Maybe I'm spatially challenged. I need suggestions, but ready to battle.
 
me vs @BigNavy ?
What are you doing to me?
Fils de putain, mon Boug!
Icitte - là, ce n'est pas un pénis,
c'est une perche de péniche.

My man, that isn't a dick, it's a barge pole.

How am I supposed to compare with that?
I'm down for this!