Women and musicians

[Brisler]

First of all, I realize that this is going to be about a small segment of the female population, and that it probably doesn't apply to any of the members of this site, so forgive me if it all comes off sounding a little generalizing.

As a favor to a friend, I played a very short set of songs for the first time in years this weekend. I liked it even less than in the past, but that's besides the point. After the show I was showered in female attention like I haven't experienced for years. That I haven't experienced since the last time i stepped onto a stage, to be exact.

What is up with that? It's not like it was a big deal at all. A very little scene and very few people. I am hideously spoken for and I have no interest in hooking up so I don't actively seek female attention in that way. I can easily go out for a night on the town without a single girl giving me a second glance, but put me on a stage to press on a few strings and some keys and I am guaranteed to get at least a couple of very explicit sexual offers. Which I take to mean that this would be the case for anyone.

I simply don't get it. Do you think it's a gender specific thing? Is it a result of some pseudo-fame that occurs for a very limited period of time in a very specific setting? I should add that it seemingly isn't because these girls have taken an interest in the music I've played. It's not that they want to talk. I simply don't get why such an insignificant thing causes such a radical increase in promiscuity in some women.

Any thoughts on this phenomenon? Do you think female artists experience similar reactions from men (by the way, I don't consider myself an "artist", I don't even consider myself a musician, not that it matters, but I suddenly thought I sounded so conceited)?

 

[EllieP]

You need a long talk with my husband. I'm not one of those groupies who fawn all over musicians. But I just happened to have married one, and I know full well what he deals with. Even at age 50 he still gets backstage messages.

I cannot explain the phenomenon other than that some people may appreciate the talent required to stand in front of a large crowd and perform, or they may want to be part of the attention. Frankly, I think it's the latter. Personally, I want no part of his fame so you will rarely find me in a photo with him. I do not attend awards or shows. That's his world - not mine, and I leave him to it. It's part of his job.

I used to have this thing for George Strait. It wasn't the screaming thing, though. It was more of a fast heartbeat, butterfly stomach thing. I finally got to meet him, and I have to say I fell in love with him! I was so starstruck I could barely speak, but he was such a gentleman that he immediately put me at ease and we managed to have a pleasant conversation. And what did we talk about? My husband. Sigh.

 

[Brisler]

You need a long talk with my husband. I'm not one of those groupies who fawn all over musicians. But I just happened to have married one, and I know full well what he deals with. Even at age 50 he still gets backstage messages.

I cannot explain the phenomenon other than that some people may appreciate the talent required to stand in front of a large crowd and perform, or they may want to be part of the attention. Frankly, I think it's the latter. Personally, I want no part of his fame so you will rarely find me in a photo with him. I do not attend awards or shows. That's his world - not mine, and I leave him to it. It's part of his job.

Yeah, but in this case it's not about fame or the talent required to stand in front of a large crowd. I know that some people are attracted to fame because it's usually associated with money and glamour. It does not surprise me that women are hitting on your husband if he's a relatively famous musician.

But I am not famous and I have never stood in front of a large crowd. I am just an ordinary guy who happens to have been booked to play at some small venues during my time.

 

[Mercurygirl]

My take on it. That is, why some women are drawn to musicians:

-Confidence is sexy and getting up in front of a bunch of strangers to perform is a very confident act.

-Young girls romanticize about musicians. Music is very important to them and in it there is a strong fantasy life created in which they dream to be with the guy who sings the songs that they love, songs that they personalize and think are about them. When these girls grow up there's still that part of themselves, that little girl, that relates and is attracted to men who can make music and evoke those feelings again. This fantasy is deeply ingrained in their psyche.

-The ability to play an instrument is seen as a admirable thing. Even better the ability to write music. Talent and creativity are very attractive to not just women but all people.

-Women like men who are good with their hands. If he can make beautiful music with his hands he can make beautiful love with them too. Or so they like to believe. Which brings up the stereotype that musicians are good in bed. Hell, the guitar itself has curves like a woman, is feminine by design, and look at him play her. Add, he's a musician and must have been with a number of women and knows how to fuck and please them.

-Women like emotionally deep men, thinkers, writers, and musicians are writing and singing poetry. The topics to many songs touch on emotional issues important to women such as love. The instrumental part of music alone can evoke emotions, toss in some heartfelt lyrics and women melt.

-Musicians are seen as rebels who are free spirits that march to the beat of their own drum. Apart from the obvious signs of rebellion some musicians display such as tight clothing, long hair, tattoos, fast lifestyle, etc., (or even if the musician doesn't openly display such articles and is dressed like an average joe), or that the woman may have outgrown her bad boy phase, there's still a part of her who wants to hop on the back of a motorcycle, jump on a tour bus, reject the 9 to 5, the norm, the housewife boredom, and just be wild and free. Which brings up another point, travel and waking up in a different city every few days. Women love to travel and want adventure.

-Musicians have a lot of friends and like to party. Women like to socialize and have fun.

And if he has a lot of friends he's obviously popular, he's certainly popular in that moment he's on stage performing - look at how he command attention. In that moment he's "the man".Such command is seen as power - power is sexy. People being drawn to him makes him even more attractive. She wants some of that energy, it's an aphrodisiac. She knows if she wins him over she becomes popular too through association.

Add, the competition among his female admirers heightens his desirability. It's an ego thing for a lot of women, a prize, in that, they want to beat out all the other women vying for his attention and be the one.

... and maybe he'll write a song about her? How romantic. But more so how all of it in combination or in part is romantic.

Women dig romance.

=]

 

[Reddhott]

What MG said.

Also, music is a universal language. It is sensuous and cuts past the intellect to the emotions.

And dude. Accordion. Need I say more?

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

My dad is a guitar player (fuckin badass too) and he always has women throwing bras and panties at him on stage. My mom collects them and decorates his mic stand with them. He plays small shows at the local bar or for community events (small town, everyone knows everyone).

I'm not sure why some women are that way (although I think EllieP and Mercurygirl had some pretty good thoughts).. musicians don't turn me on, but those same women (the ones throwing bras and panties, not Ellie or MG) might question why I am the way I am about certain things. So all I can say is To Each Their Own.

 

[Brisler]

My take on it. That is, why some women are drawn to musicians:

-Confidence is sexy and getting up in front of a bunch of strangers to perform is a very confident act.

-Young girls romanticize about musicians. Music is very important to them and in it there is a strong fantasy life created in which they dream to be with the guy who sings the songs that they love, songs that they personalize and think are about them. When these girls grow up there's still that part of themselves, that little girl, that relates and is attracted to men who can make music and evoke those feelings again. This fantasy is deeply ingrained in their psyche.

-The ability to play an instrument is seen as a admirable thing. Even better the ability to write music. Talent and creativity are very attractive to not just women but all people.

-Women like men who are good with their hands. If he can make beautiful music with his hands he can make beautiful love with them too. Or so they like to believe. Which brings up the stereotype that musicians are good in bed. Hell, the guitar itself has curves like a woman, is feminine by design, and look at him play her. Add, he's a musician and must have been with a number of women and knows how to fuck and please them.

-Women like emotionally deep men, thinkers, writers, and musicians are writing and singing poetry. The topics to many songs touch on emotional issues important to women such as love. The instrumental part of music alone can evoke emotions, toss in some heartfelt lyrics and women melt.

-Musicians are seen as rebels who are free spirits that march to the beat of their own drum. Apart from the obvious signs of rebellion some musicians display such as tight clothing, long hair, tattoos, fast lifestyle, etc., (or even if the musician doesn't openly display such articles and is dressed like an average joe), or that the woman may have outgrown her bad boy phase, there's still a part of her who wants to hop on the back of a motorcycle, jump on a tour bus, reject the 9 to 5, the norm, the housewife boredom, and just be wild and free. Which brings up another point, travel and waking up in a different city every few days. Women love to travel and want adventure.

-Musicians have a lot of friends and like to party. Women like to socialize and have fun.

And if he has a lot of friends he's obviously popular, he's certainly popular in that moment he's on stage performing - look at how he command attention. In that moment he's "the man".Such command is seen as power - power is sexy. People being drawn to him makes him even more attractive. She wants some of that energy, it's an aphrodisiac. She knows if she wins him over she becomes popular too through association.

Add, the competition among his female admirers heightens his desirability. It's an ego thing for a lot of women, a prize, in that, they want to beat out all the other women vying for his attention and be the one.

... and maybe he'll write a song about her? How romantic. But more so how all of it in combination or in part is romantic.

Women dig romance.

=]

Thanks for your reply. Everything you said makes a lot of sense, and I have thought about many of these things as well.

Back when I played more often I was sometimes approached by women who talked about this somewhat silly romanticized idea of being with a musician. But people who are into underground music tend to know that being a musician is usually a lot more expensive than it is glamorous, so they realize that this idea is mostly make-believe. I think I get this fantasy about romance and creativity and the bohemian lifestyle and all that.

But I lose grip of my understanding of the mechanisms involved when some of the girls will go: "So I saw you play a couple of songs at a tiny, run-down venue in front of almost no people at all... Wanna do me? No strings attached."

No, thanks. But thanks a bunch. Is it just an old fantasy that runs away with them? They would be deeply disappointed if I took them up on their offer.

Reddhott: I didn't even bring my accordion. If I had brought it I wouldn't be confused at all!

 

[EllieP]

While we were dating and it was getting serious I fretted about how I could support a musician on my salary. I guess that's one of the reasons I never had a fantasy about musicians - most of the ones I knew (I'm from Austin where there's millions of them!) were poor as church mice.

That's not to say money is everything, but it's pretty damn important to live. Most of the guys I knew who were musicians were usually sleeping on somebody's sofa. Didn't sound like a lifestyle that I would pine for.

 

[Brisler]

While we were dating and it was getting serious I fretted about how I could support a musician on my salary. I guess that's one of the reasons I never had a fantasy about musicians - most of the ones I knew (I'm from Austin where there's millions of them!) were poor as church mice.

That's not to say money is everything, but it's pretty damn important to live. Most of the guys I knew who were musicians were usually sleeping on somebody's sofa. Didn't sound like a lifestyle that I would pine for.

Yeah, that's partly why I stopped devoting so much of my time to music (well, that and the fact that I kinda lost my sense of weltschmerz when I met my girlfriend, and when it returned I just couldn't be bothered anymore). I had no interest in dealing with the music business at all, so I knew that I was never going to make money on my music, and I never intended to. Though, in Denmark, it is possible to just dick around and play music without having to make the sacrifice of not having a home. As long as you're studying, at least.

In my experience, the girls who approach musicians are typically very young girls who maybe don't realize that playing music isn't lucrative at all, or who are maybe just too young to care.

 

[AlteredEgo]

My father was able to make a good living as a musician. He was never famous unless you count being known among other musicians in the genre, and having a small fan base in each of a small number of countries. What he was was inordinately talented. I was lucky enough to inherit a lot of that talent from him (which is why I had played in Carnegie Hall several times before I was 13) but I lost the drive in my late teens. Anyway, it's sexier to be a jazz bassist like my dad than a classical bassist like I was. I never saw women behave over a conductor as I have seen them behave over a bandleader. And my father? I experienced women pressing themselves against him even as he was handing me the money other women had stuck onto his sweaty body and kissing me on my forehead. I have his face. Even among classical bassists, which is NOT his genre, whenever I sought instruction, they'd take one look at me and ask me if I was my father's daughter. So I know these women could tell that though I was more or less grown, he was spending time with his child. I found it to be gross. I think he found it amusing. I did not know him well, so I cannot be sure. Anyway, based on these observations, I don't think it is the talent that is alluring, but the perception of passion, and something akin to brand recognition. Otherwise an Awadagin Pratt would have the same kind of mouth-foaming groupies as a Billy Joel.

 

[Mercurygirl]

Is it me (from what I've read/seen) or is Austin like the love child of Hollywood and Nashville? A little bit of both all rolled into one.

 

[EllieP]

Austin is a weird and wonderful place that's terribly overcrowded now. It was a refuge for Nashville rejects years ago (Willie Nelson came here when he got sick of the Nashville machine).

It has changed drastically since I was young. It's almost all metropolitan now. San Antonio, an hour South, used to be separated by lots of country. It's almost all city the whole way down.

I was actually born and raised in a little town West of Austin, but now my Dad's ranch is almost totally surrounded with housing and commercial developments. Kind of sad.

Still I love to be there and in Austin. I love the scene and the weirdness.