talking gay

[NicholasSommerby]

I think I'm a little more accepting of the higher voices with the "lisp" than I used to be. It used to throw me off when I'd see this really incredibly attractive and tall guy that I'd imagine having this deep manly voice...and the first thing that comes out of his mouth is a higher pitched "Guuuuuurl!" followed by something else. But I've gotten used to it, as I think a number of guys I've met/had a date with had some form of the "gay" accent, whether it be the above mentioned, the "lisp", or some form of "No-you-di'n't!" and/or limp wrist syndrome.

 

[billybones]

I think it's just who they are and likely always have been. I do not think they set out to speak or act a certain way, because that makes about as much sense as when people say gay guys chose to be gay and willingly invited the scorn and disdain of the rest of society. There is such a sense of self-loathing in the gay community when it comes to effeminate characteristics. I see profiles on dating websites and comments on here and even in conversations with guys at clubs and it's all about how NOT gay they are or that's who they're looking for should be and on and on. I've dated my fair share of feminine guys and they're just like all those guys who talk about how macho they are. It's exactly the same because at the end of the day they've all had the same needy emotional issues as the next guy I date. I'm considered the 'straight acting' one because I don't go shopping with the few female friends I have and I detest musicals and own one album by a female artist. But most of the time it's the fem guys that can change the oil in their cars. At least the effeminate guys are comfortable in their own skin, which can't always be said of the 'straight acting' guys I've dated. I'm not into over the top displays, but that's not how most of the fem guys act. It's certainly no more over the top than some of the 'macho guys' I've seen walking around in assless chaps.

I'm not trying to say that the thread-starter implied some position on the matter. I understand it was just a question. I simply felt the need to add my two cents on the larger subject before the conversation turned into some bash fest. We're all gay and the animosity we have towards each other bothers me since we're all basically in the same boat. I'm pretty sure the crack of a bat to the back of the head feels the same if you have a lisp or not.

 

[concupisys]

@billybones: i can see your point to a degree, and i agree that a person's characteristics don't necessarily make them more or less of a man.... there are exceptions to just about every rule when it comes to character, and regardless of whether or not we're attracted to them it doesn't mean that they don't deserve respect as a human being....

however, i have one specific example of how 'coming out' has resulted in a major change in character from sensitive-masculine to down right flaming:

in the current season of 'project runway (USA)', they brought back a former contestant from last season named 'christopher'.... last season, christopher was not out to his family and many people in his personal life, and his personality and character came off as ambiguously straight.... during the course of last season, christopher finally came out to his family, and it was great to see that they not only accepted him but were proud of him.... this season (only a year later), christopher came back 'on fire'.... he has adopted so many gay stereotypes in to his personality to the point that it's like he's a completely different person.... i'm not sure if i like this flaming character he is now, though i can see that he's noticeably happier and more comfortable in his skin.... but this is a prime example of how coming out does have an effect on a person's character, and it's extremely common....

did anyone else who watches project runway notice this????

 

[billybones]

I have never seen project runway.

But I'm not sure that most people wouldn't act differently when a camera was focused on them. However, I think most gay guys get really into being gay when they first come out. I'm sure his natural personality lies somewhere in the middle of who he was and how he acts now. Or maybe he's always wanted to act the way he does now because it's more comfortable for him. I can't really speak to your example because I don't know the guy, or watch his tv show.

 

[concupisys]

well, it's not his tv show.... it's heidi klum's tv show.... he's just one of the contestants.... but given the way you are making your statements, it seems that you have slotted distinct personality and character traits to be exclusively 'gay'.... it's a very odd topic for some (like myself) to get in to because my character was pegged as 'gay' from age 7, and back then i didn't know what 'gay' was or what gay people supposedly acted like.... oddly enough now that i'm adult and out (i came out at 26), my peers view my personality as much less 'gay' than the average gay person.... i personally would never use my sexual orientation to look or act like any sociotype, so over the course of my life my personality has just evolved in to a quirky hybrid of just about everything under the sun.... is it gay? is it straight? i have absolutely no clue.... what's most important about anyone's personality and character is that it's natural, genuine, and not for superficial reasons....

 

[D_Rictiotarvic_Ephenphart]

I didn't know i sounded that way until i heard my recorded voice years ago. The way I stress certain words sounds gay, but I still don't hear it coming out of my mouth. This is different than intentionally feminizing speech in some situations (camp).

When straight guys talk like that (probably without being aware) it always fucks up my gaydar...

 

[billybones]

well, it's not his tv show.... it's heidi klum's tv show.... he's just one of the contestants.... but given the way you are making your statements, it seems that you have slotted distinct personality and character traits to be exclusively 'gay'.... it's a very odd topic for some (like myself) to get in to because my character was pegged as 'gay' from age 7, and back then i didn't know what 'gay' was or what gay people supposedly acted like.... oddly enough now that i'm adult and out (i came out at 26), my peers view my personality as much less 'gay' than the average gay person.... i personally would never use my sexual orientation to look or act like any sociotype, so over the course of my life my personality has just evolved in to a quirky hybrid of just about everything under the sun.... is it gay? is it straight? i have absolutely no clue.... what's most important about anyone's personality and character is that it's natural, genuine, and not for superficial reasons....

Actually, I am doing the opposite of slotting traits as exclusively gay. When I speak to my female friends, their husbands and boyfriends have the same issues as my boyfriends.

 

[concupisys]

different people have different experiences with this topic.... depending on where you're from, how old you are, the kinds of people you hang out with.... 'talking gay' can be interpreted in many different ways for many different reasons by many different people.... but i reiterate: genuine-ness and respect are what's important.... a person could find it attractive or not, but how a person expresses their personality has little to nothing to do with whether they are a good person.... if i don't like or respect someone, trust me: it has nothing to do with how effeminate they happen to be.....

 

[HFOStimmer]

Last Friday, I went to a gay bar for the first time in 13 years. Guys act a lot more fem now than they did in the 90s.

 

[K.Dst]

in the current season of 'project runway (USA)', they brought back a former contestant from last season named 'christopher'.... last season, christopher was not out to his family and many people in his personal life, and his personality and character came off as ambiguously straight.... during the course of last season, christopher finally came out to his family, and it was great to see that they not only accepted him but were proud of him.... this season (only a year later), christopher came back 'on fire'.... he has adopted so many gay stereotypes in to his personality to the point that it's like he's a completely different person....

Two things :
1. He was probably very insecure and actively tried to look "not gay" to his family and close friends. Now that he's out of his closet he doesn't have to try that, so he can just be himself which in that occasion mean "faggy".

2. This is television, never forget that 90% of what you see has been distored, twisted and exagerated in a way or another from what's been filmed.
They really like clichés, and though I doubt they went to him and asked him "Eyh, could you do this one again, but with a tight wifebeater, skinny jeans, a higher pitched voice, and add a couple Barbra Streisand references?", but I'm sure they specifically picked his gayest moments and left out all the over irrelevant stuff.
It's just for characterisation, to help the viewers to remeber who's who and stuff like that, but you can get quiet shocking results

 

[concupisys]

i can see your point K.D.... though i have also seen first hand how a person comes out and literally set their personality on FIRE.... in some ways i can understand how coming out can make a person less insecure about acting or dressing in certain ways, but in some cases the change in character is so drastic that it can alienate a lot of people who existed in that person's life before they came out.... some people come out and to friends and family it makes no difference because there is no visible change in the person so everyone just goes about their lives as normal.... in other cases, the physical changes are so extreme that those who are closest to them feel as if they don't know them anymore and have to get to know them all over again....

i'll say one thing about project runway though: they don't sensationalize the 'drama' like most americal reality/competition shows do.... not like those gordon ramsay monstrosities....

 

[K.Dst]

in other cases, the physical changes are so extreme that those who are closest to them feel as if they don't know them anymore and have to get to know them all over again....

Well, ain't that somehow the point of coming out?
All the people around you thought they knew you, but actually you were hiding a whole part of yourself by letting them assume you were straight (or worse, actively trying to make them believe you're straight), when they realise that for all this time a part of what they thought you were was wrong they think they don't know you anymore.

The more you were hiding to other people, the harder it gets for them to whistand the realisation that what they thougt was not true (that's actually the real litteral definition of the "Horror" feeling), that's the same mechanism somehow

 

[concupisys]

um, for you to make a statement like that would be to say that all gay men suddenly become highly effeminate and flaming when they come out.... that's pretty shallow if i do say so myself.... nothing about my personality has changed since i came out except for the fact that i feel more comfortable talking about my sexuality in front of other people.... however i come across, i'm proud of who i am, always have been, and don't need my sexuality as an excuse to act or look a certain way or to get involved in certain activities.... my coming out was coming to terms with and realizations about who i am as a sexual being and nothing more.... i didn't use coming out as a green light to become a stereotype.....

 

[jjsjr]

I do it because it's what I do....
I don't question it, it's simply how I've always spoken.

I like guys and I talk with a feminine air. It's that simple.

 

[someperson]

First I understand this doesnt apply to everyone.. but Im curious why some guys talk "gay" (call it what you will, feminine, higher pitch, upward inflection, slight lisp.. whatever.. I hope everyone understands).

I know you put it in "Ask a Gay Man"


But some people's voice changes on a daily basis. It's kinda funny since it can be unrecognizable on the phone.

 

[Belfast29]

its all attention seeking.. "look at me , im different"..totally put-on and uncalled for...

 

[uncut1]

Missthing PLEEAASSEE (snaps fingers,turns head and strutts off..

 

[jelqer9]

Then they wonder why people are against gays...hell Im bi and my friends are gay and I didnt even know two of them where gay until they told me. I work with the public alot and when I see dudes walking around with purses and "not trying to stand out" it annoys me. Be the real you and not the stereotypical flamboyant over exaggerated homo that people think you are. Like I said Im bi but whenever I have a bf I dont turn into a "diva" and all this other shit. But Im happy with my gf though