22 y/o Gay Virgin (Need Advice/Rant)

[kjehe3]

Hey, new here. I usually lurk but thought I'd spark some discussion and ask for advice. Soo pretty much what the title says. I'm 22, I graduated last year, still a virgin.

Backstory: I was always pretty overweight and dealt with some insecurities. After I graduated I decided i'd get my shit together and so I've lost 70 lbs and i'm at a healthy weight now. I'm trying to get leaner as I still have some skinny fat. As we know the gay community isn't so kind to larger ppl so i've never really had a chance with anyone. It also doesn't help that i've been clubbing once and don't go out much so it's been hard to meet people. The past few months i've been getting 'riskier', i've always been pretty "innocent" and vanilla and just relied on the trusty right hand. I downloaded Grindr for the 1st time just to see what it's like in my area, I also recently bought a fleshlight and i'm planning on getting my first dildo. (Lol it feels so awkward talking about this). As i've never experienced anything with anyone, I really don't know whether i'm a top, bottom, vers or side. I'm gonna try more solo butt stuff with said dildo (tmi? sorry lol) as I've only tried a finger for now lmaooo. I'm curious do you usually know your position before trying these things or is it more of a process of elimination? At the moment, topping seems like it'd be fun but too exhausting (i think im too lazy). But, bottoming seems super painful and i'd be stressed out the entire time thinking i'd shit myself. From the way I think and fantasize I think I'm pretty submissive and prefer the dominant type who will take the lead. So I think that may make me a bottom? Ah idk.

Also, another naïve question, might as well learn as much about being gay as possible lol. But why are there so many open relationships, kinks, leather, etc. in the gay community compared to straight relationships? From looking around I feel really abnormal, like I just want a simple monogamous, vanilla relationship. But, it seems like you're either in hook-up culture, in a relationship with a large age gap or in an open relationship. I guess because I haven't really experienced gay dating, I don't know what it's like. It just seems really rare to find monogamous gay couples who are similar in age.

I've been having some pretty negative thoughts recently... I just feel like i'm super behind. I'm already 22 and I know from other discussions, grindr, etc. that the expiry date for us gays seems to be 25 lol. I guess my troubles are that I feel like i've already blown through my youth and all i've done is isolate myself away from things I could have experienced from 18-21. I'm still dissatisfied with how my body looks and by the time I'll be happy to experiment with other people i'll probably be 23, which doesn't help knowing that people usually go for 18-22. Ugh it stresses me out so much, it feels like i'm wasting so much time. Now that I've graduated it just makes me so sad that I won't ever be able to experience young love, college hookups, etc. But, I guess I just have to live with that now.

Finally, once I'm 'ready' what would you recommend me do? Should I find someone in a club, on grindr or just wait until I form a relationship (by then i'll probably be 87). And how should I prepare? Should I take some STD results (even though i'm a virgin), go on prep before starting anything, learn how to kiss through tutorials. When it comes to oral is it bad to swallow for a stranger, like idek how diseases are spread . Is there a guide to gay sex, like I feel so lost lool. It's humiliating. Someone please respond with a dummies guide for gay virgins, pleaseeee.

Anyways, sorry for the essay. I got a little carried away and just spewed out all my vulnerabilities. Probably going to regret posting this but hey, I have to learn somehow and as i'm still closeted I thought this was the best place to ask.

 

[Woag]

Hey, new here. I usually lurk but thought I'd spark some discussion and ask for advice. Soo pretty much what the title says. I'm 22, I graduated last year, still a virgin.

Backstory: I was always pretty overweight and dealt with some insecurities. After I graduated I decided i'd get my shit together and so I've lost 70 lbs and i'm at a healthy weight now. I'm trying to get leaner as I still have some skinny fat. As we know the gay community isn't so kind to larger ppl so i've never really had a chance with anyone. It also doesn't help that i've been clubbing once and don't go out much so it's been hard to meet people. The past few months i've been getting 'riskier', i've always been pretty "innocent" and vanilla and just relied on the trusty right hand. I downloaded Grindr for the 1st time just to see what it's like in my area, I also recently bought a fleshlight and i'm planning on getting my first dildo. (Lol it feels so awkward talking about this). As i've never experienced anything with anyone, I really don't know whether i'm a top, bottom, vers or side. I'm gonna try more solo butt stuff with said dildo (tmi? sorry lol) as I've only tried a finger for now lmaooo. I'm curious do you usually know your position before trying these things or is it more of a process of elimination? At the moment, topping seems like it'd be fun but too exhausting (i think im too lazy). But, bottoming seems super painful and i'd be stressed out the entire time thinking i'd shit myself. From the way I think and fantasize I think I'm pretty submissive and prefer the dominant type who will take the lead. So I think that may make me a bottom? Ah idk.

Also, another naïve question, might as well learn as much about being gay as possible lol. But why are there so many open relationships, kinks, leather, etc. in the gay community compared to straight relationships? From looking around I feel really abnormal, like I just want a simple monogamous, vanilla relationship. But, it seems like you're either in hook-up culture, in a relationship with a large age gap or in an open relationship. I guess because I haven't really experienced gay dating, I don't know what it's like. It just seems really rare to find monogamous gay couples who are similar in age.

I've been having some pretty negative thoughts recently... I just feel like i'm super behind. I'm already 22 and I know from other discussions, grindr, etc. that the expiry date for us gays seems to be 25 lol. I guess my troubles are that I feel like i've already blown through my youth and all i've done is isolate myself away from things I could have experienced from 18-21. I'm still dissatisfied with how my body looks and by the time I'll be happy to experiment with other people i'll probably be 23, which doesn't help knowing that people usually go for 18-22. Ugh it stresses me out so much, it feels like i'm wasting so much time. Now that I've graduated it just makes me so sad that I won't ever be able to experience young love, college hookups, etc. But, I guess I just have to live with that now.

Finally, once I'm 'ready' what would you recommend me do? Should I find someone in a club, on grindr or just wait until I form a relationship (by then i'll probably be 87). And how should I prepare? Should I take some STD results (even though i'm a virgin), go on prep before starting anything, learn how to kiss through tutorials. When it comes to oral is it bad to swallow for a stranger, like idek how diseases are spread . Is there a guide to gay sex, like I feel so lost lool. It's humiliating. Someone please respond with a dummies guide for gay virgins, pleaseeee.

Anyways, sorry for the essay. I got a little carried away and just spewed out all my vulnerabilities. Probably going to regret posting this but hey, I have to learn somehow and as i'm still closeted I thought this was the best place to ask.

I’m in a similar boat lol, the idea of putting myself out there is just too stressful atm

 

[theplayerking]

Hey, new here. I usually lurk but thought I'd spark some discussion and ask for advice. Soo pretty much what the title says. I'm 22, I graduated last year, still a virgin.

Backstory: I was always pretty overweight and dealt with some insecurities. After I graduated I decided i'd get my shit together and so I've lost 70 lbs and i'm at a healthy weight now. I'm trying to get leaner as I still have some skinny fat. As we know the gay community isn't so kind to larger ppl so i've never really had a chance with anyone. It also doesn't help that i've been clubbing once and don't go out much so it's been hard to meet people. The past few months i've been getting 'riskier', i've always been pretty "innocent" and vanilla and just relied on the trusty right hand. I downloaded Grindr for the 1st time just to see what it's like in my area, I also recently bought a fleshlight and i'm planning on getting my first dildo. (Lol it feels so awkward talking about this). As i've never experienced anything with anyone, I really don't know whether i'm a top, bottom, vers or side. I'm gonna try more solo butt stuff with said dildo (tmi? sorry lol) as I've only tried a finger for now lmaooo. I'm curious do you usually know your position before trying these things or is it more of a process of elimination? At the moment, topping seems like it'd be fun but too exhausting (i think im too lazy). But, bottoming seems super painful and i'd be stressed out the entire time thinking i'd shit myself. From the way I think and fantasize I think I'm pretty submissive and prefer the dominant type who will take the lead. So I think that may make me a bottom? Ah idk.

Also, another naïve question, might as well learn as much about being gay as possible lol. But why are there so many open relationships, kinks, leather, etc. in the gay community compared to straight relationships? From looking around I feel really abnormal, like I just want a simple monogamous, vanilla relationship. But, it seems like you're either in hook-up culture, in a relationship with a large age gap or in an open relationship. I guess because I haven't really experienced gay dating, I don't know what it's like. It just seems really rare to find monogamous gay couples who are similar in age.

I've been having some pretty negative thoughts recently... I just feel like i'm super behind. I'm already 22 and I know from other discussions, grindr, etc. that the expiry date for us gays seems to be 25 lol. I guess my troubles are that I feel like i've already blown through my youth and all i've done is isolate myself away from things I could have experienced from 18-21. I'm still dissatisfied with how my body looks and by the time I'll be happy to experiment with other people i'll probably be 23, which doesn't help knowing that people usually go for 18-22. Ugh it stresses me out so much, it feels like i'm wasting so much time. Now that I've graduated it just makes me so sad that I won't ever be able to experience young love, college hookups, etc. But, I guess I just have to live with that now.

Finally, once I'm 'ready' what would you recommend me do? Should I find someone in a club, on grindr or just wait until I form a relationship (by then i'll probably be 87). And how should I prepare? Should I take some STD results (even though i'm a virgin), go on prep before starting anything, learn how to kiss through tutorials. When it comes to oral is it bad to swallow for a stranger, like idek how diseases are spread . Is there a guide to gay sex, like I feel so lost lool. It's humiliating. Someone please respond with a dummies guide for gay virgins, pleaseeee.

Anyways, sorry for the essay. I got a little carried away and just spewed out all my vulnerabilities. Probably going to regret posting this but hey, I have to learn somehow and as i'm still closeted I thought this was the best place to ask.

You have a lifetime of mansex ahead of you. Don’t stress about what might have been. Concentrate on your physical and mental health. Getting on PrEP is a good idea. Go out and meet people. When you do find a potential sex partner, be honest and upfront with him that you’re inexperienced and eager to explore. Unless you live in an extremely isolated area, it shouldn’t be too hard to find a guy willing to show a newbie the ropes.

Be open and honest, both with yourself and others, but always remember that most men a pigs so don’t expect to find Mr. Right when you’re first starting out. That only happens in the movies. Treat every encounter, good or bad, as a learning experience. Enjoy. Sex is supposed to be fun.

 

[kjehe3]

I’m in a similar boat lol, the idea of putting myself out there is just too stressful atm

I'm glad someone could relate! It's so overwhelming, people around my age are focusing on starting their careers meanwhile i'm focusing all my energy on trying to look the best I can, while I still can, so that hopefully someone somewhere will be interested

 

[kjehe3]

You have a lifetime of mansex ahead of you. Don’t stress about what might have been. Concentrate on your physical and mental health. Getting on PrEP is a good idea. Go out and meet people. When you do find a potential sex partner, be honest and upfront with him that you’re inexperienced and eager to explore. Unless you live in an extremely isolated area, it shouldn’t be too hard to find a guy willing to show a newbie the ropes.

Be open and honest, both with yourself and others, but always remember that most men a pigs so don’t expect to find Mr. Right when you’re first starting out. That only happens in the movies. Treat every encounter, good or bad, as a learning experience. Enjoy. Sex is supposed to be fun.

Appreciate the response! I think I definitely need to focus more on the mental health aspect, I live with so much regret every single day and get so disappointed; dreaming of how my life could have been like if I didn't isolate myself so much. But, i'm only 22 and so I still have time. I just needa stop focusing on how I should have lived and start living I guess.

Also, what is the PrEP process like? I looked briefly online a few months ago and saw something about how you need to fill out a questionnaire or something and then take some tests before you can begin taking it. And, is it free and available online or do I need to buy it from a sexual health clinic every time I need it? Thanks for the advice and pep talk, although i'm nervous, i'm excited to get out there!

 

[theplayerking]

Appreciate the response! I think I definitely need to focus more on the mental health aspect, I live with so much regret every single day and get so disappointed; dreaming of how my life could have been like if I didn't isolate myself so much. But, i'm only 22 and so I still have time. I just needa stop focusing on how I should have lived and start living I guess.

Also, what is the PrEP process like? I looked briefly online a few months ago and saw something about how you need to fill out a questionnaire or something and then take some tests before you can begin taking it. And, is it free and available online or do I need to buy it from a sexual health clinic every time I need it? Thanks for the advice and pep talk, although i'm nervous, i'm excited to get out there!

Do you have a general practitioner? He or she can provide the tests and prescriptions. If not, go to an LGBTQ clinic. I strongly advise doing it properly under qualified medical supervision with quarterly testing. Do not trust your health to random pills off the internet. They might be fine for acne or hair loss, but not PrEP.

 

[wvgwm52]

I never look at a persons weight as an issue .. for one tho g.. they can suck cock just as good as a skinny person..

man’s they deserve to be fucked as well .. I will admit there’s a few things wouldn’t do but blowjobs and fucking definitely works fine

what size are you

 

[kjehe3]

I never look at a persons weight as an issue .. for one tho g.. they can suck cock just as good as a skinny person..

man’s they deserve to be fucked as well .. I will admit there’s a few things wouldn’t do but blowjobs and fucking definitely works fine

what size are you

I'm not surprised tbf lol. I think because it's rare for them to get any action so they make the most of it when it happens lmao. If you have the chance to hook-up more frequently you're less 'hungry' for it in the moment I guess...

As for size do you mean height, weight or the other thing lmfao

 

[426Basketcase92]

Hey, new here. I usually lurk but thought I'd spark some discussion and ask for advice. Soo pretty much what the title says. I'm 22, I graduated last year, still a virgin.

Backstory: I was always pretty overweight and dealt with some insecurities. After I graduated I decided i'd get my shit together and so I've lost 70 lbs and i'm at a healthy weight now. I'm trying to get leaner as I still have some skinny fat. As we know the gay community isn't so kind to larger ppl so i've never really had a chance with anyone. It also doesn't help that i've been clubbing once and don't go out much so it's been hard to meet people. The past few months i've been getting 'riskier', i've always been pretty "innocent" and vanilla and just relied on the trusty right hand. I downloaded Grindr for the 1st time just to see what it's like in my area, I also recently bought a fleshlight and i'm planning on getting my first dildo. (Lol it feels so awkward talking about this). As i've never experienced anything with anyone, I really don't know whether i'm a top, bottom, vers or side. I'm gonna try more solo butt stuff with said dildo (tmi? sorry lol) as I've only tried a finger for now lmaooo. I'm curious do you usually know your position before trying these things or is it more of a process of elimination? At the moment, topping seems like it'd be fun but too exhausting (i think im too lazy). But, bottoming seems super painful and i'd be stressed out the entire time thinking i'd shit myself. From the way I think and fantasize I think I'm pretty submissive and prefer the dominant type who will take the lead. So I think that may make me a bottom? Ah idk.

Also, another naïve question, might as well learn as much about being gay as possible lol. But why are there so many open relationships, kinks, leather, etc. in the gay community compared to straight relationships? From looking around I feel really abnormal, like I just want a simple monogamous, vanilla relationship. But, it seems like you're either in hook-up culture, in a relationship with a large age gap or in an open relationship. I guess because I haven't really experienced gay dating, I don't know what it's like. It just seems really rare to find monogamous gay couples who are similar in age.

I've been having some pretty negative thoughts recently... I just feel like i'm super behind. I'm already 22 and I know from other discussions, grindr, etc. that the expiry date for us gays seems to be 25 lol. I guess my troubles are that I feel like i've already blown through my youth and all i've done is isolate myself away from things I could have experienced from 18-21. I'm still dissatisfied with how my body looks and by the time I'll be happy to experiment with other people i'll probably be 23, which doesn't help knowing that people usually go for 18-22. Ugh it stresses me out so much, it feels like i'm wasting so much time. Now that I've graduated it just makes me so sad that I won't ever be able to experience young love, college hookups, etc. But, I guess I just have to live with that now.

Finally, once I'm 'ready' what would you recommend me do? Should I find someone in a club, on grindr or just wait until I form a relationship (by then i'll probably be 87). And how should I prepare? Should I take some STD results (even though i'm a virgin), go on prep before starting anything, learn how to kiss through tutorials. When it comes to oral is it bad to swallow for a stranger, like idek how diseases are spread . Is there a guide to gay sex, like I feel so lost lool. It's humiliating. Someone please respond with a dummies guide for gay virgins, pleaseeee.

Anyways, sorry for the essay. I got a little carried away and just spewed out all my vulnerabilities. Probably going to regret posting this but hey, I have to learn somehow and as i'm still closeted I thought this was the best place to ask.

First paragraph: You don't really know unless you try, maybe just be upfront about experimenting with someone. Think about any fantasies you have.
Second paragraph: I don't know why being out and proud is being equal to being oversexed, ostentatious, and boisterous; but don't feed into it. Do whatever makes you happy and express yourself like the song says.
Third paragraph: Again, don't worry about it. Maybe do some research, ask around and such.
Fourth paragraph: I can't tell you how to feel, because I'm not you. Go ahead and test ad prep just to be aware of the process. If you want to be safe, keep a boundary with condoms. There's some that'll be against it, but don't let them pressure you. Also, stuff like swallowing is a preference. Just keep an open mind with experimenting.

 

[locutusofborg]

If you out exactly what you want in your Grindr profile: virgin. Looking to explore. Vanilla. Maybe no anal. You’ll find exactly what you want…

 

[Merophe]

Hey, new here. I usually lurk but thought I'd spark some discussion and ask for advice. Soo pretty much what the title says. I'm 22, I graduated last year, still a virgin.

Backstory: I was always pretty overweight and dealt with some insecurities. After I graduated I decided i'd get my shit together and so I've lost 70 lbs and i'm at a healthy weight now. I'm trying to get leaner as I still have some skinny fat. As we know the gay community isn't so kind to larger ppl so i've never really had a chance with anyone. It also doesn't help that i've been clubbing once and don't go out much so it's been hard to meet people. The past few months i've been getting 'riskier', i've always been pretty "innocent" and vanilla and just relied on the trusty right hand. I downloaded Grindr for the 1st time just to see what it's like in my area, I also recently bought a fleshlight and i'm planning on getting my first dildo. (Lol it feels so awkward talking about this). As i've never experienced anything with anyone, I really don't know whether i'm a top, bottom, vers or side. I'm gonna try more solo butt stuff with said dildo (tmi? sorry lol) as I've only tried a finger for now lmaooo. I'm curious do you usually know your position before trying these things or is it more of a process of elimination? At the moment, topping seems like it'd be fun but too exhausting (i think im too lazy). But, bottoming seems super painful and i'd be stressed out the entire time thinking i'd shit myself. From the way I think and fantasize I think I'm pretty submissive and prefer the dominant type who will take the lead. So I think that may make me a bottom? Ah idk.

Also, another naïve question, might as well learn as much about being gay as possible lol. But why are there so many open relationships, kinks, leather, etc. in the gay community compared to straight relationships? From looking around I feel really abnormal, like I just want a simple monogamous, vanilla relationship. But, it seems like you're either in hook-up culture, in a relationship with a large age gap or in an open relationship. I guess because I haven't really experienced gay dating, I don't know what it's like. It just seems really rare to find monogamous gay couples who are similar in age.

I've been having some pretty negative thoughts recently... I just feel like i'm super behind. I'm already 22 and I know from other discussions, grindr, etc. that the expiry date for us gays seems to be 25 lol. I guess my troubles are that I feel like i've already blown through my youth and all i've done is isolate myself away from things I could have experienced from 18-21. I'm still dissatisfied with how my body looks and by the time I'll be happy to experiment with other people i'll probably be 23, which doesn't help knowing that people usually go for 18-22. Ugh it stresses me out so much, it feels like i'm wasting so much time. Now that I've graduated it just makes me so sad that I won't ever be able to experience young love, college hookups, etc. But, I guess I just have to live with that now.

Finally, once I'm 'ready' what would you recommend me do? Should I find someone in a club, on grindr or just wait until I form a relationship (by then i'll probably be 87). And how should I prepare? Should I take some STD results (even though i'm a virgin), go on prep before starting anything, learn how to kiss through tutorials. When it comes to oral is it bad to swallow for a stranger, like idek how diseases are spread . Is there a guide to gay sex, like I feel so lost lool. It's humiliating. Someone please respond with a dummies guide for gay virgins, pleaseeee.

Anyways, sorry for the essay. I got a little carried away and just spewed out all my vulnerabilities. Probably going to regret posting this but hey, I have to learn somehow and as i'm still closeted I thought this was the best place to ask.

i totally understand you honey, cuz I've been through similar things. I had my first sexual experience when I was around 22 with my close friend. He just wanna try to explore his sexuality, and it was just a one time thing. We didn't even have intercourse, just 69, and that was all my university sex life.

Fast forward to now, at the age of 27, I've never had any romantic relationships, low self-esteem, never had a full sexual intercourse (I gave a blowjob to 4-5 men in my whole life, and that includes my friend in uni). And probably continue being like this cuz I do WFH at weird hours, and the situation of the place I live is strange. So I kinda give up now lol

 

[kjehe3]

i totally understand you honey, cuz I've been through similar things. I had my first sexual experience when I was around 22 with my close friend. He just wanna try to explore his sexuality, and it was just a one time thing. We didn't even have intercourse, just 69, and that was all my university sex life.

Fast forward to now, at the age of 27, I've never had any romantic relationships, low self-esteem, never had a full sexual intercourse (I gave a blowjob to 4-5 men in my whole life, and that includes my friend in uni). And probably continue being like this cuz I do WFH at weird hours, and the situation of the place I live is strange. So I kinda give up now lol

It feels like when you apply for a job and they want someone with work experience but you can't get work experience because everywhere wants someone with work experience. But hey, at least you've had some intimacy, I think i'd get some comfort knowing that someone found me attractive enough to 69.

I just needa go out, i've not been out anywhere except for the shops since I lost 70lbs so I have no idea whether anyone thinks I'm attractive. At this point I gotta get drunk to gain some confidence or get lucky and be approached by some hot extroverted guy lmfaoo. Either way i'll probably end up rejecting them because I can't hold a convo and i'm insecure Life's so tough.

But don't give up!! I don't know about your situation but someone seeing me naked is like me at my most vulnerable state. Once that bandaid is ripped off and someone shows interest then i'll be less insecure in myself. You've got experience in that department, it sounds like you just gotta get yourself out there more. Do you use any dating apps?

 

[kjehe3]

If you out exactly what you want in your Grindr profile: virgin. Looking to explore. Vanilla. Maybe no anal. You’ll find exactly what you want…

So I have Grindr installed (I'm a blank profile) and I must have received like 40 messages from different people even though i'm anonymous. I just hit a brick wall when it comes to responding, I know they're gonna ask for a face pic and I'm not sure if i'm ready yet. Like i'm ready to lose my virginity but not ready to face the possibility of rejection or meeting up. Especially because I don't have a car rn and still live at home so the idea of hopping in a stranger's car/house Idk how people do it

 

[Merophe]

It feels like when you apply for a job and they want someone with work experience but you can't get work experience because everywhere wants someone with work experience. But hey, at least you've had some intimacy, I think i'd get some comfort knowing that someone found me attractive enough to 69.

I just needa go out, i've not been out anywhere except for the shops since I lost 70lbs so I have no idea whether anyone thinks I'm attractive. At this point I gotta get drunk to gain some confidence or get lucky and be approached by some hot extroverted guy lmfaoo. Either way i'll probably end up rejecting them because I can't hold a convo and i'm insecure Life's so tough.

But don't give up!! I don't know about your situation but someone seeing me naked is like me at my most vulnerable state. Once that bandaid is ripped off and someone shows interest then i'll be less insecure in myself. You've got experience in that department, it sounds like you just gotta get yourself out there more. Do you use any dating apps?

Well honey, the uni 69 thing makes me doubt about my attractiveness and less confident lol. He did it cuz i'm his closest friend, he trusted me cuz he knew I wouldn't tell anyone about it. After that incident, I got no intimacy at all for like years.

And yes honey, I got the apps like Tinder, or Bumble , but I deleted them since those who I like and find attractive would never match or reply me back. This also applies to Grindr which I barely got any responses back. I never think to myself as an attractive person at all, even I did try to workout or do my best, I'll never be pretty (I'm not fat by all mean, but I'm short 5'7, femme, and have bad skin). I surrender and give up on that idea of being attractive, so nowadays I just do some exercise to maintain the health.

Whenever I go out I feel like you, I've never got confident to go talk to those I find attractive, and they've never glanced their eyes on me lol But I never hide myself tho, I always express the way I am to the world. I wear high heels most of times the time, my clothes are super feminine, I even wear dress for some occasions (but I still got a beard on cuz I can't shave lol and also super shy and no confidence) Yes, I doubted myself whether should I act manly, butch myself up or not, but I realized that I should just be my true self. even though it leads to such a miserable life, living not to my authenticity would be more tragic.

 

[Koalas24]

Hey, new here. I usually lurk but thought I'd spark some discussion and ask for advice. Soo pretty much what the title says. I'm 22, I graduated last year, still a virgin.

Backstory: I was always pretty overweight and dealt with some insecurities. After I graduated I decided i'd get my shit together and so I've lost 70 lbs and i'm at a healthy weight now. I'm trying to get leaner as I still have some skinny fat. As we know the gay community isn't so kind to larger ppl so i've never really had a chance with anyone. It also doesn't help that i've been clubbing once and don't go out much so it's been hard to meet people. The past few months i've been getting 'riskier', i've always been pretty "innocent" and vanilla and just relied on the trusty right hand. I downloaded Grindr for the 1st time just to see what it's like in my area, I also recently bought a fleshlight and i'm planning on getting my first dildo. (Lol it feels so awkward talking about this). As i've never experienced anything with anyone, I really don't know whether i'm a top, bottom, vers or side. I'm gonna try more solo butt stuff with said dildo (tmi? sorry lol) as I've only tried a finger for now lmaooo. I'm curious do you usually know your position before trying these things or is it more of a process of elimination? At the moment, topping seems like it'd be fun but too exhausting (i think im too lazy). But, bottoming seems super painful and i'd be stressed out the entire time thinking i'd shit myself. From the way I think and fantasize I think I'm pretty submissive and prefer the dominant type who will take the lead. So I think that may make me a bottom? Ah idk.

Also, another naïve question, might as well learn as much about being gay as possible lol. But why are there so many open relationships, kinks, leather, etc. in the gay community compared to straight relationships? From looking around I feel really abnormal, like I just want a simple monogamous, vanilla relationship. But, it seems like you're either in hook-up culture, in a relationship with a large age gap or in an open relationship. I guess because I haven't really experienced gay dating, I don't know what it's like. It just seems really rare to find monogamous gay couples who are similar in age.

I've been having some pretty negative thoughts recently... I just feel like i'm super behind. I'm already 22 and I know from other discussions, grindr, etc. that the expiry date for us gays seems to be 25 lol. I guess my troubles are that I feel like i've already blown through my youth and all i've done is isolate myself away from things I could have experienced from 18-21. I'm still dissatisfied with how my body looks and by the time I'll be happy to experiment with other people i'll probably be 23, which doesn't help knowing that people usually go for 18-22. Ugh it stresses me out so much, it feels like i'm wasting so much time. Now that I've graduated it just makes me so sad that I won't ever be able to experience young love, college hookups, etc. But, I guess I just have to live with that now.

Finally, once I'm 'ready' what would you recommend me do? Should I find someone in a club, on grindr or just wait until I form a relationship (by then i'll probably be 87). And how should I prepare? Should I take some STD results (even though i'm a virgin), go on prep before starting anything, learn how to kiss through tutorials. When it comes to oral is it bad to swallow for a stranger, like idek how diseases are spread . Is there a guide to gay sex, like I feel so lost lool. It's humiliating. Someone please respond with a dummies guide for gay virgins, pleaseeee.

Anyways, sorry for the essay. I got a little carried away and just spewed out all my vulnerabilities. Probably going to regret posting this but hey, I have to learn somehow and as i'm still closeted I thought this was the best place to ask.

I feel that

 

[kjehe3]

Just thought i'd give a small update.

Still a virgin, that's the update.

Just kidding. Although, that's true... my update is more based on my appearance. I still have a long way to go to reduce skinny belly fat/get lean. But, I think i'm becoming more "attractive" i guess. I got a new haircut (It was a mess before) so It could just be post-haircut confidence.

I recently went away and I started noticing women looking at me more. Not had any male attention yet. This time a year ago when I was obese I got stares but from a disgust point of view mixed with a bit of laughing. Now, i'm 170lbs at 6ft 1 so I don't think it's because i'm heavier. Either I had something on my face, i'm getting more attractive or they're just looking around and i'm gaining an ego from my hair cut.

Anyone else had a late "glow up" and been through something similar? I'm not sure what to think. My past experience: any looks = negative attention. Whereas now idk if it's a good or bad thing. This update sounds stupid because it sounds like i'm portraying myself as timothee chalamet lol. It's just I used to always assume it's because I was "fat" whereas now I know after losing the weight it can't be that.

 

[Merophe]

Just thought i'd give a small update.

Still a virgin, that's the update.

Just kidding. Although, that's true... my update is more based on my appearance. I still have a long way to go to reduce skinny belly fat/get lean. But, I think i'm becoming more "attractive" i guess. I got a new haircut (It was a mess before) so It could just be post-haircut confidence.

I recently went away and I started noticing women looking at me more. Not had any male attention yet. This time a year ago when I was obese I got stares but from a disgust point of view mixed with a bit of laughing. Now, i'm 170lbs at 6ft 1 so I don't think it's because i'm heavier. Either I had something on my face, i'm getting more attractive or they're just looking around and i'm gaining an ego from my hair cut.

Anyone else had a late "glow up" and been through something similar? I'm not sure what to think. My past experience: any looks = negative attention. Whereas now idk if it's a good or bad thing. This update sounds stupid because it sounds like i'm portraying myself as timothee chalamet lol. It's just I used to always assume it's because I was "fat" whereas now I know after losing the weight it can't be that.

it's confidence honey, which is good! glad to hear that you feel better

 

[davidaroncorrea]

Just thought i'd give a small update.

Still a virgin, that's the update.

Just kidding. Although, that's true... my update is more based on my appearance. I still have a long way to go to reduce skinny belly fat/get lean. But, I think i'm becoming more "attractive" i guess. I got a new haircut (It was a mess before) so It could just be post-haircut confidence.

I recently went away and I started noticing women looking at me more. Not had any male attention yet. This time a year ago when I was obese I got stares but from a disgust point of view mixed with a bit of laughing. Now, i'm 170lbs at 6ft 1 so I don't think it's because i'm heavier. Either I had something on my face, i'm getting more attractive or they're just looking around and i'm gaining an ego from my hair cut.

Anyone else had a late "glow up" and been through something similar? I'm not sure what to think. My past experience: any looks = negative attention. Whereas now idk if it's a good or bad thing. This update sounds stupid because it sounds like i'm portraying myself as timothee chalamet lol. It's just I used to always assume it's because I was "fat" whereas now I know after losing the weight it can't be that.

My advice, do a little research like a few others said- but just focus on being happy and kind- its the biggest turnon, and of course be open to new experiences. The world is a mix of ppls that are superficial as f*ck as another poster said, but a few of us see the whole of the person.

 

[Lopez ceto]

yo también

 

[deleted21781261]

What advice