trip we should jerk off together. We didn’t respond. The conversation moved on with other jokes. The idea excites me but also makes me anxious because I’m pan. I’m 80% sure he would jerk off with his friends, but I’m confused. Do you think he was joking or serious?

UeFuder, I'll refer to your friend as Guy. This situation is very straightforward. Guy made a suggestion. But, unlike him, you are too inhibited and uncomfortable with the idea of jerking off in front of your mates. So let him/them know you are not interested and continue to keep your secret sex obsession to yourself.

 

[UeFuder]

UeFuder, I'll refer to your friend as Guy. This situation is very straightforward. Guy made a suggestion. But, unlike him, you are too inhibited and uncomfortable with the idea of jerking off in front of your mates. So let him/them know you are not interested and continue to keep your secret sex obsession to yourself.

Thanks for sharing your perspective, I really appreciate it. However, honestly, it doesn’t help much because I’m struggling with a strong FOMO. Part of me wants to participate, but at the same time, I'm scared I'll get embarrassed, this is what makes things difficult for me.

Rather than advice on what to do, I was more interested in getting your opinion on the first and third questions I asked: do you think he was serious or joking when he made that suggestion? And what do you think about the fact that a straight guy with a girlfriend for years would propose something so intimate among friends?
Also, I wonder what you think about his sexuality. He said he definitely wouldn’t want a fa***t (sorry for the word, but my friends say this a lot and sometimes triggers me) in his room, so I’m curious if this kind of proposal is just a “bro” joke or if there’s something more behind it.
Lastly, Guy offered to smoke weed together during the trip. Do you think it could help me relax and handle the situation better, or would it make me feel even more uncomfortable?

Thanks again for your time!!

 

[Lallallero]

Ciao, dal tuo messaggio mi viene da immaginare che sia piuttosto giovane, intorno ai 20 anni e forse anche del sud.
Per esperienza personale ti dico che anche molti dei miei amici in quell'età erano soliti mostrare i proprio piselli per scherzo, fare la lotta nudi o seminudi ecc. E' anche probabile che questo tizio l'abbia detto per sentirsi il gradasso del gruppo senza poi una futura messa in pratica (sei tu però che lo conosci) di solito queste cose non si organizzano con settimane o mesi di anticipo, ma più lì sul momento, magari dopo aver bevuto o fumato.
La situazione è senz'altro eccitante, ma se non ti senti a proprio agio puoi sempre essere presente senza partecipare all'evento.
Mi dispiace che con loro non abbia la possibilità di sentirti veramente te stesso, fare coming out non è mai semplice, soprattutto con le persone che conosciamo da più tempo.
Domandati se preferisci più stare in pace con te stesso o in compagnia dei tuoi amici, con tutti i pro e contro del caso. Tu li conosci, tu sai come potrebbero reagire.

Anche io ero quello riservato del gruppo, quello più responsabile ecc, tra i maschi almeno. Ho dovuto aspettare il disfacimento del gruppo per essere più me stesso e capire chi sono in realtà. Trova il momento giusto.

 

[UeFuder]

Ciao, dal tuo messaggio mi viene da immaginare che sia piuttosto giovane, intorno ai 20 anni e forse anche del sud.
E' anche probabile che questo tizio l'abbia detto per sentirsi il gradasso del gruppo senza poi una futura messa in pratica (sei tu però che lo conosci) di solito queste cose non si organizzano con settimane o mesi di anticipo, ma più lì sul momento, magari dopo aver bevuto o fumato.
La situazione è senz'altro eccitante, ma se non ti senti a proprio agio puoi sempre essere presente senza partecipare all'evento.
Mi dispiace che con loro non abbia la possibilità di sentirti veramente te stesso, fare coming out non è mai semplice, soprattutto con le persone che conosciamo da più tempo.
Domandati se preferisci più stare in pace con te stesso o in compagnia dei tuoi amici, con tutti i pro e contro del caso. Tu li conosci, tu sai come potrebbero reagire.
Anche io ero quello riservato del gruppo, quello più responsabile ecc, tra i maschi almeno. Ho dovuto aspettare il disfacimento del gruppo per essere più me stesso e capire chi sono in realtà. Trova il momento giusto.

Innanzitutto ti ringrazio sei stato molto carino e gentile, poi vabbè parlerò italiano e se qualche straniero vuole leggere se lo tradurrà per conto suo.

Sì sono del sud, di Napoli, e di gradassi qui ce ne sono molti: questo ragazzo può sembrare uno di loro. Indubbiamente gli piace stare al centro dell'attenzione, ma non è un gradasso nel pieno e vero senso del termine: è molto espansivo e affettuoso, dimostrandoti che a te ci tiene con abbracci e anche baci. Ciò che mi destabilizza è proprio il tono con cui ha detto la cosa, fin troppo serio e quasi desideroso di farlo, forse vede la cosa come una forma di affetto in quanto condivisione di momenti di intimità (magari lo fa con altri suoi amici, mi ha raccontato che a volte vanno insieme a prostitute).
Poi per quanto riguarda gli altri e la situazione in sé, il problema è che prima di lui questo gruppo di amici nemmeno esisteva. Ero solito snobbare metà del gruppo e non ho mai sviluppato una grande confidenza con loro, quindi di certi temi non parlavano minimamente o di certo non lo facevano con me.

Concludo ringraziandoti nuovamente, confidando in un ritrovamento come il tuo, visto che da un po' sono alla ricerca di me stesso e dietro molte maschere non sempre è facile ricordarsi chi sono davvero.

 

[BlueWaffleHouse]

I would say just go with the flow. If your friend pushes the idea again, then he definitely wants to do it and was testing the waters. If you feel uncomfortable doing it, then don't. BUT if you want a chance to see what your crush is packing, there's no better option.

 

[Nemorex]

I think he was serious, testing the waters, and then made a joke when you didn’t respond positively right away. If you want to jerk off with him, you should if it comes up again. I think a lot of straight guys may be into it but are afraid of being labeled gay, so they are not as open about it

 

[UeFuder]

I think he was serious, testing the waters. If you want to jerk off with him, you should if it comes up again.

he was testing the waters. BUT if you want a chance to see what your crush is packing, there's no better option.

Lol more than testing the waters it seemed like he was making it clear: we should really jerk off together. This would surely happen with, at least, half of my group high on weed, hoping it will make things less embarrassing. He's even breaking up with his gf so probably won't fuck everywhere when we'll get there.

 

[BlueWaffleHouse]

Sounds like maybe he's questioning things and figures experimenting with people he knows is a baby step towards other things. Also, take all of this with a grain of salt, because we don't know you or him at all, so it could just be some "boys will be boys" fucking around.

 

[thenart88]

He was probably being goofy. We like to look for signs even when they aren't there when it comes to our crushes

 

[Scorpiokink86]

If he was serious, you should participate; if he wasn't, then no big deal.
I know you're shy and serious, but is there any way you can approach him alone, better in person... and ask him, "heeeyyy were you serious when you said the jerkoff thing?" or something like that. That way you'll be sure where he stands.

 

[greenfox]

Thanks for sharing your perspective, I really appreciate it. However, honestly, it doesn’t help much because I’m struggling with a strong FOMO. Part of me wants to participate, but at the same time, I'm scared I'll get embarrassed, this is what makes things difficult for me.

Rather than advice on what to do, I was more interested in getting your opinion on the first and third questions I asked: do you think he was serious or joking when he made that suggestion? And what do you think about the fact that a straight guy with a girlfriend for years would propose something so intimate among friends?
Also, I wonder what you think about his sexuality. He said he definitely wouldn’t want a fa***t (sorry for the word, but my friends say this a lot and sometimes triggers me) in his room, so I’m curious if this kind of proposal is just a “bro” joke or if there’s something more behind it.
Lastly, Guy offered to smoke weed together during the trip. Do you think it could help me relax and handle the situation better, or would it make me feel even more uncomfortable?

Thanks again for your time!!

Do it. If you do something embarrasing they won't give it much thought since you're the "serious" guy and it's understandable that you would feel nervous in a group masturbation session. If they find out you're attracted to men just say you're bi.

 

[Buuhan]

Call his bluff and act like you’re totally up for it. If you’re deemed as the more serious one then typically others gauge how you would respond. Although, it might be a move to see if you are gay.

If something ever does happen that way, I’d just cut them all off. Because when they eventually know you are gay they might have resentment to you for not being honest when sharing in an intimate moment.

If nothing happens then keep going along as you already are. I’m sure they already have their questions about you tho

 

[UeFuder]

is there any way you can approach him alone and ask him, "heeeyyy were you serious when you said the jerkoff thing?" or something like that.

I think that would be absolutely suspicious... like I said, no one responded to him, than why would I show interest in jerkin off with them after a week from that discussion lol

Call his bluff and act like you’re totally up for it. If you’re deemed as the more serious one then typically others gauge how you would respond. Although, it might be a move to see if you are gay.
If something ever does happen that way, I’d just cut them all off. Because when they eventually know you are gay they might have resentment to you for not being honest when sharing in an intimate moment.
If nothing happens then keep going along as you already are. I’m sure they already have their questions about you tho

As I said to scorpiokink, there's no way I'm bringing it up again. I think you are right, some of them may question about me as I never really showed interest in girls or gave anyone confidence about my sexuality.

The trip is in a month, and I hope and believe there will be more opportunities to bond even more… and if the group masturbation session comes up again, I wouldn’t stay silent but test the waters.

 

[Scorpiokink86]

I think that would be absolutely suspicious... like I said, no one responded to him, than why would I show interest in jerkin off with them after a week from that discussion lol

As I said to scorpiokink, there's no way I'm bringing it up again. I think you are right, some of them may question about me as I never really showed interest in girls or gave anyone confidence about my sexuality.

The trip is in a month, and I hope and believe there will be more opportunities to bond even more… and if the group masturbation session comes up again, I wouldn’t stay silent but test the waters.

Good! And if it happens, then whip out that c0ck hahah

 

[BlueWaffleHouse]

Just remember to say "dude" if you say anything sus about someone's dick - it's not gay if you do it that way.

 

[UeFuder]

Good! And if it happens, then whip out that c0ck hahah

I won't think about it twice lolll

 

[Conflict101b]

Hi everyone, this is my first thread where I talk about my personal experiences, and I hope to get some honest advice. Here’s the situation.

I’ve had a strong sexual attraction to a guy in my friend group since October. He’s straight and in a relationship with a girl for 3 years (they cheated on each other many times tho), so I try not to get emotionally attached. Usually, I don’t feel love easily, but I do experience strong sexual desires.
No one in the group knows I’m not straight, so the guys treat me like a “bro,” which makes me a bit uncomfortable. I’m the quiet one in the group, but they all like me. They often make sexual jokes (hetero ones, obv), and sometimes they make me nervous because I’m not used to that kind of talk.
I’m Italian, and in my city, it’s common for guys to say things like “I put my cock in your mouth” as a joking way of saying “Shut up.” They never say these things to me, probably because I’m quieter and more serious, and that makes me feel a bit excluded.
Now, about the guy I like: during a conversation, he told me and another friend that on an upcoming trip (with a lot of other people), we should all jerk off together. I was too stunned to speak, and my friend didn’t respond either. Then he jokingly added, “We’ll cum on (another friend’s name) ” and the conversation moved on with other jokes.
I’m still thinking about what he said, his tone felt too serious. What he said (translated to English) is "But we definitely need to jerk off together when we’re in the room". The idea of doing that with him excites me but also makes me anxious because I’m not straight, and all my friends are (we are 6 guys). I’m 80% sure he wasn’t joking: he kinda looks like one of those bros who would jerk off with his friends as a way of sharing time and getting a closer friendship, but I’m confused.

My questions are:
1. Do you think he was joking or serious?
2. If he wasn’t joking, should I participate if the situation comes up?
3. What do you think about a straight guy with a girlfriend suggesting this kind of thing to his friends?

I’d appreciate your thoughts. Thanks!

Pretty sure he was 100% serious. Groups of straight friends do shit like this all of the time. Growing up with my friends as teenagers we did this sort of sort of thing all of the time. A couple of times it even became mutual between 2 of us when everyone else fell asleep. I you can do it and contain yourself, those ,memories will last forever lol.

 

[UeFuder]

Pretty sure he was 100% serious. Groups of straight friends do shit like this all of the time.

Now I'm starting to ask myself why have I never been in a group of straight friends lol (I'm scared of men I just want their dick)

 

[grandstand1]

I think he was probably serious. This is fairly common among close friends. I would say it tends to be among the more educated, confident, preppy types....who are used to nudity in sport lockers and fraternities...