Do you think versatile guys exists anymore? If yes, where are they?

[JayPR]

I know versatile men exist, I am one. But for some reason, they are very hard to find, and when you express that you're versatile, some gay men question it. It seems like every guy I meet is either top or bottom, with little flexibility. It's kind of frustrating. Unless it's just for one hookup, I prefer to date another versatile because I want to enjoy the fun of both sides of gay sex.
Do you think true versatile men are scarce? Why do most gay men in apps or on the street tend to identify as either a top or bottom these days? Am I looking out in the wrong places?

 

[VisibleMan7]

I know versatile men exist, I am one. But for some reason, they are very hard to find, and when you express that you're versatile, some gay men question it. It seems like every guy I meet is either top or bottom, with little flexibility. It's kind of frustrating. Unless it's just for one hookup, I prefer to date another versatile because I want to enjoy the fun of both sides of gay sex.
Do you think true versatile men are scarce? Why do most gay men in apps or on the street tend to identify as either a top or bottom these days? Am I looking out in the wrong places?

I’m versatile and do not understand this top or bottom stuff. Seems incredibly limiting and unimaginative to me.

 

[dreambridger]

Because the only "evidence" to support my statement is the copious amounts of anecdotal data that I've been collecting the past 10 years. No different than the contrary argument. What facts and data can be presented that it exists?

let this serve as a warning fellas: be careful who you hook up with because it might be an armchair anthropologist using you for data collection.

 

[Cum_is_Great]

I suspect its partially the whole "black or white" thinking people tend to have.

Top or bottom. Verse? Nah they're just bottoms, true tops don't bottom ever. If someone says they are verse I just skip over them because I don't want to _____ them.

Something I have heard more than once from other gay men. Men, who are afraid to be looked over because of this, then pick a role and then sticks to them so as to not be looked over or down on.

This also obliterates "Sides" and as a 36yo gay man and having spoken to many other gay men over the years, being gay and NOT likkng anal seemed basically impossible. I dont say this to make you feel bad but even you inadvertently made it seem like gay sex is only anal. You said you like "both sides of gay sex". It perpetuates and insinuates we ALL must chose a role for anal because "of course that's how gay men have sex"

Ive only just recently learned I am probably more a side and may bottom if I feel like it in the right mood. I basically resigned myself as a bottom but never really enjoyed the act. Just that I could provide the top such pleasure by being fucked. It didn't hurt but it also didnt feel that good physically.

But we are so vulnerable to black or white thinking and needing to pick one or the other. No grey. No clear. Black or white and only these specific shades of black or white otherwise they aren't really black or arent really white.

We also tend to make shortcuts and assumptions and conform to preconceived norms. Sometimes we feel challenged when someone makes us question them and perspectives. Its so much easier to "go with the flow".

 

[dr40136]

Thanks for the response. As you mentioned, I feel like I am more type 2 when hooking up. Ideally, I want to be type 1 when dating someone or in a relationship. As I mentioned, I like a bit more to top, but I enjoy both depending on my mood or the partner. Interestingly, I am the type of vers that likes to top hypermasculine men, especially when all the vibes he exudes are of being a top. Of course, that is not the only situation to feel like topping someone. On the other hand, I like to bottom the most when I click with the person on a more intellectual and/or emotional level, when I like them as a person. It would be hard for me to be bottom with an asshole type of guy no matter how hot he is.

Nice to hear I’m not alone in the world lol.

I’m top 99%, and I am in a monogamous relationship. My boyfriend is bottom only. But with him sometimes I feel like I want to bottom because I really really love him, have a crazy connection with him, and want to do it. So he fucks me let’s say once a month. It’s great.

I know he enjoys being top too with me because of our connection. I wouldn’t want to bottom with anyone else except him because I need a connection.

 

[rmk1990]

Vers is a bottom who can top because there are no tops available to fuck them.. We are born one way or the other (top or bottom) and I truly believe with every fibre in my body that Vers does not in fact exist.

 

[Cum_is_Great]

Remember when I said black or white thinking is the problem? Hahaha

People using their personal worldview, feelings and experiences to define reality with no regards to other facts.

I would be just as logical and valid saying the statement

"I truly believe with every fibre in my body that top does not in fact exist."

i provided no additional information, facts, reasonings. Just a pure self admitted internal BELIEF.

Its... quite astonishing when you think about it.

 

[Cum_is_Great]

Because the only "evidence" to support my statement is the copious amounts of anecdotal data that I've been collecting the past 10 years. No different than the contrary argument. What facts and data can be presented that it exists?

Pardon me, but the person who makes the statement must provide the evidence and proof. In reality, we all accept that verse people exist. You claim the other billions of people are wrong. So the onus is on you to prove it.

You've got people literally saying "I am verse. It's who I am." and you're saying they are not and they are lying, that it's impossible.

 

[exposits22]

I’m versatile and do not understand this top or bottom stuff. Seems incredibly limiting and unimaginative to me.

Same, as someone who entered late in the gay world, I was so surprised at how relevant this topic is. I never watched gay porn nor had many gay friends, so I always assumed people would fuck both ways.

Discovering people take "roles" has been a disappointing experience tbh.

 

[number9w]

Yes they exist but it doesn't mean they don't have a preference. Also, sometimes it depends on the guy. I like to bottom but I'm a bit of a muscle bear. It's rare that I think smaller guys turn me on enought that I want them to top me. So I end up topping.

 

[Santiwannaahug]

I know versatile men exist, I am one. But for some reason, they are very hard to find, and when you express that you're versatile, some gay men question it. It seems like every guy I meet is either top or bottom, with little flexibility. It's kind of frustrating. Unless it's just for one hookup, I prefer to date another versatile because I want to enjoy the fun of both sides of gay sex.
Do you think true versatile men are scarce? Why do most gay men in apps or on the street tend to identify as either a top or bottom these days? Am I looking out in the wrong places?

I get you bro. I too am vers. I do MOSTLY bottom, sure, but I also enjoy topping, even though I honestly am not that good of a top lol. But yeah, when I tell guys I am vers, they tend to doubt it? like, why can´t you just believe it? I am not bi, but i guess its similar to the erasure bisexual people go through when people say they can´t like more than one gender. Like.... can´t people enjoy more than 1 thnig at a time?

 

[chrisrobin]

Being versatile is the best of things to be, I go to bed with a guy and have no idea which way it's going to end up, and sometimes even those who have stated a preference for being top or bottom have suddenly enjoyed just the opposite.
Of course there are also times when its been penetration less sex but just amazing orgasms.

 

[JayPR]

I think that there are 2 "types" of versatile guys:
1) The ones who like to top and bottom with everyone, who like to flip flop, fuck each other
2) The ones who are happy to top and/or bottom, depending on the partner's preference but also on the chemistry that forms with the person, and the type of guy they are with.

I first want to say that both types are "true" vers, just different. Maybe it would be nice to have a new word? "Power vers" for hardcore flip-floppers in every encounter?
As a top, I often have sex with vers type 2 and I get along with them very well. On the other hand, I do not match with vers type 1. Occasionally, vers type 1 guys will be bigoted about me being a top or they will doubt me. Luckily, most of the times it's a nice "good luck with your search" and so on.

I feel like, in my experience, there are more type 2 than type 1 guys, when it comes to casual sex. I'm sure it's the other way around in relationships: it's surely easier for a versatile guy to renounce to topping (or bottoming) in one encounter with a hot guy, than to completely renounce to it for years and potentially the whole life.

Thanks for the response. As you mentioned, I feel like I am more type 2 when hooking up. Ideally, I want to be type 1 when dating someone or in a relationship. As I mentioned, I like a bit more to top, but I enjoy both depending on my mood or the partner. Interestingly, I am the type of vers that likes to top hypermasculine men, especially when all the vibes he exudes are of being a top. Of course, that is not the only situation to feel like topping someone. On the other hand, I like to bottom the most when I click with the person on a more intellectual and/or emotional level, when I like them as a person. It would be hard for me to be bottom with an asshole type of guy no matter how hot he is.

 

[Thom Hewson]

Vers is a bottom who can top because there are no tops available to fuck them.. We are born one way or the other (top or bottom) and I truly believe with every fibre in my body that Vers does not in fact exist.

I'm sorry that's your life experience. @rmk1990 . I first let myself fully experience men late in life (54). My first man was a top who loved to bottom too. I still love his energy and top vibe, and I adored making his eyes roll back when he got fucked because he appreciated the pleasure of bottoming.

A buddy of mine is all top. It's hardwired into his Daddy personality. I met his all bottom ex before I knew him and I know the sub he brings out in me because I just crave being with the big muscular breathtakingly handsome man with a huge thick cock whom I dreamed about most of my life.

My soulmate bf and I are completely vers with one another because that's how we love one another. We love giving to each other fully, and there is full pleasure in topping and bottoming. I cherish that although he's likely been with men his entire life (based on the strength of his erections at age 64) I am the first man inside him because he wanted to give himself that way. Now he craves me to fuck him to enjoy the total connection and the sensations only he can feel since my prostate cancer surgery. I crave building him up because he's still in the closet, letting him enjoy just being himself. I can't get enough of him so there's no one way to fuck, the thought of him breeding me with his virile seed is my total connection, but I also equally enjoy as does he, maybe even moreso, seeing his huge load spray all over me. Usually when he's riding me and lately when he's pushed me in deep and hard to really bang his prostate so I'm literally fucking the cum out of him. So I think we both love whatever happens in the moment but really love when we've had enough time to go two rounds to give each of us the full opportunity to experience it all.

I suspect that like @dreambridger and @chrisrobin
I believe
Vers is not a position its a state of mind... it's really my happy place. Much as I love bottoming for my daddy man, I'd rather be married to my vers soulmate . Wake up to him every morning, the mere sight or tenderest kiss be how I start and end every day.

 

[theplayerking]

I think that there are 2 "types" of versatile guys:
1) The ones who like to top and bottom with everyone, who like to flip flop, fuck each other
2) The ones who are happy to top and/or bottom, depending on the partner's preference but also on the chemistry that forms with the person, and the type of guy they are with.

I’m a No. 1. I love to flip fuck. For me it’s not so much about the fucking as the penetration. I get off on the sense of equality one feels when fucking and getting fucked by the same guy, especially if we breed each other. My favorite are three ways with vers guys where we all take turns being in the middle, but those are hard to find.

 

[exposits22]

Thanks for the response. As you mentioned, I feel like I am more type 2 when hooking up. Ideally, I want to be type 1 when dating someone or in a relationship. As I mentioned, I like a bit more to top, but I enjoy both depending on my mood or the partner. Interestingly, I am the type of vers that likes to top hypermasculine men, especially when all the vibes he exudes are of being a top. Of course, that is not the only situation to feel like topping someone. On the other hand, I like to bottom the most when I click with the person on a more intellectual and/or emotional level, when I like them as a person. It would be hard for me to be bottom with an asshole type of guy no matter how hot he is.

Damn, are you me? I also like to top hypermasculine, and bottom when I have feelings for the person. I love bottoming for more feminine guys too. Topping for me is just hotter when the guy's trying to hold his moans, and bottoming better when the guy treates you with care.

So I really don't understand the clichés most people think because in my experience it's completely different.

 

[Robert Dole]

Discovering people take "roles" has been a disappointing experience tbh.

It's interesting that many guys expect top and bottom roles to be fixed, and if you suggest something outside this they become uncomfortable. Others just love mixing it up and IME they are the most fun.

 

[exposits22]

It's interesting that many guys expect top and bottom roles to be fixed, and if you suggest something outside this they become uncomfortable. Others just love mixing it up and IME they are the most fun.

Not only the most fun, but also the most skilled.

I always say, the best tops are the vers, followed by the (usually) bottoms.
The best bottoms are also the vers, followed by the (usually) tops.
In order to be great in a role, you have to understand what feels good from the other perspective.

 

[dana2]

I’m versatile and do not understand this top or bottom stuff. Seems incredibly limiting and unimaginative to me.

Same, as someone who entered late in the gay world, I was so surprised at how relevant this topic is. I never watched gay porn nor had many gay friends, so I always assumed people would fuck both ways.

Discovering people take "roles" has been a disappointing experience tbh.

I am in my 50s and I always felt the top and bottom stuff was too rigid and too constricting. I have always been versatile and I suppose I lean more to what people now call "siding". I encourage younger folks to not feel like they MUST define themselves in this way if they don't want to. Do what is fun for you.

 

[dreambridger]

I'm a true vers as well and I know what you mean; it's very hard to find. However I'm willing to compromise in a relationship if the partner only wants to take one role.