how to tell my long term monogamous BF that I need to have sex with other men?

[wherethehellmyphone]

I've been in a long term monogamous relationship for a decade. Our sex life is great, but I just need more sex, with different men. It's all I think about, all day, every day. I need threesomes, I need different body sizes, different roles, different age groups, I need all of it
My bf is a bit conservative and acts like he is a saint who's never seen a dick before we got together. At the same time, he follows thousands of Instagram hunks, so I don't believe he is blind and not interested in anyone else.
I'm sure he would either be offended if I told him how I feel, or he'd pretend to be more offended than he actually is.
I am not sure I can take it any longer, I just need promiscuity in my life

 

[integritymatters]

I've been in a long term monogamous relationship for a decade. Our sex life is great, but I just need more sex, with different men. It's all I think about, all day, every day. I need threesomes, I need different body sizes, different roles, different age groups, I need all of it
My bf is a bit conservative and acts like he is a saint who's never seen a dick before we got together. At the same time, he follows thousands of Instagram hunks, so I don't believe he is blind and not interested in anyone else.
I'm sure he would either be offended if I told him how I feel, or he'd pretend to be more offended than he actually is.
I am not sure I can take it any longer, I just need promiscuity in my life

"I can't take it any longer" - It's time to breakup & be as promiscus and *single* as you want to be.

 

[Assman1]

Casually say, while he's checking out the hunks on Instagram, "man I'd love to have fun with him"! How about you? See what he says. Gradually bring it up about having fun with other men but let him know that he cums first. My wife and I are in the lifestyle but we love fucking others but we are best friends so we have no issues.

 

[barehole4use]

I've been in a long term monogamous relationship for a decade. Our sex life is great, but I just need more sex, with different men. It's all I think about, all day, every day. I need threesomes, I need different body sizes, different roles, different age groups, I need all of it
My bf is a bit conservative and acts like he is a saint who's never seen a dick before we got together. At the same time, he follows thousands of Instagram hunks, so I don't believe he is blind and not interested in anyone else.
I'm sure he would either be offended if I told him how I feel, or he'd pretend to be more offended than he actually is.
I am not sure I can take it any longer, I just need promiscuity in my life

I find in a situation like this no matter how uncomfortable it is or you may feel, just be honest about what you need towards him, don't go in to specific details about trio's etc, relationships are about not hurting each other but men are men & eating steak everyday is or gets boring, be honest & explain that you want your relationship to become open but you still love him etc.

After he accepts it, you need to make ground rules like if you hook up with another man do you do it outdoors only or do you bring them home or not etc etc. remember one thing making groud rules are important for both parties, don't forget when you go down this route he also has the same freedoms as you, so don't complain if he fucks with another man too. Jealousy can be a bitch. Also don't forget to make ground rules about safe sex or not, if not get yourself on Prep to protect both of you, obviously you can still catch another std but you will then be protecting each other against hiv.

 

[curtain_swoosh]

time to break up

 

[malakos]

Don't tell him that. It's not true, and you would recognize that if you just thought about it with a level head. To tell him such a falsehood would be to lie to him, and surely he deserves better than to be lied to like that. You don't really need to be promiscuous. Nobody needs that. You just have a strong urge to indulge in it, and won't muster the sense to resist the urge. You can tell your boyfriend that. Tell him that feeding your urges is more important to you than being with him, despite the years you've had together.

 

[malakos]

Btw, you reminded me of this song:

 

[Niki_Smith]

I just need promiscuity in my life

You don't "need" it. You want it. You need food, clothing, and shelter. You want sex with multiple partners.

 

[ASK JEFF]

I've been in a long term monogamous relationship for a decade. Our sex life is great, but I just need more sex, with different men. It's all I think about, all day, every day. I need threesomes, I need different body sizes, different roles, different age groups, I need all of it
My bf is a bit conservative and acts like he is a saint who's never seen a dick before we got together. At the same time, he follows thousands of Instagram hunks, so I don't believe he is blind and not interested in anyone else.
I'm sure he would either be offended if I told him how I feel, or he'd pretend to be more offended than he actually is.
I am not sure I can take it any longer, I just need promiscuity in my life

Hummm. Time for some straight talk, muffin. And I tell it like it is, but know that it is always with lots of love.

1) Okay Veruca Salt (your new name, btw)…Dafuq is “I need all of it!” stuff? Umm, if you look into the window, you‘LL see that, after a decade, you already have all of it, sweetie. In any event, please be cognizant of his feeling here. A decade is a long time. Don’t break his heart. He sound sweet, actually. With a decade behind you, you might wake up and realize one day that you had it pretty good and should have ridden this “impulsive“ “I want!” phase out. VERY RARELY would someone take another back after a brutal heartbreak. Just be kind, and think of him as well. That isn’t a burden. After a decade, that’s a responsibility and the morally right thing to do. Talk it out and go to a swingers party. Get it out of your system. Believe me, you’ll say, “Umm, well, it was fun… but it won’t last forever. It was a meaningless fuck...”

2) If it’s time to break up, then you need to have this discussion. Be hones, but be kind.

3) So what he follows Instagram guys? That’s irrelevant, honey. And thinking for him with what he may or may not feel is very unfair and pretentious of you. I say that with love, so just listen to what I’m sayin’.

I’m just going back to what I originally said: Shit or get off the pot, work your own “stuff” out and please don’t break his heart in the process. You seem like everyon, including myself, always wondering about the “what if’s”.

And hey, all those voices in your head stop after a while. Not after having sex with lots of guys in all sizes n‘ all that stuff. Nope. It stops when you look over at your boyfriend in bed one morning, all asleep, all alone, in his dreams, and you see him for the first time. THAT is when you know you would never break his heart. Not for all the dick in the world.

kisses on your pink parts
JEFF

 

[Assman1]

You don't "need" it. You want it. You need food, clothing, and shelter. You want sex with multiple partners.

What's wrong with that?

 

[GS_PL]

Do your thing, but let him watch, then join in. The higher the level of resistance he would have to your fantasy being fulfilled, the more likely it is that he's POSSIBLY seeing others, and hasn't been caught.

Another idea - try new things, like characters (cave man, pool boy, etc.), or toys you've never tried. There's no limit to the fun you can have to keep things from being too mundane. If either of you have never been "pegged", open up - pun intended - to branching out.

 

[Iwtbfsfb22]

I've been in a long term monogamous relationship for a decade. Our sex life is great, but I just need more sex, with different men. It's all I think about, all day, every day. I need threesomes, I need different body sizes, different roles, different age groups, I need all of it
My bf is a bit conservative and acts like he is a saint who's never seen a dick before we got together. At the same time, he follows thousands of Instagram hunks, so I don't believe he is blind and not interested in anyone else.
I'm sure he would either be offended if I told him how I feel, or he'd pretend to be more offended than he actually is.
I am not sure I can take it any longer, I just need promiscuity in my life

If you're wanting to go and fool around with others, then you're not ready to be living the committed lifestyle. Someone who is ONE with their partner doesn't grow tired and bored with them. Love changes, but grows stronger with time. You want to be living the " I have no restrictions" lifestyle, the lifestyle of a slutty single person. Break up with him, so he can move on with his life. He lives and lives up to his monogamous lifestyle, because he only has eyes for YOU. He wants you, NOBODY ELSE. You on the other hand, you have the mindset of a sex deprived predator who only thinks about getting it on with others, that isn't your partner. Like break it up, so he can find his one true MONOGAMOUS partner in life. Someone who will only have eyes for him, as he will for that person.

 

[Tervfn]

I've been in a long term monogamous relationship for a decade. Our sex life is great, but I just need more sex, with different men. It's all I think about, all day, every day. I need threesomes, I need different body sizes, different roles, different age groups, I need all of it
My bf is a bit conservative and acts like he is a saint who's never seen a dick before we got together. At the same time, he follows thousands of Instagram hunks, so I don't believe he is blind and not interested in anyone else.
I'm sure he would either be offended if I told him how I feel, or he'd pretend to be more offended than he actually is.
I am not sure I can take it any longer, I just need promiscuity in my life

I always felt quite puzzled on how some people are always thinking about sex all the time tbh.
I sincerely think it has to do with you consuming a lot of content related to it. I don't think you need to be promiscuous, I think if you stop seeing hot guys on the internet and find some new hobby, you could be pretty happy with him... and I definitely don't think you should trade a stable trusting relationship for more casual sex even because ultimately having someone that is there for you everyday is ultimately more fulfilling

 

[Wine0]

Ducks to avoid crossfire…….

“Monogamy is a medieval social construct by the church. I don’t believe that it fits well when it comes to man sex. We are biologically programmed to spread our semen as often and diversely as possible.”

IMHO you can LOVE someone, and still have much sex outside that loving relationship. Love and Orgasms are two totally different things.

It’s a short life. Be happy x

 

[deleted1208118]

You talk like this urges are uncontrollable, I am not going to preach monogamy to anyone but that's a long relationship. Think hard if it's worth it just to indulge in an urge. Even if he agrees it may very well mark your relationship forever.

As a counter point in a really extreme scenario if I was your BF (Which I identify with more personally) I would feel less insecure if you paid for sex with a professional sex worker than if you were hooking up with strangers.

That way I know there is money involved the prostitute is not going to catch feelings and neither will you.

 

[ItalTony9]

time to break up

why is it time to break up? i mean, sexual interest outside a non traditional hetero marriage is grounds for breaking up?

 

[cherryboom66]

Break up asap. Right now. Yesterday. Stop wasting his life.

 

[cherryboom66]

why is it time to break up? i mean, sexual interest outside a non traditional hetero marriage is grounds for breaking up?

Umm yes? His partner thinks he is settling down with one person. His partner is happy with that. OP isn’t, so it’s time to let go.

 

[curtain_swoosh]

why is it time to break up? i mean, sexual interest outside a non traditional hetero marriage is grounds for breaking up?

i hate to tell you this, but even "non traditional" homosexual relationships are monogamous.

if you dont understand that concept, thats fine. but no one of us enjoys the feeling of not being enough for your partner.

if u need sex outside of a relationship, than u dont need to be in one, its rly that simple.

 

[elklindoxxx]

I've been in a long term monogamous relationship for a decade. Our sex life is great, but I just need more sex, with different men. It's all I think about, all day, every day. I need threesomes, I need different body sizes, different roles, different age groups, I need all of it
My bf is a bit conservative and acts like he is a saint who's never seen a dick before we got together. At the same time, he follows thousands of Instagram hunks, so I don't believe he is blind and not interested in anyone else.
I'm sure he would either be offended if I told him how I feel, or he'd pretend to be more offended than he actually is.
I am not sure I can take it any longer, I just need promiscuity in my life

Consider asking him to enter into an open relationship.

My partner and I are in an open relationship but we established it very early on in the relationship. You have been together for 10 years so I imagine it will come as quite a shock. How you do it is up to you.