Dealing with horniness and post-nut clarity

[talon harvey]

Hey you guys, I'll try to make this short. I'm mostly just looking for advice and whatnot. Sorry in advance if this story is all over the place.
---------------------------------------------
I'm (25M) bisexual (Closeted) and have just started experimenting with guys for the first time in January. So it kinda goes without saying that a lot of things are still new to me.

I'm on Grindr and Jack'd and find myself spending hours browsing through profiles. I'll either just look at profiles, favorite them for future reference, respond to messages, send messages, and so on. I don't meet up with too many guys. To this day, I've met up with eight and have only had sex with three. Yes, I'm on PrEP and practice safe sex.

I have hobbies but it's like...I'd rather spend time browsing through these apps. I just get horny and that overrides logical reasoning.
---------------------------------------------
For example, today I was supposed to have met up with a guy that I've been talking to for a couple days. But something came up and we had to reschedule for this weekend. In my mind though I'm like "Damn, I was expecting to do some stuff tonight. I still want to do something tonight. Let me find someone else". So I get on the apps and start browsing/hitting up guys who I've talked to before and have expressed their interest in meeting up.

I tried seeing if anyone of them were available tonight (at the last minute) to meet up with me. After some time passed though I thought things like "What are you even doing?", "Why should they have to agree to your last minute shit just to satisfy you?". So I ended up spending $10 to upgrade to Pro so that I could unsend any messages that I sent.
---------------------------------------------
I decide to just stay in the house and sit my ass down somewhere. I decided to rub one out and instantly, the post-nut clarity hit me and I wanted nothing to do with the apps/messaging the guys that I had messaged. But I know it's only a matter of days before I get horny again and start looking for another meet up. I could try diverting my horniness towards things like working out, my hobbies, etc. but again it's only a matter of time before it's back on my mind again.

It's like I'll go into things (Apps/meetups) horny and then once I get my nut, I'm just done. I wanna go home and go about my business. That just goes to show that I'm lustful as hell. I've experienced this with women as well. I imagine it's like this for a lotta other guys too.

I'm just not sure how to move forward. I need to stop being so horny to the point where I'm browsing for long periods of time and scheduling meet-ups with guys I'm not too particularly interested in. I guess since this is all new to me that everything is shiny and glittering. I want to stop thinking with what's between my legs, practice sexual discipline, and started thinking logically and trying to override my horniness.

P.S: I'm not meeting up with just anyone. I'll get to know them a little bit, talk about similar interests, talk about health/safety, exchange pictures, etc. and THEN decide on whether or not I'm meeting up with them.
---------------------------------------------
Hopefully this makes sense. Can anyone relate? Any stories, advice, tips, etc. would be great. I'd like to have a genuine discussion because I don't wanna find myself in a bad situation.

Thank you
---------------------------------------------
TL;DR: My horniness is getting in the way of things, yet post-nut clarity hits me like a train making me regret the things I did while I was horny (Hit up a handful of guys asking to meet, browsing through hookup apps endlessly, etc.). Can I get some help please?

 

[LPSG Simon]

This suggestion kind of precludes fast hookups, but maybe use some of the more tame apps like tinder etc... to meet people (I know, I know), and use pornography for quick release instead? That way you can line up people and be productive for the long game desire (meeting in person), and separate just wanting to get off.

Most of the same people are on both platforms anyway.

 

[deleted3427641]

Hey you guys, I'll try to make this short. I'm mostly just looking for advice and whatnot. Sorry in advance if this story is all over the place.
---------------------------------------------
I'm (25M) bisexual (Closeted) and have just started experimenting with guys for the first time in January. So it kinda goes without saying that a lot of things are still new to me.

I'm on Grindr and Jack'd and find myself spending hours browsing through profiles. I'll either just look at profiles, favorite them for future reference, respond to messages, send messages, and so on. I don't meet up with too many guys. To this day, I've met up with eight and have only had sex with three. Yes, I'm on PrEP and practice safe sex.

I have hobbies but it's like...I'd rather spend time browsing through these apps. I just get horny and that overrides logical reasoning.
---------------------------------------------
For example, today I was supposed to have met up with a guy that I've been talking to for a couple days. But something came up and we had to reschedule for this weekend. In my mind though I'm like "Damn, I was expecting to do some stuff tonight. I still want to do something tonight. Let me find someone else". So I get on the apps and start browsing/hitting up guys who I've talked to before and have expressed their interest in meeting up.

I tried seeing if anyone of them were available tonight (at the last minute) to meet up with me. After some time passed though I thought things like "What are you even doing?", "Why should they have to agree to your last minute shit just to satisfy you?". So I ended up spending $10 to upgrade to Pro so that I could unsend any messages that I sent.
---------------------------------------------
I decide to just stay in the house and sit my ass down somewhere. I decided to rub one out and instantly, the post-nut clarity hit me and I wanted nothing to do with the apps/messaging the guys that I had messaged. But I know it's only a matter of days before I get horny again and start looking for another meet up. I could try diverting my horniness towards things like working out, my hobbies, etc. but again it's only a matter of time before it's back on my mind again.

It's like I'll go into things (Apps/meetups) horny and then once I get my nut, I'm just done. I wanna go home and go about my business. That just goes to show that I'm lustful as hell. I've experienced this with women as well. I imagine it's like this for a lotta other guys too.

I'm just not sure how to move forward. I need to stop being so horny to the point where I'm browsing for long periods of time and scheduling meet-ups with guys I'm not too particularly interested in. I guess since this is all new to me that everything is shiny and glittering. I want to stop thinking with what's between my legs, practice sexual discipline, and started thinking logically and trying to override my horniness.

P.S: I'm not meeting up with just anyone. I'll get to know them a little bit, talk about similar interests, talk about health/safety, exchange pictures, etc. and THEN decide on whether or not I'm meeting up with them.
---------------------------------------------
Hopefully this makes sense. Can anyone relate? Any stories, advice, tips, etc. would be great. I'd like to have a genuine discussion because I don't wanna find myself in a bad situation.

Thank you
---------------------------------------------
TL;DR: My horniness is getting in the way of things, yet post-nut clarity hits me like a train making me regret the things I did while I was horny (Hit up a handful of guys asking to meet, browsing through hookup apps endlessly, etc.). Can I get some help please?

Hey, feel you 100% - 25M bi here- I can’t be on Grindr for more than a few days cause it’ll take over my life lol ill spend all day looking for new hot guys to talk to and swap nudes with so I can jerk off to. Only way to deal with it is to delete the apps completely, if you gotta bust just watch porn nut quick and be on your way. That’s how I deal with it. I’m still horny af but at least I’m not on Grindr all day and meeting up with guys out that I regret later. Feel free to dm if you want to chat more.

 

[dreambridger]

Hey you guys, I'll try to make this short. I'm mostly just looking for advice and whatnot. Sorry in advance if this story is all over the place.
---------------------------------------------
I'm (25M) bisexual (Closeted) and have just started experimenting with guys for the first time in January. So it kinda goes without saying that a lot of things are still new to me.

I'm on Grindr and Jack'd and find myself spending hours browsing through profiles. I'll either just look at profiles, favorite them for future reference, respond to messages, send messages, and so on. I don't meet up with too many guys. To this day, I've met up with eight and have only had sex with three. Yes, I'm on PrEP and practice safe sex.

I have hobbies but it's like...I'd rather spend time browsing through these apps. I just get horny and that overrides logical reasoning.
---------------------------------------------
For example, today I was supposed to have met up with a guy that I've been talking to for a couple days. But something came up and we had to reschedule for this weekend. In my mind though I'm like "Damn, I was expecting to do some stuff tonight. I still want to do something tonight. Let me find someone else". So I get on the apps and start browsing/hitting up guys who I've talked to before and have expressed their interest in meeting up.

I tried seeing if anyone of them were available tonight (at the last minute) to meet up with me. After some time passed though I thought things like "What are you even doing?", "Why should they have to agree to your last minute shit just to satisfy you?". So I ended up spending $10 to upgrade to Pro so that I could unsend any messages that I sent.
---------------------------------------------
I decide to just stay in the house and sit my ass down somewhere. I decided to rub one out and instantly, the post-nut clarity hit me and I wanted nothing to do with the apps/messaging the guys that I had messaged. But I know it's only a matter of days before I get horny again and start looking for another meet up. I could try diverting my horniness towards things like working out, my hobbies, etc. but again it's only a matter of time before it's back on my mind again.

It's like I'll go into things (Apps/meetups) horny and then once I get my nut, I'm just done. I wanna go home and go about my business. That just goes to show that I'm lustful as hell. I've experienced this with women as well. I imagine it's like this for a lotta other guys too.

I'm just not sure how to move forward. I need to stop being so horny to the point where I'm browsing for long periods of time and scheduling meet-ups with guys I'm not too particularly interested in. I guess since this is all new to me that everything is shiny and glittering. I want to stop thinking with what's between my legs, practice sexual discipline, and started thinking logically and trying to override my horniness.

P.S: I'm not meeting up with just anyone. I'll get to know them a little bit, talk about similar interests, talk about health/safety, exchange pictures, etc. and THEN decide on whether or not I'm meeting up with them.
---------------------------------------------
Hopefully this makes sense. Can anyone relate? Any stories, advice, tips, etc. would be great. I'd like to have a genuine discussion because I don't wanna find myself in a bad situation.

Thank you
---------------------------------------------
TL;DR: My horniness is getting in the way of things, yet post-nut clarity hits me like a train making me regret the things I did while I was horny (Hit up a handful of guys asking to meet, browsing through hookup apps endlessly, etc.). Can I get some help please?

getting your libido on the same page as you can be difficult! I'm probably gonna sound like a hippie, but I find physically integrative activities like dancing or yoga or general aerobics, getting some sun, maybe massage therapy, these can help unify the body's energies so that the libido is not in conflict with the rest of you. If these activities don't cut it and you still feel that you have blocks then maybe consider psychotherapy. Post-nut clarity is always a thing, but if you're really feeling like a different person with different desires after you cum, then something about you isn't in harmony with yourself.

Either way, it's fine to decide to give up apps if that's right for you, but I'd also advise you not to antagonize your horniness. To me this sentence of yours is very telling: "I want to stop thinking with what's between my legs, practice sexual discipline, and started thinking logically and trying to override my horniness." I feel that this approach is only going to further split yourself apart even more, causing more displaced libido to act up and get out of hand. Imagine your libido as a bucket filled to the brim with water. Trying to "override" it is like throwing a big stone into that bucket, causing the water to spill out. Instead, you have to learn to cooperate with your horniness, get it in harmony with the rest of you instead of trying to control it. I mean it's still important to practice patience, but you can be patient while still appreciating and embracing the horny part of you. Because, ultimately, it is *all* you, and you should love yourself.

 

[Brodie888]

The answer is very simple, masturbate on a 48 hour schedule.

This will basically keep your libido within a reasonable level without killing it completely so you can't perform when the real stuff comes around.

Try it for a while, you may end up needing to do it ever 24 or 72 hours depending on what your recovery period is like.

Spending hours ie obsessing is a sign you are going too long between orgasms and no interest at all is too short.

 

[Brodie888]

Also avoid porn because you will end up obsessessing looking for porn for hours rather than just getting the job done.

 

[hvdude]

Hey you guys, I'll try to make this short. I'm mostly just looking for advice and whatnot. Sorry in advance if this story is all over the place.
---------------------------------------------
I'm (25M) bisexual (Closeted) and have just started experimenting with guys for the first time in January. So it kinda goes without saying that a lot of things are still new to me.

I'm on Grindr and Jack'd and find myself spending hours browsing through profiles. I'll either just look at profiles, favorite them for future reference, respond to messages, send messages, and so on. I don't meet up with too many guys. To this day, I've met up with eight and have only had sex with three. Yes, I'm on PrEP and practice safe sex.

I have hobbies but it's like...I'd rather spend time browsing through these apps. I just get horny and that overrides logical reasoning.
---------------------------------------------
For example, today I was supposed to have met up with a guy that I've been talking to for a couple days. But something came up and we had to reschedule for this weekend. In my mind though I'm like "Damn, I was expecting to do some stuff tonight. I still want to do something tonight. Let me find someone else". So I get on the apps and start browsing/hitting up guys who I've talked to before and have expressed their interest in meeting up.

I tried seeing if anyone of them were available tonight (at the last minute) to meet up with me. After some time passed though I thought things like "What are you even doing?", "Why should they have to agree to your last minute shit just to satisfy you?". So I ended up spending $10 to upgrade to Pro so that I could unsend any messages that I sent.
---------------------------------------------
I decide to just stay in the house and sit my ass down somewhere. I decided to rub one out and instantly, the post-nut clarity hit me and I wanted nothing to do with the apps/messaging the guys that I had messaged. But I know it's only a matter of days before I get horny again and start looking for another meet up. I could try diverting my horniness towards things like working out, my hobbies, etc. but again it's only a matter of time before it's back on my mind again.

It's like I'll go into things (Apps/meetups) horny and then once I get my nut, I'm just done. I wanna go home and go about my business. That just goes to show that I'm lustful as hell. I've experienced this with women as well. I imagine it's like this for a lotta other guys too.

I'm just not sure how to move forward. I need to stop being so horny to the point where I'm browsing for long periods of time and scheduling meet-ups with guys I'm not too particularly interested in. I guess since this is all new to me that everything is shiny and glittering. I want to stop thinking with what's between my legs, practice sexual discipline, and started thinking logically and trying to override my horniness.

P.S: I'm not meeting up with just anyone. I'll get to know them a little bit, talk about similar interests, talk about health/safety, exchange pictures, etc. and THEN decide on whether or not I'm meeting up with them.
---------------------------------------------
Hopefully this makes sense. Can anyone relate? Any stories, advice, tips, etc. would be great. I'd like to have a genuine discussion because I don't wanna find myself in a bad situation.

Thank you
---------------------------------------------
TL;DR: My horniness is getting in the way of things, yet post-nut clarity hits me like a train making me regret the things I did while I was horny (Hit up a handful of guys asking to meet, browsing through hookup apps endlessly, etc.). Can I get some help please?

What you're talking about is 100% natural. When you're 25 you should be horny all the time. The way you're meeting guys is not natural. I agree with ditching the apps and try to meet guys that have similar interests as you: sports, art/music, bi- support/social groups, etc. I have the same post-orgasm feeling. After I cum it takes me a few days to get interested again. When I was your age I fucked 100's of guys, no lie. One night stands, but that was ok for me.

 

[theplayerking]

Hey you guys, I'll try to make this short. I'm mostly just looking for advice and whatnot. Sorry in advance if this story is all over the place.
---------------------------------------------
I'm (25M) bisexual (Closeted) and have just started experimenting with guys for the first time in January.

As you are self-described as “closeted,” you might have multiple issues here. It could be difficult to separate potential guilt from having sex with men from having sex at all.

Try doing a thought experiment: imagine what your ideal sex life would be without any constraints such as societal expectations, fear of discovery, potential STIs, etc.

Once you determine what your ideal sex life is like, you can begin to accept your true feelings, adjust your behavior (and mitigate the risks, if necessary).

There is nothing wrong with wanting to hookup a lot. However you need to accept the law of averages: out of every ten hookups, one or two will be amazing, one a disaster, and the other seven so-so. You should also determine why you’re drawn to casual hookups. For example, for me it’s much more about the validation of being accepted as a sex partner by a guy that I find attractive than the physical sensations and release.

 

[talon harvey]

As you are self-described as “closeted,” you might have multiple issues here. It could be difficult to separate potential guilt from having sex with men from having sex at all.

Try doing a thought experiment: imagine what your ideal sex life would be without any constraints such as societal expectations, fear of discovery, potential STIs, etc.

Once you determine what your ideal sex life is like, you can begin to accept your true feelings, adjust your behavior (and mitigate the risks, if necessary).

There is nothing wrong with wanting to hookup a lot. However you need to accept the law of averages: out of every ten hookups, one or two will be amazing, one a disaster, and the other seven so-so. You should also determine why you’re drawn to casual hookups. For example, for me it’s much more about the validation of being accepted as a sex partner by a guy that I find attractive than the physical sensations and release.

My ideal sex life (At the moment. I'm capable of maturing and wanting something consistent/monogamous) is meeting up with several people whenever they catch my interest, maybe 1-3 a week. We wouldn't have sex, but at the very least, we'd jack off and call it a day.

What does that mean now?

 

[talon harvey]

And thank you all so much for replying. I'm thankful for all of the advice and I'm glad I'm not entirely alone in this issue of mine.

 

[theplayerking]

My ideal sex life (At the moment. I'm capable of maturing and wanting something consistent/monogamous) is meeting up with several people whenever they catch my interest, maybe 1-3 a week. We wouldn't have sex, but at the very least, we'd jack off and call it a day.

What does that mean now?

As hookups are sexual (or at least sexually charged), we associate them with horniness, although the underlying motivation might be something else. You could be like me and crave the camaraderie and validation of being vulnerable and accepted by other guys more than actually getting off. If you can shape your interactions to what you really crave (a human connection with a man) rather than what you assume you want (ejaculation), you might find your hookups more fulfilling. In this context, “success” looks very different to what you might have expected.

 

[talon harvey]

You could be like me and crave the camaraderie and validation of being vulnerable and accepted by other guys more than actually getting off.

That just blew my mind man. You're right, I really think that's it.

For YEARS I've craved validation from other guys and have wanted to be "one of the guys", have male friends, etc. and I think this is my odd way of exercising that; exercising this secret that I've had in the closet for so many years. Everything is just new and shiny to me now although I know the novelty will wear off eventually.

I don't know that I have much else to say. That one line you said really stumped me lol and now I find myself reflecting a lot on the underlying meaning of my actions and how it stems from who I am/the past. Thank you man, I really appreciate your words; They go a long way for sure

 

[Jablackanese]

Also avoid porn because you will end up obsessessing looking for porn for hours rather than just getting the job done.

agree with him. i don't really enjoy masturbating but i do it regularly to clear my head. it's not even that i'm explicitly thinking about sex all day but there's like a mental block until i nut and then i can get back other things in my day and be way more productive. if you've spent more than an hour scrolling on grindr/porn sites it's time to just cum and get it over with lol.

 

[Graham123]

Don’t let yourself get in a revel over it, you are 25 wish I was again, it’s just needing a release, I like many other married guys on here, not all I add, get no sexual satisfaction at home as the mrs has gone off sex, for decades now we haven’t played. I still love her and don’t want to change things but I still get the sexual frustration and need to release the tension. I have tried swinger sites and the like but most married couples I find want young and hung guys to play with so the husband can watch the young hung guy fucking his mrs and the mrs is not really interested in an older git like me (65) with only a 6” cock! So I browse male sites enjoy looking at the cocks and watching guys videos and live in a fantasy I suppose but I shoot my load and it’s all ok. I would love to feel a wet warm pussey gripping my cock again as I thrust my little fella into her if she can feel it that is? Bit it ain’t going to happen! So enjoy looking at a bit of porn for what it is just a bit of porn, Jack off and get on with your day don’t get in a frustrated state over it just enjoy the moment. After all it’s just sex all over in a cum!

 

[Brodie888]

I was in a relationship where I was not allowed to cum unless I had permission from my partner. As a result I was constantly crazy horny all the time.

When you are that horny, your appetite for risk taking behaviour is high. For example, he'd invite his friends over to gangbang me on a regular basis without protection.

Afterwards, you reget it but then the cycle goes around again.

 

[Brodie888]

Another common example of what can happen when you are too horny is you can be having sex with him using a condom and in the final moments he takes it off to breed you. Ordinarily you would stop him but instead you let him because you want it too.

Only after you finish you feel the regret.

 

[Stephenmass]

I was in a relationship where I was not allowed to cum unless I had permission from my partner. As a result I was constantly crazy horny all the time.

When you are that horny, your appetite for risk taking behaviour is high. For example, he'd invite his friends over to gangbang me on a regular basis without protection.

Afterwards, you reget it but then the cycle goes around again.

That doesn't sound like a healthy situation Brodie, unless it's something that you enjoy obviously. If you don't enjoy it, only you can break the cycle.

 

[Graham123]

That doesn't sound like a healthy situation Brodie, unless it's something that you enjoy obviously. If you don't enjoy it, only you can break the cycle.

I was in a relationship where I was not allowed to cum unless I had permission from my partner. As a result I was constantly crazy horny all the time.

When you are that horny, your appetite for risk taking behaviour is high. For example, he'd invite his friends over to gangbang me on a regular basis without protection.

Afterwards, you reget it but then the cycle goes around again.

Well with out consent fully? From you that is called rape! Your parts are yours and not to be shared about with your partner’s friends, with out your full willing consent, not obliged consent!!!

 

[Brodie888]

That doesn't sound like a healthy situation Brodie, unless it's something that you enjoy obviously. If you don't enjoy it, only you can break the cycle.

I was consenting. I enjoyed being submissive to this man. But my point was that when you are ultra horny your risk taking behaviour (aka irrationality, aka stupidity) is higher than it ordinarily would be.

 

[Brodie888]

Well with out consent fully? From you that is called rape! Your parts are yours and not to be shared about with your partner’s friends, with out your full willing consent, not obliged consent!!!

It was consentual. When we first started going out he told me he gets really turned on by his partner being bound and blindfolded while being fucked by other men.

A few months later I said I was concerned about having all these random guys fucking me and taking their condoms off to finish. That's when he told me it was actually his friends, they all got tested and it was just an act to make me believe they were random people to be more exciting and I was always safe being bred by them.

I later found out all of his friends had this reciprocal arrangement as well.