How do I ask or figure out if a guy on Bumble is a top or bottom?

[QuietlyQueer]

Recently started to swipe on other men on Bumble and have been getting plenty of matches. Thing is I feel since I don't really look like the stereotypical bottom, people might be swiping right on me assuming I'm a top.

My question is, at what point do I ask someone if they are a top or bottom, and how do I go about asking that or figuring it out?

I've been talking to this one cute guy for a few days and still don't know what he is, and I'd hate to keep wasting both of our times if we aren't going to be compatible sexually.

 

[theplayerking]

Recently started to swipe on other men on Bumble and have been getting plenty of matches. Thing is I feel since I don't really look like the stereotypical bottom, people might be swiping right on me assuming I'm a top.

My question is, at what point do I ask someone if they are a top or bottom, and how do I go about asking that or figuring it out?

I've been talking to this one cute guy for a few days and still don't know what he is, and I'd hate to keep wasting both of our times if we aren't going to be compatible sexually.

If you’re on a dating app (as opposed to a sex app) I wouldn’t bring it up too soon. Some guys (that have a very romantic notion of dating) might get upset if you ask about sexual positions before they feel that the time is right. I suggest making your flirting txts a bit spicier and see if he takes the bait and discloses his preference.

 

[Brodie888]

Generally speaking, tops will tend to send you cock pics, bottoms will send you ass pics without prompting.

I don't see a problem with asking directly but you just need to word it in a neutral, polite way.

Eg "Do you have a preference in the bedroom?"

Some guys will try to sit on the fence and say vers top or vers bottom. I would just ignore the vers part. If they just say vers, then assume they are mostly bottom.

 

[tripppleP]

I think its appropriate to ask in a sense. Like maybe tell them what you are looking for rather than asking what they are first. They can decide if they can fit the role you desire or not. Its better than pursuing each other and finding out later you are not what each other want.

 

[chrissal480]

Whenever chatting about gay stuff I usually sa three things ..

1- mainly bottom but have topped

2 — I am cut

And 3- I prefer bareback

 

[Stephenmass]

Why would it matter to a point. Two tops or two bottoms can have a helluva time without penetrative sex. That said, it might become clear what's what when you are actually together. But keep in mind the world has not ended if both of you are top or both bottom, especially if you find him attractive and vice versa.

 

[chrissal480]

I totally agree .. there is so much more to a guy than his cock and ass..

The male body ( and women too) is one sex organ.. where touching and kissing in right areas can be so much fun

I was with some one that was a bottom and we both were like what now.. I said I’d fuck him if he wanted me to and it was up to him if he wanted to fuck me..

I didn’t want him to do anything he didn’t want to do just because I did it.. and I had became a no limits kind of guy over the years..

 

[btm4thk]

Recently started to swipe on other men on Bumble and have been getting plenty of matches. Thing is I feel since I don't really look like the stereotypical bottom, people might be swiping right on me assuming I'm a top.

My question is, at what point do I ask someone if they are a top or bottom, and how do I go about asking that or figuring it out?

I've been talking to this one cute guy for a few days and still don't know what he is, and I'd hate to keep wasting both of our times if we aren't going to be compatible sexually.

I haven't used Bumble, so not sure it's dominant use (sex or relationships) or how much detail profiles or the swapping feature offer.

That said, it always pays to be open about versatility and preference leaning as soon as possible without being crass for the context. In my own case, I figure I've migrated from being nearly 50-50 versatile to 90-10 bottom over the decades; but I've also been single for so long that when I go looking, I generally want my butt filled. Relationships are much more driven by what works for both of us over the long term, following the mood each moment, knowing whether we should be flipping or tend to play a role exclusively per session. Those kinds of details should be out there for relationships; but the goal being dating versus sexual hookups does alter how quickly the topic should get that explicit. Personally, I'm terrible at reading other people's boundaries, so I just go there as soon as it seems appropriate to me, figuring anybody who freaks out at that probably is a bad match for me, relationshipwise, anyhow—since the same pattern is likely to occur on numerous other subjects and occasions, as well. Just be honest, especially to yourself.

Not everybody even does anal or oral. Good to know that before you get into someone, look forward to some penetration, and discover they never engage in those ways.