Gay Asians -- what has it been like for you?

[deleted29228081]

The title says it well.

I would love to hear from gay Asians out there. Has your Asian and/or specific ethnic identity played a role in your intimate/sexual/romantic life? If yes, how so?

I'm especially curious to hear from folks in different countries/regions. Being Asian American is definitely different from being Asian Canadian, Asian in Western European countries, or anywhere else!

I'm in the US, and in my early days, I definitely remembered the "no fats, no femmes, no Asians" caption on Grindr. I don't see that anymore, but I remember those captions really hurt. I also feel really weird with guys saying "I have a thing for Asians."

Just some starting points here. Would love to hear from folks!

 

[Kinglmao]

Asians now day write “ no blacks “ or “ bbc only “ now and I kinda wanna know more about what yall actually thing about other races especially the gay ones …

 

[deleted29228081]

Asians now day write “ no blacks “ or “ bbc only “ now and I kinda wanna know more about what yall actually thing about other races especially the gay ones …

interesting. I've definitely seen Asian guys only into white men too.

 

[Kinglmao]

interesting. I've definitely seen Asian guys only into white men too.

I’m just curious as to why . I don’t think either preference is wrong . Sometimes people’s preferences are rooted in racism but that’s not everyone . I just always wondered why I see a lot of people from their community be like that . I feel like Asians are treated a lot like black people in the gay community . And they have also had a lot of stereotypes placed on them that aren’t true . And then I wonder what their view of white, hispanic and people of other races are as wel. I’m honestly just curious

 

[ILoveGames48]

I guess I was raised not to worry about races and different sexuality’s ..


I didn’t have gays were bad and should burn in hell or anything like that.. I e seen guys that say it but that’s neither here nor there . And I have seen guys yell out racist comments about homosexuality but then go to bed and screw men.. ..

It’s ok if wanna know about certain races of people.. like Asian and so on.. but I never ever look at a guy for his skin color or penis size.. I see them as another man/ men looking for sex with men and /or women.. like anyone else

 

[twinkerbelled]

I am East Asian, and have been out with most types of men. I guess I have a preference for desi men, because a lot of my best experiences have been with desi men. But I think the sorts of men most attracted to me have been older white men, and because of this I think most of my experiences have been with them good or bad.

I grew up in a place where I was the only Asian person (quite literally, since I was adopted), I tended to gravitate more towards other non white people for friends, but it's always been older white guys were the ones in my dms. To the point where it felt I wouldn't get laid at all unless it was with an older white guy. I don't have a problem with it, but some of them definitely felt like ... they expected me to be a certain specific thing. I was a was a twinky Asian college boy so that is what they expected. I was fine with filling that role. But since moving to a larger more diverse city I've been able to meet more types of people, I don’t have to fill a certain role. Though there are still a lot that definitely expect me to be a submissive bottom, I've found myself being more of a verse and even maybe enjoy topping more.

Maybe this is just more something that comes with age idk.

 

[coolestguy]

But I think the sorts of men most attracted to me have been older white men

Similar experience. I find them to be polite and caring which it's good.

 

[WilliamG]

As an older white bi male... I've always wanted to hook up with a gay Asian male. But in my area it always seemed that the different cultures tend to be with others of the same most times. But yesterday I finally did meet one. He was cute and charming. Easy to get along with. One thing that really attracts me about Asians (and many Latinos) is a smooth body. And he was smooth with a very cute little bubble butt.

My thoughts about our hookup is that for many white "daddies" like myself, perhaps the Asian is kind of a fetish for some. But for me, he was just a nice guy that I really enjoyed. I even blogged about it HERE.

 

[Lee_asian_091]

Been difficult. I've met many "No Asians" profile on Grindr even though they are in Asia haha

 

[Kinglmao]

Been difficult. I've met many "No Asians" profile on Grindr even though they are in Asia haha

that sucks a lot . I’m sorry that happens to you. I wish more I had more diversity in my area . I don’t happen to see a lot of Asian guys in my area at all but it’s also a smaller town.

 

[Lee_asian_091]

that sucks a lot . I’m sorry that happens to you. I wish more I had more diversity in my area . I don’t happen to see a lot of Asian guys in my area at all but it’s also a smaller town.

Yeah that sucks! but what can we do. I understand that preference matters but I don't think it's good to put them on your profile haha

 

[RogerPark]

I'm half Asian and was adopted, so I don't really have an Asian look or name. In the late 90s when I first started chatting online, I'd mention I'm part Chinese and the reply I always got was, "Oh, I love smooth Asian men!" I'd tell them they were barking up the wrong tree because I got a lot of hair from the non-Asian side (beard, chest, tummy and legs). I always got the impression they were looking for someone petite who wasn't hairy so they could pretend they weren't having sex with a guy.

On the flip side, I had occasions where I'd tell men after we met that I was part Asian and they said they would never have known if I hadn't said anything.

As for my taste, I've always gravitated toward blonds and redheads. I didn't realize it until a friend commented and I thought back over the guys I'd dated. I told him I was building a Viking ship in my basement and needed a crew. However, I've also dated guys with dark hair and black guys.

 

[d2ds]

I get fewer matches than my white friends on Tinder (don't really use Grindr). But the ones who do match are really good. I've met some great FWBs, platonic friends, and more on Tinder. As a 40 yo dude, I get more matches from people in their 20s than I do people closer to my age.

 

[M415m]

Been difficult. I've met many "No Asians" profile on Grindr even though they are in Asia haha

Worst part is that in the west, I’ve seen a lot of asians do that to other asians. Which is their right to do so, but always found that strange

 

[BlackBearCognac]

Worst part is that in the west, I’ve seen a lot of asians do that to other asians. Which is their right to do so, but always found that strange

It kinda makes sense to me — I don't like dating my own race because it feels like messing around with a brother / sister / cousin lol.

 

[M415m]

It kinda makes sense to me — I don't like dating my own race because it feels like messing around with a brother / sister / cousin lol.

Lol.

 

[abapl]

It kinda makes sense to me — I don't like dating my own race because it feels like messing around with a brother / sister / cousin lol.

i have a friend who's asian who kinda explained it to me like this. Growing up, his parents would always compare him to other asian kids around his neighborhood. As he grew up, any relationship he had with other asian guys always felt like he had to compare or one up them in terms of work, education, etc. He always hid that feeling from his asian partners, but there was always an uncomfortable feeling because of this. It got to the point where he just decided to swear off all asian guys.

 

[twinkerbelled]

I've heard this before too from a number of Asians, especially people who were kids of first or second gen parents. I guess we all have internal issues to work through that some people outside of the community don't really understand.

I mentioned before that I was adopted, and we lived in Japan until I was like five before we moved to a very white area in the US. Where I was the only Asian kid so I always felt really "white washed" growing up despite us always going back to Japan, me knowing the language, and culture, etc ... But still people in the states say I'm very Asian/Japanese, and then people in Japan say I'm very Western/Amercian. So, no matter where I go I feel like I end up feeling like a niche that you have to fit to even get attention.

 

[bigboaster]

It kinda makes sense to me — I don't like dating my own race because it feels like messing around with a brother / sister / cousin lol.

Musical artist Steve Lacy said something similar (but about black people since he is black) and he got flamed for it

 

[BlackBearCognac]

Musical artist Steve Lacy said something similar (but about black people since he is black) and he got flamed for it

Yeah I'm also Black, but I wouldn't publicly discuss this topic. It's just too personal and too emotional.

There's always someone ready to accuse you of self-hatred or some other shit. It's just exhausting.

I don't know what attracts me to other races. I love my own skin, but I always found interracial couples to be visually interesting. Or even just the mix of different cultures.

With that said, I'd never support writing "no X" on a profile. That's just rude. I understand not wanting to waste time, but it does feel like devaluing people.