It sounds to me like you want to be straight is all...and would rather not admit to it. To me, this continues to seem to be a case of internalized homophobia. In other words, I still don't understand why the concept of choice in the matter is so triggering; there's nothing wrong with being gay. So what if someone (I understand, someone not being you) chooses to be gay...if that's what they want? What's so upsetting about that? You seem awfully bitter over all of this. And I suppose I'm simply...not on that page with you.
Regardless, I am glad you found a way to live with it. Which is good. We all know not everyone manages to accomplish that. I get the sense I never faced the obstacles that you have. No one ever expected me to be straight when I was young. Actually, quite the opposite...they expected me to be gay. And that's the social pressure I caved to.
No, it's a case of "I want to be accepted for who I am", as a person, not treated and abused like a freak and defined by my sexuality. If the greater "other" feels there is nothing wrong with being gay, or bent, or queer, or a fag, or whatever term is used to define another person based on their sexuality, then why are these terms applied to so many gay or bi people on a daily basis, in a way that highlights their "difference"?
I didn't choose my sexuality, that is to be sexually attracted to be both sexes. At various times in my adult life I have had periods where I had sex with women exclusively, periods where I had sex with men and women, periods where I have been so confused about my sexual feelings that I drank to block it out and now I'm trying sex exclusively with a man. This is a choice only because a female FB wants me to be the father to her children, I'd really like to but I need to explore the option of excusive sex with a man because this is the direction things have gone in over the 18 months- more sex with men, less with women; no sex with women for a year and I don't miss it, BF is great company and great in bed.
If you happen to be attracted to men and this is what is expected of you, or happen to be attracted to women and this is what is expected to you, do people feel you have made a "choice", or it that just how you are? Chances are your sexuality won't even register and you certainly won't be defined by it
as long as any differences from the cultural norm are concealed. Ask any bi person when they learnt to "pass" and how important it is to do so, and you may understand why the word "choice" provokes a response.
The term "internalised homophobia" gets a belly laugh from me as some sort of woke pseudo- psychological BS . Define someone by their sexuality, and proceed to mentally and sometimes physically beat them throughout their lifetime with an opinion that they have "chosen" a deviant path and deserve special treatment, and the result would accurately described as PTSD- same as any other abuse for any reason.
