People love being judgemental about other people's sexual preferences. Like this post below, calling a bottom not liking their dick played with "heteronormative shit".
Being a bottom and not wanting your dick touched or even acknowledged is perfectly valid. It doesn't make you less manly, nor "straight". Same goes for wanting or not wanting to play with a bottom's dick, as a top, or not wanting to eat a top's ass as a bottom. It's just a matter of preferences, and whether they match or not.
I am as secure as you as a top, and I just don't find interest in playing with the bottom's dick. I find lots of guys who are really into it, who are "relieved" that they don't have to have their dick played with... And more or less the same amount of guys who say they prefer having their dick sucked or played with.
A lot of men simply find their pleasure on their prostate and on the inside of their ass, rather than on their penis. They have anal orgasms and all, or they prefer to jerk off themselves (all in all it's true for me too: no one jerks me off better than myself!), or they simply don't have orgasms and they don't mind. I sometimes don't cum as a top either, and it doesn't detract from the pleasure I have from sex.
When I talk to guys for sex, I respectfully try and see if we can both enjoy it. If our sexual fantasies don't match, we kindly say goodbye. Never in my life it occurred to me to "shame" them for liking different stuff in bed.