Compliment or Uncomfortable?

[Bur]

Ok so this may sound like a very simple minded question....but it is one I have thought about a long time and advice so far has been varied to say the least.

So how would you react to a stranger, who walked up to you and made a comment along the lines of "You are beautiful, just thought you should know."

I realize that there is nothing offensive in the comment, but how would you prefer someone to do so? I get the feeling most of the time that women get extremely skittish when a man approaches them, I find this more true for women my own age. As for me I'm 22 and very athletic, so doubt it is my appearance.

So any insight into this would be great... just don't want to make someone feel uncomfortable in an attempt to compliment her.

 

[Mercurygirl]

I would take it as a compliment and say, "thank you, very nice of you say," that is, under certain conditions ...

One, he wasn't looking at me like fucking Charlie Manson. And two, if he is laying the groundwork for asking me out he should immediately do just that because just standing there leering at me is creepy. Remember, he's a stranger and a woman should NEVER trust a man they don't know. Any remotely intelligent woman should make that a firm personal policy. Every day you read and hear about the horror stories of women who made the mistake of trusting the "nice guy." Too many girls who trusted just once that never got a chance to trust again.

If a compliment is all he's got to say and it was in passing, I'm cool with it, ego stroked, a friendly smile, now lets both move on and go about our day. But if I turn around and his eyes are still on me, or he continues popping up in my orbit later on, my creep vibe/stranger danger radar will go off and the "nice guy" with the friendly compliment becomes the weird potential predator guy who I have to watch out for. You have to understand it's just the crazy and dangerous world we live in.

 

[Reddhott]

What MG said.

But a random compliment just because? It can be really nice. I was at work one day,and as I was finishing up with my customer, an older gent, as he was leaving he had to walk right beside me. He leaned in and quietly said "Red is really your color." It wasn't at all creepy or leering. It totally made my day.

 

[Bur]

Totally agree MC not looking to be creepy or to date anyone I just think men should do more to lift women up. I mean the hope is that maybe she is having a rough day and that a simple compliment will help her smile. But I do worry that approaching someone would make them uncomfortable as you said, its saddening but completely understandable.
So along that same note....would a note be better? Either by handing it to them or leaving it on their car? Or is that too creepy? Really just trying to avoid making what is supposed to be an honestly kind gesture a bad one.

 

[EllieP]

Honestly, I do love a compliment. It makes me feel happy and lightens the day. My problem is that I will take it as that, and if the complimenter goes one step beyond that it gets nasty real quick. I don't ever expect them to cross the line so it upsets me if they do.

 

[Bur]

Ok so a good follow up to that would be how far should a compliment go?
Every woman responds differently, used to have a friend who hated being called beautiful... not sure why but she specifically preferred the word gorgeous. Personally I thought that gorgeous might imply more of a physical interest, so I tend to stick with compliments that are more directed at her whole being. For example the term beautiful to me doesnt just mean physical attractiveness, it is also how they treat people, how they think, and so many other things. Maybe it is too simple or maybe I read into it too much, but there it is.

Also as an aside .... do you think telling multiple women they are beautiful diminish it?

 

[MickeyLee]

in light of recent killing sprees... please, strange men, don't compliment me.

 

[Enid]

compliments from strangers = usually not welcome. i just want to be left alone in public, not approached by someone i don't know.

but a genuine compliment from someone i adore and respect is amazing.

 

[Mercurygirl]

would a note be better? Either by handing it to them or leaving it on their car? Or is that too creepy? Really just trying to avoid making what is supposed to be an honestly kind gesture a bad one.

For me personally a note on my car immediately sets off the stranger danger radar and I'd be looking around thinking I was being followed and watched at that very moment. I wouldn't like that at all. Face to face is best, keeping mind not to get too close and invade my personal space, and definitely in a well lit public place where people are walking around. Don't come up to me alone in a parking lot or be hanging around my car as that sort of approach gets my heart racing and I'd be fumbling for my mace. Remember, I don't know you. My mind always goes to the worse case scenario and rightly so. I can't count how many times I've read about women being abducted in parking lots, they are a favorite hunting ground of predators.

As far as handing her a note, just seems really odd and premeditated. Casual verbal spontaneity is genuine.

Ok so a good follow up to that would be how far should a compliment go?
Every woman responds differently, used to have a friend who hated being called beautiful... not sure why but she specifically preferred the word gorgeous. Personally I thought that gorgeous might imply more of a physical interest, so I tend to stick with compliments that are more directed at her whole being. For example the term beautiful to me doesnt just mean physical attractiveness, it is also how they treat people, how they think, and so many other things. Maybe it is too simple or maybe I read into it too much, but there it is.

Also as an aside .... do you think telling multiple women they are beautiful diminish it?

"Beautiful" is just so common and lacks imagination. Sort of a worn pick-up line. Make an effort. The line the old gentleman gave Red Hot was perfect and something you just don't hear too often. It wasn't inappropriate and spoke to her as a whole. You want to watch out with specifics when it comes to her body.

Ellie brought up a interesting observation about how some guys once you've been friendly and receptive to their initial compliment feel that it's suddenly open season and have the unfortunate need to go further with a follow up compliment that steps over the line. Big mistake. You've just sank your initial compliment with phoniness and or rudeness. That's happen to me in the past but more often than not it's men in groups. You get a nice compliment from one guy and his douchebag friend feels the need to one up his buddy and goes on to make an inappropriate remark. I use to tell those guys they should, "take some lessons from their friend on how to talk to women" but have learned that bruising a fragile male ego in front of his friends, especially young immature guys, usually brings about a rude or series of rude remake and that things escalate quickly. These days I just look at them as if they're a fucking idiot and then ignore them.

 

[Reddhott]

Bur, I realize your posts here are meant to be light hearted and all, but consider this: why does it have to be women? That sets creeper bells off for me, even if that is not your intent. A smile and a warm hello to anyone, male or female, is generall welcome. (Do I need to specify ADULTS?) By singling out women, it starts looking like you have ulterior motives. Just an observation.

And why are you stalking strange women to their cars??

 

[EllieP]

So along that same note....would a note be better? Either by handing it to them or leaving it on their car? Or is that too creepy? Really just trying to avoid making what is supposed to be an honestly kind gesture a bad one.

Notes are chancy. Take it from me. A friend and I were shopping in Orlando and went to lunch. I knew my husband was also in Orlando, so I asked my friend if we could drive by where he was. I saw his truck in the parking lot so I got a piece of paper, wrote a love note, put on fresh lipstick and kissed the note but not leaving my name. I stuck it under his windshield wiper right in front of the steering wheel. We left giggling like schoolgirls!

That evening when he got home I asked about his day. He talked about it but not about the note. So I pushed it. "Did you get a note on your windshield?" He didn't know I went to Orlando too.

He said yeah, he did and how did I know. I was a little peeved! I told him I did it, and he said "oh?" "OH?????" What the hell did that mean? He then said it happens to him from time to time. Oh really? He said not really on his truck though but people hand him notes every so often.

The thing is he was dead serious! I does happen to him! That really pissed me off. That never happens to me! Of course, he's a bit more well known, but still.

So leave me a note, too!

 

[julesq]

It depends on the circumstances if I am offended or flattered. If a compliment is sincere, be it about my looks, or simply the color of the pocketbook I am carrying, I take it on it's face. I am always gracious if I believe the person offering the compliment is sincere. Given that "criteria", I do not believe if more than one person is being complimented it diminishes it at all. The key for me is not what is said, nor to how many it is said to, but the spirit with which it is delivered.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Say something nice, and keep it moving. I will say thank you, and feel great for a while, and if I spot something I like in that fleeting moment, you might get a compliment too. It's a nice exchange, and that's that. Don't make it complicated, dude.

 

[Patchos]

Ok so a good follow up to that would be how far should a compliment go?
Every woman responds differently, used to have a friend who hated being called beautiful... not sure why but she specifically preferred the word gorgeous. Personally I thought that gorgeous might imply more of a physical interest, so I tend to stick with compliments that are more directed at her whole being. For example the term beautiful to me doesnt just mean physical attractiveness, it is also how they treat people, how they think, and so many other things. Maybe it is too simple or maybe I read into it too much, but there it is.

Also as an aside .... do you think telling multiple women they are beautiful diminish it?

how exactly are you able to ascertain what kind of person this woman is just by looking at her?

why would you go around telling random women they are beautiful?

 

[LaFemme]

I enjoy a random compliment, but I kind of prefer you walk away. As mentioned, men have the potential to be dangerous. It might be different if you were someone I see every day on the train, or in line at the coffee shop, but otherwise, no. So ya, don't put a note on my car. That is a little creepy.

I sometimes compliment random people - I love your purse! Great shoes! Thanks for being such a great server! You were so nice to that old lady, that was great to see! But I have a very trustworthy face and no one ever gets creeped out by me. :biggrin:

 

[fluffychocolate]

Eh. I'm fine with compliments in passing. Like LaFemme I give out compliments in passing too. So it is something nice in passing. If the guy is interested in dating me then he needs to say so and if I get a good vibe from him then we'll exchange numbers.

 

[Patchos]

i've never ever heard a woman say that she wishes more strangers would comment on her appearance.

i've heard women say that they don't mind certain comments and i've certainly heard many many women say they don't like strangers commenting on their appearance at all.

just some statistics for all the logically minded guys out there.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I'd say a simple compliment like, "you look nice today" or "hey beautiful!" with a smile is fine.. but leaving a note on the car, is stalker speak for "I know what you drive"... and that translates further to "I can follow you home now if I wanted to".

No notes... and no stalking! (JK, but not really)

Keep it simple, and sincere.

 

[Bur]

Ok wow lots of responses. Really appreciate all the views. Probably a little back history is in order to understand the situation… First off is that I park in a free park and ride lot everyday and catch a bus into my college campus. Basically this means I encounter people on a daily basis and sometimes they just look like they could use a compliment or a kind word. Im not trying to be creepy that was the point of asking it in the women's forum to get a feel for what is considered a comfortable compliment that would lift someones day. As for it being only women…. well honestly I just don't run across many men that seem like they would want me to compliment them lmao. I am straight and most people in my area are as well, giving them a compliment borderlines the whole gay thing and tends to get people decked.

As for the whole getting a sense of who she is, well it is easy to get a feel for that when you encounter them on a daily basis…. But also I tend to have a pretty good sense of people from their demeanor…. I haven't been wrong yet not to say that I won't be at some point but in general I tend to read a lot in body language as well as tone and facial expressions.

And now I probably seem totally off the wall bizarre but there it is ….

 

[Reddhott]

A compliment isn't the only way to uplift someone. Male or female.