Do you think versatile guys exists anymore? If yes, where are they?

[JayPR]

I know versatile men exist, I am one. But for some reason, they are very hard to find, and when you express that you're versatile, some gay men question it. It seems like every guy I meet is either top or bottom, with little flexibility. It's kind of frustrating. Unless it's just for one hookup, I prefer to date another versatile because I want to enjoy the fun of both sides of gay sex.
Do you think true versatile men are scarce? Why do most gay men in apps or on the street tend to identify as either a top or bottom these days? Am I looking out in the wrong places?

 

[dreambridger]

I'm a true vers as well and I know what you mean; it's very hard to find. However I'm willing to compromise in a relationship if the partner only wants to take one role.

 

[Cum_is_Great]

I suspect its partially the whole "black or white" thinking people tend to have.

Top or bottom. Verse? Nah they're just bottoms, true tops don't bottom ever. If someone says they are verse I just skip over them because I don't want to _____ them.

Something I have heard more than once from other gay men. Men, who are afraid to be looked over because of this, then pick a role and then sticks to them so as to not be looked over or down on.

This also obliterates "Sides" and as a 36yo gay man and having spoken to many other gay men over the years, being gay and NOT likkng anal seemed basically impossible. I dont say this to make you feel bad but even you inadvertently made it seem like gay sex is only anal. You said you like "both sides of gay sex". It perpetuates and insinuates we ALL must chose a role for anal because "of course that's how gay men have sex"

Ive only just recently learned I am probably more a side and may bottom if I feel like it in the right mood. I basically resigned myself as a bottom but never really enjoyed the act. Just that I could provide the top such pleasure by being fucked. It didn't hurt but it also didnt feel that good physically.

But we are so vulnerable to black or white thinking and needing to pick one or the other. No grey. No clear. Black or white and only these specific shades of black or white otherwise they aren't really black or arent really white.

We also tend to make shortcuts and assumptions and conform to preconceived norms. Sometimes we feel challenged when someone makes us question them and perspectives. Its so much easier to "go with the flow".

 

[JayPR]

I'm a true vers as well and I know what you mean; it's very hard to find. However I'm willing to compromise in a relationship if the partner only wants to take one role.

I heard you. But that's something that it's tough for me. I like both things. I can compromise to be with someone who is vers and prefers more to bottom because I am vers but I slightly prefer more to top. That being said, I feel like I will miss either of those if I compromise with someone who strictly prefers just one role.

 

[dreambridger]

I heard you. But that's something that it's tough for me. I like both things. I can compromise to be with someone who is vers and prefers more to bottom because I am vers but I slightly prefer more to top. That being said, I feel like I will miss either of those if I compromise with someone who strictly prefers just one role.

well the key word is definitely "compromise" lol. Of course my ideal is the same as yours. i want to have my cake and fuck it too.

 

[number9w]

Yes they exist but it doesn't mean they don't have a preference. Also, sometimes it depends on the guy. I like to bottom but I'm a bit of a muscle bear. It's rare that I think smaller guys turn me on enought that I want them to top me. So I end up topping.

 

[Santiwannaahug]

I know versatile men exist, I am one. But for some reason, they are very hard to find, and when you express that you're versatile, some gay men question it. It seems like every guy I meet is either top or bottom, with little flexibility. It's kind of frustrating. Unless it's just for one hookup, I prefer to date another versatile because I want to enjoy the fun of both sides of gay sex.
Do you think true versatile men are scarce? Why do most gay men in apps or on the street tend to identify as either a top or bottom these days? Am I looking out in the wrong places?

I get you bro. I too am vers. I do MOSTLY bottom, sure, but I also enjoy topping, even though I honestly am not that good of a top lol. But yeah, when I tell guys I am vers, they tend to doubt it? like, why can´t you just believe it? I am not bi, but i guess its similar to the erasure bisexual people go through when people say they can´t like more than one gender. Like.... can´t people enjoy more than 1 thnig at a time?

 

[ILoveGames48]

I used to be total bottom then topped some then began doing both.. as time went by I kind of got into this thing as…. “ I am an anything goes” kind of guy .. I set no limits .. done stuff I totally loved and did stuff I didn’t like but I do pretty much anything to make a guy /guys happy

 

[chrisrobin]

Being versatile is the best of things to be, I go to bed with a guy and have no idea which way it's going to end up, and sometimes even those who have stated a preference for being top or bottom have suddenly enjoyed just the opposite.
Of course there are also times when its been penetration less sex but just amazing orgasms.

 

[dana2]

I know versatile men exist, I am one. But for some reason, they are very hard to find, and when you express that you're versatile, some gay men question it. It seems like every guy I meet is either top or bottom, with little flexibility. It's kind of frustrating. Unless it's just for one hookup, I prefer to date another versatile because I want to enjoy the fun of both sides of gay sex.
Do you think true versatile men are scarce? Why do most gay men in apps or on the street tend to identify as either a top or bottom these days? Am I looking out in the wrong places?

I'm flexible and so is my husband. I am side leaning and also, I forget the term for it, need to have some connection with someone to really enjoy sex. I am not really in tune with many gay men sexually. I'm very into making out and foreplay and not as focused solely on anal intercourse (though i do enjoy anal, had it last night and it was amazing). Many guys just want to meet and fuck after 2 minutes of foreplay and I find that boring.

 

[Brodie888]

From previous experience, most vers guys were basically bottoms who would top if you held a gun to their head. So unfortunately the vers label got a bad reputation.

The consequences of this has been that real vers guys are looked at with undeserved suspicion.

So it's become more practical on the apps to use the binary labels to tell each other what they are looking for at that moment.

 

[rmk1990]

Vers is a bottom who can top because there are no tops available to fuck them.. We are born one way or the other (top or bottom) and I truly believe with every fibre in my body that Vers does not in fact exist.

 

[Cum_is_Great]

Remember when I said black or white thinking is the problem? Hahaha

People using their personal worldview, feelings and experiences to define reality with no regards to other facts.

I would be just as logical and valid saying the statement

"I truly believe with every fibre in my body that top does not in fact exist."

i provided no additional information, facts, reasonings. Just a pure self admitted internal BELIEF.

Its... quite astonishing when you think about it.

 

[btm4thk]

I think it's somewhat harder to find guys versatile when hooking up, because the hookup is so now, situational. You or he may not feel as into both roles with each other that first time, especially if it's purely physical. Talking about flip-flopping before meeting seems to sort the crowd a bit, help suss out who's really leaning what direction at that time, at least before having met in person. And the nice thing about flipping is that you can find your balance for the encounter—as long as nobody fires off the moment their prostate gets touched.

 

[Andrej_u]

I think that there are 2 "types" of versatile guys:
1) The ones who like to top and bottom with everyone, who like to flip flop, fuck each other
2) The ones who are happy to top and/or bottom, depending on the partner's preference but also on the chemistry that forms with the person, and the type of guy they are with.

I first want to say that both types are "true" vers, just different. Maybe it would be nice to have a new word? "Power vers" for hardcore flip-floppers in every encounter?
As a top, I often have sex with vers type 2 and I get along with them very well. On the other hand, I do not match with vers type 1. Occasionally, vers type 1 guys will be bigoted about me being a top or they will doubt me. Luckily, most of the times it's a nice "good luck with your search" and so on.

I feel like, in my experience, there are more type 2 than type 1 guys, when it comes to casual sex. I'm sure it's the other way around in relationships: it's surely easier for a versatile guy to renounce to topping (or bottoming) in one encounter with a hot guy, than to completely renounce to it for years and potentially the whole life.

 

[LICNYCgay]

I'm vers, though I admit I tend to bottom much more than top. But I think I'm a pretty decent top when I do end up in that role. At least, the guys I've topped tell me that.

 

[dreambridger]

I think that there are 2 "types" of versatile guys:
1) The ones who like to top and bottom with everyone, who like to flip flop, fuck each other
2) The ones who are happy to top and/or bottom, depending on the partner's preference but also on the chemistry that forms with the person, and the type of guy they are with.

I first want to say that both types are "true" vers, just different. Maybe it would be nice to have a new word? "Power vers" for hardcore flip-floppers in every encounter?
As a top, I often have sex with vers type 2 and I get along with them very well. On the other hand, I do not match with vers type 1. Occasionally, vers type 1 guys will be bigoted about me being a top or they will doubt me. Luckily, most of the times it's a nice "good luck with your search" and so on.

I feel like, in my experience, there are more type 2 than type 1 guys, when it comes to casual sex. I'm sure it's the other way around in relationships: it's surely easier for a versatile guy to renounce to topping (or bottoming) in one encounter with a hot guy, than to completely renounce to it for years and potentially the whole life.

yeah definitely, and I'm definitely a type 2. You word it really well, there often is a specific chemistry to the connection that'll make it clear which role I'll take, and no matter what, it's a great time to me. However I've been that way in LTRs as well, not just casual sex. However they've always been open relationships, so if, say, I'm a top in a relationship then I can maybe seek a hookup in order to bottom if I want to.

 

[JayPR]

I think that there are 2 "types" of versatile guys:
1) The ones who like to top and bottom with everyone, who like to flip flop, fuck each other
2) The ones who are happy to top and/or bottom, depending on the partner's preference but also on the chemistry that forms with the person, and the type of guy they are with.

I first want to say that both types are "true" vers, just different. Maybe it would be nice to have a new word? "Power vers" for hardcore flip-floppers in every encounter?
As a top, I often have sex with vers type 2 and I get along with them very well. On the other hand, I do not match with vers type 1. Occasionally, vers type 1 guys will be bigoted about me being a top or they will doubt me. Luckily, most of the times it's a nice "good luck with your search" and so on.

I feel like, in my experience, there are more type 2 than type 1 guys, when it comes to casual sex. I'm sure it's the other way around in relationships: it's surely easier for a versatile guy to renounce to topping (or bottoming) in one encounter with a hot guy, than to completely renounce to it for years and potentially the whole life.

Thanks for the response. As you mentioned, I feel like I am more type 2 when hooking up. Ideally, I want to be type 1 when dating someone or in a relationship. As I mentioned, I like a bit more to top, but I enjoy both depending on my mood or the partner. Interestingly, I am the type of vers that likes to top hypermasculine men, especially when all the vibes he exudes are of being a top. Of course, that is not the only situation to feel like topping someone. On the other hand, I like to bottom the most when I click with the person on a more intellectual and/or emotional level, when I like them as a person. It would be hard for me to be bottom with an asshole type of guy no matter how hot he is.

 

[JayPR]

Remember when I said black or white thinking is the problem? Hahaha

People using their personal worldview, feelings and experiences to define reality with no regards to other facts.

I would be just as logical and valid saying the statement

"I truly believe with every fibre in my body that top does not in fact exist."

i provided no additional information, facts, reasonings. Just a pure self admitted internal BELIEF.

Its... quite astonishing when you think about it.

Agreed with you 100%. The funny thing is that if I tell this guy that previously my experience was the opposite of what he is saying, he would call me a liar.

 

[kdubb]

My lover and I (over 20 years together) are both versatile.