22 y/o Gay Virgin (Need Advice/Rant)

[cockydude2018]

You are still a baby at 22. I had my first gay experience at that age. A guy sucked me off. But, damn, my sex life took off from there. Of course, I left my small hometown and moved to a couple big cities like Pittsburgh and Atlanta where the opportunities for a happy life as a gay man are bountiful.

Keep up the good work you’ve begun to make you happy with you. Be friendly. And get your natural gaydar working!

 

[Joe tim]

Hey there, I wanna say that you’re definitely not alone. I feel like we’re the same in the opposite ways if that makes sense haha. I’ve been pretty skinny for most of my life and throughout the years I’ve heard so many negative comments about my appearance that it made me really doubt and feel insecure about myself so I always just stood away from the whole dating/hookup scene. I was once told that because I’m skinny, cuddling with me is like laying on a pile of remotes and that shit just stuck to me ever since. I’m 22 and had my first and only kiss at 21, aside from that I’m still very nervous about putting myself out there. Just like you, I still don’t even know what kind of position I resonate with. It’s a struggle cause I also don’t really like Grindr but aside from that I don’t know where else to go. I get concerned that if I even try to hook up w someone at a bar, they’ll be turned away by me because I’m not experienced. I wish there was at least some guidelines for us late bloomers

 

[RavenRoth]

I’m also 22 and a virgin with social anxiety. It’s comforting to see I’m not the only one going through this! Would love to talk to you sometimes ✌

 

[CJones01]

Hey, new here. I usually lurk but thought I'd spark some discussion and ask for advice. Soo pretty much what the title says. I'm 22, I graduated last year, still a virgin.

Backstory: I was always pretty overweight and dealt with some insecurities. After I graduated I decided i'd get my shit together and so I've lost 70 lbs and i'm at a healthy weight now. I'm trying to get leaner as I still have some skinny fat. As we know the gay community isn't so kind to larger ppl so i've never really had a chance with anyone. It also doesn't help that i've been clubbing once and don't go out much so it's been hard to meet people. The past few months i've been getting 'riskier', i've always been pretty "innocent" and vanilla and just relied on the trusty right hand. I downloaded Grindr for the 1st time just to see what it's like in my area, I also recently bought a fleshlight and i'm planning on getting my first dildo. (Lol it feels so awkward talking about this). As i've never experienced anything with anyone, I really don't know whether i'm a top, bottom, vers or side. I'm gonna try more solo butt stuff with said dildo (tmi? sorry lol) as I've only tried a finger for now lmaooo. I'm curious do you usually know your position before trying these things or is it more of a process of elimination? At the moment, topping seems like it'd be fun but too exhausting (i think im too lazy). But, bottoming seems super painful and i'd be stressed out the entire time thinking i'd shit myself. From the way I think and fantasize I think I'm pretty submissive and prefer the dominant type who will take the lead. So I think that may make me a bottom? Ah idk.

Also, another naïve question, might as well learn as much about being gay as possible lol. But why are there so many open relationships, kinks, leather, etc. in the gay community compared to straight relationships? From looking around I feel really abnormal, like I just want a simple monogamous, vanilla relationship. But, it seems like you're either in hook-up culture, in a relationship with a large age gap or in an open relationship. I guess because I haven't really experienced gay dating, I don't know what it's like. It just seems really rare to find monogamous gay couples who are similar in age.

I've been having some pretty negative thoughts recently... I just feel like i'm super behind. I'm already 22 and I know from other discussions, grindr, etc. that the expiry date for us gays seems to be 25 lol. I guess my troubles are that I feel like i've already blown through my youth and all i've done is isolate myself away from things I could have experienced from 18-21. I'm still dissatisfied with how my body looks and by the time I'll be happy to experiment with other people i'll probably be 23, which doesn't help knowing that people usually go for 18-22. Ugh it stresses me out so much, it feels like i'm wasting so much time. Now that I've graduated it just makes me so sad that I won't ever be able to experience young love, college hookups, etc. But, I guess I just have to live with that now.

Finally, once I'm 'ready' what would you recommend me do? Should I find someone in a club, on grindr or just wait until I form a relationship (by then i'll probably be 87). And how should I prepare? Should I take some STD results (even though i'm a virgin), go on prep before starting anything, learn how to kiss through tutorials. When it comes to oral is it bad to swallow for a stranger, like idek how diseases are spread . Is there a guide to gay sex, like I feel so lost lool. It's humiliating. Someone please respond with a dummies guide for gay virgins, pleaseeee.

Anyways, sorry for the essay. I got a little carried away and just spewed out all my vulnerabilities. Probably going to regret posting this but hey, I have to learn somehow and as i'm still closeted I thought this was the best place to ask.

A pretty good list of things to prepare you for MLM sex:
Ready for your first time?:
Am I Ready For Sex?
Know thine butt:
Anus Anatomy
Getting ready to bottom:
Anal Sex Preparation
How to Clean Your Ass Before Anal Sex

How Dildos Saved My Rear by Zach Clarkson
https://www.amazon.com/Silicone-But...coding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=Z4A08Z1YCCMC326TXWFR
How to Have a Prostate Orgasm (Solo or with a Partner!)
Butt Sex
Safer sex:
Condom Basics
STIs
Get Tested (STI testing)
AIDS, HIV and PrEP by Silver

TLDR:
Keep hydrated, eat your fiber, poop regularly.
Get to know yourself. Play with yourself. Don’t over do it.
LUBE, GO SLOW, COMMUNICATE.
Get tested, use protection.

Any you can have any kind of relationship you want - be open and clear about what you’re looking for.

 

[lesshake]

I'm not surprised tbf lol. I think because it's rare for them to get any action so they make the most of it when it happens lmao. If you have the chance to hook-up more frequently you're less 'hungry' for it in the moment I guess..

If I roll my eyes any harder, my retinae are going to detach.

 

[kjehe3]

If I roll my eyes any harder, my retinae are going to detach.

How come?? The way I worded it may have come across insensitive. I'm not sure if you read my original post but what I was trying to express was that no one found me attractive when I was obese. So, if someone had shown interest in me and gave me a chance I would have tried to enjoy the moment as much as possible. Whereas someone who gets hit on frequently might not be as bothered because they can always find someone else.

 

[Beefderky]

First things first..... Educate yourself on bootyholes. Learn the do's and dont's. Some advice is to use lots of lube, go slow, learn your limits and never put anything up your arse that doesn't have some type flared base because bootyholes are like vaccuums and will suck up whatever you stick in. Look up preparations for bottoming to understand how it works and how diet/douching can help make your experience better.

Second, after educating yourself, play with your hole. Explore your hole. Go ham on your hole. Just find out what you are comfortable with. Try different angles and sizes. Just remember to always go slow and use lots of lube. I don't like dildos and bottoming much but I do enjoy a nice vibrating butt plug at times. Toys are great so just read if the toys are compatible with whatever lube you are using as some will deterioate them.

Whether you bottom or top, know your body and always communicate with your partner. You don't want to be hurt nor do you want to hurt them if you top. Foreplay is the best before actual penetration with a real live dick. Use toys on each other or yourself to loosen up before taking or giving that D. Sometimes it takes time to enjoy bottoming more. Just have some fun and play with yourself. It's all perfectly healthy. Also, poop is always a possibility so don't freak out if it's from you or them. It can be a very scarring and scary time for someone if it happens.

All sexualities have their kinks. I think gay men are more comfortable and aren't afraid to show themselves. There are straight men out there that love their holes played with and things inserted but trying to tell a gf, wife, let a lone a hook up is not easy because they'll get labeled. Women tend to be soft spoken about it I think. Men are just horndogs lol.

Open relationships can be healthy but demands a lot of trust in a partner. I rather not get reemed at for going with the flow at a bar and randomly make out with a guy. To me, it's purely physical. I am not inlove with them nor have an emotional attachment from it. My heart lies with my bf but I just enjoy spontenaity and living in the moment. Communication with a partner is key for this tho.

Relationships come down to preferences which you will discover as you get older. Hook up culture is quite sad. Nothing is better than going on dates and learning about your crush. It's both scary and exciting at the same time. If you did date someone, date for 3 months before deciding to be a couple or not. Don't decide after 1 date. Rushing in usually ends up with a bad relationship. May be good for a year or two but most don't always last.

Get an std check and schedule regular routines. Don't trust others and their word because 1 lie is all it takes to ruin your life. Prep isn't a bad idea but you should always use protection. Don't get in the mindset that if you were reckless one time with a guy but turned out safe that you can get away with it all the time. Just be smart and look out for yourself. Also, if someone seems sketchy, gives you a sketchy meet up place and such, run. If someone tries to persuade you to be reckless with protection and proof, run. Stds are rampant out there so just stay safe and be smart.

 

[PutItInHere691]

KJEHE3 STATES---Also, another naïve question, might as well learn as much about being gay as possible lol. But why are there so many open relationships, kinks, leather, etc. in the gay community compared to straight relationships?

you just notice it more as i know alot of married guys that their marriage is an open relationshiip---theres things the wife wont do so he finds someone else that will and same with the wife--i was with a guy because his wife wouldnt suck his dicck n swallow---said the precum even made her gag--- another guy wanted to be rimmed so i would rim him plus swallow his load as my finger was inside him

thats just to name couple situations i can think of--

 

[JJREAGAN]

Appreciate the response! I think I definitely need to focus more on the mental health aspect, I live with so much regret every single day and get so disappointed; dreaming of how my life could have been like if I didn't isolate myself so much. But, i'm only 22 and so I still have time. I just needa stop focusing on how I should have lived and start living I guess.

Also, what is the PrEP process like? I looked briefly online a few months ago and saw something about how you need to fill out a questionnaire or something and then take some tests before you can begin taking it. And, is it free and available online or do I need to buy it from a sexual health clinic every time I need it? Thanks for the advice and pep talk, although i'm nervous, i'm excited to get out there!

I’m a gay Dr. First of all, your health and mental health are most important. Find a Dr/GP you can talk to. PrEP is great for preventing HIV, but it doesn’t prevent other STI’s. So use protection and make sure your partner’s use protection. Grindr usually translates into hookups. If that’s what you want, great. But if you’re looking for a relationship first, it might not be the best tool.
If you live in a city with gay clubs, that might be a good first step into making some friends in the community. Also maybe find out if there is a gay community center where you might volunteer. Again, the idea is to get acquainted in the community and meet friends that might have connections to other guys who are also looking for more than a hookup.
Again, hookups are not bad. They meet the need, all the while you are getting experience figuring out what you like in bed. Just be safe. And congratulations on getting yourself together! I’m proud of you!.
JJ

 

[JJREAGAN]

First things first..... Educate yourself on bootyholes. Learn the do's and dont's. Some advice is to use lots of lube, go slow, learn your limits and never put anything up your arse that doesn't have some type flared base because bootyholes are like vaccuums and will suck up whatever you stick in. Look up preparations for bottoming to understand how it works and how diet/douching can help make your experience better.

Second, after educating yourself, play with your hole. Explore your hole. Go ham on your hole. Just find out what you are comfortable with. Try different angles and sizes. Just remember to always go slow and use lots of lube. I don't like dildos and bottoming much but I do enjoy a nice vibrating butt plug at times. Toys are great so just read if the toys are compatible with whatever lube you are using as some will deterioate them.

Whether you bottom or top, know your body and always communicate with your partner. You don't want to be hurt nor do you want to hurt them if you top. Foreplay is the best before actual penetration with a real live dick. Use toys on each other or yourself to loosen up before taking or giving that D. Sometimes it takes time to enjoy bottoming more. Just have some fun and play with yourself. It's all perfectly healthy. Also, poop is always a possibility so don't freak out if it's from you or them. It can be a very scarring and scary time for someone if it happens.

All sexualities have their kinks. I think gay men are more comfortable and aren't afraid to show themselves. There are straight men out there that love their holes played with and things inserted but trying to tell a gf, wife, let a lone a hook up is not easy because they'll get labeled. Women tend to be soft spoken about it I think. Men are just horndogs lol.

Open relationships can be healthy but demands a lot of trust in a partner. I rather not get reemed at for going with the flow at a bar and randomly make out with a guy. To me, it's purely physical. I am not inlove with them nor have an emotional attachment from it. My heart lies with my bf but I just enjoy spontenaity and living in the moment. Communication with a partner is key for this tho.

Relationships come down to preferences which you will discover as you get older. Hook up culture is quite sad. Nothing is better than going on dates and learning about your crush. It's both scary and exciting at the same time. If you did date someone, date for 3 months before deciding to be a couple or not. Don't decide after 1 date. Rushing in usually ends up with a bad relationship. May be good for a year or two but most don't always last.

Get an std check and schedule regular routines. Don't trust others and their word because 1 lie is all it takes to ruin your life. Prep isn't a bad idea but you should always use protection. Don't get in the mindset that if you were reckless one time with a guy but turned out safe that you can get away with it all the time. Just be smart and look out for yourself. Also, if someone seems sketchy, gives you a sketchy meet up place and such, run. If someone tries to persuade you to be reckless with protection and proof, run. Stds are rampant out there so just stay safe and be smart.

Excellent advice

 

[Its_Irrelevant]

I know I'm a bit late to this, but I just wanted to say that I totally can relate to this. I'm a bit overweight and have never been with anyone yet. I've thought about hookups on Grindr but I'm not really sure if it's a good idea. Lately I've used sex toys like dildos and anal vibrators to learn about anal stimulation and even douching. Sometimes I feel like I'm not good looking enough either but I've learned that what you see social media/online is all gay people. There's always someone that will be attracted to you. Not everybody is built like a skinny twink or muscle jock. I've learned if you want to improve your body, you do it for your physical and mental health, not for someone else's satisfaction. Hoping the best for you

 

[lurkin]

Congrats on taking your time. In addition to PrEP I would suggest you get an HPV vaccine as well.

 

[deleted11768931]

Just to add my 2 cents, one of my best friends was in the exact same boat as you: he was overweight, closeted and still a total virgin at 22. Well, he lost weight, started dipping a toe in the gay hook-up scene (via Grindr, I think), and slowly but surely in the few years since he's hooked up with SO MANY guys, like you have no idea how much dick he gets.

I don't tell you that because that's *the* lifestyle to emulate (though there's also nothing wrong with it!) but because this dude is living proof that your sex life is just beginning at 22 and nowhere near peaking yet.