This is a true story, and to this day I hate myself for choosing work over being with the man of my dreams. This is an extremely long read, so get something to sip on and get comfortable.
At 21, I met the man of my dreams. His name, Andy(obviously changed to protect him, he’s now a director in NY) He was tall, dark, handsome, body of a Greek god, Italian, 27, and straight. I just started a new job, and my trainer introduced me to him. I saw him, and fell madly in love with him. To this day, still madly in love with him. We would have talks here and there, me dropping obvious hints about me liking him. Him telling me he’s into my best friend of the time. One time I told him I was a virgin, and he was surprised, and said he wishes he could be one again for the “first time.”
Another time I was singing a song next to him, to him, without really singing to him(Give Me Scabies by Kitty-look it up it’s a cute song) while rapping the song, I basically confess my feelings to him about how I’m madly in love with him, but I’m too scared to say it out loud. He turns to me after I finish and says, “We’re you talking to me? Or were you singing?” Me, “Don’t be silly, I was singing, it’s only a song.” He knew.
Fast forward, he quits I’m devastated. I invite him to see some of my dance shows, doesn’t show. I basically dismiss him all together and push my feelings for him to the back burner. So one night my best friend(The one who he was in to, whom of which he also slept with) and I went out to a gay club we frequented. We’re wasted, I’m talking, piss drunk. After a fun night of dancing and having a great time, We make exit out of the club. On our way out, I look up and BOOM, there he is, standing right in front of me looking me in my eyes. He’s arriving, we’re leaving. I say hi. And he says hi. Immediately my friend jumps on him, and we all end up talking. He came with another guy. He introduces the guy as, “his friend.” The guy replies, “What!? friend?!” (We’ll name him Kona) Andy wants to get more shots and I’m like, “no, I can’t. I’m too wasted. I’m over you, I have to leave.” Kona, who looks annoyed replies to me, “I know, Ive been over Andy too for the past 6 weeks.”
I laugh it off, they all end up leaving to the dance floor I walk off to sit down. Some time passes; it’s now 2amThe club is wrapping up, and I try to locate my best friend so we can go back to her place and crash, since we both have work at 6am. I’m in front of the club and Andy calls my name out, I turn to see him with his arm around my friend, and Kona standing arms crossed. He starts to tell me, “where were you? We didn’t get to hang out at all tonight. You were spooked that I might be gay weren’t you? You thought that you’d have a chance tonight, didn’t you?”
A random stranger overheard, and jumps in, and starts to harass Andy. Saying, “you’re not fooling anyone with that flannel you have on. You’re totally gay, and I know it.” Andy turns to me to defend him, and I basically turn away and say, “ehhh idk, that flannel is a little gay.....” keep in mind, Kona and i are both wearing flannels. The random says to Andy, “I know you’re gay, so why don’t we go off and have some fun, I can do more than this girl can.” He then says again, “I’m not gay.” I basically end up defusing the whole situation and say, “he’s not, my friend and him have fucked loads of times. Now leave.” The random leaves.
Fast forward a couple minutes. My friend and Kona are off talking somewhere, so it’s just me and Andy. We’re by a tree and he’s leaning back and we’re just talking. Me and him. Him and I. We some how end up on the topic of his body. And he says to me, “H, I’m all lean.” Me like a dumb ass, “Whuuuuuht???? What do mean????” He then lifts up his shirt shows me his God-like and says, “I’m all lean. I’m only muscle.” Me internally dying. Immediately puts my hand on them and starts touching his abs. I pull back and I say, “I’m so sorry.” He says, “it’s okay, you can touch them.” I dive back in; I apologize to him, saying, “I’m sorry if my hands are cold.” He says, “it’s okay, my body is warm.” I keep my hands on his abs. And we just stand there staring in each others eyes. Then all of a sudden the fucking random harasser comes back and breaks up our moment and pushes his way in. I get pissed and tell him to, “fuck off and leave Andy alone.” Andy, now pissed, starts to walk off, and I’m standing there. I start walking to my car. Kona, Andy, and my friend start to walk off. He turns to me, and yells across the street if I’m “coming or not.” I reply, “I can’t, I have to go to work at 6am...sorry. I don’t want to be late.”
I get in the car and drive home, and I start crying in the car. Because I’ve never felt so unbelievable stupid for thinking that anything was actually going to happen between him and I.
I didn’t see him for years, until 4 years later, he’s in front of my new place of work. He’s with a girl. I end up getting off and he was blocking the path that I usually took to go to my car. So I wouldn’t be able not see him.
Lucky for me, my friend calls, and I get on the phone. I quickly bolt out the door on the phone; run past him. And I see him out of the corner of my eye, turn, notice me and reach his arm out...and my dumb ass kept walking...I looked back, and he turned away. Eventually he moved to New York, became a director, and I stayed in LA.
That my children, is the tale of the one I LET get away. There is never a day where I don’t think about him. While I know there will never be another chance...I tell myself, if the chance ever does arise. I will take the chance and I will talk to him again. And I won’t let go of him.