New Roomate/male Bonding

[deleted1539242]

so i need help. i recently asked my friend( yes just a friend. i dont wanna fuck him or have a crush on him) if he wanted to get our own place together. that’s still in the process.

okay so i didnt really have an open childhood liek some of y’all. my parents weren’t prudes but there wasn’t really any male nudity going on so since i’m gonna have my own place i’m gonna make my own rules.

i wanna approach my friend about our place being open. like if you don’t wanna wear underwear don’t, if you don’t wanna wear shorts don’t, don’t wanna wear a shirt ever don’t.
i know he doesn’t wear underwear (he told me) but i don’t know how often or if it was just that day and i have no idea if he’s cool with being so casual and open.

what i need is how you would approach a good friend with this. like the whole conversation if you would. i know more or less what the gist of what i wanna say is but i’m the type of person who likes to have as much input as i can cause what if you bring up something i missed that could convince him, ya know?
also if hes cool but uncomfortable doing it himself how can i make him comfortable enough to participate? like what could a friend do to make you comfortable with them being open and casual?

ultimately i know all i can do is tell him it’s okay and that it’s an option for him but we’re 2 young ppp moving out of our parents like let’s live a little

 

[jtheimpaler]

so i need help. i recently asked my friend( yes just a friend. i dont wanna fuck him or have a crush on him) if he wanted to get our own place together. that’s still in the process.

okay so i didnt really have an open childhood liek some of y’all. my parents weren’t prudes but there wasn’t really any male nudity going on so since i’m gonna have my own place i’m gonna make my own rules.

i wanna approach my friend about our place being open. like if you don’t wanna wear underwear don’t, if you don’t wanna wear shorts don’t, don’t wanna wear a shirt ever don’t.
i know he doesn’t wear underwear (he told me) but i don’t know how often or if it was just that day and i have no idea if he’s cool with being so casual and open.

what i need is how you would approach a good friend with this. like the whole conversation if you would. i know more or less what the gist of what i wanna say is but i’m the type of person who likes to have as much input as i can cause what if you bring up something i missed that could convince him, ya know?
also if hes cool but uncomfortable doing it himself how can i make him comfortable enough to participate? like what could a friend do to make you comfortable with them being open and casual?

ultimately i know all i can do is tell him it’s okay and that it’s an option for him but we’re 2 young ppp moving out of our parents like let’s live a little

Let it happen naturally… forcing it runs the risk of making the whole situation weird

A lot of us did grow up being cool about being naked in our homes…. However… that was learnt behaviour not forced, or mandated….. no one sat us down and said “we should do this” it was natural.

Lads I’ve lived with in the past know what I’m like how I act and what I do etc…. I’d never suggest to someone else how they should be in their own home… you go with the flow and find out

Of you are starting out in life trying to force scenarios and situations you think are chill and fun, you are going to be sorely disappointed….

 

[ohiorod]

While I agree that this conversation could be awkward, I would very casually bring it up before getting the place. I would suggest asking what he is looking forward to the most about having a place. He may say he wants to have 3 cats , 2 dogs and 4 goldfish and you may only be cool with the goldfish. Just indicating what your favorite thing would be gives you the opportunity to express your desire to get out from parents’ rules and what you want to experience. I would only express that this is what you want to experience and not try to corner him on a commitment to do the same. I know when I got my first place, I would not have wanted to learn that my roomie wanted to play drums all night when I went to bed on the first night. Setting up some basic parameters of how you want to live, such as splitting expenses down the middle or separate food supplies will make things easier for a good first apartment experience. Enjoy your freedom!

 

[Clrwtrdlbud71-fl]

How long is this arrangement? Are you investing in a place together (i.e. long term), or getting a 6/12 month rental? If the former, discuss it before but very very casually 'hey I look forward to hanging out shirtless ot in the new place, you are gonna mind are you?') since you may not have an easy way out. If it's a short term renewable, don't say anything thing, let it happen naturally and progressively, and read his reaction (comments, body language, does he join in, etc): if it's negative, just casually exit at renewal time.

 

[CaptainRugby]

Guys don’t talk about this sort of stuff…Just do what you want and let him do what he wants. If you are comfortable naked he’ll open up, or not.

 

[Alex22876]

so i need help. i recently asked my friend( yes just a friend. i dont wanna fuck him or have a crush on him) if he wanted to get our own place together. that’s still in the process.

okay so i didnt really have an open childhood liek some of y’all. my parents weren’t prudes but there wasn’t really any male nudity going on so since i’m gonna have my own place i’m gonna make my own rules.

i wanna approach my friend about our place being open. like if you don’t wanna wear underwear don’t, if you don’t wanna wear shorts don’t, don’t wanna wear a shirt ever don’t.
i know he doesn’t wear underwear (he told me) but i don’t know how often or if it was just that day and i have no idea if he’s cool with being so casual and open.

what i need is how you would approach a good friend with this. like the whole conversation if you would. i know more or less what the gist of what i wanna say is but i’m the type of person who likes to have as much input as i can cause what if you bring up something i missed that could convince him, ya know?
also if hes cool but uncomfortable doing it himself how can i make him comfortable enough to participate? like what could a friend do to make you comfortable with them being open and casual?

ultimately i know all i can do is tell him it’s okay and that it’s an option for him but we’re 2 young ppp moving out of our parents like let’s live a little

this kind of grosses me out just with your ass on the couch. Nudity should be natural. If you are walking from bed to get some water and back or you forgot your shorts. I wouldn’t want to put my head on a pillow on the couch someone’s ass juice was on. You should definitely bring it up beforehand. If this was sprung on me after I made the commitment, I would be very pissed.

 

[jtheimpaler]

Guys don’t talk about this sort of stuff…Just do what you want and let him do what he wants. If you are comfortable naked he’ll open up, or not.

100% this

If you wanna chill in your trunks do it, hel soon tell you otherwise
Asking him to do likewise is creepy

 

[deleted1539242]

Let it happen naturally… forcing it runs the risk of making the whole situation weird

A lot of us did grow up being cool about being naked in our homes…. However… that was learnt behaviour not forced, or mandated….. no one sat us down and said “we should do this” it was natural.

Lads I’ve lived with in the past know what I’m like how I act and what I do etc…. I’d never suggest to someone else how they should be in their own home… you go with the flow and find out

Of you are starting out in life trying to force scenarios and situations you think are chill and fun, you are going to be sorely disappointed….

so basically you’re saying i should just let it happen and unconsciously let him him know that it’s cold for him too

realistically i don’t see him being naked at least intentionally. i’m seeing maybe he left his towel on his room or he forgot to pack something or things like that.

 

[deleted1539242]

While I agree that this conversation could be awkward, I would very casually bring it up before getting the place. I would suggest asking what he is looking forward to the most about having a place. He may say he wants to have 3 cats , 2 dogs and 4 goldfish and you may only be cool with the goldfish. Just indicating what your favorite thing would be gives you the opportunity to express your desire to get out from parents’ rules and what you want to experience. I would only express that this is what you want to experience and not try to corner him on a commitment to do the same. I know when I got my first place, I would not have wanted to learn that my roomie wanted to play drums all night when I went to bed on the first night. Setting up some basic parameters of how you want to live, such as splitting expenses down the middle or separate food supplies will make things easier for a good first apartment experience. Enjoy your freedom!

oh yeah my goal isn’t to force casual nudity on him just to present the concept of it’s cool to not wear this or that

 

[deleted1539242]

How long is this arrangement? Are you investing in a place together (i.e. long term), or getting a 6/12 month rental? If the former, discuss it before but very very casually 'hey I look forward to hanging out shirtless ot in the new place, you are gonna mind are you?') since you may not have an easy way out. If it's a short term renewable, don't say anything thing, let it happen naturally and progressively, and read his reaction (comments, body language, does he join in, etc): if it's negative, just casually exit at renewal time.

i’m not sure i guess depending on the lease but i’m gonna guess probably a year

 

[deleted1539242]

this kind of grosses me out just with your ass on the couch. Nudity should be natural. If you are walking from bed to get some water and back or you forgot your shorts. I wouldn’t want to put my head on a pillow on the couch someone’s ass juice was on. You should definitely bring it up beforehand. If this was sprung on me after I made the commitment, I would be very pissed.

oh i definitely see what you mean and i wouldn’t want it all naked all the time but like how you said forgetting your shorts or when things like that happen it won’t be a big deal

 

[jtheimpaler]

so basically you’re saying i should just let it happen and unconsciously let him him know that it’s cold for him too

realistically i don’t see him being naked at least intentionally. i’m seeing maybe he left his towel on his room or he forgot to pack something or things like that.

Your a guy, youl be living in a house with another guy, some guys chill in their trunks and others don’t…. Some guys hide themselves in the lockers, others don’t… the only difference is that you will be sharing a personal space… which means you both have to respect each other, and there’s a difference between walking from the bathroom to your bedroom, and hanging out (literally) on a sofa in the lounge, you also need to be prepared that he may not want you showing so much skin, and as you are sharing a space you have to respect that

I think you have to ask yourself why you want him to chill in his trunks… I don’t expect anyone around me to show me anything, but I would hope they are comfortable in my presence to chill how they want to - that’s not a conversation that’s just life

 

[deleted1539242]

Your a guy, youl be living in a house with another guy, some guys chill in their trunks and others don’t…. Some guys hide themselves in the lockers, others don’t… the only difference is that you will be sharing a personal space… which means you both have to respect each other, and there’s a difference between walking from the bathroom to your bedroom, and hanging out (literally) on a sofa in the lounge, you also need to be prepared that he may not want you showing so much skin, and as you are sharing a space you have to respect that

I think you have to ask yourself why you want him to chill in his trunks… I don’t expect anyone around me to show me anything, but I would hope they are comfortable in my presence to chill how they want to - that’s not a conversation that’s just life

i don’t want him to do anything just want to let him know it’s cool if he wants to

 

[jtheimpaler]

i don’t want him to do anything just want to let him know it’s cool if he wants to

I think the point is that there is nothing you can say or do otherwise it would be weird, even those of us that chill less clothed don’t always do it to be in that state it’s just comfort or convenience, if you start shedding clothes as soon as you get in he will probably think something is up, and to be fair if someone came to my pad and did that I’d be a little suspect, if they’d just taken a shower or we were getting ready to go out etc that’s a bit different

 

[deleted1539242]

I think the point is that there is nothing you can say or do otherwise it would be weird, even those of us that chill less clothed don’t always do it to be in that state it’s just comfort or convenience, if you start shedding clothes as soon as you get in he will probably think something is up, and to be fair if someone came to my pad and did that I’d be a little suspect, if they’d just taken a shower or we were getting ready to go out etc that’s a bit different

okay yeah i see what you mean. don’t force it just let it happen naturally

 

[jtheimpaler]

okay yeah i see what you mean. don’t force it just let it happen naturally

That’s all you can do…. And be prepared for it to not happen… just be

 

[ronin001]

You have a conflict right off to bat

You mention since i’m gonna have my own place i’m gonna make my own rules. Then you say i wanna approach my friend about our place being open. So what will it be your place; or our place. A Parent often says -- This is my house I make the rules --- ( Get where I am coming from ?? )

I think You should be pondering the larger picture of growing up and moving out of your parents homes. Hell can you afford the life you want to live, can you pay for food, electricity, Cable TV, High Speed internet, cell phones, cars health insurance. X-Box games . What if one of you gets fired, will you have a reserve not to become homeless. Is he Gay ? does he have a GF / BF, will it be OK to walk around in your underwear or Nude if he has company

If this is your Friend, try to bond with him fully clothed, before you move in together. Friends can become enemies. Vet, your decision, before you sign a lease

 

[deleted1539242]

You have a conflict right off to bat

You mention since i’m gonna have my own place i’m gonna make my own rules. Then you say i wanna approach my friend about our place being open. So what will it be your place; or our place. A Parent often says -- This is my house I make the rules --- ( Get where I am coming from ?? )

I think You should be pondering the larger picture of growing up and moving out of your parents homes. Hell can you afford the life you want to live, can you pay for food, electricity, Cable TV, High Speed internet, cell phones, cars health insurance. X-Box games . What if one of you gets fired, will you have a reserve not to become homeless. Is he Gay ? does he have a GF / BF, will it be OK to walk around in your underwear or Nude if he has company

If this is your Friend, try to bond with him fully clothed, before you move in together. Friends can become enemies. Vet, your decision, before you sign a lease

i get what you’re saying but that’s not it at all

 

[dreamer20]

i recently asked my friend...if he wanted to get our own place together...i wanna approach my friend about male nudity...what i need is how you would approach a good friend with this... i know more or less what the gist of what i wanna say is but i’m the type of person who likes to have as much input as i can cause what if you bring up something i missed that could convince him, ya know? also if hes cool but uncomfortable doing it himself how can i make him comfortable enough to participate? like what could a friend do to make you comfortable with them being open and casual? ultimately i know all i can do is tell him it’s okay and that it’s an option for him but we’re 2 young ppp moving out of our parents like let’s live a little

By chance, I once overheard how a man, I shall call "Jay", bodly dealt with your same situation. When he spoke to his intended roommate, "Silent Bob", about the advantages of them living together - one such advantage was "As there are no girls around you ( Silent Bob) would be able to walk around naked". They were comfortable being nude around each other, however you don't know if your friend will be. As you will be living together, simply ask if he has any issues with being nude around you and vice versa. If he responds "No" , be mindful of his feelings and accept the fact that you won't be seeing him nude.

 

[Jordan88]

Off topic / kinda on topic.
Was at a buddy's home yesterday. We're kinda close I guess. He's wearing shorts in his own home.
We were just chatting and watching tv etc. Outta nowhere I look over and he's got one pant leg hiked all the way up. The guy is sitting there popping zits at the top of his thigh. Me: wtf are you doing. Him: what? I'm like bleeding.

At first moment my thought was "wtf is this dude doing? that's so gross... why is he doing that when someone else is here. Sure it's his house but still wtf."
After I collected my thoughts: "I guess that's kinda cool he thinks we're that close?"

Personal conclusion on this topic: Per above, just you do you, don't bring this up as a topic as a dude, and he'll speak up if it's not ok. Make sure you respect that because it's not YOUR (you) place, iit's YOUR (both of you) place. [off topic: English is so broken... in what other language do your singular and your plural need to be explained] In the end you may end up with a best friend for life, or be looking for a roommate in 6 months.

While I agree that this conversation could be awkward, I would very casually bring it up before getting the place. I would suggest asking what he is looking forward to the most about having a place. He may say he wants to have 3

Was reading this and was expecting you to say "3some"