Compliment or Uncomfortable?

[Bur]

What would you suggest then reddhott?

 

[Reddhott]

How about a pleasant good morning? When I worked as a grocery clerk, I met people all the time who I think I was the only one who talked to them. I would just make pleasant conversation as I was working. Some became regulars and would wait in line for me.

There was one weird little old man, who it turns out lived in my neighborhood (very small town) he spied me out walking my dog and after that he always wanted to talk about Scotty. He was an odd duck, but harmless, and terribly lonely.

If you are looking for people who just need a smile from someone, they are out there. Limiting it to only women is a bit creepy. And you did ask for our input.

 

[Bur]

Totally agree and I tend to be very friendly in that regard. I tend to say good morning and the how are you…. Just I guess always seems like the women I know are harder on themselves about their self image. But I completely agree that it is not just women who deserve the compliments and when it isn't weird like with guys I know well I will do so. Used to work as a cashier myself and it always seemed to shock them when I asked how their day was going as I rang them out. Guess what I had hoped to gauge is wether not a compliment was a good thing or bad. Which seems to vary but generally seems to be on the creepy side which I can completely understand, it is the world we live in.

 

[Reddhott]

Stranger compliment = risky. Acquaintance compliment = usually fine. Friend compliment = my friends and I generally talk shit to each other.

 

[Bur]

Thanks for the advice Reddhott appreciate the insight and your strong personality it is refreshing.

And thank you to everyone who posted so far it is very helpful and I think I have a better understanding of why reactions are so varied.

 

[julesq]

Totally agree and I tend to be very friendly in that regard. I tend to say good morning and the how are you…. Just I guess always seems like the women I know are harder on themselves about their self image. But I completely agree that it is not just women who deserve the compliments and when it isn't weird like with guys I know well I will do so. Used to work as a cashier myself and it always seemed to shock them when I asked how their day was going as I rang them out. Guess what I had hoped to gauge is wether not a compliment was a good thing or bad. Which seems to vary but generally seems to be on the creepy side which I can completely understand, it is the world we live in.

I'm not trying to pick a fight here, but this is not a valid generalization. There are plenty of confident women out there. For me confidence and self-image isn't tied to how others perceive me or interact with me. I subscribe to the friendly concept myself. I remember my first "real" job, had me a little concerned, being the "new kid", etc. God rest my mother, but her advice was, "Walk with purpose and greet everyone you pass." I felt like an idiot smiling and saying hello to everyone I passed, but it served me well in the long run. I continue to do that to this day, and often tell personnel that I train to try it. At work, I am regarded as down to earth, but no nonsense and I think that this has something to do with it.
I guess what I am trying to say is figure out what works for you and go for it, but in an appropriate manner. The rest kind of falls into place. At the end of the day, you have to be comfortable with yourself and the rest kind of falls into place.

 

[Bur]

Really appreciate the response julesq. And I don't take it as a valid generalization, just was noting what I had perceived up to this point. There are plenty of confident women out there and a few of my closest friends are pretty amazing for their high self-respect, I apologize if it seemed insensitive, was not my intention.

 

[EllieP]

Well, if I must butt in, it's not that women have a bad self-image, it's more like some of them have encountered too many creeps before that it makes them wary of one's intentions.

I really try very hard to not fall into that way of thinking, but sometimes it becomes difficult especially when I'm working near the university here. I wish I could, but I can never let my guard down around those guys. I've been embarrassed too many times - even worse than when I used to ride the subway in Atlanta! And that's saying a lot.

On the flip side I will talk to just about anyone. When I first moved to Florida a friend and I were shopping together in the grocery store. She told me I had no shame. I asked why? She said I talked to every person I passed. Personally, I didn't see anything wrong with that, but she was from the New England area and things are different there.

So I guess I'm just different.

 

[Bur]

Hmm well honestly while I wish that wasnt true, sadly I do understand that getting burned too many times can make it hard to trust that anyone is being sincere. Thank you for the added insight.

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sera]

As long as the guy isn't going to be around for an indeterminable amount of time.... such as, if I used public transportation and we were both getting on a bus or a train at the same time.... then it would be totally cool and flattering. Said in passing = I wouldn't feel uncomfortable or threatened, just complimented.

I'd probably chalk it up to the fact that I generally have a pretty welcoming and joyful attitude when I am around other people, and I like being approachable, so this would be a nice reinforcement of that, and also make me feel pretty. All girls enjoy that.

So I reckon as long as you remove the elements that would make the girl feel uncomfortable, awkward, unsure or weirded out..... yeah just so long as it's said in passing, quickly, I'm sure that only positive feelings would be the result. Regardless of the complimenting person's appearance. I think that it's a very kind and unselfish thing of you to want to do, because it doesn't come off like you are trying to get anything out of the transaction but make a woman feel desirable. So good on you :kiss:

 

[Bur]

Thanks for the input and advice Art

 

[Patchos]

"Regardless of the complimenting person's appearance. I think that it's a very kind and unselfish thing of you to want to do, because it doesn't come off like you are trying to get anything out of the transaction but make a woman feel desirable. "

This is very problematic in that it assumes that: (1) all women are straight, and (2) that they base their worth off men's attractiveness to them.

 

[Bur]

Patchos:

I understand what you mean but I think that it wasn't intended to be so selective, think it was more just the idea that being reminded that one is beautiful and desirable. Whether that compliment came from a man or a woman may or may not be as important as the compliment itself. That being said I understand how if per say a woman is more attracted to women, then a compliment from a man may mean less to her individually than if it had come from a woman, especially one she was attracted too. It would be hard to determine if the said woman was straight as you put it, at least without asking ... and then that might kinda defeat the purpose? Not entirely sure how a woman would respond to that kind of question from a stranger but I assume pepper spray, tazer, and groin shots are probably at the top of the list. Was your point that maybe complients should be avoided? Just trying to get a better grasp of this...

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sera]

"Regardless of the complimenting person's appearance. I think that it's a very kind and unselfish thing of you to want to do, because it doesn't come off like you are trying to get anything out of the transaction but make a woman feel desirable. "

This is very problematic in that it assumes that: (1) all women are straight, and (2) that they base their worth off men's attractiveness to them.

Well, I definitely don't speak for all women, and respect your opinion Patchos. I was just giving my personal thoughts, but after reflection, you may be correct. Given your misanthropic tendencies I can see how your perspective might be different but it is still nevertheless valid.

I will put the SPH beacon spotlight on you the next time I catch you in chat though <3

 

[Patchos]

Patchos:

I understand what you mean but I think that it wasn't intended to be so selective, think it was more just the idea that being reminded that one is beautiful and desirable. Whether that compliment came from a man or a woman may or may not be as important as the compliment itself. That being said I understand how if per say a woman is more attracted to women, then a compliment from a man may mean less to her individually than if it had come from a woman, especially one she was attracted too. It would be hard to determine if the said woman was straight as you put it, at least without asking ... and then that might kinda defeat the purpose? Not entirely sure how a woman would respond to that kind of question from a stranger but I assume pepper spray, tazer, and groin shots are probably at the top of the list. Was your point that maybe complients should be avoided? Just trying to get a better grasp of this...

genius

 

[SurferGirlCA]

Say something nice, and keep it moving. I will say thank you, and feel great for a while, and if I spot something I like in that fleeting moment, you might get a compliment too. It's a nice exchange, and that's that. Don't make it complicated, dude.

Yes, this.

 

[LvBgDk25]

As a woman in her late 40's, I enjoy a sincere compliment. I get them randomly even from women sometimes and they always make me smile. No, I don't worry that they want to stalk and kill me....that's what is wrong with this society. We all think someone says something because they have an ulterior motive. Accept the compliment! Give the compliment! Be sincere...you never know what kind of day that person is having and your compliment just may turn it around for the better!

 

[Bur]

Thanks for the thought on this.

 

[hippyglass]

don't compliment someone if you expect something back. compliment them if you just want to say it and don't care if you get anything in return.

we can tell the difference.

 

[Bur]

Yup that is the thought, just give the compliment and hope to brighten their day.