I’m a 36 y/o married gay man who has a friend who is a 38 y/o married straight man. We went to high school together and knew of each other but didn’t become friends until a few years ago when he followed me on social media.
Our friendship has been 100% virtual at the moment. We talk to each other via DMs. About a year ago, this friend started to drop subtle flirtatious hints and would comment on my selfies posted in my stories. I play along because I like the attention but it slowly escalated over time. The flirting progressed sending each other suggestive GIFs very frequently. Recently, the flirting became much more graphic and very descriptive, mostly on his end. He would tell me things like, “I’ve always wondered how it would feel to have a guy finish in my mouth” or “I will stick my tongue inside you and move in and out”. It got to a point where we started planning to meet somewhere. He knew exactly what to say to me to get me excited.
Then the DMs started to become less frequent almost to the point where I would send him a gif and he wouldn’t respond. He chalked it up to being busy and in the zone so sometimes he doesn’t respond fast. I also noticed him unliking a lot of my pictures.
I decided to just flat out tell him that I started to having feelings for him and didn’t know what to do. He told me he never wanted to get to that point and said he just wanted to have some fun. He also never has done anything with another guy before and he’s still interested in exploring that but he didn’t want to have feelings get involved. Not going to lie, it kind of hurt, even through I told him it didn’t. At the same time, I didn’t know how I should feel because I’m in a committed relationship with my husband.
Around this time, I also started to do some digging because I heard he was talking to other women in the same way. One of these women is my best friend’s sister. He liked all of her selfies, but no pictures that had friends or her kids. Likewise, she liked a lot of his stuff. I was starting to feel heartbreak like I just broke up with someone and the other person moved on.
I thought blocking him without notice would help me get over this but for some reason I couldn't get him out of my head. I tried for a few months but I finally broke down and refollowed him. He followed me back that same day and sent me a usual GIF we would send each other and started talking again like nothing happened, except not a frequent as before. At the same time, I was stalking my friend’s sister’s posts and noticed he unliked her pictures. I don’t know what that all means.
I realize this is not healthy at all but I don’t know what the hell to do. It’s almost like he has a control over me and I like the attention he gives me. It’s different and new. I’ll get mad at him to the point of blocking him again, but he’ll pop up in my DMs and knows exactly what to say to make me melt. It’s also like a fantasy situation where a straight guy is chasing the gay guy in secret. I don’t want to give it up, I want to stay friends with him but it’s also becoming too much to handle and effecting my day to day.
I hope all of this makes sense for some advice on what to do. I know it sounds like he’s a sleazeball but I don’t know what I like him like that.
Our friendship has been 100% virtual at the moment. We talk to each other via DMs. About a year ago, this friend started to drop subtle flirtatious hints and would comment on my selfies posted in my stories. I play along because I like the attention but it slowly escalated over time. The flirting progressed sending each other suggestive GIFs very frequently. Recently, the flirting became much more graphic and very descriptive, mostly on his end. He would tell me things like, “I’ve always wondered how it would feel to have a guy finish in my mouth” or “I will stick my tongue inside you and move in and out”. It got to a point where we started planning to meet somewhere. He knew exactly what to say to me to get me excited.
Then the DMs started to become less frequent almost to the point where I would send him a gif and he wouldn’t respond. He chalked it up to being busy and in the zone so sometimes he doesn’t respond fast. I also noticed him unliking a lot of my pictures.
I decided to just flat out tell him that I started to having feelings for him and didn’t know what to do. He told me he never wanted to get to that point and said he just wanted to have some fun. He also never has done anything with another guy before and he’s still interested in exploring that but he didn’t want to have feelings get involved. Not going to lie, it kind of hurt, even through I told him it didn’t. At the same time, I didn’t know how I should feel because I’m in a committed relationship with my husband.
Around this time, I also started to do some digging because I heard he was talking to other women in the same way. One of these women is my best friend’s sister. He liked all of her selfies, but no pictures that had friends or her kids. Likewise, she liked a lot of his stuff. I was starting to feel heartbreak like I just broke up with someone and the other person moved on.
I thought blocking him without notice would help me get over this but for some reason I couldn't get him out of my head. I tried for a few months but I finally broke down and refollowed him. He followed me back that same day and sent me a usual GIF we would send each other and started talking again like nothing happened, except not a frequent as before. At the same time, I was stalking my friend’s sister’s posts and noticed he unliked her pictures. I don’t know what that all means.
I realize this is not healthy at all but I don’t know what the hell to do. It’s almost like he has a control over me and I like the attention he gives me. It’s different and new. I’ll get mad at him to the point of blocking him again, but he’ll pop up in my DMs and knows exactly what to say to make me melt. It’s also like a fantasy situation where a straight guy is chasing the gay guy in secret. I don’t want to give it up, I want to stay friends with him but it’s also becoming too much to handle and effecting my day to day.
I hope all of this makes sense for some advice on what to do. I know it sounds like he’s a sleazeball but I don’t know what I like him like that.
