Breaking up, is hard to do

[D_Harry_Pitts]

So, to be completely honest, I have been with the same woman for the last year - and I had cheated on her multiple times. I am visiting Tallahassee for school, and this separation has exacerbated some underlying problems I was having. I knew that first, if I was cheating, we shouldn't be together. Second, I am a year from having my bachelor's degree, and intend to move to a different state (probably Florida - from the Midwest) for graduate school. I need time for me and my studies. Finally, I feel as though I really just don't want to be in a serious relationship.
Last night, she kept pressing me and pressing me about me not being serious because I told her it was okay if we did not talk for a day. I split up with her, and I explained all of my reasoning (wanting to be able to see other people, wanting to not have to make life choices for two people instead of 1, needing time alone). But I did not tell her about the cheating.
Does this sound like the right thing to do? I feel like a jerk for hurting her after a year, but I really don't see myself settling down and being happily married with her in a few more years.

 

[lottie]

Has she accepted that you have broken up? If so then there is no need to tell her anything else, it's over and no further discussion is required.

However if you sugar soaped the whole break up and she ended up feeling you just need time to yourself, to study and she'd pushed you too far, then you need to come clean and state the facts, without sugar.

Obviously once she knows your a cheat, she'll feel very differently about you, so as much as you might like to think you didn't tell her to protect her feelings, it's more likely that you don't want to be viewed as a cheat.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

I don't see any further reason to hurt her. You broke up with her for numerous good reasons, that should be all there is to it. Normally I'm all for honesty, but seeing how my nearly-three-year-long relationship just ended Friday, I'm feeling extremely emotionally sensitive right now and could imagine how far into a tailspin I'd fall if he came back now and told me "Oh, and by the way, I've been sleeping with other people."

 

[B_Evie]

I agree with IntoxicatingToxin. Why hurt her more just to make yourself feel better?

I just happened to read your post asking why gay men respond to your Craigs List ads when you are seeking girls. If you are fucking random people without protection, you must to be tested. If you're positive, that is when you need to come clean with her because she most likely will be too. Accept responsibility for yourself and your actions.

I sincerely hope you find it within yourself to be honorable when in a future relationship. Karma sucks and AID kills.

 

[LaFemme]

I agree with IntoxicatingToxin. Why hurt her more just to make yourself feel better?

I just happened to read your post asking why gay men respond to your Craigs List ads when you are seeking girls. If you are fucking random people without protection, you must to be tested. If you're positive, that is when you need to come clean with her because she most likely will be too. Accept responsibility for yourself and your actions.

I sincerely hope you find it within yourself to be honorable when in a future relationship. Karma sucks and AID kills.

Yikes! Craigs List? Definitely get tested. And as Evie says, if anything comes back positive, then you absolutely must come clean with your ex about it, no matter how embarrassing or how bad it may make you look.

And please, before you decide to enter into a relationship with any other woman, make sure you can agree on the parameters of what the relationship means to both of you. Playing behind someone's back is not only hurtful, it's dangerous.

 

[D_Harry_Pitts]

I agree with IntoxicatingToxin. Why hurt her more just to make yourself feel better?

I just happened to read your post asking why gay men respond to your Craigs List ads when you are seeking girls. If you are fucking random people without protection, you must to be tested. If you're positive, that is when you need to come clean with her because she most likely will be too. Accept responsibility for yourself and your actions.

I sincerely hope you find it within yourself to be honorable when in a future relationship. Karma sucks and AID kills.

I had been tested, we both have been since any of my previous encounters. We are both clean. Of course I use protection with strangers! I am glad that you all think it is right to be out of a relationship with where I am at maturity wise. Thanks for the advice!