The Straight Guy Crush…Help

[Groled]

As someone that has had countless straight crushes, but only sort of endulged in one of em, my strong advice is: do not act. At most you will be allowed to confess you think think he is handsome if you are drunk. Ideally you are both drunk. You need to remember that the only think you KNOW for certain is that you, an open gay man, has a crush on someone that has told you and has lived his life to date as a straight man. Your perception of any one event is going to be in bias of favoring what it is you want, which is your sexy, loyal friend.

Worst case scenario, but the one I have heard here before. You endulge. You make out. Suck his cock. Naked fun. The next day things seem fine. Then after that the texting becomes less frequent. You ask if he is okay with what happened. He says he is fine. Just busy. You soon find he is always busy. You eventually realize that he can't handle his feelings and associates you with a lifestyle temptation that could change his life for the worst, that he can keep his gay feelings in check by just not being around you. You are now associated with a threat to his heterosexuality. Out of sight, out of mind. The friendship is over.

Can you accept that outcome? Because no matter what you think, that could happen. If getting some cock is worth it. Go for it. Otherwise, let him make the first moves and initiate everything, including homo talk.

ALL THIS. This scenario happened with best friend. We acted and now I rarely see him and it’s just awful.

 

[Surferblue]

Yeah, I have to agree with the people here that say "don't do anything." Been in the same situation many times over the years, so I feel your pain. But I hope you can learn from our mistakes. Look, your friend knows you're gay. He clearly knows you're open and available to take things further. Let him be the one to make the moves....if he makes any at all. Coming to terms with his sexual identity, if he is in fact bi/pan/ambi/whatever, will take time and when he's ready, believe me you'll know it. He's a guy, he's horny, and if he's into you at all at some point he will want to explore that. If you initiate anything when he's not ready (or not actually interested in you sexually), you risk it all blowing up in your face and losing a friendship that I think is more important to you than just getting into bed with him. I've found that a lot of guys who identify as straight actually enjoy the attention of other guys, or they yearn for male intimacy and affection, but don't actually want to go as far as sex. I have a straight friend who feels he can tell me things he can't discuss with his other straight friends. Really emotional, psychological stuff. Another straight friend who I had a crush on for years just liked having a super close best friend. I think it reminded him of his friendships in his early teens, before guys got self conscious or competitive. All he wanted to do is sleep in bed next to me and talk in the dark like we were having a sleepover. He liked to discuss his sex life openly with another guy, and he was so curious about my sex life. That's all the intimacy he needed from me. Earlly on, when I was so in love and totally tortured by him, I tried to push things further and it ruined our friendship for a while, although we have since repaired it. Nowadays, we're both in committed long term relationships (he's got a wife), but he'll text me every week and say something like, "I just jacked off in the public rest stop on the side of the highway. I was so horny." Or, "hey, you masturbated today? 3rd time for me today." Anyway, I wish you the best of luck!

 

[sexy1234567]

Yeah, I have to agree with the people here that say "don't do anything." Been in the same situation many times over the years, so I feel your pain. But I hope you can learn from our mistakes. Look, your friend knows you're gay. He clearly knows you're open and available to take things further. Let him be the one to make the moves....if he makes any at all. Coming to terms with his sexual identity, if he is in fact bi/pan/ambi/whatever, will take time and when he's ready, believe me you'll know it. He's a guy, he's horny, and if he's into you at all at some point he will want to explore that. If you initiate anything when he's not ready (or not actually interested in you sexually), you risk it all blowing up in your face and losing a friendship that I think is more important to you than just getting into bed with him. I've found that a lot of guys who identify as straight actually enjoy the attention of other guys, or they yearn for male intimacy and affection, but don't actually want to go as far as sex. I have a straight friend who feels he can tell me things he can't discuss with his other straight friends. Really emotional, psychological stuff. Another straight friend who I had a crush on for years just liked having a super close best friend. I think it reminded him of his friendships in his early teens, before guys got self conscious or competitive. All he wanted to do is sleep in bed next to me and talk in the dark like we were having a sleepover. He liked to discuss his sex life openly with another guy, and he was so curious about my sex life. That's all the intimacy he needed from me. Earlly on, when I was so in love and totally tortured by him, I tried to push things further and it ruined our friendship for a while, although we have since repaired it. Nowadays, we're both in committed long term relationships (he's got a wife), but he'll text me every week and say something like, "I just jacked off in the public rest stop on the side of the highway. I was so horny." Or, "hey, you masturbated today? 3rd time for me today." Anyway, I wish you the best of luck!

Well said. I kind think we give our own sex credit for some of our own complexity. Yes, we are often shameless, sex-driven animals. But sometimes we are human beings too, with feelings that have nothing to do with sex. Not being alone. Feeling connection, emotional security. Not being judged by others. Being able to let your guard down with another male that is not a "sexual competitior" could be nice for some.

Totally agree on the vanity thing. I think a lot of men just love the validation of being seen as masculine, desirable, handsome, fuckable. Doesn't mean they have any locker room fantasies with yah though, as GAY men, that is our thing.

Probably the best way to look at it is to reverse it. Gentleman, anyone here with a cherished fag hag or two? Ever heard the words "why can't you be straight" or "we should just get married." Or been hanging out drunk and had a GF want to kiss you? It all seems like a joke, maybe you are flattered, but on some level are you like "Ohhhh boy, please tell me she is not in love with me!" You get a little wierded out. They are your friend you really love being around them, so many great times...but you can't give them what they want. I have been there. It is probably the same thing for our straight BF's.

 

[Meisme]

I've been in that kind of scenario... What I know is from the moment you're into a crush dynamic, things become complicated. In that situation, give up about the movie you have in mind : it's just a fantasy. What's real is what you feel, only that.
In my case, I told the truth : about my feelings. As a friend, I was feeling I had to.
We're still friends today. And nothing sexual never happened. And I'm happy with that.
My advice would be to not think about your straight friends in a romantic way. I've stopped doing that. And since I did, I've had sex with several of my 'straight' friends. That may happen with some guys, or it may not. But if you don't allow you to have a crush on one of those guys, it will just be good surprises when something happens ! With no frustration or pain when it doesn't.
Just be a good friend, enjoy life. Life is surprising.

 

[yearites]

Enjoy the attention and the affection and the bromance I know I'm very jealous even if it is complicated. But just to let you know, it's not complicated. Lets play this out in a world in which you don't do anything and your intuitions become reality.

He breaks up with his partner, do not tell him to do this just support him

you don't want him to resent your relationship in the future either as your future bf or just best friend

there will be a period of mourning and bad decisions on his part as he tries to heal

he might try and hook up with you during this period

Dont let him! respectfully decline, this is not how you would want your future romance to be grounded in

After his sloppy break up period and you've kept it in your pants, then maybe maybe you have a chance to form a relationship based on clear headed meaningful love

 

[sexy1234567]

Enjoy the attention and the affection and the bromance I know I'm very jealous even if it is complicated. But just to let you know, it's not complicated. Lets play this out in a world in which you don't do anything and your intuitions become reality.

He breaks up with his partner, do not tell him to do this just support him

you don't want him to resent your relationship in the future either as your future bf or just best friend

there will be a period of mourning and bad decisions on his part as he tries to heal

he might try and hook up with you during this period

Dont let him! respectfully decline, this is not how you would want your future romance to be grounded in

After his sloppy break up period and you've kept it in your pants, then maybe maybe you have a chance to form a relationship based on clear headed meaningful love

Or he could be like a lot of men, I suspect. Strongly attached to his heterosexual idenity that is 100% supported in world-wide heteronormative culture. Easy and uncomplicated. On the inside he is bicurious, curious about male bodies and intimacy. The curiousity might slip slightly here and there, but only a serious lapse of judgement (booze, drugs, emotional vulnerability) would ever result in anyone else knowing they are not total straight, alpha male bros through an actual homosexual act.

Be cautious. Your emotional intimacy could be a liability. Crossing the boundary and including sexual intimatcy could create turmoil. "Jesus...he is my best friend. He is gay...we did it and I kind of liked it...am I really a faggot??" He may be the coolest, supportive, gay-friendly person, but he is supposed to have a straight life and that is going to be the end of it.

 

[wilmaster04]

So I’m in a weird situation with a friend who I think may be bi and I wanted to ask people’s thoughts. For the purpose of this I shall call him Tom.

So Tom and I have worked together for a little over 18months. In the last maybe 8months we’ve become very close.

As far as I’ve always known, he’s straight. He’s in a long term relationship with his gf and there has never been any reason to assume otherwise. He’s an intensely private guy too, keeps work and personal life very separate and doesn’t ever talk about anything personal/emotional etc.

That however has started to change with me. As we’ve got closer as friends things have morphed a little. It started off with us spending a lot more time around one another when at work. I started to catch feelings and now I’m a little head over heels with him. Others have noticed how we are around one another leading them to ask questions if something is going on between us. But on a number of occasions they’ve been prompted so not because of my behaviour but because of his behaviour toward me.

Tom seeks me out as much as I seek him. We text non stop when we’re not together, share silly memes constantly and generally are solidly in one another’s orbit at most times. As we’ve got closer Tom has begun to mix personal and work life more in that he’s invited me out with his friends outside of work. He’s confided in me in very personal matters and that is something he just doesn’t do with anyone else. He’s also alluded more and more that maybe he isn’t as happy in his relationship as he lets on.

Friends have commented on things as well. They’ve noticed that when I’m not paying attention he stares at me. When I’m not about he will ask after me, and pay close attention to where I am and what I’m doing in the sense of making sure I’m ok. He’s made a number of comments to friends about wanting to take care of me etc.

I’ve been super careful about how I behave around him because I don’t want it to be obvious that I have feelings for him and ruin our friendship because this is the most important thing above all.

When we’ve been on nights out together, he gets drunk and that’s when he changes even more. He becomes more touchy, putting his arm around me, staring after me when I’m not paying attention and has made many questionable comments. Including the most recent night out where he said “love you” to me twice, which is not his usual behaviour with mates at all.

A colleague also told me that they had observed a conversation in which he had alluded to questioning his sexuality but thinking being anything other than straight would ruin his life. Though I take this information with a huge pinch of salt.

Im openly gay and friends have said on a number of occasions that in his shoes they wouldn’t behave toward me the way he does in the circumstances as a straight guy.

I wonder if he’s bi and this is a strange situation for him. Wondering if any other users have been in similar situations or have any thoughts on what might be occurring here and how to handle it.

I care about him so much, he’s become one of the most important people in my life. Despite my feelings for him, the most important thing to me is protecting our friendship because he means the world to me in that respect. But if there’s a possibility he may feel the same I would love to be with him. It’s a very strange situation

keep him as a friend and work bud...find an actual gay man to love.

 

[Slugger33333]

I'd just keep the friendship.

 

[Kavasa]

Be delusional like me and only live the wishful thinking in your head and daydream. Denial is a river in Egypt after all

 

[sambeesley]

Just out of curiosity, did you ever see him naked? Consider going to the gym or exercising with him, might be fun... might get to see a bit more and see how he responds to seeing your body. I agree to keep the friendship but might be fun to see a bit more as friends without acting on it

This is the thing there is so much behaviour that is not that of a straight guy and the fact that he behaves that way toward me knowing I’m gay. I wouldn’t behave that way for fear of leading someone on.
He’s genuinely one of the most caring, genuine, brilliant people I’ve ever known and I worry about wrecking our friendship, but at the same time I’ve never wanted to be with anyone the way I want to be with him.
That said I also don’t want to be someone’s experiment!

he definitely doesn’t care about what others think, he behaves the way he does toward me knowing how it must look, but that doesn’t stop him.
Weirdly there’s no tension etc, when we’re around one another we’re relaxed and it’s fine. He’s such a good friend and we get each other, the tension is more my own overthinking of everything! Makes me feel like a dumb teenager again… d’oh

 

[sexy1234567]

Just out of curiosity, did you ever see him naked? Consider going to the gym or exercising with him, might be fun... might get to see a bit more and see how he responds to seeing your body. I agree to keep the friendship but might be fun to see a bit more as friends without acting on it

I am def curious about this, too. Always wanted to see my straight crushes naked and usually to no avail.

 

[sambeesley]

I am def curious about this, too. Always wanted to see my straight crushes naked and usually to no avail.

I remember a straight crush I had loved for about 5 years. He was married with kids. We would always play fight together at work in the stock rooms - he would touch my body to show me how to do karate moves. He showed me how to do this punch, positioning my hand on his hip basically over where his pubes would be. He described his dick and pubic grooming techniques to me as a joke once or twice, teasing me. Occasionally I got to hug him. He would flirt. I kept on trying to see him naked. He once or twice parked next to me at the urinal but I couldn't really see. He invited me to football and after the game he would get ready to go to the showers with his towel but backed out once, maybe he was shy. Then another time we worked out together. We were alone in the changing room and he said 'are you taking a shower here' and I said 'yes' and he seemed to be considering and then said 'i'll take one at home'...

Really fun situation but a bit torturous too...

 

[friskydawg]

I remember a straight crush I had loved for about 5 years. He was married with kids. We would always play fight together at work in the stock rooms - he would touch my body to show me how to do karate moves. Occasionally I got to hug him. He would flirt. I kept on trying to see him naked. He once or twice parked next to me at the urinal but I couldn't really see. He invited me to football and after the game he would get ready to go to the showers with his towel but backed out once, maybe he was shy. Then another time we worked out together. We were alone in the changing room and he said 'are you taking a shower here' and I said 'yes' and he seemed to be considering and then said 'i'll take one at home'...

Really fun situation but a bit torturous too...

Very tortuous. So you are no longer friends?

 

[sexy1234567]

I remember a straight crush I had loved for about 5 years. He was married with kids. We would always play fight together at work in the stock rooms - he would touch my body to show me how to do karate moves. He showed me how to do this punch, positioning my hand on his hip basically over where his pubes would be. He described his dick and pubic grooming techniques to me as a joke once or twice, teasing me. Occasionally I got to hug him. He would flirt. I kept on trying to see him naked. He once or twice parked next to me at the urinal but I couldn't really see. He invited me to football and after the game he would get ready to go to the showers with his towel but backed out once, maybe he was shy. Then another time we worked out together. We were alone in the changing room and he said 'are you taking a shower here' and I said 'yes' and he seemed to be considering and then said 'i'll take one at home'...

Really fun situation but a bit torturous too...

Makes me think he is not the biggest fella and a little shy about it. :/

 

[sambeesley]

Makes me think he is not the biggest fella and a little shy about it. :/

But he used to say to this girl we worked with 'it's actually pretty big'
But obviously can't confirm that. He also used to joke about one of our male colleagues sitting on his lap and him getting hard from that. I think he used to blow the other one in the stock room.

 

[sexy1234567]

But he used to say to this girl we worked with 'it's actually pretty big'
But obviously can't confirm that. He also used to joke about one of our male colleagues sitting on his lap and him getting hard from that. I think he used to blow the other one in the stock room.

I don't trust most men to be objective and honest in describing their gentials to women. Or anyone in general. Most men thing eight inches is average and their cock is eight inches.

 

[davidaroncorrea]

Hes gotta work out his relationship, much less whatever is going on with “curiousness”. I agree with the previous posts that you should be his supportive friend- i think if he ever works up the courage he will open up more to you. Make sure to keep dating other guys and be happy- happiness is attractive.

 

[sexy1234567]

So I’m in a weird situation with a friend who I think may be bi and I wanted to ask people’s thoughts. For the purpose of this I shall call him Tom.

So Tom and I have worked together for a little over 18months. In the last maybe 8months we’ve become very close.

As far as I’ve always known, he’s straight. He’s in a long term relationship with his gf and there has never been any reason to assume otherwise. He’s an intensely private guy too, keeps work and personal life very separate and doesn’t ever talk about anything personal/emotional etc.

That however has started to change with me. As we’ve got closer as friends things have morphed a little. It started off with us spending a lot more time around one another when at work. I started to catch feelings and now I’m a little head over heels with him. Others have noticed how we are around one another leading them to ask questions if something is going on between us. But on a number of occasions they’ve been prompted so not because of my behaviour but because of his behaviour toward me.

Tom seeks me out as much as I seek him. We text non stop when we’re not together, share silly memes constantly and generally are solidly in one another’s orbit at most times. As we’ve got closer Tom has begun to mix personal and work life more in that he’s invited me out with his friends outside of work. He’s confided in me in very personal matters and that is something he just doesn’t do with anyone else. He’s also alluded more and more that maybe he isn’t as happy in his relationship as he lets on.

Friends have commented on things as well. They’ve noticed that when I’m not paying attention he stares at me. When I’m not about he will ask after me, and pay close attention to where I am and what I’m doing in the sense of making sure I’m ok. He’s made a number of comments to friends about wanting to take care of me etc.

I’ve been super careful about how I behave around him because I don’t want it to be obvious that I have feelings for him and ruin our friendship because this is the most important thing above all.

When we’ve been on nights out together, he gets drunk and that’s when he changes even more. He becomes more touchy, putting his arm around me, staring after me when I’m not paying attention and has made many questionable comments. Including the most recent night out where he said “love you” to me twice, which is not his usual behaviour with mates at all.

A colleague also told me that they had observed a conversation in which he had alluded to questioning his sexuality but thinking being anything other than straight would ruin his life. Though I take this information with a huge pinch of salt.

Im openly gay and friends have said on a number of occasions that in his shoes they wouldn’t behave toward me the way he does in the circumstances as a straight guy.

I wonder if he’s bi and this is a strange situation for him. Wondering if any other users have been in similar situations or have any thoughts on what might be occurring here and how to handle it.

I care about him so much, he’s become one of the most important people in my life. Despite my feelings for him, the most important thing to me is protecting our friendship because he means the world to me in that respect. But if there’s a possibility he may feel the same I would love to be with him. It’s a very strange situation

OP has been quiet. Curious. You ever seen his peen? He seen yours?

 

[nostalgiagod]

It’s never going to happen. That’s harsh but it’s a reality you need to accept.

 

[sexy1234567]

Updates?