Have you ever been groped without consent first?

[AllieHeidi]

I don’t think I’m your target audience for this question, but I do have some thoughts.

With women, I immediately removed them from my body. The only exception was one of the lap dancers because of logistics. There is a physical threat aspect to it. They were not a threat to me so really I just had to physically push them away and tell them to back off.

With the guys, multiple of them responded with a comment about how I was homophonic, or how I needed to “lighten up”. The complexity of that is if I punched them, I was gay-bashing homophobe.

I’ve spoken with several women about these things. Their experiences and mine. I have been creeped on much less than

I completely understand this because let's face it, if you had to, most men can physically defend themselves against women. So, there's rarely a need to get too physically forceful with them if you're a man.

For the second bolded portion of your response, as someone who belongs to the 'L' sector of the LGBTQ+ community, I will say this: that's shitty and I assure you it's hardly representative of the vast majority of gay men. Some people, male and female, have a weird habit of testing the limits of others when they know they're in a position of more likely being perceived as the victim if someone were to choose to retaliate. It's a character flaw and not exclusive to gender or sexual orientation. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

That said, I can definitely understand the amount of anger being violated like that can build up. The most strangers (all men) have done to me is flashed me, catcalled, and tried to follow me home. Those incidents alone made me violently angry. I can't imagine how I would've reacted if a stranger actually groped me. Especially back in my younger days when my anger issues were nowhere near being as well-managed as they are today.

As reactionary/physically defensive I am, this scene comes to mind:

 

[Rooker]

Great scene!

I appreciate it. I do not attribute it to a “gay” quality. Even though it’s primarily males that do it, I don’t think it’s a male quality either.

“when they know they're in a position of more likely being perceived as the victim if someone were to choose to retaliate.”

That’s deep.

 

[Topher the Gopher]

Men are also socialized to be takers and to always be in control/power, namely over others. Sadly, I think this socialization lends itself to having a poor concept of boundaries. In both directions.

I don't know how true that is, having been raised in a somewhat unconventional/non-nuclear family, but it wouldn't surprise me. It seems like many parents have difficulties in raising their children with nuances, e.g., having a power dynamic but with boundaries.

With the guys, multiple of them responded with a comment about how I was homophonic, or how I needed to “lighten up”. The complexity of that is if I punched them, I was gay-bashing homophobe.

As an old-fashioned homosexual man, that pisses me off. Not allowing someone to assault you isn't fucking homophobic or prudish. It's perfectly natural to respond negatively to a stranger touching you, no matter the circumstances. Even if you're at a bath house, you're not obligated to accept every advance.

 

[halcyondays]

One of the few times I had sex in a public bathroom happened at a gay club. Throbbing music just out the door. Cute little guy next to me at the urinals just reached in, cupped my balls and wrapped fingers around my cock as I finished shaking off. I grew hard in his hand. Took him to the last stall. He blew me then rolled on the condom I handed him. He had that perfect little tube of lube and had cleaned himself out before leaving home. Banged him up against the wall reaching round stroking him off. We were done in a few minutes then it was back to the dance floor.

 

[kahlua123]

I think I've shared this story on LPSG before, but I have one really positive memory of being groped without consent. Positive in that it was basically a dream come true - I love when women openly appreciate big dicks, and all but maybe one of the girls involved in the story could have easily gotten my consent, anyway.

I was at a college party where everyone was wearing little. I had on gym shorts that were too small for me, boxers, and no shirt. I had a noticeable bulge for much of the night. A group of 8 or so freshman girls took notice. Two or three of them were very attractive, the rest were at least moderately attractive except one girl I found to be rather plain and too big for my taste. I don’t remember much about what they looked like except that one of the hot ones was a Kim Kardashian clone.

I never met these girls before, and I never noticed them again. But at one point mid-party, we were standing in a circle in the basement - just these 8 girls and myself. The girls were looking at my abs and my bulge a lot, and not hiding it. I think it started as kind of a joke to them. One of the hot ones ran her hand on my lower abs and I said something like “I feel objectified. Like, would you all even be talking to me if I wasn’t half naked and attractive? No.” One of them said probably not, but you’re really, really hot, and she was looking at my bulge. I said “My eyes are up here! I’m more than just a big penis!” Most of them laughed, as I intended, but one of the moderately attractive girls just reached out for my dick bulge and grabbed it. Shocked me - never had a girl do anything like that before or since. Grope #1.

Luckily, I was hanging pretty large at that point (maybe around 6x5.25 and soft) and she released really quickly and said “Holy shit, you’re huge!” to more laughs. A hot girl (the Kardashian one) reached over to touch it at the same time as another moderately attractive girl, but the hot one got there first. She stroked down once, then let go and the other girl went right for it, doing the same. I just looked up around the room pretending to be shocked, with my hands on my hips as I pretended to be angry/upset. But at least four different girls ended up touching it. (The memory of how many and how long they touched is a bit hazy, since we were drinking and this was like 15 years ago, but I can confidently say it wasn't enough to make me erect and it wasn't less than four girls who wanted to see if my pants were stuffed with a penis or a sock lol)

I don’t recall why I didn’t end up taking one or more of them home, but I vaguely recall making some joke about “not fucking freshmen” and getting distracted by a girl friend of mine (who I had a crush on) and losing track of those girls. Didn't see them later in the night when I went looking. It's unfortunate, because I did go home alone, and I just beat off thinking about that Kim Kardashian lookalike grabbing my cock and dropping her jaw in amazement. I would have taken her home in a heartbeat.

 

[kahlua123]

BTW,these days, I have a little fantasy (not well fleshed out) about what it would have been like if I had been pumping and clamping in those days. If those girls felt me hanging at like 7x6.5, how would they have reacted? Would that night have ended differently? Would I have pictures to prove what happened? Drives me wild to think of.

 

[Subtle_Domination]

I love being groped and felt up in bars.

 

[Amaxourus]

One time I was at a popular bath house here, and I just so happened to see this one guy I had messed around with previously there, which was a nice surprise. He and I were hanging out and one thing led to another and at first we were in this room that played gay porn with other men watching me suck his dick. The other gentleman averted their eyes from the porn playing to the real life performance happening in that room. We decided to move our performance elsewhere so we ended up in the steam room together. He dropped his towel and I performed again. A small crowd had decided to watch us, enjoying our performance, obviously. While I’m doing my duty, out of nowhere this “member of the audience” decided to not only get a better view of the show, but, get so close that he decided to rub my butt and fondle me which threw me off course.

Now look, I get it. It’s a bath house, this kind of behavior happens especially in this environment. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Now I’m all for the gentleman present to watch me perform my duty, Jack off to it, and make live commentary about it. Thats all fine and dandy with me. However, if I’m doing that, I’d prefer the only physical contact I recieve would be from my partner and no one else. I kinda wished that guy would’ve taken the hint seeing as how all the other men were watching and admiring me.


At one point I did stop and without saying anything I just gave off the “please don’t touch me while I do my work” vibe, surprisingly he stopped and just went back to watching me.

But yeah, unless I specifically welcome it via physical or verbal confirmation, don’t assume I want you to touch me

 

[Vastian]

When out and about yeah been groped. When at the bars or raves it wasn't a big thing. Just party fun. If it happened out in normal life...pretty sure I'd be uncomfortable and maybe a little mad...