Do Bisexual men actually settle down with men?

[Rainofar34]

Ironically, while I was searching for some content, I've stumbled upon another story (year old) about bisexual man leaving his male partner to find a woman and have biological children with her, on Reddit. It wasn't "hate bi men" type of story, the guy posted on Reddit quite often, posted about his other relationships and did not make outlandish claims about his ex. In their country surrogacy was very expensive. The worst part is that I've also found his old post from few more years back, when he first met with his now ex and was asking for advice and opinions. He claimed that he was asked about having children, but was reassured that it wasn't a dealbreaker. He then wrote: "I hope he won't dump me over it few years down the line". And he heartbreakingly called it. All of it left me wondering.

 

[Smallteaplant]

And: A woman, paired with a closeted gay man or A gay man who had a long relationship with a gay man could "feel a sense of betrayal" when left for another man too. Hence it unrealistic to feel it's safer to date only gay men, as they too could leave you for someone else. The fact that that someone else was a gay man should be no different and, according to several threads in this forum, very few gay men intend to "settle down" with another man.

lol.
Why are straight women allowed the privilege to reject bisexual men? But in a situation where gay men are at a disadvantage, I am supposed to treat it like there is no difference between being left for another men or for a woman? I feel like you’re playing naive not to notice there are advantages and disadvantages to dating each sex. I can’t compete with a woman nor do I want to. I’ll let the women win if that’s the case.

Again, I said what I said and I feel no shame for it. I support bisexual men but they’re not for me. Bisexual men can always date other bisexual men. I mean like don’t bisexuals make up about 70% of the LGBT community.

jln89 - penny for your thoughts?​

 

[jln89]

lol.
Why are straight women allowed the privilege to reject bisexual men? But in a situation where gay men are at a disadvantage, I am supposed to treat it like there is no difference between being left for another men or for a woman? I feel like you’re playing naive not to notice there are advantages and disadvantages to dating each sex. I can’t compete with a woman nor do I want to. I’ll let the women win if that’s the case.

Again, I said what I said and I feel no shame for it. I support bisexual men but they’re not for me. Bisexual men can always date other bisexual men. I mean like don’t bisexuals make up about 70% of the LGBT community.

jln89 - penny for your thoughts?​

It's the amount of risk that's attatched. I've been thinking about this a lot. I really don't want to feel this way, as who would want to not be attracted to a group of people? But something inside me just does not like it. Most women feel this way. All those stories attatched to bisexual men who later open relationships up, or say they want threesomes etc, just don't help themselves.

The questions I would like to know but never really get an honest or serious answer is..
1. BI-CYCLE. What? So I can just tell my partner that I may want his blonde handsome self this week, but next week I will be craving his dark hair handsome friend because I'm just indecisive that way. Yet, he's not allowed to complain?
2. The need for incubators. I know you read that one on reddit, but I see more posts from men who have had children and then go back to men or single life. It all just puts fear into us. Women have evolved to pick mates who will stick around. If the risk is higher with bi men, then I'm going to not be a very unhappy person in that relationship. Unless he is into the paranoid freak look?
3. To the ones who can f*ck one gender and then want romance with another gender? How can you? Why not be in a relationship? It just screams that "I want sex with anyone who is willing."
What your saying is that you like to have sex with no emotional attachments? Why would you think that's attractive to anyone? It just makes people feel like sh*t. It's makes you look like your desperate and can't wait for the real thing. It also puts doubts in the genders head who you say you want a relationship with. Because i can't imagine someone who would go and continuously seek out sex with a gender they don't actually want to be with. This feels like you actually do but you want a family first.

In their defence, I also feel like I have just been through too much in my life to deal with anything extra. Men across the board have let me down all my life, so I'm just not equipped to handle this mess. Why would it be more hurtful to be left for a man? I don't really know, but I suppose it's the insecurity that is in me. With me knowing that I'm as far on the other end if the scale, from the person he ended up with, and so did he really fool me into believing him? That would just end me. I'd never trust a man again. I could hear the "I told you so" coming from my friends without them ever speaking. I've never had a life that everyone should have had growing up with the mum & dad, siblings and pets etc. I was adopted out. So now I think in my head that I deserve to have a little normality, and I find that stability from a straight man, which is healthier for me. Maybe that's what's wrong with the other women who said no to bi men also. They've been sh*t on from a great height by men for too long and won't take risks. Either way it's my issue, but I'm not sorry that i have other options with straight men, and I'm not going to be torn down for feeling how I feel, and nor should you.

What I hear with some posts is "we are, who we are, and some of us may hurt, who we hurt. But it's all of you who are in the wrong for not wanting to be with us." That annoyed me.

 

[Jjsurp99]

lol.
Why are straight women allowed the privilege to reject bisexual men? But in a situation where gay men are at a disadvantage, I am supposed to treat it like there is no difference between being left for another men or for a woman? I feel like you’re playing naive not to notice there are advantages and disadvantages to dating each sex. I can’t compete with a woman nor do I want to. I’ll let the women win if that’s the case.

Again, I said what I said and I feel no shame for it. I support bisexual men but they’re not for me. Bisexual men can always date other bisexual men. I mean like don’t bisexuals make up about 70% of the LGBT community.

jln89 - penny for your thoughts?​

Most bisexuals don't even like men just the dick so they ain't out there dating just side dick when wife isn't giving them any

 

[Jjsurp99]

Ironically, while I was searching for some content, I've stumbled upon another story (year old) about bisexual man leaving his male partner to find a woman and have biological children with her, on Reddit. It wasn't "hate bi men" type of story, the guy posted on Reddit quite often, posted about his other relationships and did not make outlandish claims about his ex. In their country surrogacy was very expensive. The worst part is that I've also found his old post from few more years back, when he first met with his now ex and was asking for advice and opinions. He claimed that he was asked about having children, but was reassured that it wasn't a dealbreaker. He then wrote: "I hope he won't dump me over it few years down the line". And he heartbreakingly called it. All of it left me wondering.

This is why bi guys don't understand why both sexes are very weary of bis

 

[jthomasmpls]

I fully agree with this which bisexuals need to understand

Expecting people to do what you would do in a situation only leads to your disappointment, not theirs; they're living their own lives, so try to understand their perspective and adjust your expectations accordingly.

We can only control our thoughts and behaviors. We can set boundaries and hold those boundaries. We don't get to control the way other people think or demand people behave the way we expect them to. That part of being an adult.

 

[Urien]

Most bisexuals don't even like men just the dick so they ain't out there dating just side dick when wife isn't giving them any

Where are you getting this? How many bisexuals are on your resume? Because it reads like close to none.

Yes such bisexuals exist, but they are not "most". Why are you so recklessly painting people with such big brushes? Isn't this supposed to be a serious discussion?

 

[jln89]

Where are you getting this? How many bisexuals are on your resume? Because it reads like close to none.

Yes such bisexuals exist, but they are not "most". Why are you so recklessly painting people with such big brushes? Isn't this supposed to be a serious discussion?

It's the story that's told the most online. All it takes is meeting one in real life and when you look for answers online it's just selfishness you see all around. I suppose it would be nice to have them explain how they are capable of this and if they care that it hurts people. Even the ones who say that it doesn't, it will get to them eventually. No one likes to be used.

Anyone else ever got to a point where you're like "f*ck it!" If I can't beat them I'm going to join them and just start having fun myself?

 

[jln89]

lol.
Why are straight women allowed the privilege to reject bisexual men? But in a situation where gay men are at a disadvantage, I am supposed to treat it like there is no difference between being left for another men or for a woman? I feel like you’re playing naive not to notice there are advantages and disadvantages to dating each sex. I can’t compete with a woman nor do I want to. I’ll let the women win if that’s the case.

Again, I said what I said and I feel no shame for it. I support bisexual men but they’re not for me. Bisexual men can always date other bisexual men. I mean like don’t bisexuals make up about 70% of the LGBT community.

jln89 - penny for your thoughts?​

Want to know something that may seem strange? I watch gay porn. BUT! 95% of the time I relax and enjoy it more when I know they are gay. Why? Because then there is no blurred lines and I don't need to worry for there partners WHO I DON'T EVEN KNOW, to see if they look like they are enjoying it more. I don't even think a psychiatrist could work that one out.

For women I don't even know? I just don't like my porn with a side of headf*cks, or my own life. I'm just lucky that I have options. Even if i didn't, I would rather be alone with a few cats, than live looking over my shoulder the whole time.

 

[Jjsurp99]

Where are you getting this? How many bisexuals are on your resume? Because it reads like close to none.

Yes such bisexuals exist, but they are not "most". Why are you so recklessly painting people with such big brushes? Isn't this supposed to be a serious discussion?

If you look at most bisexuals who post here and other online forms most want heterosexual relationships. They only few men sexually. The minority of bis who are 50/50 or gay leaning will date men

 

[Jjsurp99]

Expecting people to do what you would do in a situation only leads to your disappointment, not theirs; they're living their own lives, so try to understand their perspective and adjust your expectations accordingly.

We can only control our thoughts and behaviors. We can set boundaries and hold those boundaries. We don't get to control the way other people think or demand people behave the way we expect them to. That part of being an adult.

Exactly the you can't be mad when straight/bi women and gay men say they don't want bi men

 

[Rainofar34]

Expecting people to do what you would do in a situation only leads to your disappointment, not theirs; they're living their own lives, so try to understand their perspective and adjust your expectations accordingly.

We can only control our thoughts and behaviors. We can set boundaries and hold those boundaries. We don't get to control the way other people think or demand people behave the way we expect them to. That part of being an adult.

At the same time it should be clear why gay people are not that open to dating bisexuals. It's not just unwarranted biphobia.

 

[sylarrr007]

Most bisexuals tends to brush off the fact that homosexual and heterosexual relationships are different and offer different things

Truer words have never been said, I don't think they brush it off though, some to most of them (who are biromantic because most of them aren't) just tend to look at both from a non gendered lens especially in this era as they feel they are just having a relationship with a person regardless of the gender but gender matters to most monosexuals, it's why they think cheating is cheating regardless of the sexuality or gender of that person, it's why they think it makes no sense for it to hurt more if your spouse cheated on you with a man or a woman because to them, if they cheat, they cheated on you with a person regardless of the gender or reason but to us, we see something else. I personally don't think it's their fault, infact if you ask me, I think that's prime definition of "love is love", It's why I think it's better for bi people to date bi people because they understand each other better

 

[bigboaster]

okay point made you don't want to date bi people. Is anyone forcing ya'll? WTF
There is no winning with you people, you just want to whine about the horrors of bisexual men with zero pushback, regardless of what anyone here says. So this is a waste of time

 

[Rainofar34]

okay point made you don't want to date bi people. Is anyone forcing ya'll? WTF
There is no winning with you people, you just want to whine about the horrors of bisexual men with zero pushback, regardless of what anyone here says. So this is a waste of time

I've often seen bisexuals complaining about biphobic gay people not wanting to date them. Don't get me wrong: I don't hate bisexuals nor do I think that all of them are cheaters and liars. It's just a complicated issue for me and knowing what I know now, I'll think twice or thrice before hypothetically dating a bisexual.

 

[bigboaster]

I've often seen bisexuals complaining about biphobic gay people not wanting to date them. Don't get me wrong: I don't hate bisexuals nor do I think that all of them are cheaters and liars. It's just a complicated issue for me and knowing what I know now, I'll think twice or thrice before hypothetically dating a bisexual.

I think some of the reasoning people use for not wanting to date bisexuals could be biphobic potentially. It's not a blanket rule though. I don't think anyone should date anyone they don't want to, you shouldn't be forced or shamed into dating anyone... but there is no reason to propagandize your reasons for not doing so over and over since it just comes across as unnecessarily hateful or spiteful

It's like someone not wanting to date trans, whatever who cares. You don't need to date a transman/woman if you don't want to. But if you constantly online bitching about trans people and why they are not good for dating... that's a little suspect. Same goes for dating bisexuals or blacks or any group someone isn't into. Do what you like or don't, Date whoever you wish and ignore whoever you wish. No problem with that.

No one needs your preaching and vitriol though. You being general here, I'm not referring to you specifically

 

[jln89]

okay point made you don't want to date bi people. Is anyone forcing ya'll? WTF
There is no winning with you people, you just want to whine about the horrors of bisexual men with zero pushback, regardless of what anyone here says. So this is a waste of time

The conversation steered towards people saying that we are wrong for not wanting to date them. That's why.

You get around Mr. I thought you were following me at one point.

 

[jln89]

I've often seen bisexuals complaining about biphobic gay people not wanting to date them. Don't get me wrong: I don't hate bisexuals nor do I think that all of them are cheaters and liars. It's just a complicated issue for me and knowing what I know now, I'll think twice or thrice before hypothetically dating a bisexual.

Ditto.

 

[HorsemanUK]

I think it depends on what blend of bisexual you are

 

[dreamer20]

Men across the board have let me down all my life, so I'm just not equipped to handle this mess. never trust a man again.

So every person, of whatever gender and sexuality, please beware of men - except if you just want to use them for sex. What I see in your post is misplaced aggression with you conflating your past bad experiences with one particular sexuality, i.e. bisexuality, and gender-bias toward male sex. Otherwise, can you state how many bisexual men that you know of that have settled down with other men?