Gay guy expressing his feelings to a str8 guy, what happened?

[meningreentights]

I hit send too soon. Not enough sleep will do that.
I have gay male friends that love me but don't want sex. I have gay male friends that want to have sex, and I tell them no. Some can handle it, and some can't. I'm not cruel but I just don't want too.

 

[meningreentights]

I feel this way with my best friend. I didn't have such feelings for him at first but after years of him confiding in me and having such deep conversations, it developed. And I hate it. He's totally straight and a bit homophobic at times. I hate having these feelings for him because it tears me apart. I wish I could just see him as I did before as just a good friend. I'm sure if I told him he'd end the friendship immediately. 20 year friendship gone.

Have you considered talking to a counselor? It may be you are attracted because you don't know how to separate deep love and sex. The friendship you described is rare indeed. A man opening himself up that deeply to another man is rare. Don't throw it away.

 

[crisseugenioo]

I have a straight friend who loves to cuddle with me when we have overnight sleep with friends after we party. I never took advantage of him because his too straight. We are still friends and never have the same feelings for him now i dont why and his girlfriend is so beautiful and kind to me.

 

[Jacker55]

I have a straight friend who loves to cuddle with me when we have overnight sleep with friends after we party. I never took advantage of him because his too straight. We are still friends and never have the same feelings for him now i dont why and his girlfriend is so beautiful and kind to me.

You are a very honorable and respectful friend for him to have! He's a lucky man to have such a terrific friend!

 

[1748401]

I have confessed my feelings for several straight men and it was okay each time. They were friendly about it but firm about it not being a possibility.
There was a man I confessed to who I believed was "straight" although I had doubts because of the way he acted. Either way he had a girlfriend at the time. We were friendly coworkers and I would do things for him like make tea or give him a flower and small things like that. I eventually asked him to get a drink and we did. He paid for my drinks which I thought was strange. I asked if he wanted to come home with me and he refused. The next time we got drinks he told me he was sorry he couldn't give me what I wanted and that he cares about me. We continued to hang out and he eventually told me things like he had been interested in men before but afraid to act on it because he didn't know gay culture (?) and that I knew him better than his girlfriend. In response to that I told him he should leave her and get with me, and he said he had thought about it. He came to my side of the booth in the bar and we cuddled. After that night he was cold so I started to be mean to him because of how he was treating me. He told me he didn't want to engage with me anymore and to leave him alone. Ultimately it was confusing and traumatic for me and probably him. I don't think he was really straight but I also don't think something good can come out of trying to pursue a relationship with someone who presents that way. There is no harm in just confessing and there may even be cases where straight guys will act out some curiosity with you but mostly I think pursuing that is destructive.

 

[Beanie]

It’s literally how I came out. I confessed my love for a friend in high school who was straight. He then went and told everyone at our school I was gay. So my last year of high school was horrific. I hated him towards the end and didn’t talk to him. I still don’t talk to him 15 years later, but I am ambivalent about the whole thing because it shaped my early gay days and got me out there but it hurt me quite badly

 

[WebMale80]

I’m not gay but very actively bisexual.
I’ve definitely guilty of reading wrong signs from straight guys.

 

[j06quinn]

Why did you do that?

I was young and horny , girlfriend was in the mood for a good session ,

 

[Auggiecakes]

i was wondering how many of you guys, had feelings/fell in love/wanted to have sex, with a str8 guy, like a friend or a co worker a random guy at a bar or someone around you, that you knew was str8 but couldn't help but have feelings for him. how many of you did have the courage to go tell him about it and what happened? how did he react?

in my case i had feelings for a str8 guy we were in the army together, we were close friends and we would talk about anything he would share stories about his girlfriends etc i did start having feelings for him and at some point when i was a little drunk i did find the courage to tell him. i can not say he took it well neither bad, he asked me if i was gay and that he would like to help me(take me to a shrink or something?!) nothing else happened after that.

I sent him a message back when I had Facebook. He later slow danced wit me at a party. He was a great guy. Nothing more than that dance happened and honestly I’m so glad for that. We did just enough.
I

 

[malakos]

In response to that I told him he should leave her and get with me, and he said he had thought about it. He came to my side of the booth in the bar and we cuddled. After that night he was cold so I started to be mean to him because of how he was treating me. He told me he didn't want to engage with me anymore and to leave him alone. Ultimately it was confusing and traumatic for me and probably him. I don't think he was really straight but I also don't think something good can come out of trying to pursue a relationship with someone who presents that way. There is no harm in just confessing and there may even be cases where straight guys will act out some curiosity with you but mostly I think pursuing that is destructive.

For future reference, invalidating someone's choices, and pressuring them to break commitments they have made, is not a recipe for getting them on your good side.

 

[malakos]

I sent him a message back when I had Facebook. He later slow danced wit me at a party. He was a great guy. Nothing more than that dance happened and honestly I’m so glad for that. We did just enough.
I

That's a sweet story.

 

[Auggiecakes]

That's a sweet story.

I was shocked when he asked me to dance with him and it wasn’t even private. He was really sweet and I hope he is doing well. We lost touch after graduation.

 

[1748401]

For future reference, invalidating someone's choices, and pressuring them to break commitments they have made, is not a recipe for getting them on your good side.

This is true, though I don't think I pressured him unless asking something of someone is pressure (it is but I don't think the kind you mean). After suggesting once that he be with me and he deflected I left it alone. At the time I was a virgin who had never even dated before. He was 6-7 years older; he knew I wanted him and continued to bring up my feelings/desires when we would drink together. I think we were both confused and got carried away. I regret the way I treated him in the end but I did not pressure him.

 

[Mike.Teru]

I know I am awful when I say that I fucked the gay friend of my girlfriend back in college. That was the time when I didn't care about others at all, I had my fun with both of them, sometimes even at the same time in the same room. One day, he called me and asked if he could come over to spend some time alone with me. He told me that he was afraid to mess things up if he would tell that he wants more than just sex. I assured him that I wouldn't hate him if he would confess his feelings to me. I mean why should I? On that evening we actually kissed for the first time and he told me that he loves me. We continued to hook up after that and it was amazing.

 

[zaynmlk1626]

I know I am awful when I say that I fucked the gay friend of my girlfriend back in college. That was the time when I didn't care about others at all, I had my fun with both of them, sometimes even at the same time in the same room. One day, he called me and asked if he could come over to spend some time alone with me. He told me that he was afraid to mess things up if he would tell that he wants more than just sex. I assured him that I wouldn't hate him if he would confess his feelings to me. I mean why should I? On that evening we actually kissed for the first time and he told me that he loves me. We continued to hook up after that and it was amazing.

i am in a kind of similar situation. i have been following this really hot guy on instagram, really cute face, amazing athletic body, great smile, he's a footballer, and i would sometimes like his photos and stories, when i liked his stories he would reply with a heart emoji. looking through his photos i could tell he is a str8 guy. anyway i messaged him and i told him that i'd like to meet him, not that i expected anything big to happen, but i though it worths a try.

he surprisingly replied that it would be great to meet me. i was a little shocked by his reaction. how is it possible that a really hot str8 dude, replies to me, a total stranger from instagram, and actually wants to meet me in person?
he works at a cafe as a waiter so i told him that i would go grab a coffee in order to meet him in person. he said that he doesn't find it a good idea to meet me at his work place, he'd prefer to meet me somewhere else. i was thinking that it's weird that a str8 guy wants to meet me somewhere else than his workplace, since it's way easier to just visit the cafe as a normal client and have some coffee while he's working. the next day though, he messaged me and told me exactly what time he works and the exact address of the cafe and told me i could go visit him whenever i wanted to.

i did! i dressed up, wanted to look really nice the first time he meets me in person. when i walked in he immediately recognized me, smiled and gave me a handshake. he was really kind. he also wanted to give me the coffee for free, i did not accept it though, i told him that he would do it some other time if he wanted to.

i was thinking that maybe this guys is bi, or str8 curious and i was really happy with the whole situation. i sat in the cafe for over an hour and he would come sit and chat with me very often and then go back to work. he told me that he's really open in meeting new people,(which sounds weird to me, i thought str8 guys are open in meeting new women not random dudes from instagram) and i found out he's 5 years younger than me. he also did mention about his girlfriend over 4 times, so i guess he guessed i'm gay. i was like ''ok i get it you have a girlfriend'', ''you're so cute i wanna cry'', ''can i please suck your dick?'' of course all these thoughts were inside my head. he even told me that we should go out for a drink one day, when he has a day off. i am not sure if he actually means it or if he just wanted to be kind.
after an hour and a half, i had to go, i went to say ''goodbye and that i was really happy to meet him'' he told me again that we should go out for drinks some day. i was like ''that would be great just message me when you're free then''

when i left i was really confused with this whole situation and i am really curious about what is going to happen. is he actually going to message me for drinks some day? 2 hours after i left i couldn't hold it, i messaged him asked if he wanted to meet me after work, he said that he was really tired working all day and that we should do it some other time. i totally understand that.

i would like to listen some opinions.

 

[grommet10429360]

I have a massive crushes on several straight guys at work. I'd love to be able to tell them, and have my way with them.
As a str/Bi guy I would not be shy complimenting you on your fab dick. In or out of work
But at work, I would not risk it!!!

 

[grommet10429360]

At university one of my friends who is gay, on a drunken night out, told my girlfriend, that she was a lucky bitch because she was getting shagged by me . I was very bad as I shagged her long and hard that night, bed hitting the wall , knowing he was trying to sleep in the next room .

I like this a lot. Did you do it out of spite or because you wanted to tease him showing him what he was missing. Lol

 

[Sagittarius84]

I think we as straight men understand there's a generality to men's romantic and sexual persistance, which is often only bolstered by friendship...after all, the typical partner ideal is one that could be considered a good or best friend plus pne that you find sexually attractive. So it's hard to navigate the space of maintaining a genuine friendship while not stoking those romantic and sexual feelings, which often manifests in some mean reaction or some form of ghosting.
But I also think a lot of gay and bisexual men need to own what we as straight men often need to own in our pursuit of women: that we are always finding ways to not take no for an answer...to translate it instead as a "not yet" or "not until after".
It also doesn't help that "straight" or "str8" has come to encompass a population of bisexual men that seek to maintain public and social hetero privilege and status while privately dabbling in bi and homosexual pleasures..so much so the truly heterosexual might trend towards an overzealous response.

 

[headbang8]

A cool thread, which I’m enjoying.

I have lots of straight male friends, many long-standing from work, school or university. I’d even call many of them intimate friends—we’ve seen each other naked, show physical affection, and have confessed our feelings and insecurities. I’d truly say we love each other.

No matter how much I love them, their sexual unavailability is a true boner-kill for me. I can’t imagine how, or why, they would want to change. Not even for a close friend like me. They simply wouldn’t be who they are if they did. They wouldn’t be the men I fell in deep, emotional, platonic love with. It wouldn’t ring true.

That said, a dear friend and former work-colleague came out to me when we were both in our mid 50s. He was (and still is) married, and happily so. His wife and kids are friends of mine, too. He sees men on the D/L, and it’s strictly DADT. One evening, after a few too many drinks, he put a hand on my knee, suggestively; it was clear that he was floating the idea of hooking up. As a monogamish gay male spouse, I declined politely but quite explicitly. I didn’t make a big deal out of it, and our friendship remains as strong as ever.

Of course, I’m all for ogling men, both gay and straight, from a respectable distance. Hookups with adventuresome mostly-straight guys can be awesome. But I just can’t bring myself to crush on a guy whom I know can’t crush back in the same way. I wouldn’t ask anything sexually uncomfortable from a guy, just on the strength of our friendship. I’ve had enough unwanted sexual attention from straight women over the years, to know a little of how they would feel.

I’d never rule out the possibility, of course. But generally, I get my diverse emotional needs met in a variety of ways, from many different men. With one man in particular combining sex, emotion and intimacy, and I’ve chosen to build a life with him.

“Crushes” often do what the word implies. They crush the person you most desire; trap him, smother him, so he can’t be himself. To @zaynmlk1626, beware of crushing a platonic love with the weight of your desire for something more. Don’t pick out curtain material just yet!

 

[5307911]

i am in a kind of similar situation. i have been following this really hot guy on instagram, really cute face, amazing athletic body, great smile, he's a footballer, and i would sometimes like his photos and stories, when i liked his stories he would reply with a heart emoji. looking through his photos i could tell he is a str8 guy. anyway i messaged him and i told him that i'd like to meet him, not that i expected anything big to happen, but i though it worths a try.

he surprisingly replied that it would be great to meet me. i was a little shocked by his reaction. how is it possible that a really hot str8 dude, replies to me, a total stranger from instagram, and actually wants to meet me in person?
he works at a cafe as a waiter so i told him that i would go grab a coffee in order to meet him in person. he said that he doesn't find it a good idea to meet me at his work place, he'd prefer to meet me somewhere else. i was thinking that it's weird that a str8 guy wants to meet me somewhere else than his workplace, since it's way easier to just visit the cafe as a normal client and have some coffee while he's working. the next day though, he messaged me and told me exactly what time he works and the exact address of the cafe and told me i could go visit him whenever i wanted to.

i did! i dressed up, wanted to look really nice the first time he meets me in person. when i walked in he immediately recognized me, smiled and gave me a handshake. he was really kind. he also wanted to give me the coffee for free, i did not accept it though, i told him that he would do it some other time if he wanted to.

i was thinking that maybe this guys is bi, or str8 curious and i was really happy with the whole situation. i sat in the cafe for over an hour and he would come sit and chat with me very often and then go back to work. he told me that he's really open in meeting new people,(which sounds weird to me, i thought str8 guys are open in meeting new women not random dudes from instagram) and i found out he's 5 years younger than me. he also did mention about his girlfriend over 4 times, so i guess he guessed i'm gay. i was like ''ok i get it you have a girlfriend'', ''you're so cute i wanna cry'', ''can i please suck your dick?'' of course all these thoughts were inside my head. he even told me that we should go out for a drink one day, when he has a day off. i am not sure if he actually means it or if he just wanted to be kind.
after an hour and a half, i had to go, i went to say ''goodbye and that i was really happy to meet him'' he told me again that we should go out for drinks some day. i was like ''that would be great just message me when you're free then''

when i left i was really confused with this whole situation and i am really curious about what is going to happen. is he actually going to message me for drinks some day? 2 hours after i left i couldn't hold it, i messaged him asked if he wanted to meet me after work, he said that he was really tired working all day and that we should do it some other time. i totally understand that.

i would like to listen some opinions.

I know you posted this a few months ago, but did anything eventually pan out? Now that everyone is socially distancing, are you in touch online?