True or False: Most men who fantasize about NSA sex with women can't handle it IRL

[AllieHeidi]

I'm curious what people think about this. I've noticed that a lot of men tend to claim they wish it were easier to not only get most women into bed, but also to agree with a casual NSA arrangement.

However, I've witnessed these same men (anecdotal evidence) actually get involved in such arrangements with women and after a few months, they start getting either possessive or "in their feelings" because she's actively, and openly, with other men besides them. This applies to both straight and bi men. They seem to entertain the fantasy about women having the same uninhibited attitudes as men with regards to sex, but when put into practice and they realize that whenever they're with her it's "just their turn" because they agreed to be part of "the rotation" they start to get buyer's remorse.

So which is it? Do men who go on about wishing most women were more willing to agree to NSA arrangements sincerely have no problems about being no more than her dick appointment for that week? Or, are they more likely to think it's cool in the beginning and then start to feel less enthusiastic once reality sets in? If so, why?

I have literally seen this play out with a few female friends and the outcome was the same; the dudes started getting possessive, emotional, and clingy. One actually got a little dangerous/violent. I also noticed two opposing viewpoints in the "online manosphere" wherein a bunch of dudes lament about women being too difficult to hook for casual sex and then in the same breath complaining about women casually sleeping with/dating multiple men. Figuring out what these kind of men actually want is very confusing, yet fascinating to pick apart.

Can someone make it make sense, please?

 

[FrankieGuile]

Men have feelings just like women and those feelings can be capricious, just like those of women. Men are capable of deluding themselves, just like women. Men can be duplicitous, just like women. Whatever is the case, it is heartening that sex is too important, too emotional, and too invested, even to men, that its meaning transcends empty no strings attached sexual dalliances.

 

[Evenflow618]

It’s more like the opposite. Women can’t handle the NSA arrangement

 

[AllieHeidi]

It’s more like the opposite. Women can’t handle the NSA arrangement

Traditionally, yes. That is the case. I am specifically speaking about situations where men get exactly the type of NSA arrangement that they say they want. And then, seemingly out of the blue, these same men start to have a problem with her sleeping with multiple men and being "too masculine" (i.e. no emotional nurturing attributes) and make it weird.

 

[Evenflow618]

Traditionally, yes. That is the case. I am specifically speaking about situations where men get exactly the type of NSA arrangement that they say they want. And then, seemingly out of the blue, these same men start to have a problem with her sleeping with multiple men and being "too masculine" (i.e. no emotional nurturing attributes) and make it weird.

I would say yes for some men. Most men know a woman is sleeping with a few men or is open in the dating market if it’s not exclusive

 

[AllieHeidi]

I would say yes for some men. Most men know a woman is sleeping with a few men or is open in the dating market if it’s not exclusive

I may be way off the mark here, but I think it's easier to ignore when the other guys are just "faceless unknowns." An out of sight, out of mind sort of deal. But the moment they actually know who the other guys are, their competitive nature is triggered and shit starts to go left very quickly.

I'm sure there's an evolutionary reason for this behavior/response, also. It's also why there have always been societal double-standards surrounding female sexuality and behavior.

 

[Sagittarius84]

I voted true, because I think by necessity, most straight men cast very wide nets when it comes to sexual opportunities and don't really think of the implications until post nut clarity sets in.
I think the men best able to enjoy a NSA sex situation are the few atop the hypergamous bubble whom are offered them, and don't need to seek or fantasize about them.

 

[Sagittarius84]

. I also noticed two opposing viewpoints in the "online manosphere" wherein a bunch of dudes lament about women being too difficult to hook for casual sex and then in the same breath complaining about women casually sleeping with/dating multiple men.

I don't think this viewpoint is necessarily opposing, the implication is if sex were easier for more guys to obtain sex from more women there'd be less complaints about any one of those women casual sleeping habits. Women casually sleeping and dating multiple men tends not to be an issue when just as many men have the opportunity to do the same thing, when women outpace men in casual sex by limiting the amount of men that get access to it is when issues arise.

 

[FrankieGuile]

Traditionally, yes. That is the case. I am specifically speaking about situations where men get exactly the type of NSA arrangement that they say they want. And then, seemingly out of the blue, these same men start to have a problem with her sleeping with multiple men and being "too masculine" (i.e. no emotional nurturing attributes) and make it weird.

Because people can be fickle, particularly when sex and emotions are involved. It's really not such a brain-teaser or paradox.

 

[Sagittarius84]

Because people can be fickle, particularly when sex and emotions are involved. It's really not such a brain-teaser or paradox.

I agree it's not the deepest thing in the world but I do think there are layers worth noting. I think the operative construct in this question is specifically men whom fantasize or openly specify a desire for NSA, which I think in of themselves represents men whom are not geared for NSA sex. I think the only men whom are geared to handle NSA sex are the men whom women offer it up to freely, negating the need for any fantasy or requests on his part.
I get why @Evenflow618 was so quick to point out it is traditionally women that can't handle the arrangement because the vast majority of men for whom the arrangement manifests(not requested or sought) can and will.

 

[AllieHeidi]

I agree it's not the deepest thing in the world but I do think there are layers worth noting. I think the operative construct in this question is specifically men whom fantasize or openly specify a desire for NSA, which I think in of themselves represents men whom are not geared for NSA sex. I think the only men whom are geared to handle NSA sex are the men whom women offer it up to freely, negating the need for any fantasy or requests on his part.
I get why @Evenflow618 was so quick to point out it is traditionally women that can't handle the arrangement because the vast majority of men for whom the arrangement manifests(not requested or sought) can and will.

The men in my example were these kind of men. They had/have zero issues getting women. So, there was no reason for them to lose their minds the way they did. And this is not an isolated incident. That overrides your theory.

Again. Make it make sense.

 

[huguest]

I think it's a matter of "don't know I like, if I never try it".

For example, if I have never tasted a banana, how will I know if I like it or not?
Where the woman wouldn't even want to taste the banana.
But when she tasted it, she would get a taste for it.

Maybe the ratio of women that do try NSA don't like it either and freak out too. Is it a one way situation?

Does this make sense?

Since there is a lot less women that do want to try NSA, the pool is by default a lot less possible for men.
So men tend to be frustrated by this situation, not the "she's getting more men then me".

We are going back to the : men view sex as a pleasure/game and woman view sex as anchor for her emotions.

 

[AllieHeidi]

I think it's a matter of "don't know I like, if I never try it".

For example, if I have never tasted a banana, how will I know if I like it or not?
Where the woman wouldn't even want to taste the banana.
But when she tasted it, she would get a taste for it.

Maybe the ratio of women that do try NSA don't like it either and freak out too. Is it a one way situation?

Does this make sense?

Since there is a lot less women that do want to try NSA, the pool is by default a lot less possible for men.
So men tend to be frustrated by this situation, not the "she's getting more men then me".

We are going back to the : men view sex as a pleasure/game and woman view sex as anchor for her emotions.

I view it more as a case of buyer's remorse on behalf of the men due to biology overriding social expectations. There was a study conducted about the male response to female promiscuity using prostitutes. The study found that even in fleeting, one-time, non-committal situations such as patronizing prostitutes, men psychologically have an aversion to female promiscuity.

It's almost as though men want easy, unlimited, sexual access to as many women as possible, but unconsciously also don't want other men to have the same level of access to any women they are also sexually involved with.

It boils down to one very obvious factor: paternity concerns.

Source(s): Men's revealed preferences regarding women's promiscuity

 

[huguest]

I view it more as a case of buyer's remorse on behalf of the men due to biology overriding social expectations. There was a study conducted about the male response to female promiscuity using prostitutes. The study found that even in fleeting, one-time, non-committal situations such as patronizing prostitutes, men psychologically have an aversion to female promiscuity.

It's almost as though men want easy, unlimited, sexual access to as many women as possible, but unconsciously also don't want other men to have the same level of access to any women they are also sexually involved with.

It boils down to one very obvious factor:

It's true that men prefer quantity over quality where women prefer quality over quantity. But quantity doesn't mean variety. Men can be perfectly happy with a good quantity of regular sex with the same women.

So NSA is the result of not having the quantity expected or simple exploration.

men due to biology overriding social expectations

Men are not animal, NSA is a consensual agreement where the women do agree on opening the relation.
He don't "buy" a free pass, he most likely try to find a way to be satisfied in that relation and that is where the plan fail.

Source(s): Men's revealed preferences regarding women's promiscuity
Did you read it?

The whole paper is based on the hypothesis that men choose less experimented prostitutes of the same age as opposed of more experimented prostitutes as a way to express a desire to procreate and establish a better success of mating in Indonesia.

Their conclusion : "The large size of the relationship indicates that men are sensitive ".

Between you and me, would you prefer a used glove or a less used glove?
and the less used, the less chance of HIV.

It boils down to one very obvious factor: paternity concerns.

hahahaha so true.

 

[AllieHeidi]

Men are not animal, NSA is a consensual agreement where the women do agree on opening the relation.

I'm not talking about a relationship that suddenly becomes open. I'm talking about an NSA arrangement that is agreed upon by both parties from day 1. So, from day one, the male in the equation understands that the woman will be sleeping with other men and claims to be fine with the arrangement. Until he isn't. This behavior pattern is what doesn't make sense to me.

 

[huguest]

I'm not talking about a relationship that suddenly becomes open. I'm talking about an NSA arrangement that is agreed upon by both parties from day 1. So, from day one, the male in the equation understands that the woman will be sleeping with other men and claims to be fine with the arrangement. Until he isn't. This behavior pattern is what doesn't make sense to me.

If you start a relation upon NSA arrangement, and then you break a fuse about the fact that she get more than you. Your stupid or immature.

Just like women, men seek a relation for mutual comfort, emotional or physical.
Starting a relation with a NSA, is simply superficial.

I have no compassion or respect for a men like that and I don't have any argument for you.
I call that a fuck friend, and it's for mutual physical release. There is no string attachment so no jalousie or implication of the fuck friend.

This is NOT a stable relation.

 

[AllieHeidi]

If you start a relation upon NSA arrangement, and then you break a fuse about the fact that she get more than you. Your stupid or immature.

Just like women, men seek a relation for mutual comfort, emotional or physical.
Starting a relation with a NSA, is simply superficial.

I have no compassion or respect for a men like that and I don't have any argument for you.
I call that a fuck friend, and it's for mutual physical release. There is no string attachment so no jalousie or implication of the fuck friend.

This is NOT a stable relation.

Je ne sais pas.

 

[Sagittarius84]

I think the only men whom are geared to handle NSA sex are the men whom women offer it up to freely

The men in my example were these kind of men. They had/have zero issues getting women.

We've discussed, or at least I've proposed previously in other threads about how one's limited perspective often causes them to mislabel whatever it is they're perceiving, in this particular case the fallacy of a high success rate=zero to no issues..Do you think our aforementioned quotes are referring to the same pool of men, because I suspect you see a sexually successful man and assume he just doesn't have issues in getting that sex. The men you are describing are no different from the majority of men other than they spent more on their net and they can cast it wider, if they so choose....I'm referring to the men that simply go out on the lake and trout just jump into their boats. They are not:

a lot of men tend to claim they wish it were easier to not only get most women into bed, but also to agree with a casual NSA arrangement.

But rather men that for whom sex manifests without any thought or intention on their part; i.e., the NSA dudes your female friends don't talk about as much

 

[Sagittarius84]

It's almost as though men want easy, unlimited, sexual access to as many women as possible, but unconsciously also don't want other men to have the same level of access to any women they are also sexually involved with.

It boils down to one very obvious factor: paternity concerns.

Source(s): Men's revealed preferences regarding women's promiscuity

I would 100% agree that primal paternity concerns are a major factor at play, but I think there are a plethora of negative consequences of a woman sleeping with other men that most men would also seek to avoid that have nothing to do with paternity.

 

[AllieHeidi]

in this particular case the fallacy of a high success rate=zero to no issues

Dude. The guys I'm talking didn't have, and still don't have, issues getting women. I don't know what else to tell you.

Feel free to list the plethora of other consequences that aren't obvious (STD/STI) which would cause these men to have issues with their female fuck buddies sleeping with other men besides them.