The section below is a good example of reducing drag or strange asides. The original post has the paragraph broken up into two separate paragraphs although they are topically focused on the effect the big cock is having on the GF and are still close to one another. Removing the odd gap and combining the two paragraphs would work here to smooth transitions from scene to scene. The next section could also be a single action paragraph as she's received a text and is reading the text, which can be done with a single emphasis and not have to be spread out as if the actions are completely disconnected. Keep in mind that you are writing to lead the reader where you want them to go and to get them to go along with your plat and characters there needs to be a flow from paragraph to paragraph. Keeping character actions, specific descriptive details, and other aspects of the work together builds the flow from moment to moment and can better interlock character interactions, especially when intimately engaged. You don't want to have similar actions taking place between two people that are seemingly in different rooms, or have it read like single statements on a page. You want to give it a life and to engage the reader so that they will follow your characters where ever you wish to have them go.
I like your concept and I think if you pull things together a bit more tightly you'll have a great following here. Your other story has similar issues and, again, it's imminently fixable. I'm looking forward to seeing where you take both stories from here.
"But that night, especially after the powerful orgasm she felt the previous one, Alice felt more bored than usual when her boyfriend was fucking her. She told him he could fuck her harder and grope her big bouncing tits but he came as soon as she said it.
Once he had gone to the bathroom again Alice found herself looking at the text conversation with Paul. Specifically the photos of his big bulge. Imagine if there was a real cock taking up all that room. It released the same sort of submissive trance feeling she had been feeling lately. She felt guilty when she found herself slowly rubbing her pussy through her panties and scolded herself. What was it about the very thought of a big dick that made her feel so submissive. So horny?
But she had already decided that she was in no way attracted to Paul, especially with his little dick.
*Bloop*
She received a text from Paul.
She immediately opened the message. Expecting a thankyou and an apology for acting so rudely and lying about his penis size.
A picture."
I like your concept and I think if you pull things together a bit more tightly you'll have a great following here. Your other story has similar issues and, again, it's imminently fixable. I'm looking forward to seeing where you take both stories from here.
"But that night, especially after the powerful orgasm she felt the previous one, Alice felt more bored than usual when her boyfriend was fucking her. She told him he could fuck her harder and grope her big bouncing tits but he came as soon as she said it.
Once he had gone to the bathroom again Alice found herself looking at the text conversation with Paul. Specifically the photos of his big bulge. Imagine if there was a real cock taking up all that room. It released the same sort of submissive trance feeling she had been feeling lately. She felt guilty when she found herself slowly rubbing her pussy through her panties and scolded herself. What was it about the very thought of a big dick that made her feel so submissive. So horny?
But she had already decided that she was in no way attracted to Paul, especially with his little dick.
*Bloop*
She received a text from Paul.
She immediately opened the message. Expecting a thankyou and an apology for acting so rudely and lying about his penis size.
A picture."
