Dealing With Infertility

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Hey ladies. I'd like to talk about infertility. It's a big part of my life and there are some things I'd like to throw out here on LPSG

Why is it that when I tell people I DON'T want to try to conceive by using fertility meds or being implanted with an egg they try to argue with me that I should? Even if I tell them I'm not comfortable with it, and why.. a lot of people still think I need to get impregnated to be a mother. Why do people think I should wait to have my tubes removed? (yes.. Removed because they're both damaged anyway and I've already had one ectopic pregnancy that almost killed me)

I've been dealing with my medical issues for more than 10 years now. I have Endometriosis and P.C.O.S that are only the symptoms of an unknown glandular abnormality (the docs actually have no idea why my hormones are so fucked but it wreaks havoc on my reproductive system)

I've come to terms with the fact that I will most likely never be able to carry a healthy fetus to term. Even if I did get pregnant, I have a mis-shaped uterus (it's shaped like a heart and is almost 2 separate uteri) and my chances of giving birth to a healthy baby are slim. I could die just from childbirth. All of this, and having to deal with it for so long, has helped me decide I'd rather adopt if I choose to be a mother, and just want to permanently sterilize myself through total tube removal.

People seem to think I'm being naive, especially my doctors. They insist that because I'm young (mid 20's) and have no kids yet that I'll regret it. I've been dealing with severe pain and abnormal menstration, hot flashes, morning sickness, the list goes on.. but the Stupid Gyno Bitch that dealt with my pregnancy refused to remove my DAMAGED tube even though it could KILL me if it happens again because I might regret it.

It's like I have no say in what happens to my body in a completely different way. I think I should have the choice by now after all the shit I've been through with this, and the fact that it's NOT even SAFE for me to have my own baby in the first place! I can't understand why my doctors (I've seen several over the years who all have the same 'medical' opinion) think it makes more sense for me to try to get pregnant and have my own kids when THEY'RE the ones who told me how risky it is in the first fuckin place than to just remove my tubes and let me wait until I'm ready to adopt.

I even tried to explain this to the bitch who dealt with my pregnancy by saying "Think about it, I'd rather be a mother to someone who doesn't have one. I'm sad because I don't have children.. there's kids out there who are sad they don't have a mother. We were meant to find each other when we're ready.. and I'd rather not pass on my bad genes to my kids, I'm unhealthy anyway, you even told me I'm more likely to have kids with developmental disabilities due to the shape of my uterus or my kids could just turn out unhealthy like me. Wouldn't it make more sense for everyone if I could just deal with my health and adopt when I'm ready?" She still just said "I'm sorry you're too young, I'm not removing your tubes."

I just don't believe it's right to try to force my body to reproduce when I'm not meant to in the first place. Mother Nature decided I don't need to be a mother to my own children. Why is it so unthinkable that I'm actually ok with that? Why is it automatically assumed that because I'm not in my 30's I couldn't possibly make my own decision about what's going to happen to MY body? I could understand if I was just a young healthy woman who was just doing it because "I don't want kids" but the situation I've explained here takes more consideration.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Just got home, the day treated me much better than I expected. My coworkers dealt with all the phone calls/transactions with the patient's so I didn't have to hear it once.

The only people who said it to me were my coworkers, after telling me in a very heartfelt way that I'm still a momma. Even though my babies aren't with me.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I finally found a doctor who will remove my fallopian tubes.

It only took 12 years, around a dozen ER visits, and 2 failed pregnancies but here within the next couple months, I can Finally take control of one aspect of this fucked up situation.

I'll never be pregnant again, and I can finally get some fucking closure.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

So, my insurance is doing what they do and I couldn't get my procedure covered so I still have my entire reproductive system intact.

This shit is exhausting.

Edit: been meaning to update everyone about that but keep forgetting. I'm sure you all can understand why I distract myself.

 

[socalfreak]

I don't even know what to say.
As a male, I'm kinda embarrassed, because I know the roots of this behavior are undoubtedly from some male long ago deciding that they know better than a woman what should be done for their own good.
Jesus h Christ.
I don't have kids. For several reasons,I don't want to father any. (Although, for some reason, when I say that, people hear "I don't like kids"... Umm... No. I like kids. I am the most kick-ass Uncle/babysitter you will ever find.)
When I decided to get a vasectomy, I made a phone call, paid $700, watched a 5 minute video, went in for the scalpel free procedure, signed a waiver, and that was it.
Unreal what so many women have to go through....
@Snarky_succubus has had similar meetings with "medical professionals".
Makes me want to punch people, hearing this stuff.
Has to be freaking infuriating.
You're being treated like a child.
I'm sorry.
I hope you find somebody with their head screwed on straight that can help you.

 

[Enid]

If there wasn't enough for me to fucking hate about this goddamn covfefevirus bullshit, now everyone is making jokes everywhere about how this is gonna lead to a baby boom.

My infertile ass who is incapable of bringing a healthy baby to term won't be contributing to that statistic. Thanks for the fucking reminder, assholes

(Just have to vent, fuck)

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I started this thread in 2013. Now, in 2021 I can finally say I won my war with my body. I lost a few battles along the way (I will always miss them) but the war is over.

It's time for the next part of my life to start. Fucking PARTY TIME. (Not literally, been there done that...) It's time to enjoy my body. Without worrying, without that pain. My ovaries are still gonna fuck with me, but I can deal with that.

Again: Goodbye uterus. I wish I could say it's been a pleasure. I will miss you. I am sorry. But I couldn't do it anymore.

 

[LaFemme]

Answer: Because erections and potential people are more important than women.

Exactly. Let the penis and the politicians make all the decisions.

Currently, I'm involved with Amnesty International in pressuring my government to change its stance on women's reproductive rights. It's not a topic that can be thoroughly discussed here, but a paternalistic view of knowing what's best for women cannot be allowed to continued. Not in third world countries and certainly not in North America where we are supposed to be leaders in personal freedom.

 

[MickeyLee]

Just my 2 cents, I think they just want to make sure you are making the best decision for your life, not just for the moment. I understand your view and not saying you are wrong to be able to make your own decision. However, many of the decisions we make aren't necessarily the best decisions.

So doctors will let an 18 year old woman get breast implants and major facial alteration but not let a 27 year old woman have control over her own reproductive system?

Nah. I ain't buying it. No such benign reasoning

Medical procedures being denied to women have nothing to do with the patient regretting it later. It has everything to do with where society places the value of women. We are sex object and future tax payer incubators.

 

[LaFemme]

So doctors will let an 18 year old woman get breast implants and major facial alteration but not let a 27 year old woman have control over her own reproductive system?

Nah. I ain't buying it. No such benign reasoning

Medical procedures being denied to women have nothing to do with the patient regretting it later. It has everything to do with where society places the value of women. We are sex object and future tax payer incubators.

Exactly. Even younger than 18 with parental permission. Gotta look good. But even when a woman has 100% valid reasons for removing her reproductive organs, no? Because what? She’ll regret the heartache and pain of miscarriage and failed pregnancy.

Theoretically, I can understand counselling anyone - men or women about life altering choices if they have no medical need under the age of 25 due to brain development. Theoretically. But if there is a medical reason? Screw that. Just do it.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

There’s got to be something. Isn’t there a uterine ablation that basically sterilizes and (ends? Lightens?) periods?

I'm looking into options, I have an appointment with my therapist about it this week too. She actually had similar health issues to mine so she may be able to help me find another route.

I just hate that I finally got insurance after YEARS of zero coverage at all, and right away it all feels like a waste of my money. And everyone else's. Fuck insurance companies.

Fuck or fucking healthcare system already, goddamn.

 

[MickeyLee]

Fuck insurance companies. Fuck "fertility" obsessed medical professionals. Fuck not treating women as a whole body and not state regulated parts.

Ms TnJ have you checked out Medical/Surgical Grants in your state? The hospital should have social workers available to see if you might qualify for state, federal or non-profit programs.

The local Planned Parenthood is a great place to start. Many younger women have a need for reproductive surgeries insurance will not cover until before a predetermined age. Thankfully grassroot badasses step up to get women the healthcare they need.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

No more pregnancy, no more periods (which only reminded me of my 3 failed pregnancies) no more. I'm genuinely relieved that it's finally over.

I can't lie, I wanted to be pregnant again so much. I miss every single thing about it, even the swollen ankles. It's just not meant for me. Evolution is telling me *it stops here*.

He asked if I wanted to harvest my eggs and find a surrogate. No. I don't want that. I don't want to force something that nature is denying. I tried, it didn't work, it's time to move on.

He reproduced. Twice. I think I can just let him be a father and I'll water my plants and cuddle my fur-babies.

 

[palakaorion]

I hate that "like" is the only reaction allowed by this board's software. I refuse to "like" the fact that you had to lose two pregnancies and nearly die before a surgeon would agree to perform the procedure that will eliminate more tragedies.

Hugs and tears.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

I'm looking into options, I have an appointment with my therapist about it this week too. She actually had similar health issues to mine so she may be able to help me find another route.

I just hate that I finally got insurance after YEARS of zero coverage at all, and right away it all feels like a waste of my money. And everyone else's. Fuck insurance companies.

Fuck or fucking healthcare system already, goddamn.

I hope so, sista-mine.

 

[MickeyLee]

*hugs on Ms @Tight_N_Juicy*

Social distancing is a great excuse to avoid the assholes.

 

[EllieP]

I love the little heart!

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I tried to get the day off, but it didn't work out so I have to go face the reality that a bunch of people will tell me "happy mother's day" and every time it's gonna feel like getting stabbed in the heart and brain simultaneously.

Just a bit of advice to anyone reading: don't tell people randomly "happy mother's/father's day" if you don't know them. For some of us these days are fucking excruciating. Not at all happy and fun.

 

[deleted924715]

This is helping?

I think it was intended to. It can. Every woman handles miscarriage differently. It might be too raw a read for some, others who maybe have trouble articulating their feelings or why they feel the way they do may feel heard by being able to point and say "That. That's how I feel". It's certainly helpful for the people around the woman who has suffered this loss to hear how she might be feeling because people often say insensitive things or are scared to say anything at all. I think raising awareness is a good thing, although it is a potentially triggering article.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

There's never a safe place, nowhere. People tell me about their kids milestones even places like this without thinking that all it does is make me think of the ones I'll never see. My recent milestone of one year since losing my daughter is the only one that comes to mind.

When I go anywhere, someone is visibly pregnant, or has a baby/tribe of offspring following them. Just about Every show/movie I watch, reminders are EVERYWHERE that my kids are dead.

It's part of why I talk about it so much, if the world is gonna constantly remind me, I'll return the favor and remind everyone I can when I can to fucking appreciate their kids. Everyone bitching about having to homeschool their kids and how hard it is... Yeah. Get over it. That's your fucking job as a parent, to do EVERYTHING you can to better your kid while busting your ass to keep yourself above water. You should feel fucking LUCKY to have the privilege of taking on that challenge, because that's what life fucking is.

Needless to say, I've reached a place I need comfort from only me. I take it when offered, and try to make it available for others when I can, but need? I only need me. Because that's where they are. They never left me. They never will.